by Cora Kenborn
“Oh God!” Squeezing my eyes shut, I dropped my head against his shoulder and moaned.
When we first had sex again, Zep promised me stars, and true to his word, each and every time we were together, my mind exploded with them. Roland had never made me feel what Zep did. With my husband, sex seemed one-sided, as if he were doing me a favor by consenting to it. With Zep, every time was powerful—more than simple gratification and more than a means to a satisfying end. It was a connection I couldn’t explain, and something that reached beyond the physical act.
I knew he could sense I was close, so when his hand slid between my legs and began to rub furiously, I grabbed the shower head and held on for dear life. Shampoo ran into my closed eyes as I screamed his name, my fingers almost ripping the shower head off the wall.
Zep’s wound his other hand tightly in my hair and tugged my head back against his shoulder as he hastened his movement. “Jesus, Addie, I can’t hold back with you…” Groaning hotly against my ear, his body jerked against mine, slowing its thrusts until he finally stilled.
With only heavy breathing and falling water echoing in the tiny bathroom, I lifted my head and glanced over my shoulder, a smile teasing the corner of my mouth. “What happened to sightseeing?”
I expected some sappy sentiment. Instead, Zep smiled back with a wink and a smack to my bare ass. “I told you I still have some surprises left in me. Besides, what’s the use of being in Sin City without having some sin of our own?”
After hauling our asses back to the courthouse to pick up Savannah’s annulment papers, we were properly informed that they didn’t give a shit if I was her sister or not, only the applicant could sign for them. It was a moot point anyway because the damn paperwork had to be notarized and mailed to New Orleans within the next week.
All of which would’ve been useful to know yesterday.
When Zep said we were going to do the tourist thing, he wasn’t kidding. He dragged me around for three hours from tourist trap to tourist trap. I swear, we visited every cheesy landmark Vegas had to offer. I had no idea when he had time to plan such a tight itinerary—Paris Hotel to see the Eiffel Tower, the Mirage Hotel to see the Erupting Volcano, and the massive Ferris wheel at the Linq where I proceeded to throw up on his shoes for the second time in our relationship. We finally ended up at the Venetian where it took at least four tries to haul my fat ass into one of those tiny gondolas for what I’m sure he meant to be a romantic boat ride.
As he guided me inside the floating death trap, I glanced over my shoulder and smirked. “Couldn’t stand not being on a boat for more than twenty-four hours, huh?”
“Just shut up and get in the fucking thing,” he growled, climbing in after me.
After ten minutes of silence, Zep finally took my hand and gave it a squeeze. “Go ahead and ask me what’s been in your head since you saw me in that parking garage.”
Keeping my eyes focused on our entwined hands, I traced the callouses lining his fingers. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, I know you. I know that look I saw cross your face when I walked up. You don’t think I trust you.”
I glanced up at him, noticing the way the light blue of his eyes glazed over. He seemed so sure of what he thought I felt, but so out of tune with the point of his actions. “Am I wrong? I can understand Pope getting his panties in a wad, but you? Why would you see Babs’ Facebook post and lose your mind over me being at a wedding chapel?”
I waited for him to give me an answer. Instead, he just sandwiched my hand in between both of his as if he were afraid I’d pull away from him. The move seemed unlike him. Almost needy. Definitely nothing I expected after the way he took what he wanted from me in the shower.
“Why would you think I’d want anything to do with Roland?” I asked, keeping my stare leveled on our hands as the gondolier maneuvered us through the water.
It seemed like we’d rowed forever before he finally raised his head. “Addie, it’s not about trust. I mean, Jesus, how many times have I asked you to marry me now?”
“Twenty-one.”
He shifted an unimpressed stare at me out of the corner of his eyes. “That was a rhetorical question.”
I shrugged, his hardened glare forcing me to inch away from him. He didn’t miss a beat, automatically sliding over and closing the distance.
“The point is that you’ve turned me down every time. We’re having a baby, Addie. We’re living together for Christ’s sake. Is it so far-fetched for me to wonder if maybe there’s someone else?”
I slid over again. “I’d never cheat on you.”
“But do you love me?”
“Zep…”
“It’s a simple question, Addie,” he probed, scooting closer as I chewed the inside of my cheek. “Do you love me?”
I stiffened, hating the question in his voice. Hating that he even had to ask it. “You know how I feel.”
“Do I? Because you’ve never told me. I tell you that I love you and get a smile or a fucking ditto back. Well, that’s not good enough anymore.” He battled his anger and eventually gave into it, throwing his arms out and raising his voice. “I want the words.”
He deserved the words, and I hoped one day I’d be able to say them back to him. However, this wasn’t that day, and this wasn’t the place. Not in a damn gondola in Las Vegas, and definitely not with an audience.
I snuck a quick look over my shoulder at the gondolier, who hastily averted his eyes, finding something on the bridge extremely interesting. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?” he roared. “Don’t ask for some emotion in return? Don’t expect reciprocation? Don’t…”
I let out a scream and hurled my arms out in front of me. “Don’t push me!”
I only meant to push him away and make him give me some breathing space. Unfortunately, while we were arguing, I’d managed to slide my unbalanced ass a little too far to the edge of the gondola. What was supposed to be a show of independence ended up being a side show for everyone walking by as I tumbled backward into the water with a terrified scream. Once submerged, I kicked for my life, slapping the water like a crazy woman while simultaneously drinking it and shooting it out of my nose.
When Zep promised that I’d never be alone, he wasn’t kidding. Calling out my name in a panic, he reached for me just as I hit the water, causing him to topple head first in after me. Convinced I was going to drown in a lagoon on the Vegas strip, I screeched at the top of my lungs, involuntarily flopping onto my back and bobbing like a cork as Zep towed me by my ankle back to the boat.
Yep, it’s absolutely as romantic as it sounds.
After securing my hands on the side of the gondola, he hauled himself back inside then turned his attention toward me. It took three embarrassing attempts, with both Zep and the gondolier almost pulling a back muscle pulling me inside. Eventually, I made it out of the water with only my pride wounded. Once Zep was satisfied that both Charlie and I were okay, he reached behind him with one hand and pulled off his soaked shirt. Tossing it on the floor of the boat, he shook his head.
“Want to tell me what that was all about?”
I wrapped my arms around my upper body and sighed. “I’m scared.”
The change in Zep’s face was instantaneous. The annoyance that ticked there moments earlier now softened into concern. “Of what?”
I sat quietly, drenched to the bone, wondering whether to tell him the truth or distract him away from his line of questioning. It wouldn’t be hard to do. Men were easy—a kiss here, a touch there, and he’d forget all about what he’d been talking about. But if the last ten years of a useless marriage taught me anything, it was what I didn’t want that in a relationship.
But I did want honesty.
“Losing myself,” I admitted. “I said the words you want to hear once before, and he threw me away. I was broken, it’s taken me six months to reclaim who I used to be. I like her, Zep. I don’t want to lose her again.”
“I don’t want to
change you, Addie. All you are is all I’ll ever need.”
“Yeah, but how long will that last?” I shivered, memories of my failed marriage planting seeds of doubt in my mind as my vision blurred. “Roland promised forever.”
Zep took me into his arms, shaking his head and wiping away tears I didn’t even know had fallen. “There’s one major difference there. Talk is cheap, Addie. Forever is just a word. Anyone can make a promise, but it takes a real man to deliver one.”
And it took a real man to deliver a kiss that still to this day made me weak in the knees when I wasn’t even standing. Because that’s the power of being with the one you’ve dreamed of your entire life—complete unguarded exposure. Zephirin LeBlanc was always the man I ran to and from. There was never an “in between” with us. Never a moment we didn’t either love each other with frightening ferocity or hate each other just as much force.
As his lips caressed mine in a gentle kiss, I knew Zep would never hurt me again—not intentionally or otherwise. I knew this because he flew across the country on an assumption. I knew it because I awoke to him having a one-sided conversation with our unborn son. I knew it in the way he rescued me again and again, even when I was the most ungrateful damsel in distress ever to live.
With my eyes still closed and our lips still pressed together, I whispered the closest thing I could give him to what he wanted to hear. “I do, you know. I promise I do. Just don’t give up on me, please.”
I felt his stare boring into me as he held my face firmly in his hands. “Marry me.”
My eyes popped open, my heart in my throat. “What?”
Zep laughed at the blank look I assumed was spread across my face and gestured to the monstrosity of a hotel around us. “We’re in Vegas. Marry me right here. No family, no crazy planning or guest list. Just me and you against the world—like always.”
“You don’t quit, do you?” I first pulled away, then tilted my chin and stared up at him with piqued curiosity. “When do you plan to stop asking me?”
“When you say yes,” he answered without hesitation.
I stole a look at the man who refused to take no for an answer. His normally wild, dark hair was plastered to his forehead and hung across his eye where he hadn’t bothered to brush it away. The hard ridges of his sculptured chest were accentuated with intricate tattoos. Among them were a fierce looking dragon, a dagger slicing through a bleeding heart, and an eagle spanning shoulder to shoulder with a burning rose clenched in its talons. As I scanned each one, I realized that I had no idea of the meaning behind any of them.
It suddenly dawned on me that we had a lot to learn about each other before marriage was even an option.
Picking up his hand, I held it tightly between my own and offered him a smile. “Zep, I’m committed to this family we’ve created, but the ink isn’t even dry on my divorce papers. You’ve got to trust me on this. It’s not the right time.”
The cords in his neck tightened. “When will be the right time, Addie?”
“I can’t answer that. But when I know, you’ll be the first person I tell. Until then…” Guiding his hand to my chest, I placed it directly over my heart just like he did in the hotel room. “There’s no room in here for anyone else.”
65
Pep Talks
Adelaide
New Orleans, Louisiana
We’d been back in New Orleans less than twenty-four hours, and I’d already plotted Zep’s murder. It wouldn’t be hard. After all, I was Ekaterina Dubois’ granddaughter. Not that I thought Babs’ way of handling shit was altogether sane, but there was something to be said for spitting on the floor and carting around a man-eating reptile on a leash.
Maybe fearing each other was the key to happiness? Babs and Pappy were in love for over fifty years, and she threatened to cut off his balls and toss them into the swamp every other week.
Just sayin’.
Savannah sat with her feet propped up on her desk a little after two o’clock in the afternoon, watching us with a curious eye. Zep and I had argued the whole way over my insistence that we go into the office on Saturday to catch up on four days of missed work and his insistence that I lay flat on my back and watch game shows. Of course, I won. However, since we’d walked in the door, he’d driven me crazy. I couldn’t move without him being right on my heels to make sure I didn’t stand too long, sit too long, or make a sound that he determined to be anything other than necessary breathing.
Hanging up the phone, I rubbed my temples from salvaging yet another account that Bam’s friend Duck had almost cost us. While we were in Vegas taking care of Savannah’s surprise marriage, he’d promised four free weeks of deliveries to seven prime clients if they’d listen to his country-western band’s homemade demo tape. I didn’t know what I wanted to do more, kill Duck for being a fucking moron, throttle Bam-Bam for letting him in the door in the first place, or choke Savannah for playing computer games like the whole thing was no big deal.
A familiar shadow loomed over me, and I watched Zep out of the corner of my eye place a sandwich in front of me cut in pieces so small I could probably slurp them a straw. I waited for him to walk away, but he braced his hands on the edge of my desk and just stared as if daring me not to eat it.
Lifting her chin away from her card game, Savannah eyed the toddler-sized pieces of food and raised an eyebrow. “You gonna chew it for her too, Z?”
Zep glared at her, his strong jaw twitching under his beard. “Fuck off, Sav. She doesn’t even need to be here. If I had my way, she’d still be in bed.”
I laughed and slumped back into my chair. “If you had your way, I’d be barefoot and pregnant for the rest of my life.”
“Like that’s a bad thing?” he snorted, immediately shielding his dick with both hands as I swiveled around in my chair and made a fist.
“Wait, why does she need to be in bed?” The lines in Savannah’s forehead crinkled, causing me to cringe. It was bad enough to have Zep on my ass. The last thing I needed was my sister on board the worry train as well.
“No reason,” I assured her.
“Contractions,” Zep answered at the same time.
Savannah’s eyes widened at our conflicting responses, turning in her chair to face me. “What?”
I waved a dismissive hand in the air. “It’s nothing.”
“It’s not nothing, Addie.” Zep scrubbed his palms down his cheeks, bracing them on his jean-clad thighs before selling me out. “She started having contractions on the plane ride home yesterday.”
Fuck.
This was not the conversation I wanted to have right now. I’d made Zep promise not to make a big deal out of the twinge of pain I’d had before we landed. There was no reason to worry my family over nothing. Besides, Savannah’s drama tank had been filled to capacity lately with Pope’s blue bloodline, my pregnancy, and a surprise long-lost husband. The last thing she needed was another crisis.
Besides, if I ignored it, then it wasn’t happening.
Dubois logic at its finest.
I should’ve known my sister wouldn’t be as accommodating as I’d hoped.
“What did the doctor say?” she demanded, her voice rising an octave.
Zep didn’t miss a beat, taking a seat on the edge of my desk with a no-bullshit look on his face. “Go ahead, tell her.”
“They’re just Braxton-Hicks contractions,” I argued, determined to defend myself. “They’re perfectly normal at this stage in my pregnancy. Sort of like trial-run labor pains.”
“Wait, so you didn’t go to the doctor?” she asked, her mouth gaping open. “Are you fucking stupid?”
“Thank you.” Zep bowed his head and spread his arms wide as if he and Savannah had just formed some unholy alliance.
I wanted to punch both of them. Then maybe they’d concentrate on their own pain and forget about mine.
That made sense, right?
My mouth dropped open in shock. “Great, now you’re ganging up on me?”
&
nbsp; Savannah let out a drawn-out sigh and shook her head. “Ads, I’m no pregnancy guru, but that doesn’t sound normal to me.”
“I’m fine. Everything’s fine.” I clenched my teeth, drawing out every word slowly and purposely.
All three of us sat in silence for a good thirty seconds, eyeing each other in curiosity as if daring the other to speak. I knew they were just worried about me, and I loved both of them for it, but admitting they had a reason to be worried meant having to admit that I did, and I wasn’t prepared to go there. Not yet. I needed the full eight weeks I had left in order to be mentally ready for Charlie to make his arrival.
No more, no less.
Eventually, Zep’s phone buzzed and after scanning his messages, he groaned and glanced up with a resigned look in his eyes. “I have to help Bam tie up the boat. A storm is rolling in, and he’s having trouble with the spring lines. Stay here, and I’ll come back for you.”
Relieved to jump out of the hot seat, I nodded and offered him a weak smile. With a kiss on my forehead, he grabbed his keys and slammed the door behind him. Once the distinct sound of his truck tires peeling out of the parking faded away, I threw my pencil on my desk and turned my attention toward my unsuspecting sister.
“So, everything is okay with you and Pope now?”
Deflect. Deflect. Deflect.
She shrugged and reached under her desk for her abandoned boots, struggling to pull them on her bare feet. “Yeah. He was surprisingly understanding. You were right, of course. I shouldn’t have kept him in the dark.”
Cupping my hand over my ear, I leaned forward with a grin. “Say that again? I didn’t hear you.”
Planting her booted heels on the carpet, she narrowed an eye at me and smirked. “Don’t push it.”
With the focus now off me, I closed out the program I’d been working on and laughed. “I’m glad things worked out for you two. You’re good for each other. I know I can be slightly judgmental, but—”
