“Have you ever had to make a notification before?” Ridley came back into the living room, carrying a large glass mug filled to the brim with dark red wine.
“This was my first,” I said. “It’s the only time I ever came back without a changeling.”
He bent down in front of the fireplace, poking a few logs to help get it going. “I’ve done it once before. It’s never any fun.”
“This time must be worse.”
“Why do you say that?” Ridley sat on the arm of the couch at the far end from me and sipped his wine.
“This time it’s kind of our fault.”
“It’s not our fault,” he said, but he stared down at his mug, swirling the liquid around. “We left as soon as we got our assignment, but she was dead by the time we even got to Calgary. There was nothing we could’ve done.”
“No, there’s nothing more you could’ve done,” I corrected myself. “But I should’ve taken care of Konstantin when I saw him in Chicago.”
I said that, but I wasn’t sure if I meant it anymore. Even after we’d found Emma dead, I felt more conflicted than ever. I didn’t know what Konstantin’s role had been in her death, and although I was certain he carried some culpability, I also thought things were far more complicated than either Ridley or I had realized.
“What happened with him, exactly?” Ridley asked carefully, giving me a sidelong glance. “Back in the hotel.”
I pulled my legs up underneath me, leaning away from him. “I already told you.”
“No, you didn’t. Not really.” He slid down off the arm of the couch so he could face me. “You told me that he’d been in the room, you’d fought, and that he must’ve knocked you out. That was about it.”
“That’s about all there is to tell.”
“But what I don’t understand is, why was he there?” Ridley paused. “Was he waiting for you?”
“I don’t know.” I ran my hand through my hair.
“Did he hurt you?” he asked with an edge to his voice.
“We fought, and he knocked me out, so yes.” I gave him a look. “But other than that, I’m okay, and I got in a few good punches.”
“Why didn’t he kill you?” Ridley asked. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad he didn’t. But … he’s tried to kill your dad, he killed Emma. He obviously doesn’t care if he gets blood on his hands, so why did he leave you alive?”
I lowered my eyes. “I think he does care if he gets blood on his hands. And I think Bent killed Emma, not Konstantin.”
“Are you…” Ridley’s expression hardened, and he narrowed his eyes. “Do you have feelings for him?”
I groaned, but my cheeks flushed. “Don’t be gross, Ridley.”
“There’s clearly something going on between the two of you—”
“Why?” I snapped. “Why is there ‘clearly something’?”
“Because he should’ve killed you, and he didn’t. And you should’ve killed him, and you didn’t. So something’s going on, and I want to know what it is.”
“It’s not like that.” I shook my head.
“Bryn.” He set his mug down on the table and moved closer to me. “I’m just trying to understand.” He put his hand on my thigh, and I chewed my lip.
“Konstantin Black is a bad man who has done bad things, who will do bad things again,” I told him, willing myself to meet his gaze as I spoke. “I know that. But there’s something more going on, something much bigger at play.”
“I know that you think he’s working for someone else, and you’re probably right,” Ridley said. “But that doesn’t mean he deserves your sympathy.”
“I’m not sympathetic.” I sighed. “At least I don’t want to be. But I’m not ready to completely distrust him. Not yet.”
“He’s done terrible things. He’s not to be trusted,” Ridley implored me to understand, his eyes dark with concern.
“I know. I will take care of Konstantin. I promise.” I put my hand on his, trying to convey that I meant it. “But please, for now, can you not tell anyone that I saw him in Calgary?”
“You want me to lie to the King and Queen?” Ridley asked with exaggerated shock.
“You’ve done it before,” I said with a hopeful smile.
“No, don’t look at me like that.” He shook his head, then sighed. “Fine. I’ll keep this between us. But Bryn, this is a very dangerous game you’re playing.”
“I know,” I admitted, and squeezed his hand. “Thank you for keeping my secret.”
“You can always trust me with your secrets,” he said with a crooked smile, and the look in his eyes made my heart ache. “You know, that’s the real reason I went on this mission.”
“What is?” I asked.
“I was afraid you’d run into Konstantin, and I didn’t want you to go up against him alone. And then I wasn’t even there when you fought with him,” he said, and guilt flashed across his face.
“I was fine. I took care of myself,” I insisted.
“No, I know.” He lowered his eyes for a second, taking a fortifying breath, as if he were building up to something. His hand was still in mine, and he ran his thumb across it. Finally, he lifted his head, meeting my eyes willfully. “On the train, you questioned my commitment to the mission.”
“Ridley, I didn’t mean it. I know you did everything you could in Calgary—”
He held up his other hand, silencing me. “I know, and I’m sorry that things didn’t work out better for Emma and for you in Calgary, and I’m sorry that we didn’t arrive sooner. But I’m still glad I went. For you, I would lay down my life any day.”
If he’d leaned in to kiss me then, I would’ve let him. I would’ve gladly thrown my arms around his neck and pulled him tighter to me as his lips pressed against mine.
But he didn’t. He just stared into my eyes for a moment, filling me with a heat that made me feel light-headed and nervous and wonderful all at once.
Then there was a knock at the door, and he pulled his hand away from me, and the moment was shattered, and I could suddenly breathe again.
As Ridley got up to answer the door, I looked up through the small windows near the roof and tried to peer through. I got a glimpse of a girl, and I was hit by the painful realization that I’d stayed here too long. That I shouldn’t have come to visit at all.
“Oh, good, you’re home!” Juni said in relieved delight when Ridley opened the door, and I was already hurrying to pull on my boots. She threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly, and my cheeks flushed with guilt at the fantasy I’d just been having in which I would hold her boyfriend in much the same way.
“I was so worried about you,” she said as she held him.
“I’m okay, I’m fine,” he tried to comfort her.
I cleared my throat as I put on my coat, since they were standing in the doorway, blocking my exit.
“Oh, Bryn, I didn’t realize you were here.” Juni let go of Ridley and gave me a wide smile. “I’m glad to see you made it back safely, too.” Her smile gave way to sadness. “I heard about the poor girl in Calgary.”
“Thank you, but I should really be going,” I said, returning her smile with a lame one of my own.
“You don’t need to go.” Ridley pulled away from Juni so he could turn to me.
“No, I do. You two need to catch up anyway.”
I couldn’t force a smile much longer, so I slid past them as politely and quickly as I could. With hurried steps, I walked back to my loft, feeling more conflicted and lost than I ever had before.
TWENTY-FOUR
oath
“Do you wanna talk about it?” Ember stood over me looking down, so her bangs were falling into her eyes. Her arm had a brace on it, but otherwise the medic had almost completely healed her, and she spotted me as I did bench presses.
“Nope,” I said through gritted teeth and pushed the bar above my chest before slowly lowering it back down.
“Well, I think you should,” Ember persisted. “You an
d Ridley got back from Calgary yesterday, and you’ve hardly said anything.” She paused, waiting until I finished my rep and racked the bar. “I know you must feel terrible about what happened with that girl.”
I sat up, wiping sweat off my brow with the back of my arm. “I know you mean well, but I really don’t wanna talk about it.”
“Okay,” she relented. “But I’m here if you need me.”
“Thank you.” I smiled up at her, but it fell away when I saw Ridley enter the gym behind her.
I’d been avoiding him since yesterday, and I had planned on avoiding him for as long as I possibly could. But since he was walking toward where Ember and I were working out, it seemed like my time was up. He wore slacks and a suit vest, so he definitely wasn’t here for exercise.
Ridley stopped when he was near enough that he wouldn’t have to shout, and then he motioned to us. “Bryn, Ember, you’re needed in classroom 103.”
“What do you mean, we’re needed in a classroom?” I asked.
“Yeah, and by who?” Ember added.
“It’s an impromptu meeting,” he said without elaborating, then turned to walk away.
“A meeting? With who?” Ember asked.
“Just come on!” he called without looking back to see if we followed.
Ember exchanged a look with me, and I just shrugged and took a swig from my water bottle. My tank top was sweaty in a couple places, and my yoga pants were frayed and old. I hoped whoever we were having our meeting with wasn’t super-important, because Ridley didn’t imply that I had time to change.
We walked down the hall out of the gym, past the classrooms where trackers-in-training were studying proper techniques, social etiquette, and human history. Room 103 was one of the larger classrooms and was located right next to the Rektor’s office.
When we reached it, Tilda and Simon Bohlin were already seated at desks, along with half a dozen other top trackers who had already returned with their changelings. Ridley stood near the front of the room, and leaning against the teacher’s desk with his arms crossed was King Evert.
He was dressed somewhat casually, in a suit with a black shirt and no tie. He hadn’t worn his crown, but he rarely did, except for special occasions. Still, I regretted not hurrying to the locker room to change.
“Are these the last two?” Evert asked as Ember and I slowly took our seats at two empty desks near the front.
“Yes.” Ridley went over to shut the door behind us, and then he took his spot next to the King. “This is every tracker that’s back.”
Evert stared out at the room. The light glinted off his slicked-back raven hair, and one ankle was crossed over the other. I’d rarely seen him without his usual smirk, but the expression he wore now was decidedly grim.
“My wife doesn’t want us to go to war,” he said finally, his words carrying a weight they usually lacked. He looked as if he felt much more resigned to being a leader than he ever had before. “She wants us to solve things peacefully and quietly, sneaking changelings in during the night. And that’s why she doesn’t know about this meeting.
“An accused traitor killed one of our children, and if he has his way, I’m sure he’ll kill more,” King Evert went on.
I lowered my eyes, but I could feel Ridley’s gaze on me, almost willing Evert’s words to take hold in me.
“I agree with my wife on many things. She tries to be kind and fair.” Evert uncrossed his arms and put his hands on the desk behind him. “But when someone is shedding the blood of our people, that’s where I draw the line. That’s when I say fuck it. Let’s go to war.”
“We’re going to war?” Tilda asked, too surprised to be afraid to speak out to the King. “Against who?”
“Konstantin Black and Bent Stum and anyone they might be working with,” Evert explained. “There’s no point in going after the changelings, because he’s one step ahead of us every time. He’s anticipating our moves. So now we’re going after him.”
“How will we find them?” Ember asked.
“We’re coming up with a plan now.” Evert motioned between himself and Ridley. “But since Konstantin seems to somehow be intercepting our highest-ranked changelings, we’re going to set a trap. We’ll send all of you to one place, where one changeling is supposed to be, and when you see Konstantin and Bent, you’ll swarm them.”
“When we catch them,” I began, choosing my words carefully and hoping that I didn’t look as sick as I felt, “we’re supposed to bring them in to stand trial, right?”
“I’ve thought about it, and I don’t see the point. Why waste resources and time?” Evert asked. “He’s enemy number one. You find him, you kill him. He hasn’t shown us any mercy, and we won’t show him any.”
Ridley met my gaze, and the fear flickering in his eyes made me bite my tongue even harder. I couldn’t tell the King about my fight with Konstantin, especially not now, not if I didn’t want to end up in jail for aiding the enemy. But I could tell Ridley was afraid that I would risk my own neck to defend Konstantin.
While the idea of killing Konstantin made my heart twist, I couldn’t argue with the King. Konstantin was still the enemy, and he was complicit in the attempted kidnappings and murder of our people. Something had to be done. I may disagree on what that “something” might be, but arguing with the King would get me nowhere.
“We’re coming up with the specifics now, but the plan is to send you out early next week,” King Evert went on.
“Excuse me, sire?” Tilda raised her hand timidly. “Is there a way that we can opt out of this mission?”
I looked sharply at her. Her long chestnut hair hung in a braid, and her skin had begun to shift color when everyone looked at her, paling to match the beige of the walls and the tan of the desk, so she could blend in and disappear—a side effect of her embarrassment.
“Opt out?” Evert’s brow furrowed and he crossed his arms again.
“This mission of going after traitors sounds particularly dangerous, and…” She stopped and took a deep breath. “I’m fourteen weeks pregnant.”
“You’re what?” I asked, unable to contain myself, and she lowered her head.
Beneath the desk, I saw her hand pressed against her stomach. Tilda had always been so toned, and while lately there had been a very subtle bump to her normally taut stomach, I had barely even registered it, let alone considered that she might be with child.
“Of course, in your condition, you don’t need to be on active duty,” King Evert said.
“When this meeting is over, I’ll have you come into my office to fill out some paperwork,” Ridley added, then gave her a smile. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you,” Tilda said softly and smiled at him.
The King spoke for a few minutes longer, summarizing what he’d already told us, and saying that we should all be ready to move next week. He ended the meeting by saying that he’d be in contact with Ridley later on, and then reminded us all to keep everything he’d said under wraps.
After King Evert left, Ridley dismissed the rest of us, and while the other trackers left quickly, talking among themselves, Tilda, Ember, and I were slow to get up. Ridley was at the main desk, gathering up some paperwork he’d apparently brought in with him for the meeting. I sat hunched over my desk, trying to absorb the newfound revelations.
“You’re pregnant?” Ember asked Tilda, echoing my own disbelief. She’d gotten up from her desk to walk over to where Tilda still sat at her desk. “You’re one of my best friends. How could you not have told me this?”
“I wanted to tell you,” Tilda said emphatically, and she looked over at me. “Both of you. I was just waiting for the right time.”
“How could you have let this happen?” I asked. My voice was quiet, but the accusation in my tone was unmistakable, and Tilda sat up straighter, her eyes widening with indignation.
“Let this happen?” Tilda asked incredulously.
“You should’ve been more careful,” I went on, unabashed.
“Weren’t you and Kasper using protection?”
“My sex life with Kasper is none of your business,” Tilda snapped.
“I just can’t believe you would do this.” I shook my head. “Just throw your career away.”
“Bryn!” Ember admonished me, but I ignored her.
“I’m not throwing away anything,” Tilda said, growing more defensive. “I just don’t want to fight while I’m pregnant. Once I’m done with maternity leave, I’ll go right back to work.”
“Yeah, that’s what they all say, and then they never come back,” I muttered.
“Things are getting a little heated,” Ridley interjected, attempting to be a voice of reason, but both Tilda and I were staring daggers at each other. “Everyone should calm down, and talk about things later.”
“They all who? And who gives a damn what other people do?” Tilda was nearly shouting by now. “I’m talking about me. And this is about me and my baby. Not you. It’s not like I did this to you.”
“I just can’t believe this.” I stood up, pushing the chair back from my desk so hard it tipped over. “I always thought you were better than this.”
“Wow, Bryn.” Tilda’s voice was cold and flat, but hurt flashed in her gray eyes. “I could say the same thing about you.”
Ember rushed to defend Tilda, but I barely heard her. I just turned and stormed out of the room, dimly aware that Ridley was calling after me. But I just kept going. The muscles in my arms felt tight and electric, and I nearly punched in the door to the girls’ locker room. My breath came in angry, ragged gasps, and it was hard for me to think or focus. I wanted to hit something, and I didn’t even know why.
“Bryn!” Ridley shouted, busting into the locker room without knocking. I stood next to my locker, my fists balled up at my sides, and I cast an annoyed glare at him. “What the hell was that about?”
“You’re in the girls’ locker room,” I pointed out lamely and struggled to get hold of my temper.
“No one is here, and it’s not like they have anything I haven’t seen.” He put his hands on his hips and stared down at me. “Everything you said in that classroom was totally uncalled-for. You were being a huge asshole.”
Frostfire Page 18
