The Forever Gift

by Brooke Harris

  I open the press above the sink on auto pilot and fetch some cups. I pop open the lid on the jar of instant coffee that I left on the shelf earlier and spoon some into each cup. I add boiling water and stir. And then, I come to a sudden standstill, and my arms flop uselessly by my side.

  ‘Does Kayla know yet?’ I ask, my back to Gavin and Heather as my heart aches waiting for their answer.

  ‘Not yet,’ Gavin says. ‘Actually, we wanted to talk to you about that.’

  ‘Me?’ I tap my chest, turning around.

  ‘I think it would be best if Heather and I tell Kayla together,’ Gavin says.

  ‘Of course. Yes,’ I nod, walking to the fridge to fetch milk. ‘That’s a good idea. A great idea.’

  ‘Tonight,’ Gavin says.

  ‘Well, yeah, sure. If she has to have all these tests tomorrow, then of course you need to talk to her tonight.’

  ‘I spoke to work earlier,’ Gavin says. ‘I told them I won’t be coming in for a while. They understand.’

  I’m nodding. Listening.

  ‘No milk for Heather,’ Gavin says as I hover the carton of milk over the first cup.

  ‘I can’t have dairy,’ Heather says. ‘Sorry.’

  ‘Me neither,’ I say, surprised to discover Heather and I have something in common. Gavin never told me.

  ‘So what do you think, then?’ Gavin says, knocking against my shoulder as he takes one cup with milk and one without over to the table.

  Heather and Gavin sit down and Gavin looks over his shoulder at me, waiting for me to join them. I pick up my coffee and take it to the table.

  ‘What do I think?’ I repeat, pulling out a chair. I don’t know what I think. I’m not sure I’m even thinking at all.

  ‘About me going to Cork tonight?’

  I stare at Gavin blankly. There’s so much to take in. He’s losing me.

  ‘Kayla is going to her friend Aiden’s house after school today,’ Gavin says.

  ‘Okay,’ I say. I’ve never meet Aiden but his name is familiar to me. Kayla and Aiden have been friends for a long time and she talks about him often. At one stage I thought they were more than just friends, but Kayla quickly set me straight.

  ‘I thought I could drive down this evening with Heather,’ Gavin says.

  ‘Oh,’ I say, concentrating hard to understand what he’s saying. ‘I thought you meant tell her over the phone. What was I thinking? You’re right. God you’re so right. This is something you should do in person. Of course it is.’

  I look at Heather. She’s sipping her coffee that I know is still too hot and keeping very quiet. I imagine she’s completely overwhelmed, but I wish she’d say something. Let me know what she thinks of this plan. I wonder if she wants Gavin there. Or if she needs the space to cope with this on her own terms. I wish there was some way of knowing what the right thing to do is.

  ‘Heather and I will pick Kayla up at Aiden’s and head straight to Heather’s place. We’ll tell Kayla together there,’ Gavin says his voice cracking.

  ‘I want her to be at home when she finds out,’ Heather says. ‘Maybe we’ll get a takeaway. She loves takeaway. I think it’s important to keep everything as normal as possible.’

  I wonder how telling a fifteen-year-old she has cancer could ever be normal but I understand what Heather means.

  ‘Then she can pack her stuff and I’ll drive all three of us back up,’ Gavin says.

  ‘Back up?’ I ask.

  Gavin nods. ‘To here.’

  ‘But you said Kayla needed tests tomorrow?’ I say, so confused.

  ‘The tests are in the National Children’s Hospital here in Dublin,’ Heather says, putting down her cup and when her eyes meet mine my heart aches. ‘Cork just doesn’t have the same facilities. And since Kayla is only fifteen…’

  ‘She’s still a child,’ I say quietly.

  Heather nods and lifts her cup back to her lips with shaking hands.

  ‘So, we’ll be back tonight,’ Gavin says. ‘But I’m not sure when. Kayla is going to need some time to adjust to the idea of staying in Dublin for a while. She’ll be away from school and her friends in Cork. It’ll be hard.’

  I nod. I can imagine. ‘Take your time,’ I say.

  ‘Obviously Kayla can stay in her own room here, but would you mind making up the bed in the spare room for Heather?’ Gavin asks.

  My eyes widen. The idea of Gavin’s ex sleeping in our guest room is so weird. It makes me uncomfortable or maybe even jealous. And I hate myself, considering the circumstances.

  I pull myself together and nod. ‘Yeah. Sure.’

  ‘Thank you,’ Heather says. ‘I know this is all very sudden, but I’m really grateful to have somewhere to stay that’s so near the hospital.’

  ‘It’s no problem, really,’ I say.

  Heather’s phone rings and startles me, and I jump again. God, I’m all over the place today.

  ‘Sorry, excuse me,’ she says, fishing in her bag and pulling out her phone. She places it to her ear as she walks out into the hall. ‘Hello. Heather Prendergast speaking…’

  Gavin stands up and clears the cups from the table. ‘Don’t wait up tonight, eh?’ he says, kissing the top of my head.

  I’m about to ask him about the blood tests and Molly but I can hear the cups rattle against each other as he walks over to place them in the sink and I know he’s trembling. I bite my tongue.

  ‘Jesus, you’re white as a ghost,’ I say when Heather reappears in the kitchen. I hop up and pull out the chair she was sitting on and hold out my arm to steady her.

  ‘That was the hospital on the phone,’ Heather says. ‘They’ll have a bed ready for Kayla first thing in the morning.’

  ‘Already?’ Gavin asks, turning away from the sink, and I notice his face is suddenly as white as Heather’s.

  Heather nods. ‘Yeah, they want her ready as soon as a slot becomes available in theatre. They’re hoping for something in a day or two.’

  ‘Surgery?’ I say.

  Heather nods.

  Gavin clasps his hands and presses them down on the top of his head as he takes a deep breath and puffs it back out. ‘Jesus. Is this really happening? How can this really be happening?’

  ‘Hey. Hey,’ I say, hurrying over to him and wrapping my arms around him.

  He grabs me tight and nuzzles his head into the crook of my neck. His breath is laboured and warm and I feel I can’t hold him close enough or tight enough.

  ‘Can we leave now? Can we go now?’ Heather asks. ‘I just want to get home to her. Please?’

  Gavin pulls away from me and straightens up.

  ‘Yeah,’ he says. ‘Let’s go. If we leave now, we might make it in time before school closes.’

  ‘School closing. Oh Jesus,’ I say, twisting on my chair to look at the clock. ‘It’s ten past two. Molly. I forgot Molly. I should have picked her up ten minutes ago.’

  Eight

  Kayla

  I can’t believe I’m crying in front of my whole class. And not even just a few tears, I’m bawling my eyes out. I’m never going to live this down.

  ‘My leg. It hurts,’ I sob, my eyes slammed shut as if it will help with the pain if I block out everyone. ‘It really, really hurts.’

  Half my class are gathered around me in a circle. I open my eyes and look up from lying sprawled on my back at their heads bowed and staring down on me. I’m still crying. I can’t stop even though I want to. Everyone’s faces are so serious. No one is laughing or pointing, the way people usually do when someone falls and makes a show of themselves at PE.

  ‘Excuse me. Excuse me,’ Miss Hanlon our PE teacher says, trying to shuffle her way into the circle. ‘Guys, move. Now.’

  The circle parts and Miss Hanlon hurries over, her runners squeaking as she crouches down on the gym floor next to me.

  ‘What happened, Kayla?’ she asks.

  I shake my head and try to catch my breath. My heart is racing and my whole body is shaking.

&nb
sp; ‘She fell,’ Aiden says, suddenly crouching at the other side of me after fighting his way through the circle too.

  ‘Yes. Thank you, Aiden. I think we can see that. But did anyone see how it happened?’ Miss Hanlon asks.

  Blank faces stare back at her and the usually noisy PE hall is quiet except for the echo of my crying.

  ‘Well, something must have happened,’ Miss Hanlon says, sternly. ‘I turn my back for two minutes to fetch some bibs…’

  Miss Hanlon is tiny. Everyone in my year is at least a head taller than her and she’s not even up to most of the boys’ shoulders. She only wears tracksuits. Nice ones though, and she’s super skinny and toned. From running around all the time, I guess. She’s young too. Well, not too young, like thirty maybe. But that’s super young compared to some of our other dinosaur teachers. And if I ever had a problem or someone was being an asshole or bullying me or whatever, Miss Hanlon is the teacher I’d talk to. I think Miss Hanlon is the teacher our whole year would talk to. She has a way of making everything seem calm and okay, even when it’s not. Like now.

  ‘She was just running with the ball, about to score a basket when she went down,’ Aiden says.

  ‘Guys, it’s just a game,’ Miss Hanlon says. ‘There really is no need for all this pushing and shoving. Look at poor Kayla.’

  Everyone looks at me again. I pull myself to sit up and pray that my face isn’t as red as if feels. I bet I’m an actual tomato. Oh. My. God. Shoot me. Shoot me now.

  ‘No one pushed her, Miss,’ Aiden says.

  ‘Is that true, Kayla? Did you just slip?’ Miss Hanlon asks, unconvinced.

  ‘She didn’t even slip,’ Aiden says. ‘She literally just fell over. I mean, like, just splat for no reason.’

  There’s some giggling and snorting from the other kids. Ugh. As if this wasn’t bad enough already, Aiden is making me sound like an old granny. I’m going to kill him later.

  Miss Hanlon breathes out slowly. I can smell the garlic something-or-other she had for lunch.

  ‘Okay, Aiden, thank you,’ she says, ‘But Kayla really can speak for herself.’

  ‘I- I-,’ I begin. The pain in my leg has changed from sharp to throbbing and I dry my eyes. The hall starts to become noisy as my classmates lose interest, thank God, and begin talking among themselves.

  Aiden is staring at me with wide eyes and I know he wants me to tell Miss Hanlon about the tests Mam’s been taking me for. I shake my head and scrunch my nose, pleading with him to keep his mouth shut. If Miss Hanlon thinks I’ve a recurring injury she might make me sit out the rest of the season.

  ‘I don’t know what happened,’ I say, attempting to stand up. ‘I had the ball and then I was on the ground.’

  ‘Hang on,’ Miss Hanlon says, placing her hand gently on my shoulder and encouraging me to stay sitting. ‘Let’s take a little look, eh?’

  I nod.

  ‘Knee or ankle or both?’ Miss Hanlon asks.

  ‘I… I… I dunno. All of it.’

  The hall gets noisier. Someone’s bouncing the basketball. I can feel the vibration in the floor under me. I wish they’d stop.

  ‘Okay, Kayla,’ Miss Hanlon says. ‘Tell me to stop if this hurts. I’m going to take off your shoe and sock to see if your ankle is swollen.’

  I nod again. ‘Ouch, ouch, ouch,’ I say as Miss Hanlon unties my laces and slips off my runner.

  There’s some laughing and pointing and I remember the huge hole in my sock that I noticed this morning. I wasn’t bothered about changing it because I never thought my whole class would be staring at my foot before we even had eleven o’clock break.

  ‘Ew, what’s that smell? It’s like cheese,’ one of the idiots in my class says. ‘Ugh. It’s gross. I think I’m going to be sick.’

  Of course, laughter erupts as if the stupid comment is even funny. And I wish I could be anywhere else. Or at least be wearing any other pair of socks that I own. Like all the millions of pairs without stupid holes. Could today possibly get any worse?

  The sharp, high-pitched screech of Miss Hanlon’s whistle brings all the messing and laughing to a sudden stop.

  ‘Right. That’s enough,’ Miss Hanlon says lowering her whistle from her lips. ‘Everyone into the changing room and get changed for your next class. And with no messing. I’m in no mood, guys. No mood at all.’ She points a warning finger and wags it. ‘Go. Go on. Now.’

  Everyone shuffles out the doors of the hall and into the corridor, the noise and mumbling and, no doubt, slagging me off about my holey socks fades with them.

  ‘You too, Aiden,’ Miss Hanlon says. ‘Go on now. You’ll be late for your next class.’

  ‘But Kayla,’ Aiden says, looking at me with pitiful eyes that I know are more about his desperation to get out of our next class than sympathy for me.

  I know where he’s coming from. It’s almost worth mangling my leg to miss Irish verbs and poems.

  ‘Kayla will be just fine with me,’ Miss Hanlon smiles. ‘Won’t you, Kayla?’

  I pull a face. Irish class is bad. But Irish class without your best friend to keep you sane for an hour is torture.

  ‘Miss please, can Aiden stay?’ I ask.

  ‘Ha, nice try,’ Miss Hanlon says. ‘But this is not an excuse to get out of class and you two know better, don’t you?’

  ‘Yeah. Okay,’ Aiden sighs. ‘It was worth a try though, wasn’t it?’

  ‘Yes. I s’pose it was,’ Miss Hanlon says. ‘Now, c’mon. Hurry. You’re already running late and I don’t want you getting into trouble with your next teacher.’

  Aiden stands up and drags his feet so slowly towards the door anyone would think he’s the one with a sore leg.

  ‘I’ll be sure to get the homework for you, Kayla,’ Aiden teases, turning back as he reaches the hall doors. ‘Check your Snapchat later.’

  ‘Oh great! Thanks,’ I groan.

  Aiden pokes his tongue out at me while pulling a funny face, then hurries off to class.

  ‘Will he really text you the homework later?’ Miss Hanlon asks.

  ‘Nah,’ I smile. ‘He’s just having a laugh.’

  ‘It’s good to have a friend like that,’ Miss Hanlon says in a soft almost-whisper voice.

  I wait for her to ask me if we’re going out – most of the other teachers think we are. It’s fair enough, we spend lots of time together, but I’ve known Aiden since playschool. It would be super weird.

  ‘You’d talk to Aiden if you had a problem, wouldn’t you?’ Miss Hanlon says.

  ‘Yeah.’ I scrunch my nose, so confused about where this conversation is going and really wishing we weren’t having it while I sit on the ground with one runner on, one off and a giant hole in my sock.

  ‘It’s just I’ve noticed you’re not quite yourself lately,’ Miss Hanlon says, gently twisting my ankle. ‘Does this hurt?’

  I shake my head.

  ‘Good. Good,’ she says, moving her attention from my ankle to my knee as she begins to bend my leg. ‘Is everything okay? Is anyone being mean to you?’

  ‘Ouch. Ouch,’ I say. ‘That hurts.’

  ‘Sorry.’ Miss Hanlon lets go.

  I reach for my runner without talking. I’m weirded out by Miss Hanlon’s strange questions and my knee is killing me again after moving it. Suddenly Irish class doesn’t seem so bad.

  ‘Kayla you would talk to someone if something was bothering you, wouldn’t you? A friend? Your mam. Me maybe?’ Miss Hanlon says, standing up and giving me a little space to put my runner back on.

  ‘There’s nothing wrong, Miss, I swear,’ I say.

  ‘Okay. Okay,’ Miss Hanlon says, helping me up and shuffling towards one of the side benches with me. ‘You’re just not yourself at the moment, that’s all.’

  Miss Hanlon and I sit on the bench next to each other in awkward silence. I wish she’d say something. She obviously has more questions and it’s not as if I can get up and walk away. God, I never thought I’d see the day where I was wishing I was in
Irish class, but nothing could be as bad as this weirdness.

  ‘Kayla have you been eating properly?’ Miss Hanlon asks, turning towards me making the bench squeak like a loud fart under us.

  I totally want to laugh but Miss Hanlon’s face is scarily serious and I wonder how she could hear that and not even smile a little. It’s not like her, she’s usually our fun teacher.

  ‘It’s just, you’ve lost a lot of weight recently. You’re pretty pale too, if I’m honest. And you clearly fainted before you fell. I would be lying if I said alarm bells aren’t ringing, Kayla. I’m really quite worried about you.’

  ‘Miss, there’s nothing wrong. I swear. I love takeaways and popcorn and chocolate. Seriously. Chocolate! I could never give that up.’

  ‘Cadbury’s Fruit and Nut,’ Miss Hanlon says.

  ‘What? No. Chocolate and fruit is just wrong. And gross.’ I pull a face. ‘Dairy Milk, though. Now you’re talkin’.’

  ‘Ah, Dairy Milk. Keep it plain and simple. That’s the spirit.’

  I smile.

  ‘Well, it just so happens I have a bar of Diary Milk in my handbag. It’s in the staff room. Let’s call your mother and let her know what’s happened and then I’ll get you some tea and chocolate. How does that sound?’

  I shake my head. ‘My mam’s in work meetings all day today. I’m supposed to be going to Aiden’s after school.’

  ‘Oh,’ Miss Hanlon says, sounding disappointed, and I bet she wants to talk to my mam about more than just my knee. ‘Well, I’m sure I’ll catch her on her mobile and we can figure it out from there.’

  It’s hard not to start crying. I’ve no idea why, I just feel weird. Aiden is such a laugh and his mam is so nice, but, suddenly, I don’t want to go to his house after school. I just want to go home. I really, really want to go home.

  ‘Try not to look so worried, Kayla. I’d say it’s just a sprain. Nothing too serious, but best to get an X-ray anyway. Let’s see what your mam thinks.’