Brand tightened his arms around her, unable to comprehend what she was telling him. He figured she was about four years old when her mother died. Fifteen years Harmon had been hitting her, abusing her. Fifteen years.
“Daddy never knew. Harmon was real careful, never leaving any mark that might show up where someone could see.”
“Why didn’t you ever say something, darlin’?” Brand was beside himself. How could this have been going on so long and no one know?
“Say what? Daddy was never himself after mama died. He buried himself in the store, never paid a lick of attention to me. I never believed he could have stopped Harmon. What was I to do?”
Brand could hear the hurt, the bitterness in her voice and it tore at his heart. This beautiful, sweet woman who was his wife. The desire to protect her, to love her, burned fiercely in his chest...and almost as fierce, was his anger. He supposed it was a good thing Harmon was nowhere near Carson’s Gulch.
But he knew that was not the answer. Loving Amelia was the answer. And he did. She had become the center of all that was his world. Brand could not imagine going back to a life without her in it, of her not being with him every single day- as his wife.
“It’s why I did what I did, Brand.” Her quiet statement pulled him from his thoughts.
“What are you talkin’ about, darlin’,” Brand asked, perplexed.
“When I turned sixteen, I thought maybe I was old enough to get away without going to an orphanage or roaming the streets.”
Brand closed his eyes at the thought of Amelia alone on the streets at the mercy of men that would hurt her, perhaps even worse than what Harmon had done.
“I thought if I could just get myself hitched, I could get away.” She laughed bitterly. “So, I set myself to findin’ a husband.” She barked another mirthless laugh. “Only it occurred to me a short while later that I could be trading in one nightmare for another...But the damage had been done, nobody wanted anything to do with me after that.”
Brand could see it all now, the change in her. Amy had remarked on it often enough, how Amelia had gone from being a sweet and loyal friend to a flirtatious and somewhat heartless she-cat. She had been acting in desperation. Brand continued to hold her in his lap. His feet pushing against the floor as he rocked the chair. He bent his head slightly, the tip of his nose brushing the silky strands of her golden hair. The scent of lavender filled his senses. Brand cherished her scent, was so attuned to her, he could smell it even through the sharp odors of hot iron and the fire burning in his forge.
“I started goin’ to see Miss Ellie ‘round about that time.” Her words roused him once again from his own musings, and he struggled to listen, fighting the urge to kiss her. “She helped me. She didn’t know what was going on with Harmon, but I think she knew why I had thrown myself at every man in the county- that I was trying to escape. She helped me to realize I was worth somethin’. It didn’t stop Harmon from hurting me, but it changed the way I looked at myself despite it.”
Brand reached out with one hand to clasp her jaw and turn her face toward his. “Darlin’, no one should have to go through the things you have endured. I’m so sorry it was you. I wish I had known, so I could have done something sooner.”
He held her in his arms, his eyes searching her tear-filled ones. He loved her, truly loved the woman he had discovered her to be. She was fun, flirtatious...she worked in little ways to show him kindness, like making his favorite dinner or hauling a cool drink to him as he worked. She had turned the ranch house back into a home. She was the perfect wife for him.
With a deep sigh, Brand turned his gaze to stare out the door, pressing her head into the curve of his shoulder. Had he done her a disservice in marrying her? What had he offered her other than an escape from her unpleasant circumstances? He had done nothing more than any man could have done. She had married him for convenience...to escape her unpleasant life. Had she felt there was no other choice? Brand bowed his head in sorrow-and relief, relief he had not truly made her his wife. He would give her a way out-if she wanted it, and offer to help her find a new life, even if it was one without him.
But first, in case she took him up on his offer, he would hold her a moment longer. Brand breathed her in again, memorizing Amelia, and tightened his arms around her. Tipping her head back, he gazed into her clear blue eyes, determined to taste of her lips. He didn’t know what he would do if she decided to leave him, but he felt she would never truly be his if he didn’t give her the choice. Slowly, deliberately, Brand pressed his lips to hers in a gentle kiss, once, twice. It was not enough, he was sure it would never be. He could never tire of her kiss. But first, he would make sure she wanted to be his.
Not sure he could get the words out with her sitting in his lap, Brand lifted her and set her on the footstool at his feet. Then, taking her face in his hands, offered her a choice.
Chapter 16
Amelia sat at Brand’s feet, gazing up at his handsome face, wondering what she had done in this life to deserve a marriage to such a man. He had saved her from the abuse she had suffered for as long as she could remember. But she had loved him long before that day. Now, it was her deepest desire to have a true marriage born of love and commitment to Brand- to one day sit, hand in hand, as their children played at their feet. Her heart filled with love for him as he gazed down at her.
“Amelia.” Brand brushed her cheeks with his thumbs as he began to speak. “Honey, you’ve lived your whole life trapped, feelin’ like there were no choices you could make on your own. No string of beau’s beatin’ your door for you to look over and say ‘I want that one forever’. And I come along, asking for ya, when you couldn’t even think straight.” Brand paused.
Amelia gazed at him, sure her confusion was showing on her face. What was he saying?
“What I’m gettin’ at darlin’, is I want you to have a choice. I don’t want to take any more from you than has already been taken. You should have had that string of beau’s.”
Amelia shook her head between his hands as they held onto her face. A thrill of fear rippled through her body. He didn’t want her! Her eyes stung with fresh tears.
“No, no, no,” she whispered. Amelia pulled away from his grasp and rose to her feet.
Brand stood, his gaze fixed on her. “Amelia.”
“We’re married, Brand.” Her voice was broken, just like her heart. He had told he wanted her. It was why she agreed to marry him. And now, and now, he was taking it back. She couldn’t endure this pain, this pain that was unlike any she had experienced before.
Brand’s jaw visibly clenched with some undefined emotion.
“We are married, but I haven’t truly taken you to wife, Amelia.”
And then her heart, which she had already thought broken, shattered into a thousand pieces. How could this be happening? She thought all her dreams were coming true. And now he was ripping them out from under her.
“Why, Brand? Why are you doing this?” Amelia attempted to pull herself together, to gather some semblance of strength.
“I want you to be happy, darlin’. In your moment of doubt and confusion, I offered you a solution- a way out. I don’t want to confine you to another prison- one you didn’t really want to choose.” Brand took a deep breath, and Amelia saw it- saw the pain he was valiantly seeking to hide.
What did it all mean? Was he just trying to give her a way out? Or was he looking for one of his own? Amelia turned away from him, unable to think with him so close. In her heart, Amelia knew this would take all of her courage. Could she admit to her feelings for him? Was it worth the possibility of his rejection, to expose herself?
Amelia steeled her resolve. Her marriage was worth it. Brand was all she would ever need, all she had ever wanted. He was not indifferent to her, she could feel it in his kiss that he was not.
Slowly, she turned back to face him. Brand stood tall, his graceful body tense, his hands fisted at his sides. Amelia gathered her courage. It seemed this would
be a night of confessions.
“When I first began visiting Miss Ellie, your mother was alive,” Amelia started. Brand eyed her curiously, uncomprehendingly. “I often passed her coming or going. I don’t know if she just felt sorry for me, a lonely girl with only a father and brother for company- or if she saw something else. But she never once passed me by without pausing and taking my face in her hands, she would remind me that she was there, that she saw me. She called me ‘sweet girl’.” Amelia smiled wistfully, remembering. “She’d smile and be on her way, but she never just passed me by.”
Amelia paused then, sniffling as Brand gazed at her through misty eyes, his expression an odd mixture of surprise and sadness.
“After she passed, I missed her. I missed those times of being seen by someone, being seen by her. She was a true lady.” Amelia took a fortifying breath before continuing. “Then something happened. As I walked to and from Miss Ellie’s house a couple times a week- I started to notice someone else crossing my path, someone who seemed to take the time to see me,” Amelia said bringing her hand to her chest as her eyes met his as she tried to convey the significance of her words to him.
Brand studied Amelia intently, wondering at the things she was telling him. Could she mean what he thought she did?
“You made it a habit to check in on Miss Ellie,” she stated simply.
“Sure, I did. Amy near to nagged my head off every time I made the trip into town. She felt bad after mama and daddy died that no one was lookin’ in on her.” Brand thrust his hands through his already mussed hair and barked out a half chuckle. “Hell, half the town stops in on that little old lady. How’d you think I got to be friends with Sawyer?”
“I wasn’t paying any attention to Sawyer, Brand,” Amelia said pointedly.
Brand studied her. She was gazing at him, her eyes filled with earnestness and pure intent. He thought on those days and how they had affected him. Hell, it was those times, passing Amelia coming and going from Miss Ellie’s or sitting in the older woman’s small sitting room, that he had really taken notice of her. He had seen the sincerity and selflessness she showed toward their elderly friend. He had seen her heart in her eyes as she ruffled the soft hair of the children in town, offering a peppermint disc from her little basket. He had seen through the tough exterior she cloaked herself in, to the truth of her sweet spirit.
And the talk in town began to really bother him. He had heard it any number of times, especially in the saloon when he would chat with Sawyer. Her name was bandied about by the scum sitting and drowning in their liquor as if beautiful Amelia would allow her head to be turned by the likes of them. She had brought it upon herself. Now, he knew why and he couldn’t bring himself to find fault with her for it.
“What was I to do about him,” she continued. “This man I could see was looking past the horrible things people were saying about me? We weren’t really friends. He was a good deal older than me.” she smiled up at him. “He probably got a real ear full from his disgruntled brother all the dang time.” She laughed out loud at that. It was true, many an evening Caleb had come home grousing about Amelia.
“I had dug my own grave, so to speak. And although I was as lily white as all the other girls in town, no one believed it of me.”
Suddenly, Brand took her by the shoulders, forcing her gaze to meet his. He didn’t want to hear any more. He wouldn’t listen to her beat herself up over the past. She had suffered enough. And now he had to know for sure what she was trying to tell him. “I’m done with this story, Amelia. What are you saying?”
Her reply was immediate. “I love you, Brand. I’ve loved you from afar, for ever so long.” Her voice cracked with emotion and her eyes filled with tears.
She was in his arms then, his mouth crushing hers in a long-withheld kiss filled with all the pent-up passion he’d restrained for weeks, months, even years. Again and again he kissed her.
“I love you, Amelia.” Brand paused in kissing her long enough to say the words before pressing his lips to hers again.
He wasn’t sure how long they stood in the smithy, wrapped in a passionate embrace, reassuring words of love exchanging between them. The fire in the forge burned low and then out completely before they finally made their way home. Brand carried his beautiful Amelia over the threshold and up the stairs to the room they shared where he lovingly made her his own.
Chapter 17
Never had Amelia known such happiness. Where once her days had been filled with uncertainty and loneliness, they were now filled with immeasurable hope and love. The desire to be with Brand throughout the day remained. Now, however, it was because of the joy she felt at his side rather than a reaction to the fear she felt when he was away.
Since their first night together as man and wife a new pattern had emerged. Instead of falling asleep on opposite sides of the bed and inevitably waking together, their nights began as they ended- held in each other’s arms. Amelia reveled in the strength and security offered in Brand’s embrace and in the knowledge of his desire for her. However, Amelia could not banish the nagging fear from her heart and mind, the one thing she felt could threaten their joy- and that was Harmon.
Amelia had years and years of experience in dealing with her brother. She knew he was ill in his mind. He would not let her rest in her happiness. He would not rest himself until he saw her brought low once more, for he truly blamed her for the death of their mother.
In the beginning, when she and Harmon were children, Amelia accepted the blame- believed the tormented words of her brother. As time passed, however, she began to see the sickness which had overtaken him, and knew she must get away somehow. She was always fearful the madness Harmon suffered from would continue to haunt her and anyone she loved. And she loved Brand with all that she was- he had saved her and now she must determine how to save them both.
Amelia huffed out a growl of frustration as she kneaded dough for cinnamon rolls, hoping to rid herself of this melancholy. She supposed she was more on edge than usual. Ethan and Brand had ridden out this morning to gather some cattle that had strayed to the far side of the ranch. She had not allowed herself to be alone in the ranch house without Brand or Ethan being within shouting distance since she had been there.
In fact, Brand had been reluctant to leave her, but she had reassured him. Surely, she needed to accustom herself to being alone at the house. Brand could not coddle her forever- Ethan was already working himself ragged as Brand came up with odd jobs close to the house, making the effort to remain close to her. She could not continue to be selfish- and her work in the house could not be neglected just so she could ride out with her husband every day.
As much as she tried, though, Amelia could not rid herself of the unsettled feeling in her breast that something was amiss. She hadn’t felt this uneasy since the evening she dreamed she’d seen Harmon in her bedroom window.
Amelia finished her dough and set it in the window sill, where the heat from the sun would help it rise. She knew Brand would delight in her baking efforts later that evening; the man truly enjoyed his sweets. But until then she needed to finish the wash by hanging it to dry in the heat of that same sun. Amelia hummed happily as she worked.
“Well, what do we have here? You done gone and got yourself tied to an uppity Callahan, eh?”
Amelia froze, clothespin poised over the freshly washed linen as the voice from her nightmares polluted the air around her like a poisonous fog. She had known, had felt that he would come for her. Slowly, she turned until her gaze found him, leaning lazily against the big cottonwood in the yard behind the house. He wasn’t more than twenty feet away. She searched her mind furiously for a way out.
Harmon’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t even think about it.”
“He’ll be home soon. If you take me, he’ll come for me,” she answered with more assurance than she felt. But surely it was true. Hadn’t Brand come to her rescue before?
“We aren’t goin’ anywhere.” Harmon took a menacing
step toward her. “Least not yet. Get on into the house. We’ll wait right here for that husband of yours. It’s long past time he and I had a talk.” Harmon laughed mirthlessly. “Seems to me, Brand forgot to ask for your hand in marriage, I’m your brother after all.”
And just like that, all the hurt, terror, and fury that had long been buried erupted within Amelia. He was her brother, but more than that he was her tormentor. Without thought, Amelia flew at him, claws bared as she slashed at his face and neck, her feet a flurry of kicks to his shins and knees.
Harmon panted as he fought off her assault. “So, that’s how it’s going to be, huh?” In short order, Harmon had her wrapped in his stronger arms, pinning hers at her side as he lifted her off her feet and started toward the house. Amelia struggled, kicking as hard as she could. She bent her neck toward his restraining arms until her teeth met with his forearm. Nausea threatened as her teeth sunk deep into his flesh.
Harmon released her with a howl, clutching his arm as blood seeped from the punctures made by her teeth. Amelia sat stunned before realizing this was her chance. She scrambled away from him. In one long stride, Harmon caught her, his face a mad contortion of anger and pain. Amelia screamed as his hand buried itself in her hair, jerking her toward him. She knew then it would be impossible to get away. Indeed, experience had taught her it would only serve to excite him more if she struggled.
As his amused laugh reached her ears, she knew her efforts had only entertained him, given him the opportunity he craved. He laughed again.
“We haven’t had this much fun in years!” Harmon’s exuberant exclamation served to harden her hopeful heart. Amelia immediately cloaked herself with long practiced indifference and mustered dignity. She would not provide him his demented amusement.
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