“I think he still loves you.”
Raven pressed her eyes shut. She wasn’t brave like her sister, no matter what River tried to say. Adrien was a part of Raven’s past, not her present or her future. Though she wished she could make her own path, she knew that the one carved out for her would be the one of least resistance.
The camaraderie faded. River straightened and looked away. When would they feel like real sisters? When would the blood between them be anything more than a genetic fact? Raven craved a stronger bond. She didn’t want to feel so alone in the world, yet even though they shared many of the same experiences, River didn’t make her feel understood.
If anything, River’s defiance made her feel even lonelier.
“You should eat something,” River said as she stood. She left the cinnamon roll on the table.
Raven’s stomach growled mercilessly. Though her body demanded food, her spirit waned. What should have been sweet and delicious turned to ash on her tongue. She ate half of it because she knew she needed sustenance. The thought of throwing away the other half filled her with guilt. Eating the other half brought more guilt.
She couldn’t escape the heavy stone in the pit of her stomach. No matter what she did, she found more guilt around every corner. Raven would never be free to do as she pleased, and even if she was, she had no idea what would please her.
Other than Adrien. That man knew how to touch her. He gave her exactly what she needed before she knew she needed it. If only she could run to him now, but that couldn’t happen. Raven couldn’t risk getting closer to him and forming a mate bond. If that happened, she didn’t know if she would be strong enough to defy her family’s wishes—specifically, her mother.
That was truly Raven’s greatest fear. She worried that she would get everything she ever wanted only to lose it when she couldn’t fight for it. River had assured her once or twice that a mate bond was empowering. Her sister made it seem like an infinite energy source. Through a mate bond, all things were possible.
But Raven wasn’t like her sister. River’s experiences weren’t written in stone. The bonds weren’t universal. They wouldn’t be the same for Raven.
4
Shopping for a wedding dress should have been one of the happiest days in Raven’s life. Her dread grew heavier and heavier with every step she took. Surrounded on all sides by racks of billowing white fabrics, it seemed like some sort of strange hellscape. Perhaps that was the nervous energy crackling in her chest. Or maybe it was the low growl of her beast deep in the pit of her stomach.
Alice squeezed Raven’s hand before the salesclerks, a man and a woman, drew her deeper into the store. They fired a series of questions at her with the hopes of finding Raven’s dream dress. She didn’t have a dream wedding dress. Not once had Raven envisioned herself happily walking down the aisle. She’d always known this would be a miserable experience.
Raven found herself unable to answer the questions. The salesclerks took her silence as panic. A woman patted the back of her hand and assured her that they would find the perfect dress. The man disappeared into the clouds of fabric.
“Tell me about your fiancé,” the female salesclerk said. “How did he propose?”
Raven’s throat closed. Her beast snarled. She prayed that the salesclerk wouldn’t be able to hear the sound.
The female salesclerk tilted her head. Then she held up a finger. “How about I get you a glass of champagne while you browse the racks?”
Just one glance told Raven all she needed to know. She wouldn’t be able to try on any of the dresses here. Hell, she doubted her thigh would even fit into one. The stock dresses would only make her cry.
But the woman vanished before Raven could say anything, leaving her alone with the sad truth. The man reemerged a while later. Raven wondered if he had gone all the way to another store just to find dresses that might fit her. Though she told herself she did not care what her dress looked like in the end, she still worried that she would have to deal with long sleeves or empire waists.
She’d watched enough shows to know that the salesclerks always tried to hide plus size women in their dresses, as if the world wouldn’t want to see the bride on her big day if she was fat. Raven sighed and pinched her thigh.
There had been a time when her body hadn’t mattered. She missed those days and wondered what happened to them. When had she fallen headfirst into the spiraling fear of her own form? She was a dragon. A little fat shouldn’t have frightened her.
But as the clerk lifted the first dress for her inspection, Raven had a revelation. She stared blankly while the gears in her mind pointed her toward the truth. Her body hadn’t bothered her when she saw it reflected in Adrien’s eyes. The way he’d looked at her, the places he’d touched, all showed her that she could be loved.
And now she knew she would never have that again.
“Oh, that’s beautiful,” Alice said when she caught up.
Raven blinked and the world came back into focus. She glanced between her mother and the offered dress. The bust went all the way up to the neck and ugly lace sleeves hung limply at each side. This might have been the perfect dress for someone else, but it wasn’t the one for her.
This wasn’t a mission to find the perfect dress, though. It was just a small part of the marathon that she had to get through. Raven followed the clerk to the fitting room and let them tuck her into the ugly dress. There was so much fabric.
Her auburn hair stood out in sharp relief against the pale white of her skin and the clouds of white lace. She didn’t dare move her arms for fear of splitting the lace. She didn’t want an accident to make this the dress she got stuck with.
“Well? What do you think?” her mother asked from the other side of the fitting room door.
Raven swallowed the groan that’d crawled up her throat. If Adrien saw her in this, he would have laughed. He would have asked her where she went and pretended to look for her in the fabric fog cloud.
“You’ll need the proper underthings, of course,” the female clerk said. “I promise this dress will look much better with all your assets in the right place.”
Considering the fact that the so-called assets wouldn’t be seen in a dress like this, Raven wasn’t sure that it mattered. She wanted nothing more than to be let out of this monstrosity of a dress. Right after that was the desire to escape this store altogether.
“This isn’t…the right one.” Her words were stilted. She feared trying on too many dresses and angering her mother.
But Alice seemed more than happy to leap back into the racks, dragging both clerks with her. They brought back three more dresses for Raven to try on. Each one was a different shade of white that the clerk labeled with elegant names that Raven couldn’t care less about.
They squeezed her into a dress with sleeves again. This time, the bodice didn’t go all the way up to her throat. It ended just above her cleavage and cut straight across to leave her shoulders bare. She felt like she’d been wrapped in a weird kind of spa treatment instead of a dress.
She shook her head and they moved on to the next dress. This one was a shade the clerk called ivory. After he said it and looked up at her, a bit of nervous anticipation twisted his lips. Raven watched him as he looked her up and down then at the dress. She had the feeling that it wouldn’t fit, but he didn’t want to be the one to say it.
She let them try to fit her into it anyway. The bodice hugged her curves and offered up her bosom like a bountiful buffet. She would have felt sexy were it not for the corset back that the clerks couldn’t lace up. The clerks had begun to whisper behind her.
They were running out of options. The last dress hung against the wall. It wasn’t white, but a shade of pale gold. The sweetheart bodice, held up by shimmering lace, dipped low and would likely show plenty of her chest. Though she had previously bemoaned lace, she admired the layer of lace that hovered above the skirt. It bore white applique flowers that seemed to float above the dress.
Her heart hammered nervously. This dress wouldn’t fit. She just knew it. There was no way she would be so lucky.
Before they helped Raven into the gold dress, they pulled her out of the fitting room and paraded her in front of her mother. Alice’s jaw dropped at the sight of Raven’s breasts in this too-tight corset. Raven wanted to laugh at the thought of everyone seeing her like this on her wedding day.
If she had to marry some asshole from another clan, the least she could do was scandalize everyone before she was exiled. Because that’s what this felt like. She would have to pack her things and turn her back on the only home she’d ever known. All the bits and pieces of her life would have to stay here while she was thrust into a whole new world.
“Let’s try something a little less revealing,” Alice said with a hint of threat in her voice.
Of course, the clerks scrambled to appease her. A hint of movement among the racks drew Raven’s attention. She sniffed the air, but there were too many scents mingling with one another for her to pick out who might have been watching. When her mother and the clerks disappeared into the store, Raven cast another glance at the rack, but the dresses had gone still.
Raven peeled herself out of the too-tight dress and let it fall to the floor. With a sigh, she picked it up and tried to get it back onto the hanger until she finally gave up and stepped out of the dressing room to fling it onto one of the plush chairs. The hangers to the side rattled, drawing her attention.
“Are you seriously going to tell me that you have nothing else in her size?” Alice roared from the other side of the shop.
Raven forgot about the rattling hangers and threw herself back into the dressing room because it was the only place she could hide. There, her gaze fell on the pale gold dress again. It called her name like something out of a fairytale. It whispered sweet temptations until she could no longer ignore it.
She managed to get the dress mostly on by herself, though she couldn’t reach the closures in the back. The reflection in the mirror radiated with unexpected joy. The pale gold dress didn’t wash her out. Instead, it showcased the pink of her skin and the red tones in her auburn hair. Even her brown eyes seemed brighter.
Just then, the door opened behind her and someone quickly ducked into the dressing room. She blinked, confused because she could still hear the voices of her mother and the clerks arguing on the other side of the store. The intruder turned to face her, his lips parting as his eyes widened in awe.
“Adrien?” Her heart nearly leapt out of her chest. She lowered her voice. “What are you doing here?”
For a long moment, he said nothing. He simply stared, his eyes roving over her as if he might be able to devour her that way. Then, he shook himself and his glazed expression wore off.
“I wanted to talk to you,” he said.
“Here and now? Of all the times and places, you choose now?”
Adrien shrugged. “Well, it’s not like I can call you up and have a chat over coffee. I kind of have to steal my chances whenever they arise.”
She scowled. He stepped forward. She took a reflexive step back. A pained look twisted his features. The expression nearly broke her, but she had to remember that her mother was still here. If Alice Montoya caught her daughter in the dressing room with a Barnes man, there would be hell to pay.
Raven wasn’t ready to pay that price.
“You look…stunning,” Adrien whispered.
Her chest swelled and tears burned her eyes. She pressed her lips together to keep from crying. Adrien’s words sealed the dress’s fate. There was no way in hell she could wear this one to marry Bastien now.
Adrien stepped closer. This time, Raven didn’t run away from him. His hand settled on her waist. He lowered his head and placed a soft kiss on her temple. She breathed a sigh, tension flooding out of her. She held onto him like he might dissolve if she didn’t make sure he was solid.
“Don’t do it,” he whispered in her ear.
She knew exactly what he was talking about.
“Not yet,” Adrien said. “I need a chance to show you what we could have. That’s all I ask. One chance.”
It would be so easy to relent. If she lifted her chin, their lips would meet. She wanted to taste him again. Adrien was like cinnamon French toast on a cold morning. He was that hot cup of coffee to jolt her awake.
He was what she could never have.
“What if I love him?” Raven asked, afraid he would be able to hear the lie in her voice.
Adrien made a low, pained sound that nearly broke her heart. His grip on her tightened. He pulled her against his chest until she could hear the beast growling deep within him. The sound stirred a spark inside her. If she let it, that spark would grow into a wildfire. It would consume them and everything she knew.
She couldn’t let that happen. The world didn’t need her causing more trouble.
She put her hands against his chest. “You shouldn’t be here.”
“Do you love him?” Adrien threaded his fingers through her hair and tugged, forcing her to look up at him. “Is this man your mate?”
No. I’ll never love Bastien like that.
But Raven couldn’t get the words out before the sounds of arguing approached once more. She sucked in a breath, alarm making her heart race. Spinning around, she searched for a place for Adrien to hide. It became very apparent that they were screwed.
“I don’t understand why you couldn’t just follow the diet,” Alice said outside the dressing room. “I know you haven’t been sticking to the liquid diet, because if you had, then more of these dresses would fit.”
Adrien’s lip curled in disgust as he stared at the dressing room door. Raven put a hand on his arm, trying to hold him back. He spun on her and gave her a fierce questioning look. His jaw clenched as they participated in a silent conversation.
Why do you let her talk to you like that?
Because I don’t know how to stop her.
You could tell her to fuck off.
Raven’s lower lip trembled. Everyone wanted something from her, but all she wanted was a little bit of freedom. It seemed that no one could help her find that. Even Adrien wanted her to do something.
Was she not enough for anyone? It truly seemed that way.
Adrien’s expression softened. Perhaps he’d noticed just how close to breaking she was. Maybe Raven hadn’t been able to keep her despair from her eyes. Either way, Adrien took her hand and tugged her close. He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead before leaning in to whisper in her ear.
“You look radiant with or without this dress. Remember that.” He pulled away.
Where did he think he was going? He couldn’t walk out of the dressing room now!
Adrien wished he could make a stand. If he stepped out of this dressing room right here and now, then Alice Montoya would learn the truth once and for all. Raven wouldn’t be able to hide it anymore.
But he wouldn’t do that to Raven. Her life was her own, and he could not make any decision for her, no matter how badly he wished he could. They belonged together, but she needed to realize that on her own. Until then, Adrien would abide by her rules. He would meet in secret, like before. This time, however, he would not accept her refusal until she walked down that aisle and into another man’s hands. That was how he would know that they were not meant to be.
Adrien pressed his back to the wall so that the door would hide his presence when it opened. Raven scowled at him. Even with her lips twisted into a frown, she was beautiful. She had her hands on her hips, a golden aura glowing around her.
This was the vision Adrien wished would approach him. He wanted to be the man standing on the other end of the aisle. He wanted to watch her float in that gossamer fabric while he thought of all the ways he could unwrap her.
But not everything was achievable through love alone. He could love her all he wanted, but that wouldn’t give her the strength to take her life into her own hands. So long as she let others lead, then she would
get nowhere. He didn’t have the heart to tell her that. It seemed too cruel in this moment.
The door swung open, blocking his view of Raven. Alice Montoya’s scent filled the air. Adrien held his breath and prayed that Alice wouldn’t think to look for him.
“Why does it smell like a barn in here?” The sneer that surely graced her face was easy to pick out in her voice. She gave Raven no time to respond. “That dress is lovely on you, dear!”
“Oh, uh, I can’t…” Raven stumbled over her words. “I mean, I absolutely hate this dress. I can’t imagine wearing, uh, putrid yellow on my wedding day!”
The dress was far from putrid yellow, but Adrien wasn’t a color expert. Something about the way she struggled to speak told him that she was lying, though he couldn’t figure out why. It was obvious that the dress suited her. If so, then why wouldn’t she choose it and be done with this process?
The only thing he could think of was that she didn’t want to look her best on her wedding day. If she loved this man she was set to marry, then why wouldn’t she want the best? Adrien’s head ached as he tried to do mental gymnastics to understand this woman. His beast grumbled, but if it could tell why Raven was acting this way, it didn’t bother to share the information with him.
“I think…I think I want something with an empire waist,” Raven said.
Alice made an unconvinced sound. Then she sucked in an excited breath. “Ah, I think I saw just the thing for you.”
Adrien listened to the sound of Alice’s footsteps retreating into the boutique. She shouted at the poor sales associates, but at least her voice faded until he thought it was safe to step out again.
When he pushed the door open, he found Raven kicking off the gold dress. He wistfully wished for its return, but Raven’s nearly naked form distracted him from what was happening. He watched her breasts bounce in their cups and wished he could quickly free them.
“Stop staring,” she hissed.
Though her words said one thing, he found her smiling. Her cheeks were bright with color as she shook her head. She hadn’t been smiling like that before he showed up. It made him wonder just what kind of man Raven had pledged herself to if she wasn’t glowing on a day like this. Didn’t all women dream of the day they got to pick out their wedding dress? He imagined it made a girl feel like a princess for a while.
A Star Crossed Fate (Great Plains Dragon Feud Book 4) Page 3
