“Somehow.” I take an armload into the apartment. Eminem blares from the stereo, startling me.
Mickey’s eating a bowl of cereal at the table, propping his phone against the jug of milk. I would’ve thought this would be something I saw often since I’ve been living here, but it’s the first time.
“Hey.” I drop my armload of stuff on the floor. “How was your Christmas?”
“Bobby’s truck is here. But he’s not. Your car is gone. Hmm, how does that add up?” Mickey’s looking at his phone while he talks. Eventually, he glances up. “You’re really with Bobby, then?”
“Yeah.” I smile. “Jesus. Why haven’t I seen you at all lately? Are you doin’ alright?” I bite my tongue because I don’t know if he’s ready to talk. “You dropped out of the program.”
“I switched majors.” He says.
“But you’ve been here years already. That doesn’t make a lick of sense. And where have you been?”
“Where have I been?” He’s angry. “I’ve been runnin’ myself dry every goddamn second of every goddamn day.” He stands, rinsing his bowl. “I thought when you got back you’d finish school and move on. But I never thought it would be with him. I swear, Lex. He’s not a good boyfriend. If he isn’t already, he’s gonna cheat on you. ”
I close my eyes for several heartbeats. “Now how would you know that?”
“How would I not know that? Has he told you about everyone he’s brought home? He is a player. And I’m not talkin’ about baseball.”
“It’s different with us.” I clench my hands at my side, hating this confrontation, wishing Bobby would hurry up and come in so he could clear things up.
“Different?” Mickey laughs. “He’s just puttin’ on a good show.”
“If he is, I’ll figure it out.” I huff hair out of my eyes.
“I just thought you’d be smarter than this.” He puts the cap on the milk, taking it to the fridge.
“We used to be close, Mickey. Used to talk all the time. I thought maybe my brother would be there for me durin’ one of the hardest times of my entire life. Thought that maybe my brother would tell me why the fuck everythin’ is wrong in his life.” I swallow, throat tight. “Seems we were both wrong.”
His face displays eleven kinds of hurt. “It’s been a hard time for me, too.”
“Then quit shuttin’ me out and let me support you.”
“It ain’t that easy, darlin’.” He pulls his backpack over his shoulder and grabs his keys. “I wish it was.” He bumps shoulders with Bobby on the way out. Bobby turns to look at him, but Mickey just huffs away, mad.
“Why won’t he just tell me what the fuck is wrong?” I sink into the couch. A sour feeling spreads through my insides.
Bobby sets the duffel on the floor and comes to sit beside me. “I’m not sure.”
“Do you know why he’s so mad at you?”
“Um, well, I slept with Claudia.” He swallows. “The best I can come up with for how he’s actin’.”
“Oh?”
“Over the summer. We both got drunk at Garrison’s. I shoulda said no. Mick’s had a crush on her but never done a damn thing about it.” He leans his head back on the couch, looking at the ceiling. “They weren’t together, but he freaked out about it as if they were.”
“So he thinks you’re gonna cheat on me?” I try to think through all this but it doesn’t make sense. “Y’all were such good buddies. Now he acts like he hates you.”
“I’m very much against cheatin’. I’d never dream of doing that to you or anyone else. But I never shoulda slept with Claudia. I’ve regretted it and stayed away from her since the last time. It was just the hookups. I’ve hated that Mick refuses to talk it out with me. He told me to stay away from you, when you moved back.”
“Jesus.” I let out a breath. “He’s always been overprotective about me. There’s no reason I can think of why he wouldn’t be okay with you, Bobby. I mean, I’m not surprised you slept with Claudia. And it’s not a reason to hate you. Like you said, they weren’t together. You weren’t cheatin’.”
“No, I make sure they are single before I’ll agree to a fuck.” He sighs. “There’s gotta be more goin’ on with Mick. I have no clue what. But there’s gotta be somethin’.”
A knock comes at the front door. “You expectin’ anyone?”
“Maybe.” His voice teases me and he does that to die for shrug as he heads to the door.
“Oh, hey, Miss Lexie.” Briar waltzes through the door, wearing his Suncastle Knights cap and hoodie. “You both have a nice Christmas?”
“Good enough, I guess. We are glad to be back.” I realize I’m still shaking out of drama with my mom and seeing Mickey here, with my tone so heavy. “Did you?”
“Oh, yes. My mama makes the best gingerbread.” He nods his head.
“I know we already exchanged gifts.” Bobby says.
I look at the butterfly Vans he ordered special for me. Every gift we gave each other was thoughtful.
“I don’t need anythin’ else.” I show Briar my shoes. “Look, he got me these.”
“Nice.” Briar leans down to get a good look.
“Doesn’t matter if you need anythin’ else.” Bobby smiles. “Briar agreed to help move some stuff around in your studio. You ready?” Bobby offers his hand to help me off the couch.
“Well thank you.” I smile at Briar, then at Bobby. My heart patters in my chest. He surprised me with this. What he knew would mean a lot to me. After all that tension with Mickey, it’s exactly what I need. How do you always take such good care of me, Bobby?
Within minutes, the three of us squeeze into the front seat of Bobby’s truck with all my art stuff in the bed.
“Alrighty.” Bobby claps his hands and tells Briar the plans for the room.
He remembered everything I said that night when we talked about it. It’s all I can do to keep tears from coming out of my eyes.
Briar and Bobby make quick work of things, moving furniture around, giving me the studio of my dreams.
“You didn’t have to.” I rise on my toes, grabbing Bobby’s hoodie and pulling him close to me.
“’Course I did, baby.”
I kiss him, bringing my tongue to dance on his lips until they part, welcoming me inside. His tongue goes against the roof of my mouth, exploring my teeth. I grab his ass and hug him tight to me, quivers vibrating between my legs. Pulling away, I’m breathless. “How are you so perfect for me?”
“Because we belong together.”
We took Briar out to dinner as a thank you, then dropped him at his apartment.
After parking in the driveway of the beach house, we head inside. As beautiful as my studio is, I feel that creative block–worrying that I’m not ready for this.
“It may be hard, painting again for the first time.” Bobby brings me close, wrapping his arms around me with that soothing presence that has only become stronger the more time we spend together. “And it doesn’t have to be today. It can be whenever you’re ready.”
“No, I need to.” I swallow a wave of emotion, so many memories filling my mind.
The canvas calls to me. My hand runs over the edges of my easel. I prep my palette and start painting. My hands shake, and I take a deep breath.
“I’m right here.” Bobby sits beside me, squeezing my knee. “You got this.”
“I do.” I take the brush to my pallet, trying to convince myself I can.
Each stroke appears one at a time. If it was anyone else looking over my shoulder, I’d freeze. But Bobby has the opposite effect of most people. He makes me feel more confident, not less.
I cover the canvas, letting my brush take me wherever we need to go. There’s a brokenness inside of me as I paint. Like this is a way of grieving. Cody helped me paint. He believed in me. Now I can’t even tell him how much he meant to me.
Keep going, keep moving, get through this. A butterfly takes life from my strokes. Another and another, until the painting is complete.
&nbs
p; “It’s beautiful, Lex.” Bobby wraps his arm around me.
“I did it.” A tear rolls down my cheek. “That felt really good. Like gettin’ a piece of myself back.” I bring my lips to his.
“Why do you paint butterflies? I’ve always wondered.”
“I guess they stand for somethin’ to me.” I look at the canvas, all the butterflies extending from one corner to the next. “Butterflies emerge as their true form after lots of struggle being trapped. I just feel that in my soul.”
“You’ve emerged after being trapped.” He smiles. “You’ve emerged into yourself despite never having support to do so.” He grips my hand. “Nobody would guess how hard you have it from looking at your perfect life. But it’s never easy to grow up on the outside of your family, never feeling like you belong or that you’ll be good enough. That’s a special kind of torment. And you’ve overcome it in so many incredible ways.” His words bring a warmth through my body, knowing he sees me and believes my challenges are real. He’s never once treated me like a spoiled rich girl, like so many other people have throughout my life.
“Cody helped with that a lot. He made me want to paint, even when my parents didn’t approve.” I sigh. “If not for him, I wouldn’t have painted nearly as much in high school.” My throat gets tight. “And if not for you, I wouldn’t be dreamin’ of art school right now.”
“I don’t believe that for a second.” A glimmer shines in his eyes. “You, my butterfly,” he takes my hand and kisses each of my knuckles, “would’ve found a way past every obstacle, past every cage, emerging just like these wings and finding your way to fly, all on your own.”
A tear falls from my cheeks, dangling at the bottom of my chin, and he kisses it away. “I’m so glad you’re here.” I sniffle, forcing a shaky breath from my lungs. “Oh, I almost forgot to tell you.” I shuffle in my desk drawer and pull out the printed application for a dozen art schools.
“What are you lookin’ for?”
“This.” I hand him the papers. “I’m going to make sure I have my portfolio ready to apply...as soon as I’m ready.”
The smile on his face is new, one that seems to say how proud he is that I’m moving toward my dreams.
“When we were at your house, I saw how little your folks have been there for you. It’s pretty goddamn remarkable that you’ve done all this despite them.” He holds me close. “You’re inspiring Lex. Anyone who hears your story will find faith in themselves. Faith to become the butterflies they need to be. To break from their cocoons, because you have.”
“I wanna be free.”
“You are free.” His dimple catches my eye.
“I’m not yet. But I think one day I can be.”
“To me, you already are.” He brings his lips to mine.
My heart swells at his words. “You mean the world to me.”
“You are my world.”
33
BOBBY
FIRST GAME OF THE SEASON
I wake up holding Lexie, both of us wearing nothing. Jeez, I can’t believe how fulfilled I feel with her in my arms. I didn’t know love could be like this.
Yesterday was our three month anniversary of getting together. Mindy cleared me to play, proud that I’m making changes. I’ve been going to see Dr. Rogers twice every week and I’m starting to feel okay about going to a psychologist. I try to keep in mind the things he tells me. I’m starting to feel better.
When Briar and I worked out this week, I ventured a look at the scale. I’ve put on five pounds, closer to my weight before I dropped last summer. It’s not much, I know. But it’s big for me. I’m holding on tight to that hope.
I thought when I saw Dr. Rogers, he would want me to be more responsible. But he thinks that I’m too hard on myself. I guess I’m starting to see the ways that he’s right.
Lexie snuggles closer to me. The others who’ve slept over don’t usually hold me this close. But man, Lexie does. It’s like we’re glued together. This queen size bed could be a twin and we’d still have extra room.
She blinks and stretches, a yawn emerging in the morning light.
“Mornin’ baby.” I bring my lips to hers, enveloping her with the longing I’ve always felt.
“I’m so excited to watch you play tonight.” She rolls on top of me and my cock presses into that sweet belly of hers, as she rests her head on my chest. She’s warm. Gentle. Feels like home. My home.
“I’m so excited you get to be there.” My lips kiss her hair, fingers scratching her scalp the way she likes. “Love you so much, my butterfly.”
I still can’t believe we’re together at all.
“I love you.” She lays on my chest. Beneath her sweet little face is a horrible pain that I worry may never go away. My heart hurts from what Cody did to her. It hurts that he didn’t care enough about my relationship with him to share it with his fiancée.
It’s on the tip of my tongue like a canker sore, uncomfortable every time I try to ignore it and flaring up whenever it comes to mind.
I’ve thought a million times about how to phrase it. I don’t want her to regret their relationship. We’ve talked a little about my previous partners. But not about Cody. I promised him I wouldn’t talk about it. It’s a thousand colors of complicated.
I take a deep breath.
“Nerves about the game?” she asks.
I wish. Instead of answering, I stroke her sweet back. Her skin is warm against mine. My heart races, wanting her. I could fuck her several times every day and still want more. Some days we do, and if there is a heaven, that is where both of us ascend.
She is my heaven.
Her mouth meets mine, body delighted. Everything about her is ecstasy. I eat her up. She turns upside down, giving my mouth access to her as she licks my cock. Goddamn, that’s my favorite. She tastes so good. We go for a while, until I grab her and flip her over so I’m on top. She licks harder, faster.
“Gimme some,” she teases. My fingers are hitting her sweet spots, her body clenching against me as I pleasure her into oblivion. She pushes off and flips around, descending on my erection from on top. She breathes in the sweetness we both feel whenever I’m inside of her.
Her breath huffs hair out of her eyes as she settles in around me. My eyes are locked on her, smiling at how complete I feel with her. It’s so fucking cute the way she looks after she’s been licking me. The way her cheeks rose over. The way her eyes are all big, and those sweet eyelashes beg for more. The way she sets the pace and I follow. You do whatever you want with me, baby. I’m yours.
She starts out slow, all the right sensations blooming in my chest. I like when she’s on top because I get such a good look at her face. She bites her lips as her core sucks me deeper. I thrust to her rhythm. Anythin’ you want, baby. From now until forever….
“Lexie,” I whisper. “Lexie.” I thrust harder. “My Lexie.” I scream her name. Her favorite thing since our first time. My heart expands. Like the language of our souls combines in a chorus of angels singing.
And she is an angel, singing. Loud screams of pleasure. “Oh, oh, yes!”
I don’t care if the whole world hears her. Sing, my baby, sing.
She picks up the pace, faster, harder. Warm liquid seeps from her clit and she holds her breath, on the cusp of all I’m about to give her.
She’s not expecting it, but I roll her over, because she loves when I tap from on top.
“Yes!” She grips my shoulders, clawing at them with her nails.
She is so hot. Her climax triggers mine and I go as long as I can while she levels through all the pleasure she can take. I catch my breath, but not for long, moving faster and harder to give her another one.
“You don’t have to,” she whispers.
“‘Course I do, baby.” The corner of my lips rise as I give her another one. As many as she wants.
When I know she’s finished by the way she pats my shoulder, I lay beside her. We catch our breath, covered in sweat.
�
�You’re so perfect for me.” She brings her lips to mine. “I didn’t know I could have more than one orgasm until you, Bobby.”
“You didn’t?” I shouldn’t be angry at Cody, but I am. If he never had good sex with her in three years, then I’m more upset than I realized. When he and I were together, it was awesome. I hate to think about how much Lex probably blamed herself when their sex life was hell. My heart feels like a rotten peach thinking about that.
“What?” She pulls a long strand of hair out of my eyes.
“Lexie, there’s a whole world of pleasure for you and I’ll be damned if you don’t experience every bit of it when you’re with me.”
34
LEXIE
“I’m gonna start breakfast.” Bobby pecks my lips, stumbling into boxers on the off chance Mickey is home.
I lie naked in our sheets, catching my breath. Wow, he is somethin’ else in the bedroom, that’s for damn certain.
Every time I think I can lose myself completely in this relationship, a nagging fear pulls at my heart. I wonder when the shoe will drop, bringing our fairy tale to an end. Nothing this passionate, this intense, can last forever.
A relationship is about more than sex. Of course it is. But there’s a connection I get when I make love to Bobby that I didn’t know was possible. Here we are three months later, and I’m still in awe. I never had a single day with Cody that was as intimate as one day I’ve shared with Bobby.
Cody took a while to get comfortable having sex. I’m honestly surprised we did it at all, with all the religious beliefs he held close to his heart. Bobby’s kinda an Easter and Christmas going sort of Christian. I think he believes in God in a pretty casual way. Cody, on the other hand, couldn’t get enough of Jesus. Sometimes we’d go “too far” and Cody would spend hours on his knees praying for forgiveness. Pretty sure Bobby doesn’t even have the thought cross his mind. Sex isn’t sin to Bobby. Cody couldn’t relax while we fucked to save his life.
A Game Like Ours: Suncastle College Book One Page 27
