“We’ve heard you out,” Jyn said. “Now leave.”
The group shifted, and Camion’s father spat on the grass. “Don’t get comfortable, Majesty.”
I opened my mouth to retort, but Camion put a hand on my arm. “He’s not worth it. Trust me.”
Callithyia ushered the agitators away. Grumbles echoed back to us, but unless they wanted violence there was nothing more for them here. When the high priestess returned, she hugged Annalea and I tightly, whispering apologies and blessings to each of us. She moved to seal the mausoleum with a final benediction.
“What’s with your father?” Jyn asked, leveling his eyes on Camion.
The latter shrugged. “Ignore him. Everyone else usually does.”
“I can’t ignore this,” I said quietly.
***
Lucian sat on the steps as we rode up to the palace. He jumped to his feet after we’d passed through the gates and handed our reins off to the guards accompanying us. I still had my hood up and when Lucian approached, he gently tugged it back, pausing only slightly to study my face before he pulled me to him.
“I can’t even imagine how you feel.” He murmured the words into my ear but pulled back to cup my face between his palms. “How are you doing?”
I swallowed hard, shifting uncomfortably. “Fine. I kind of wish everyone would stop asking.”
“I can do that,” he said.
I froze when he pressed his lips to my forehead and moved past me, to offer his condolences again to Annalea. Jyn pushed into my shoulder.
“What in the Nether was that?” he muttered, voice barely a whisper.
“Apparently, he’s decided to pursue me?” I tried to sound sarcastic but the spirit wasn’t there. I wanted to sleep, and part of me was considering the abandonment of my plans in light of the business at the mausoleum. If the people so desperately wanted my throne, maybe they should have what they desired, and the burden alongside. Maybe I should give up. If I tried to explain the situation now, they’d certainly twist my words into a confession of guilt. My head spun.
“You don’t look so good, Princess,” Jyn said, interrupting my thoughts. The frown on his lips had softened. He opened his arms to fold me into his chest. “You did wonderful today.”
“So, why do my people want me off the throne?” My cheeks were wet again the moment the words left my mouth. Jyn’s hold tightened around me.
“Your people are confused and scared. If you weren’t on the throne, their anger would be directed at whoever was,” he said softly. “The aggression isn’t personal.”
I stepped back and wiped at my eyes. “From where I’m standing, their anger feels incredibly personal.”
“I know, Princess. They’re not going to take your throne.”
I tugged my cloak more tightly around my shoulders before I glanced around. The others were feigning ignorance to our exchange, but I knew they’d heard. Lucian’s face was twisted with agitation, but he was wise enough to keep his thoughts to himself. Instead he asked, “Should we tuck in for the night? I know we’re all exhausted.” He cast a sidelong look at Camion as though expecting him to dissipate.
“I agree,” I said. “I need to speak with Camion privately for a moment. No need to wait for me.”
“Are you sure?” Lucian asked, his eyes sliding to Jyn.
“Yes.” I grabbed Annalea’s arm gently. “I’ll come visit your room before I go to sleep?”
Her eyebrow rose, but she nodded and accepted the arm Lucian offered her. Raul trailed reluctantly behind them. With a wink, Meryn turned for her cabin and finally only Jyn, Camion, and I remained. I rubbed my forehead against my palm with a heavy sigh.
“Can you make yourself scarce while I change? I don’t want to be in this anymore.” I gestured to the gown and when Camion nodded I added, “I’ll explain everything after, I promise. Thank you for—thank you.”
Camion stepped forward enough to catch my wrist. He paused, like he considered another action, but he slipped his fingers around my hand and squeezed instead.
“Of course.”
***
I carefully weighed and considered every piece of clothing as I went through them. The breeches I chose were slightly worn and I pulled on a loose shirt that was made of wool instead of more breathable cloth. Except for the one nice pair of leathers that Jyn insisted I pack for the deeper parts of the forest, most were similar to what I wore now. Simple, efficient. Warm enough.
My hair would be in the way loose, so I took a moment to brush and braid the mane back. I worried that the length was impractical for the forest as the tie tapped at my backside, but there wasn’t time for those concerns now. I laced my boots and threw the heaviest cloak I could find over my arm. Jyn stood outside my door when I stepped out. My heart and stomach fluttered in pure chaos. I kept pacing over the idea that I was never to come back, even though I knew that wasn’t the case. I couldn’t let it be.
Jyn’s hair was loose around his shoulders now, and a small pack rested against his leg. He’d tied an extra waterskin to the side and I cursed that I’d forgotten such a necessity. When he caught my line of vision he smirked but waved at Annalea’s door.
“So, Lucian?”
I rolled my eyes as he shouldered his pack, but I should have known he’d bring him up.
“You’re a gossip.” He stared at me and I sighed. “I feel nothing for him. Not romantically anyway. He made things incredibly awkward tonight—he acted like there was already a relationship between us. Or, well, an intimate one.”
“You need to tell him that.”
“I’ve tried, when he was stating his intent before. I think he knew what I was going to say.”
Jyn frowned. “I’ll deal with him when we get back, then. How are you feeling?”
“Tired. Drained. Empty. I don’t know.”
Jyn grabbed my arm carefully and tugged me to a halt. “Princess, we don’t have to leave tonight. If you need to sleep, today was a lot. We don’t have to go right now.”
“I need to. I can’t stop to think about everything, if I do—” I swallowed. “Jyn I’m nobody. My titles are words, those could belong to anyone. I want to go on this stupid trip and try to save my kingdom, and in the end, if they still don’t want me, that’s on them. I just want to find some purpose that makes me forget that I’m really supposed to be here, dealing with the violent murder of my mother. No number of Mother’s lectures could ever have prepared me for how truly terrifying life feels when your family, your kingdom, and your home, are in danger.”
“Are you really sure you need to do this?” he asked. He crossed his arms and leaned back on a heel. “Do you have any idea what you could be getting us into?”
“I don’t want to get any of us into danger, Jyn.”
“You’re acting recklessly. Emotionally. You’ve been through a lot, I understand, but maybe this isn’t the way.”
I stared at him. “If you’re so opposed, stay here.”
“You and Meryn wouldn’t survive three days in that forest,” Jyn scoffed. “I’m not even sure I will, especially with you two along. And since you didn’t ask Camion . . . ”
“Stop trying to talk me out of this, Jyn.” Fire blazed in my chest. “I’m going. Stay here, I don’t care. I’ll ask Camion, and we’ll go without you. Actually, that’s an order. Stay here.”
Jyn froze, eyes widening. “You don’t mean that.”
“Stay here, Jyn.”
I spun on my heel and hurried through the last steps to Annalea’s door. Raul answered immediately, and I sent him into the hall to wait. My sister sat in a chair beside her window, sipping at a cup of what smelled like tea. Her bed was made again, back to her neat habits. I shifted on my feet, weighed my words. I hadn’t questioned my plans, not really, not until now. Not until I was faced with abandoning my sister.
“Everything okay, Natylia?”
I focused, cleared my mind of the rage and doubt. Exhaled. “Anna—I have to leave. Tonight. May
be for a few days, maybe for longer. I don’t know. I’m so incredibly sorry it has to be now.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?” I stared hard at her and watched as she slowly looped her hair into a loose knot. She picked up her teacup again before she nodded.
“You need to get out of the castle. It’s been obvious since we found Mother that you and I are handling her”—Annalea cleared her throat and swirled her spoon around her cup—“her murder differently. I have never had any interest in leaving our lands, but you . . . you’ve always been different. Now—” She paused again. “You’ve got a lot on your shoulders. Leaving makes sense.”
“But, not even a why?”
“You’ll tell me if necessary. I trust you.”
I was shocked at the maturity she showed. The calm acceptance. “Will you be okay?”
“Of course. Today was hard, but you . . . watching you do everything that had to be done, and still manage to be there for me? I’m not saying I don’t feel like someone wrenched my insides apart because I do.” My heart twisted at her words and I took an unconscious step forward. “But you wouldn’t be leaving tonight of all nights if you didn’t think your reasons were important. I know you better than that.”
“I have a list,” I said softly, “of books that you need to read while I’m away. Or try to. I want you to start your training in case this all goes wrong. There’s another sheet with all of the items hidden all over the palace, including the key to the mausoleum. Be most careful with that list.” I passed her the parchment. She looked over the sheets with pursed lips. “I sent a letter to the Council this afternoon. The Council is to defer to you in my stead, but if needed they have the authority to make any calls they feel imperative while I’m away as well. Don’t forget you have the power to override any calls the Council makes if you disagree.”
“And Lucian?”
I paused. “Can you distract him? He’ll notice I’m missing, I’m sure, but maybe don’t let him cause too much of a fuss over my absence?”
Annalea took a deep breath and looked up from the parchment. “I’ll keep an eye on him, I promise. Besides, you’ll be back, Natylia. You can deal with your tail then. I’ll start my training. You could probably use the help anyway.”
She grinned, but it didn’t meet her eyes and I moved toward her, arms open.
“I love you.”
Chapter 23
Jyn's face was contorted with panic when I stepped out of Annalea’s room. He waited until Raul disappeared back inside before he said, “You can’t be serious, Princess. I’m not staying here while you go into that forest.”
“You heard what I said. I didn’t stammer.”
I snagged one of the waterskins from his bag and looped the cord around my wrist. He grabbed my arm, and his eyes flashed when they met mine.
“I’m not staying here.”
“You’re not going to disobey a direct order either.” I slid my hand to my hip. “I said I’m going. If you don’t want to go, that’s fine. You’ve made your thoughts abundantly clear, but I am going, and now. I’ll see you soon.”
My heart banged against my ribs as I stepped away from him onto the stairs. For a moment, I was sure he was going to listen, to vanish into the rooms, but then I heard the footsteps behind me.
“I’m going.”
“Fine, but if you question my decisions again that will be the last time.”
I met his eyes, and Jyn frowned. “Yes, Your Majesty.”
I cringed when he bowed and straightened into a formal guard stance. I immediately wanted to apologize, but I knew that the moment I did he would regard the gesture as an invitation to poke at my resolve. As much as I had my doubts, I needed to be sure that I was making the right call here. So, I turned on my heel and marched down the stairs, keeping my steps as silent as possible when we passed the second-story guest chambers.
Camion stood in the shadows outside the main doors. He was in clear view of the guard quarters, so Devlyn wasn’t likely to question him, but he was well hidden from immediate view. Clever.
“We’re going to Meryn’s cabin. We can talk there,” I said under my breath as I passed him.
The guards outside the main doors eyed me warily but didn’t say a word when I smiled and motioned to my friends cottage. Camion fell into step beside Jyn, his brows pinched at the war on Jyn’s face.
Meryn’s cottage was brightly lit. The windows cast a glow on the grass surrounding, the source of the majority of the light behind the palace. Crickets chirped loudly as we passed, and the tiny flashing-light bugs were out tonight. I almost paused to watch them, but I knew the guard rotation changed soon and we needed to take advantage of that.
I knocked on the door and waited for Meryn’s call before I tugged on the handle. The floor in front of the fireplace was a mess, strewn with clothing and books, weapons and herbs. Jyn’s eyes widened, and I had to stifle a laugh.
Camion stepped around us. He cast a puzzled look at the chaos before he laid out a rolled cloth he’d had tucked into his belt. Three swords, several daggers, an unstrung bow, and a quiver of arrows tumbled out. Camion’s attention went immediately to the bow—he pulled a length of bowstring from his pocket and gently began to loop the thread through the handle. Jyn stepped past me to grab a blade. He tested the weight with a wide swing before he paused to examine the hilt.
“Camion, this is expertly made. I can’t find a flaw.” The apprentice shot him his half smile, distracted. Jyn handled each of the blades in turn before tucking two of the daggers away. He turned to Meryn. “Have you packed?”
She gestured at the room. “I’m packing right now.”
He frowned but Camion spoke. “Do I get to know what all of this is about yet?”
“We’re leaving,” I said quietly. “Tonight, as soon as Meryn is ready.”
“What? Where are you going? I thought the Council had you on lock-down?”
Jyn explained quickly. Camion’s face lit with understanding at the tone of reluctance that laced his words and his eyes slid to me. A question. I looked at the floor. After a moment, he tapped my arm with the bow and made a swift gesture that I should check the tension.
I had never held a more beautiful weapon—a smoothly carved ash wood bow, exactly my size. The tension was perfect. I reached for the quiver and slipped the strap over my shoulder when Jyn finished his explanation. Camion caught my eye again.
“You’re going into the forest? You, Meryn, and Jyn? Because of a rumor?” I nodded. He considered for a moment before he took a breath. “I’m in.”
“What?” Jyn and I asked in unison.
“I’m in. I go into the forest regularly, the paths are peaceful during the day. To an extent, I know my way around.”
“What about Fentyn?” Camion slouched a bit at that and I regretted asking. “I mean, I don’t want you to lose your job.”
He shrugged. “Jyn, what would you pay for those swords? Each?”
The Elf considered for a moment, eyes tracing over each in turn. “Far more than most average Thraisian’s could afford. A hefty bag of gold each, for sure. I’m starting to think we underpaid you.”
Camion waved him off. “Fentyn charges as much. Nobility buy the weapons weekly, but most of your average citizens will save a year or more for one piece. I earn three gold pieces off of each sword I make, one off of each dagger. Half the time, I make nothing. Travelers and trade are a majority of the Thraisian economy—if there are days when no one comes through, there’s nothing for me to make money from. If not for your lessons”—he nodded in my direction—“I would still be stuck in my father’s house.”
His tone was bitter at the last bit, and I fought the urge to pry.
“Fine, come with us. We were considering asking you anyway.” I paused. “When we return, I’ll find you a position at the palace. You can work for me.”
Camion’s eyes widened, and he swallowed. “I couldn’t ask that.”
“Help us with this and you c
an ask anything,” I said softly. I jerked my chin toward Jyn. “He thinks we won’t get out of this alive or at least unscathed. We can’t trust asking most people, and I can’t think of anyone I’d rather have with us.”
“Okay. Deal.” Camion said, his eyes steady on the flush that raced up my cheeks.
“I’m done,” Meryn announced loudly. She had a small sack thrown over her shoulder when she stood.
“All of that”—Jyn gestured to the mess—“for this little bag?”
She rolled her eyes at him before they landed on the swords at the counter. I had doubts she even knew how to lift one, but when she plucked one up she swung the blade like it was an extra limb, narrowly missing the point of Jyn’s ear.
“Oops.” She winked at him as she slid the sword into a sheath at her waist. Jyn snickered lightly, adding to Camion, “We can ride into town and get your things.”
Camion shrugged. “Lend me some clothing, and I’ll be fine.”
He and Jyn set off for the palace. Meryn handed me a cup of tea. I wasn’t entirely sure where she’d pulled the teapot from, but I accepted gratefully.
“How’s Jyn handling this?” she asked after a moment.
“We fought. I told him to stay at the palace.”
“I see that worked.”
“I told him to stay, as an order. I’m glad he knew I wasn’t serious,” I said. My eyes pricked. “I know that this is something I have to do. Especially now. If my people are so sure I’m not fit for my throne, maybe I can prove them wrong. If I fail, well, their opinion won’t matter anyway.”
“You can’t think like that, Nat. You should talk to Jyn.”
“I know. I will.” I glanced up at the herbs hanging above me. “How did Sylvr react to us leaving?”
Meryn ran a thumb along the lip of her teacup. “She's a bit upset. I had to remind her that someone had to stay with the shop.”
“Will you two be okay?”
“Yeah, of course. She knows I just want her safe.” Meryn's lip curved at the corner. “I'll make it up to her when we get back.”
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