by Jen Calonita
“Brooke, what is more important here—being the star of some TV show or our friendship?” I'm suddenly exhausted and I just want this fight to end.
Everyone is quiet. I can hear dishes clanking in the kitchen and the sound of the Fire and Ice wait staff calling for more orders of sushi. The four of us stare at each other sadly.
“You've left me no choice,” Brooke says quietly. “I love what the show has done for me. Think about how people look at us now. Marleyna wouldn't give me the time of day before this, and now we're inseparable.”
“Doesn't that say something to you?” Hallie asks hoarsely. “She's not a true friend.”
Brooke laughs bitterly. “I don't care. For the first time I have a chance at getting out from under my parents’ thumb and getting away from this sad little town. Whether Marleyna is using me or not doesn't matter. I'm using her just as much. We work well together and our scenes make great TV. I'm going to ride this wave as long as I can.”
“So that's all that matters to you now?” I feel choked up. “I don't even know you anymore.”
“Me either,” Hallie agrees.
“I'm not going to apologize,” Brooke says frankly. “I've always been honest about what I wanted in life and now
I'm this close to getting it. I'm not going to let any of you blow it.”
“How are we going to film if we're not talking?” Hallie's voice is rising. “The show is about the four of us.”
Brooke pulls out a compact and begins touching up her makeup. “They'll figure it out. This is television.”
“Um, guys?” Keiran tries again.
“WHAT?” The three of us yell at the same time.
Keiran looks mad now too. “I've been trying to tell you that you're on camera!” She motions to the kitchen doorway and I realize Phil is there. And on his shoulder is his video camera.
Oh. My. God.
“Phil!” I freak. “Why didn't you say you were there?”
He lowers the camera and stares at us guiltily. “Sorry. Susan—I mean, Addison—asked me to tape this. She said they'll edit out anything show-related if that makes you feel better.”
“But Phil, this was a private conversation,” Hallie tells him.
Brooke sighs. “Get over it,” she says to Hallie and pushes her way through the three of us. “Phil, use what you want to use. Unlike them, I have nothing to hide.”
She strides past him, head held high, and Phil follows her. The three of us just stand there.
“I guess we should go back in,” Hallie says, looking sort of hopeless.
Keiran laughs bitterly. “You two can. No one else cares that I'm there. You heard Brooke.”
“Don't listen to her,” I say.
Keiran hesitates. “She's right though. That's what—never mind.”
“What?” Hallie presses.
Keiran sighs. “Nothing. Look, I'll go with you, Hallie. I'm starving.” The two turn to go. “You coming in?” Keiran asks.
“I need a minute alone,” I say, still feeling weepy, which is something I don't want to be in front of a room full of executives and family. I plop down on an overturned milk crate and put my head on my lap. The girls must know I really need space because I hear Hallie's heels click-clack on the concrete until they're gone.
What have I gotten myself into? What have any of us gotten ourselves into? Is this what we have to look forward to? Fights every week over every little thing we say on camera? Never speaking to Brooke again? I wish I had someone to talk to about all this, but everyone I'd usually talk to is too involved. Zac would have listened. But now…
“I thought you might need this,” someone says and I look up. Danny is standing in front of me holding a box of tissues.
I take them from him and hug them to my chest. “Guess you heard everything, huh?”
He crouches down next to me. “Not everything,” Danny says and I give him a look. “Okay, ninety percent of it. Are you okay?”
“No,” I say with a sigh. “But I guess I have to be.” I motion with my head to the kitchen door. “Someone will notice if I don't return to my own party.”
“I could give you a great getaway speech,” Danny suggests. “I can say a crazed fan was stalking you and I helped you get away in a waiting yellow Camaro.”
My eyebrows raise. “Yellow Camaro?”
“You know, like the car Bumblebee the Transformer comes from,” Danny says and blushes. “I'm a robot geek. Can't help it.”
Transformers. Zac is into them too. Now I feel sad all over again.
“I'm not liking that frown on your pretty face,” Danny says softly. “What can I do to erase it?”
“I'm not sure,” I tell him honestly.
“What if I try over dinner, say Saturday night? At Buon Gusto?” Danny suggests. “Do you like Italian?”
Is he asking me out on a date? “I love Italian.” I smile just slightly.
“I saw that,” Danny points to my lips.
“It was nothing!” I say with a laugh. “I had a twitch.”
“Look! A smile and a laugh. If I can do that in two minutes, imagine what I can do over an entire evening. So, dinner?” He presses again.
I don't know. Do I really need a date on top of everything else going on right now? I look at Danny. He is cute. What do I have to lose? “Are you sure you want to go out with me? There will probably be a camera crew present the entire time.”
Danny smiles. “I've never met a camera I didn't like.”
“That's good, because they'll have a bunch,” I say.
“Now you're starting to brighten up.” He holds out his hand. “Ready to go back inside?”
It's just then that I notice Phil is back and probably has been for a while. I guess that's life now.
I look up at Danny. “Sure,” I tell him and, taking his hand, I head back in to the party.
thirteen
A Date with Destiny
“Don't you think it's a little warm out for hot chocolate?” Ryan asks as I pour myself a steaming cup and add a large dollop of whipped cream.
I've stopped in to Milk and Sugar. It is an hour before my date with Danny and I'm so jittery that I need something to calm me down. Things couldn't be more upside-down at the moment and I'm throwing a new guy into the mix? And starting things off in front of a camera crew? Am I crazy?
The TV crew is arriving in a half hour so they can capture every second of our date, and the thought of that makes me itchy. I warned Danny again, but he was amazingly cool about it. He said he'd pick me up here and we'd head over to Buon Gusto together. Addison rigged Danny's car with a camera for the ride over. Guess that means we won't have a single second alone.
“Relax and enjoy yourself. You need a fun night,” Addison told me. I want to believe she means that, but my head is all over the place about Addison at the moment. Someone isn't telling the truth and I don't know who it is. Does Addison want Marleyna on the show? Or does Susan? Why would Susan lie to me when she keeps stressing how happy she wants to make me regarding the show? Then again, why would Addison lie? I want to hash this out with someone, but everyone is in their own little world at the moment. Hallie is hiding out with Brandon, and Keiran has been MIA since the party a few days ago. I haven't even talked to them about the review of the show that came out in the school paper.
My face burns at the thought of everyone at school, including my teachers, reading Shonda's review. I couldn't even look at her at this week's newspaper meeting. I just stared at the clock, willing the minutes to go faster so I could bolt and avoid Zac, who was sitting a few feet away. He waved to me when I came in, but I didn't go over. I couldn't face him. Especially after this biting review.
“Ah, I get it.” Ryan interrupts my thoughts and brings me back to the present. “I forgot hot cocoa was your comfort drink of choice, whether it's thirty below or a freakish eighty-degree May day. You're an odd girl, you know that?”
I smirk. “I've been hearing that a lot lately.”
> “Don't sweat the article,” Ryan says. “Folks around here are just jealous of your new paycheck—speaking of which, it makes me wonder why you're still hanging around this place.”
What? “It wouldn't even occur to me to quit Milk and Sugar,” I tell him. “To me, waitressing is real life, not the twisted world you see on The Cliffs. I feel like I don't even know that girl who was on camera,” I admit. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”
“Never.” Ryan grins. “You're my best waitress, and if the Cliffside Gazette had thought to check with me, I would have told them that.”
“Cliffside Gazette?” Oh no. “There's another review of the show in there?” I panic.
Ryan's face pales. “You didn't see it?”
Groan. I take a large sip of my hot chocolate and let the milk burn my throat. “No, but I don't think I want to. I'm just going to sit over there and wait for my date.”
“You do that,” Ryan says hurriedly. “Do you want a cookie to go with your cocoa?” I shake my head. “Okay, I'll leave you be.”
I pick a seat by the window and place my napkin on my lap. I don't want to get anything on my dress. It was hard to find something to wear without Brooke's closet to pick through. The dress I'm wearing is from last Easter. It's a one-piece tank dress in bright green that reminds me of the new grass growing on our lawn. I take another deep sip of my cocoa, savoring the whipped cream on top, and stare out the window at the people passing by. No one is taping their cell phone conversations or watching what they purchase at the five-and-dime. Right now, I'd trade places with any of them.
The bell on the front door jingles and I look up so see if it's Danny or Addison. But it's neither, and I practically drop my mug in my lap. It's Zac.
I take a huge gulp of my hot cocoa to numb my nerves. Maybe he won't see me. I shrink down in my seat.
“Hey,” Zac says, approaching my table. “I was hoping I would find you here.”
He was? “I'm here,” I say dumbly as he grabs the chair opposite me. “There's a camera crew on the way.”
“Oh. I don't, I mean, it's fine, I just…” Zac is rambling. “Do you mind if I…?” He motions to the chair again.
“No.” I take another gulp of hot chocolate. Neither of us says anything. Zac is just staring at me. Finally, I can't take it anymore. “So why did you come to see me?” I blurt out, feeling sad and upset with Zac, even though he doesn't deserve it. “I mean, I'm just surprised to see you since we haven't exactly been talking at school or anything. Sure, you've waved and I've waved, but…”
“Charlie?” Zac interrupts and points to my upper lip. “You have a little whipped cream on your face.”
Oh. Geez. I grab my napkin and turn around to wipe my mouth. Good one, Charlie.
“I stopped by to see how you were doing,” Zac says. “After Shonda's obnoxious editorial I thought you might be a little bummed.”
You think? “I'm fine,” I tell him, and smile. I hope I don't have chocolate on my teeth.
Zac nods. “I'm glad. I was hoping all this drama surrounding the show wasn't getting to you.”
“No, as a matter of fact, things couldn't be better,” Ilie.Zac gives me a quizzical look and I find myself backpedaling before I can even stop myself. “Okay, maybe that'snottrue, but I'm hanging in there. It's not as bad as they make it seem. So much of that episode was taken out ofcontext.”
“I figured,” Zac says. “Best friends don't fight that much.”
“We don't, I mean, we didn't until…” I trail off. I want to say until the show started.
“You're kind of dressed up for serving coffee,” Zac notices and grins. “Did Ryan adopt a new dress code?”
My face feels warm. “I'm not working tonight.”
Oh God. I so don't want to tell Zac I have a date. And if I don't want to tell him that, what does that say about me going out on a date in the first place? Am I not ready? Or is it that I still like Zac too much to try things with someone new? I look at Zac in his faded Gap logo tee and baggy jeans. His hair is a mess in a cute way and his smile makes me more gooey than the whipped cream on my cocoa.
Yeah, I still like Zac.
I can't lie to him. “I'm meeting someone,” I admit finally.
He looks from my dress to my face and nods. “Meeting someone. Got it.” He starts to get up and I don't try to stop him even though my heart is breaking. “Well, I guess I'll let you wait then,” he says and smiles. “See you at school?”
“Yeah,” I tell him, feeling faint. Please, God, don't let Danny show up right now and bump into Zac. “Zac?”
He turns around. “Yeah?”
“Thanks for checking up on me,” I squeak.
He smiles. “No problem.” He's at the door now and he pushes it open. It's only then that I see what is tucked into his back pocket. It's a small bunch of spring flowers, wrapped in cellophane. Were those for me? My heart breaks a little more. I want to call him back here, but as he makes his way out, I see Addison glide in. Thankfully she doesn't see Zac.
“Hey! Ready for your big date?” she asks as Phil and Kayla start setting up behind her. “You look so pretty!”
Kayla has her camera ready near the front door and Phil's is being set up behind me. I stare longingly at the door and wish I could go after Zac. “Thanks,” I say, feeling very confused. “Itold Danny he could pick me up at seven forty-five. He should be here soon. He's been so good about all this stuff. What guy on a first date is that accommodating to a camera crew?” She laughs.
Addison takes Zac's old seat, which is probably still warm. She looks at me seriously. “That gives me a few minutes. How are you feeling?”
I shrug. “Fine.”
“Fine isn't good,” she says with a small smile. “Have you talked to Zac?”
I shake my head. I don't need to tell her he was just here.
“I'm sorry about that,” Addison says. “I had something sort of similar happen to me in high school. The guy I was dating dumped me because I wouldn't apply to the same colleges as him.”
“Really? What a jerk.” I run my fingers through my
raven hair.
Addison laughs. “Yeah, I thought so too. But Zac, I guess his reasons are more valid. If you don't want to be on TV, you don't want to be on TV. It doesn't make the reason any easier to swallow though, does it?” Addison asks.
I shake my head. “No, but I guess it's just the way my life is going lately.”
“Are you referring to the Brooke stuff or the first episode?” Addison asks.
“Both,” I say quietly.
Addison smiles. “I was kind of bothered by the first episode too,” she admits, and I'm surprised to hear her speak so candidly. “I cut it a certain way and was really proud of it.” She stares out the window. “I told everyone at home about my first masterpiece. Then the tape got sent to the network and I guess, I don't know, they wanted more than I gave them. Drama sells, but it's not what I envisioned putting out there.” She shrugs. “They don't tell you when you're in school that these things happen,” she says, wagging a finger at me and smiling. “They show you how to work a camera, and make a short film, but dealing with real people and advertisers…” She looks at me. “I'm sorry if it caused a major meltdown with the girls. I wouldn't have let them, I mean, I would have said something if I knew…” Addison looks sad and I feel bad for her.
“So you didn't have the final say?” I ask gingerly. Maybe Addison can help me get to the bottom of this thing with her and Susan. “If you didn't, who did?”
Addison's face changes. “Me. I do,” she says, looking flustered. “Forget it.” She takes a deep breath. “The important thing is the ratings. And guess what? The Cliffs was our second-highest reality programming premiere ever.”
“Are you serious?” I'm shocked.
Addison nods. “People find you four engaging. At least that's what our research is showing. And they love you. They find you fresh and easily relatable.”
Not annoying and con
trolling like Shonda said? “I can't believe it.”
Addison pats my hand appreciatively. “Go easy on yourself, okay? And the thing with Brooke, well, like I told you after your first fight, I've seen reality shows do strange things to friendships, not all of them good, but you'll find new friendships pop up all the time.”
What if I just want to keep the old ones?
“Susan is in love with the show,” Addison adds. “She can't get enough of the reels we're sending.”
“Even the ones with Marleyna?” I prod again.
Addison doesn't answer me at first. “You're not having a lot of fun, are you?” she says quietly.
I look at her. Addison is never that frank, or that personal. And for some reason I want to tell her the truth, which is only just dawning on me. No, I'm not having fun.
But before I can even consider saying anything, the bell rings again and we both look up. This time it is Danny. He sees me and smiles. He's not wearing his penguin suit like he was the night I met him, but he is dressed up in a button-down shirt and black dress pants. I'm glad I'm wearing a dress. I read the reviews for Buon Gusto online and it's pretty expensive, which in my book equals dress code.
“Wait!” Addison begs. “Let me get out of the shot. Danny, I'm so sorry, but would you mind coming back in?”
“No problem,” Danny says good-naturedly. “Was that okay the first time?”
“Perfect,” Addison tells him. “Just what we need.”
“I'll be right back.” Danny winks.
I smile warmly, but inside a little voice says what I already know in my heart: I wish I was going on a date with Zac instead.
“Cameras rolling,” Addison announces.
Danny walks back through the door and looks directly at me. “Hey.” This time he has a bouquet of daisies in his hand. Where did those come from? “These are for you,” he says, “because you're more lovely than a flower.” He bends down and kisses me on the cheek.
Somewhere behind the kitchen counter I hear Ryan cough. Loudly.
More lovely than a flower? Who says that sort of thing unless they are in an ABC Family made-for-TV movie? “Thank you,” I reply. I can't believe how composed Danny is in front of the cameras. I was nowhere near this calm the first time a lens was shoved in front of my face.
