by Cora Kenborn
“Oh shit!” Crawling backward on my hands, I flung myself in an impressive full-twist against the cab window and banged on it until I thought it would shatter. “Zep! Stop the car! Zep! There are pumas and shit out here about three seconds away from ripping my throat out. Zep!”
The car continued to rumbled across raised tree limbs and rocky terrain, and I shoved my face against the glass just in time to see his shoulders shake as he wiped his eyes.
“What? What the hell? Are you laughing at me?” Pounding on the window again, I let out a bloodcurdling scream. “Stop this fucking truck and let me out!”
I’m going to die in the middle of nowhere.
He pulled into a clearing and spun the tires, flinging mud across my cheeks and hair. Clusters of trees enveloped us, transporting us to another world. Only a sliver of sun still broke through the overgrown tree branches, and other than the roar of Zep’s truck, sound ceased to exist. Any other time, I’d have found it peaceful, but today, I’d had enough of our constant push and pull and just wanted to go home.
Finally coming to a stop next to a murky creek bed, I exhaled a rough breath. Squaring my shoulders, I mustered as much dignity as possible as he slammed the door and walked wordlessly to the lift gate. He caught my eye and gave me a wink before releasing the lever and allowing the gate to fall wide open, demolishing my only barrier against the tree-dwelling serial killers.
Bowing, he bit his lip to keep from laughing. “Be my guest.”
“Are you crazy,” I screamed, trying as best I could to climb on the roof of the cab. “Do you want to see me torn to shreds?”
“Addie, the only thing living in these trees are squirrels. Unless you’re stuffing your bra with acorns, I think you’re safe.”
“Gee, thanks. Who knew you were a fisherman and a comedian.”
Patting the edge of the lift, Zep sat down, a brown paper bag rustling in his hand. “Sit down, Addie. We’re not going anywhere for a while. You might as well get comfortable.”
Annoyed, I scrambled to the edge of the lift and plopped down beside him. Peering over his shoulder, I gasped as he crushed the top of the paper bag around a glass bottle. “Oh my God, is that liquor? You drink hooch out of a bag? What’s wrong with you?”
“It’s not hooch. It’s bourbon—fucking expensive bourbon.” Shoving the bag under my nose, he cocked an eyebrow. “You want some?”
“Absolutely not.” I stuttered, shocked that he was sitting by a creek bed at five o’clock in the afternoon on a Monday, drinking bourbon out of a paper bag.
Zep squinted an eye and shook his head. “You sure do have a lot of rules for yourself, Snow White.”
Unsure how to respond, I stared at the muddy creek as he took a drink from the bag. I tried not to watch the way he molded his full lips around the bottle-neck, sucking every drop into his mouth before swallowing it down with gusto. I tried not to remember how they looked wrapped around the water bottle in the office, and I really tried not to remember how they felt on my skin.
I tried, and I failed miserably.
“No rules,” I said, forcing myself to sit on my hands. “Just careful of perceptions.”
Taking another long drink, Zep swallowed with a grimace and cleared his throat with a grunt. “I don’t give a fuck what people think.”
“And does that include day-drinking out of a grocery sack? Classy.”
He pointed the bottle neck toward me and smirked. “You want to talk about classy? Five minutes ago, you were riding in the back of a truck bed like a fucking Doberman. You don’t have a lot of room to talk.”
My mind raced for a witty comeback; something that would gain me some ground and save me from drowning in the hard stare of his blue eyes. But he was right. I didn’t have room to talk. Due to my overdeveloped sense of pride, I’d ridden across town in the back of a truck bed while being filmed by joyriding teenagers.
I’d been too embarrassed by Zep’s taunting and Bam-Bam’s innocent observation to tell everyone to kiss my ass. However, just as he claimed, Zep didn’t give a fuck. That was just the type of person he was. He didn’t care about social norms, customs, or protocol. He did as he pleased and dared anyone to tell him otherwise. He reminded me a lot of Savannah, both of them possessing a quality I’d envied my whole life.
Being perfect was exhausting.
I rolled my shoulders in a futile attempt at releasing the tension. “Zep, why are we here?”
He hooked a finger under my chin, lifting my eyes back to his. “You need to take it down a couple of notches.”
“You need to mind your own business.” Jerking out of his hold, I shifted, putting space between us. Not because I wanted to, but because I didn’t trust myself.
“Savannah knows about us,” he blurted out.
My heart leaped into my throat. “Did you tell her?”
“Not exactly,” he said, ripping pieces off the paper bag and tossing them aside. “We were talking in the office last week, and she mindfucked it out of me. Your sister is some sort of truth ninja.”
I tossed my head back and laughed, causing a lock of hair to fly over my mouth. “Welcome to my world.” Rolling my eyes, I raised my hand to tuck the rogue hair behind my ear.
As if it were an automatic response, Zep reached over and pushed my hair away from my face, tucking it securely behind my ear. “She wants us together, you know.”
I did know. Savannah made no secret that she thought I was full of shit with the whole Jim LeChair story. However, the fact Zep knew as well fucked with me a little. It unbalanced me and sent my safe little world careening off a cliff. I needed an escape. I needed a way to deflect what was happening.
I needed alcohol.
Taking the bottle out of his hands, I brought it to my mouth and prepared to drown the voices in my head when he grasped my wrist.
“You might want to go slow if you’ve never had bourbon before.”
“I’ve had bourbon before, Zep. I’m not fourteen.”
As it turned out, I hadn’t had bourbon before.
After taking my first drink, fire shot down my throat, constricting my airway and incinerating every fiber in my chest. “Holy shit,” I sputtered through hacking coughs.
Slamming a palm against my back, Zep raised an eyebrow as my eyes watered, and slobber rolled down my chin. “Good, huh?”
“Smooth,” I wheezed.
Taking the bottle out of my hands, he sandwiched it in between his thighs and gripped the edge of the lift. “You asked me why we were here. Do you remember our senior year when we got in that fight outside the chemistry lab?”
The memory burned deep in my mind. “Yeah, you wanted to grow pot for your final exam project.” I smiled. “What the hell were you thinking?”
Zep laughed and draped a hand across my thigh. “You were so fucking mad at me. You threatened to walk out and let me fail. I wasn’t afraid of repeating senior year as much as never seeing you again.” An introspective look crossed his face, and his eyes darkened. “I knew I had to get your mind off your world by introducing you to my mine.”
I studied his face. “You told me I needed live life instead of reading about it. Then you took me four-wheeling.”
His eyes crinkled with amusement, and a slow grin spread across his face. “Yeah, and you fought me every step of the way.” His gaze lowered to my thighs, and his smile faded. “You still do.”
The intensity in his voice stopped me cold, and I shook my head. “Don’t do this.”
“Addie, why did you never have kids? You always loved them. So much that you’d already planned their names while you were still in high school. What where they, Katie and Ethan?”
“You remembered.”
“Of course, I did.”
The realness of the moment was too much. “Look, it’s getting late.” I only half-way protested because, honestly, I’d lost all concept of time.
Zep squeezed my thigh and gave me a sympathetic look. “Tell me.”
S
ure thing. Open a vein and bleed. Piece of cake.
Folding my arms across my chest, I admitted the biggest lie of my marriage. “Roland didn’t want children. I thought after a few years, I could convince him a family would fix us, but he was adamant. I still don’t know if he didn’t want kids or”—swallowing the lump in my throat, my voice trailed off to a whisper—“if he just didn’t want them with me.”
“Jesus, Addie. Didn’t that tell you something?”
The pity in his eyes did me in. “I guess I’m not as smart as you. I always believe in the goodness of people.” Then, because the heaviness of the moment had become too much to take, I added, “Even if they betray me.”
“You’ll never let that go, will you? Haven’t you ever made a mistake?
“Twice.”
Zep shook his head. “You know, Snow White, maybe one day we can have a fucking civil conversation without you putting up enough walls to house a whole neighborhood.”
Just as I opened my mouth to argue, my phone rang with the first few bars of Taylor Swift’s “Mean”.
I didn’t have to look to know who it was.
Weeks of avoiding his calls culminated in a frustrated scream as I lunged for my purse. Ripping my cell phone from inside, I yelled into the mouthpiece, “Not a good time, Roland.”
I barely spoke his name before Zep grabbed the phone out of my hand and put it on speaker. After I shot him a look, he lifted an eyebrow as if daring me to touch it.
“A man like me doesn’t wait for things, Adelaide,” Roland continued. “We could’ve settled this days ago, but you wouldn’t return any of my calls.”
Zep eyed me curiously as I threw my head back and cursed under my breath. Staring up at the trees, I prayed for the strength to not drive to Shreveport and bury my knee so deep in his balls he’d have to repeat puberty to get them back.
“What could you possibly want?” I growled. “Haven’t you already sent your minion to do your dirty work?”
“That was just phase one, and don’t think I haven’t noticed a signed copy hasn’t made it back to my lawyer’s desk. Don’t fight me on this, Adelaide. You won’t win.”
“Do you have a point, Roland, or is your overwhelming charm just a gift?” Background noise filled the line, as a female voice called him back to bed. “Is fucking Brandi there?”
“Change your name,” he ordered, ignoring my accusation.
Who the hell did this asshole think he was dealing with?
“I’m sorry, you seem to have forgotten the word, please.”
Welcome to the new Addie, bitch.
“This isn’t a joke, Adelaide. The Bordeaux name is a privilege and carries with it a certain set of standards. If you insist on associating yourself with that inbred clan you call a family, I want it back. You aren’t a Bordeaux anymore, and the benefits don’t belong to you.”
“You can’t force me to do that.”
“I can do anything I want. You signed away your right to an opinion before we married.”
I honestly had no idea why I was arguing with him about something as stupid as a name. I didn’t want the damn thing anyway. It was poison and just saying it made my stomach turn.
Scratch that.
I knew exactly why I fought him. Yet again, Roland was calling the shots. Nothing about this decision was on my terms, and it pissed me off he’d forced my hand.
“Bastard.”
“You’ve learned a lot of bad habits since returning to the swamp, haven’t you? It’s a shame all that work I put into making you respectable unraveled after one night on your alcoholic grandmother’s porch.”
“Enough,” Zep roared, his cheeks flushed with heated anger. “Apologize to Addie.”
“I’ll do no such thing.” Roland seemed taken aback for a moment, his voice more annoyed than curious. “Who the hell are you?”
“I’ll be your worst fucking nightmare if you ever speak to her like that again. I don’t give a damn what your last name is; you need to learn how to speak to a lady without sounding like a cock sipping frat boy. Now fuck off and don’t call again, or I promise you, I’ll answer.” Slamming his finger on the disconnect button, he threw my phone across the truck bed. “Dick.”
Wait, what?
I blinked a few times then simultaneously laughed and cried. “Did you just say cocksipping frat boy?”
Zep gave an unapologetic shrug and took a lengthy drink from the paper bag. “Your grandmother tends to get in people’s heads. It fits.” Eyeing me closely, he watched for a reaction. “Do you want to talk about it?”
My reluctant sigh held more meaning than he knew. “No. I’d like to go home now.”
I slid off the lift gate with a heavy heart and mind. As stupid as it seemed to fight Roland on something as simple as a name change, giving in would only give him the green light to railroad me through this whole divorce. With a signed prenup, I already had limited legal recourse. Holding onto the small amounts of power I had left was my only leverage. As much as I wanted to shed the Bordeaux name, the last thing I wanted to do was make his life easy.
Exhausted, I reached for the passenger’s side door, determined to not break down, when a pair of hands slid around my shoulders. The moment he touched me, I flinched and then melted into the warmth of his calloused fingers on my skin. The moment he whispered my name, I broke, and every repressed emotion came flooding out in a torrent of tears.
Spinning me around, Zep pulled me hard against his chest. “I’m so sorry, Addie. If I’d known this was how you’d been treated for the past ten years, I’d have driven to Shreveport and brought you back myself.”
“It wasn’t always so bad.”
He reared back, regarding me with the same pitied look as before. “Addie…”
I always hid what a pathetic joke of a marriage we had in order to save face, and where did that get me? Ten years of dinners alone and falling asleep to infomercials while Roland worked or hung out with his snotty-ass friends.
Why the hell am I still protecting him?
“Okay, it was,” I admitted, covering my face. “It was always bad. It was miserable and empty, and I don’t know who I am anymore.”
Pulling my hand away from my cheeks, he studied me before giving my hand a squeeze. “You’re who you’ve always been.”
Yeah, a doormat.
“That’s the problem, Zep.”
I barely recognized the drastic change in his demeanor as he set the bourbon bottle aside and shifted closer. “You’re still the girl in that pink dress who walked into study hall and almost passed out when she realized I was the jock she had to tutor. You’re still the girl who brought me a chocolate cupcake and hummed “Pomp and Circumstance” when I passed my final exams.” Running a hand through his hair, he sighed before lowering into his lap and stared at his open palm. “And you’re the girl who ruined me for any other fucking woman the rest of my life. Because if I couldn’t have you, Addie, no one else mattered.”
Reeling from his admission, I leaned into him only to pull back at the last minute. Where was the man from the office? Where was the cocky son of a bitch who threw Josie Gereaux in my face, not giving a damn that my world was imploding around me?
When his name fell from my lips on a breathy moan, I knew I had to get away from him. As I turned to unlatch the door handle, every emotion possible ran through me. I was so tired of being on the outside looking in, wondering when it would be my time to be happy.
The door handle clicked, and I stood at a crossroads, straddling either side of a double yellow line.
Pick a lane, Addie.
Turning around, I wound my arms around his neck and pulled him into me. I had no idea what the hell I was doing, but I had no intentions of stopping.
“Addie, wait,” Zep said with a forced assurance I knew he didn’t mean.
“I’m tired of waiting.” Without giving him a chance to respond, I pressed my lips against him hard. Startled, he pulled back, staring at me as if I were a
creature he didn’t recognize. When he opened his mouth to shut me down again, I took the opportunity and attacked his lips, sliding my tongue between them.
We were a tangle of heavy breaths and impatience, fighting for dominance, both of us with something to prove. I needed to show myself I could break the pattern I continually found myself repeating, and apparently, Zep needed to prove to himself I was still the girl who brought him chocolate cupcakes.
Pulling back, he pinned me with a heated stare laced with question.
Are you sure?
A surge of independence rolled through me, and I kissed him again, longing twisting my stomach. I swear I heard his resistance snap as he crushed me in his arms and dove his hand into my hair, deepening the kiss.
Light-headed, I weakened in his arms. “Zep…”
As he licked the seam of my mouth, his beard scraped across my chin, sending my desire into overdrive. The sensible, responsible Addie I’d desperately clung to flew out the window, and I cradled his face, “Please.”
His eyes flickered with the strain of a man pushed to his breaking point. “Damn it, Addie.” Fisting my hair tighter, he dropped his eyes to the open neck of my blouse. “You make me crazy.”
Jerking the truck door open, Zep slid his hands down the length of my back and dug his fingers into the flesh of my ass. Without a word, he lifted me and tossed me none too gently across the seat. Crawling over me, he slammed his his body onto mine, knocking the breath out of me. Before I had a chance to react, he braced his feet on the running board and dragged his tongue up my neck, stopping to lick my jawline before taking my mouth in a dizzying kiss.
Holy hell, I lost my mind.
He kissed me like I’d never been kissed before. Long, deep, hard, and with a need that had become a living, breathing thing between us. I felt his hardened erection through his jeans and scattered memories from our drunken night together reminded me what he could do with it.
All I could think about was how bad I wanted it.
Like really, really, really bad.
