by Marlie May
This was too much insight for my brain to wrangle at this time of night.
Sam finished her beer and set the bottle in the returnable bin. Turning, she leaned her hip against the counter. Though petite—almost a foot shorter than my six-two, Sam was tough, and not just from martial arts. Hefting a chainsaw for hours to turn a tree stump into a work of art had defined her arms and shoulders.
“Lainie was a total bitch,” she said. “She hit you on both sides at once.”
My ex’s betrayal stung worse than a thousand wasps.
After graduation, I hadn’t seen Lainie for months. When I heard Cara was married…well, Lainie and I never should’ve gotten back together. Not only because she’d stolen from me, but because we’d long since lost whatever spark we’d had while dating in college. I divorced her when I discovered her theft.
Groaning, I rubbed the back of my neck. “Like I said, I’ll think about it.”
From the lift of Sam’s eyebrows, I could tell she held doubts.
But it was the only concession I could make right now.
Cara
The blare of the alarm clock sent me bolting upright at five-thirty a.m. A quick glance out the window showed me dark still ruled the world.
Ugh. I didn’t want to get up. But I’d told myself I was going to get an early start today. The furnace people were coming at seven, the kitchen company would take cabinet measurements at ten, and the roofers would show up with shingles in tow at one. Three problem areas would be well on their way to revamps by the end of the day.
At seven, Arie would board the bus out front, heading for kindergarten. I pictured her sitting in the sunny spot I’d set aside for her downstairs when she got home. Reading or coloring while I worked in the main area serving up freshly-baked treats, sandwiches and soups, and gourmet teas. I could hardly wait.
With excitement zipping through my limbs, I hopped out of bed and took a shower and then I dressed in jeans and a tee. January in Maine was cold enough to harden bones into granite. To stay warm, I topped my short sleeves with a well-worn flannel shirt and tugged on thick, wooly socks and slippers.
I scuffed my feet out to my tiny apartment kitchen. Tiny was an understatement. Ship’s galley would be more appropriate. The cramped space brought back memories of when I’d helped Dad on his lobster boat during the summer. Hauling in traps full of shedders. Squealing as I thrust the creatures to arm’s length so Dad could apply elastic bands to their claws. I could still picture the pride gleaming in Dad’s eyes as we sweated side-by-side.
Dad had wanted me to follow him into the lobster trade, but it wasn’t meant to be. Mom’s love of cooking had lit a spark inside me before I could pronounce soufflé, and my career was set. Even though Mom died when I was eight, my interest in being a chef hadn’t waned. If anything, it had deepened. Dad was a complete wreck in the kitchen, and I’d eventually taken over the cooking.
I whipped up a batch of almond scones and popped them into the oven, and then made a chocolate glaze to drizzle on them after. After plugging in the teapot, I dug through some supermarket bags before stepping back, frowning.
“Tea. Tea. Must have tea.” Robot infused my voice. Life didn’t exist without tea. Where had I put that bag of double bergamot I’d bought last week? Stumbling over a pile of boxes, I wove through what looked like a hoarder’s paradise, seeking leafy goodness. I came up empty in the living room.
Dragging my fingers down my face, I sighed deeply. Was there someplace nearby where I could buy tea bags? Maybe the Handy Mart, the convenience store on the edge of town. When Arie woke up, we’d run out together. Shoving my damp hair back, I twisted the strands into a knot and stabbed them through with a pencil to hold them in place. Where had I hidden that bag?
Someone knocked on my door.
Six-fifteen. Who would be up at this hour except me? Well, my father set out to sea promptly at six-thirty each morning. But he wouldn’t take time to stop by for a visit, because he’d see us when we brought dinner to his place tonight.
Guessing who my crack-of-dawn interloper might be, I dragged my feet to the door and released the deadbolt. I left the chain in place. No reason not to be careful. While Crescent Cove was a small, coastal Maine town, my dad had told me crime was on the rise.
A nose slid into the crack.
“Let me in.” Roan’s deep voice mimicked that movie we’d watched as teens. Always horror films for Roan. Never the cute, funny movies I’d tried to talk him into, the ones with lots of kissing. I had a sneaky suspicion he made me sit through them so he could poke me during the scary parts.
“What are you doing here?” I tried to keep my lips from twitching but couldn’t hide my laughter.
His chuckle joined in. Yeah. He read me right. A paper bag crinkled in his hand. “I brought tea.”
Tea ruled. Against my better judgment, I unhooked the chain and swung the door wide, giving my sole downfall entrance into my domain.
Roan bustled inside and stomped snow off his boots, onto the mat. “I knew you’d be up.” He set the bag on a table and unzipped his jacket. His head tilted, and he stared at me through his lashes. Killer lashes. They knocked me off my feet every time. “Well, and I saw the light.”
He’d stretched a hat onto his head, smooshing his blond waves, but they sprung up the second he tugged it free. He flung it onto a chair, topping it with his coat, gloves, and scarf.
I gaped at him. When had he decided he could practically move in? Tea, I’d take. Company? Not so much. I wasn’t fully awake yet. My guards weren’t solidly in place.
He inched his feet out of his boots and rubbed his palms together. Striding forward, he cupped my cheeks with icicle fingers. “Brr. Feel that? It’s only ten degrees out.”
I felt that and so much more. Gazing up at him, I was swept away by his early-morning enthusiasm. Fortunately, the cold woke me up fast. I drove my feet backward, increasing the space between us so I could breathe. With him around, I could barely think.
He followed me, a grin creasing his face. Damn him for being so enticing this early in the morning. He hadn’t shaved, and the shadow on his cheeks sucked me in like everything else about him.
I shouldn’t be worried about seeing him. We used to be best friends, and his visit could be about trying to recapture the friendship we’d shared when we were young. Could I let him in that far? After all, I’d been the one who’d fallen in love with my best friend. For Roan, our night together had been a mistake that needed to be forgotten. Like Jason told me.
Roan lifted his head, sniffing the air. “What is that freaking beautiful thing I smell?” His smile wrapped me up and tugged me near.
I held my ground.
“Are you baking?” He pretty much leaped. “Please, tell me you’re baking.” Rushing past me, he skidded on stocking feet into the kitchen. The oven door creaked, and his bark rang out. “Cool. They’ve browned up and are ready to come out.” He stuck his head through the archway. “Why are you standing there? Grab the tea and join me. I’ll have these babies out of the oven in a flash, and we can eat them together.”
I growled for the second time that morning, lifting my arms into the air, begging for…something. Anything that would see me through the next few minutes with Roan.
I stomped toward the kitchen, ready to chew him out for being cheeky, but paused inside the doorway to stare. With flowered potholder mitts covering his hands, he whistled and sashayed his butt while lowering the tray onto the counter.
Lord help me, but I couldn’t stop smiling. Damn, but I’d missed this man.
Arie raced into the room as I was setting the scones on the table, her PJ footies scratching on the floor. She hugged my side, and I leaned over to kiss her sleep-warmed cheek. Her hair stuck up every which way. I’d have to take a comb to it after she got dressed, but I could enjoy the cuteness while it lasted.
“I’m up. I’m up,” she said as if that fact wasn’t apparent.
“You sure are.” Bubbling with
enthusiasm, like usual. I needed a few cups of tea before I woke up in the morning, but Arie rose ready to challenge the world and come out the victor.
Arie frowned at Roan. “Hey, it’s the pizza man.” Her voice grew in volume. “We’re having pizza for breakfast?”
Talk about making her day. I laughed. “Nope. Go do your teeth.”
She ran down the hall to the bathroom, and the whir of her electric toothbrush soon drifted in our direction.
I sat across from Roan and focused on my tea, peeling back the plastic top. The aroma of bergamot heaven dove into my senses and took control. Lifting the cup, I took a long sniff and a short sip, in case it hadn’t cooled enough to drink. Piping hot. Traces of citrus. Well-laced with sugar. Exactly the way I liked it.
“This is wonderful.” Ecstasy burst from my lungs. “You don’t know how badly I needed this.” I took another swallow and closed my eyes to enjoy the bliss of it sliding down my throat. Oh my, was it ever good. Energy zipped through my veins already.
“I had a feeling you’d need tea,” Roan said. “Back in college, you could barely move in the morning without it.”
Arie skidded into the dining room on a non-stop collision course with the table.
While she sat, Roan grabbed a scone, tossing it back and forth in his hands. “Hot. Hot. If these are anything like what your mom used to bake when we were kids,” he said to Arie. “I might just fight ya for them.” He directed his attention my way. “Remember that time you entered your raspberry pie in the fair?” His nod took in Arie, and he acted serious, although I could read the laughter in his eyes. Arie was lapping it up, of course. “Your mom won all the blue ribbons.”
“Did you, Mommy?” she asked, wide eyes turning my way.
“Not all of them. Just one.”
“Seemed like all of them to me,” Roan said.
Reaching across the table, I bumped his shoulder with my knuckles. “You might also remember that my entry almost didn’t make it to the fair.” Because I hated to encourage him, I pinched my lips with my teeth. But they kept lifting. If I wasn’t careful, this man would be my downfall. Again. “You almost dropped it taking it to the car.”
“My hands were full.” He smirked. “Besides, I caught it, didn’t I?”
Moments before it hit the ground. Sideways, too. I thought I’d have a heart attack. He’d flipped it upright and suggested I glue the loose pieces of crust into place.
Arie’s brows drew together as she studied Roan. “Why are you here, anyways, pizza man?”
Good question. I should scowl at Roan, press him for an answer. Why wasn’t I scowling?
Roan grinned. “I brought your mom salvation.”
The tea tasted fantastic, but it was hardly my salvation. I huffed.
Mimicking Roan, Arie juggled a scone, before taking a bite and setting it on her plate.
“Roan just stopped by to share our breakfast. He and I…We used to be friends.” To avoid meeting his gaze, I poured Arie a glass of milk. “Eat up, sweetie. The bus comes in twenty minutes, and you still have to get dressed.”
Roan’s eyebrows rose. “You’re old enough for school?”
“I’m in kindergarten.” Arie sat taller in her chair. “Almost a grown up.”
That was a big stretch. But with time flying by, she’d be in high school before I knew it.
“How old are you, anyway?” Roan asked, all friendly. But ice was spreading in his eyes.
“Almost five,” I said. Because I could tell by his tight brow that he was doing the math, I added firmly, “No worries, Roan. Paternity tests are super accurate these days.”
He grunted. “I wasn’t suggesting anything.”
Maybe not, but he’d been thinking it. Not that I blamed him. I’d had the same thought when I found out I was pregnant. Jason and I had broken up weeks before I slept with Roan. And Roan…Okay, I knew what happened between us. It would only hurt to rehash the details now. Thank goodness I’d run into Jason that morning after graduation.
Acting normal might diffuse the awkwardness between us. “Tell me about that hot sauce. You’re really making it yourself?” I took in the dark blue t-shirt stretching across his chest with Spicy Concoctions embroidered in scrolling print. And, in smaller letters beneath, our salsa will heat up your life. If his defined arms were anything to go by, making hot sauce gave a guy a decent workout.
“We make six different varieties of salsa and hot sauce, depending on the season.”
I frowned. “Why season-dependent?”
“We buy local fruit and bottle while it’s fresh.”
“That’s cool.” My smile came easier. Roan had always loved his grandmother’s salsa. They made it together until she died when we were teenagers.
“I’m going to meet some kids at school today.” Arie picked up the last of her scone and shoved it into her mouth. She spoke around the bite. “Maybe I’ll even make a new best friend.”
Chuckling, I stroked her hair. “You’re going to make lots of new best friends today.”
“Let me take care of this,” Roan said when I started gathering dishes to take them to the sink. “You can help Arie while I put these things away.”
“I imagine you’re busy. Don’t you have to get to work?”
“Nope.” He took our plates to the kitchen counter and returned for the rest. “I’ve got plenty of time. We can talk.”
The last thing I wanted to do was to sit around chatting with Roan. What if he brought up what happened in college? My fluttering heart suggested I’d fare better if I left that night in the past, where it belonged. How could I get out of this?
“Come on, sweetie,” I said to Arie.
She danced ahead of me down the hall. Inside her room, she tugged off her PJ top and flung it aside. She lifted the t-shirt I’d laid out last night on a chair and scowled. “Don’t want to wear this one.” Arms crossed on her bare chest, goosebumps prickled her skin.
I tapped the thermostat, and it went sssss.
“I like the blue one with the titanosaur better,” Arie said.
“There’s nothing wrong with the red one.”
She thrust her lower lip forward. “Don’t wanna wear it.”
“But it’s got a train on the front. You love trains.” She had a week ago. This week? Evidently not. Of all the days to make a fuss, it figured she’d pick today when I was stressed about Roan. “Okay. Titanosaur it is.”
I stuck my head into the hall. Something clanged. Roan was up to something, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. Right now, I could barely deal with my daughter.
Arie climbed onto the bed and started hopping. “I got a jumpoline. I got a jumpoline.”
Raising my hands to my hips, I tried not to laugh. If I encouraged her, I’d never get her to do anything. “Get down from there.” My laughter spilled into my words. Yeah, like usual, I was rocking my strict parent routine. “Now.”
She squealed and kicked her legs in the air, smacking her butt onto the pillow. “I’m a circus girl. Watch me, Mom.”
As if I could see anything else. I crossed the room to the bureau and slid open the top drawer. “Time to fold up the tent, circus girl. The show’s over.”
More bouncing.
I leaned against the bureau. Releasing a breath, I sent my bangs toward the ceiling. Arie leaped on the bed, her happiness encircling me, making my heart lighten. Her wavy hair bounced, pink filled her cheeks, and her eyes gleamed.
Not long after moving to California, I found out I was pregnant. It was hard enough accepting I was having a baby. Not knowing who the father was only made it worse. I’d dated Jason for over a year, and we’d always been careful. But I’d been careful with Roan that one time we were together, too.
Roan said our sleeping together was a mistake, that we should pretend it hadn’t happened. But when I found out I was pregnant, I couldn’t help hoping…So, that was ancient history. No need to rehash it now.
My hair-pencil arrangement slid sideways, an
d a glance in the mirror told me I looked frazzled. Out of control. I released my hair, letting it fall beyond my shoulders. I smoothed it and turned to face Arie, who continued to jump.
“Okay.” My voice broke. “Get down from there and put the rest of your clothes on.”
Arie slid off the bed. She came over to stand in front of me, and her head tipped back. “You sound sad, Mommy. Are you thinking about Dad? I think about him all the time.” She wiped her hand across her nose.
Stooping, I hugged her, and her small arms wrapped around my neck. Holding Arie always made me feel better. Shifting back, I rubbed her shoulders, pressing for a smile. “I miss him sometimes. No, lots of times.” Especially now, when I was unsure about everything.
I’d leaned on Jason since college graduation. He’d helped me flee after Roan rejected me. He’d encouraged me to pursue my dream career in California. He’d held my hair while I vomited my guts out during my pregnancy. He’d been willing to wait for the paternity results before we got married. Poor Jason. Always thinking of my needs before his own. He’d never put himself first, even at the end. The guilt I carried because I hadn’t loved him would follow me for a long time.
I stroked Arie’s face. “We’ve got each other, right?”
She sniffed and nodded.
Straightening, I clapped my hands. “Okay. Time to get ready. The bus comes soon.” I pointed to the new shirt. “While you dress, I’ll go check on something.” Roan, to be exact. “Come to the living room when you’re done.”
I darted down the hall to the kitchen. Inside the doorway, I halted, and my eyes widened.
Roan wore one of my ruffled aprons. With his arms buried elbow-deep in sudsy water, he shifted his hips back in forth, dancing to the tune whistling through his teeth.
I propped myself against the doorframe before I melted onto the floor.
His butt sway was so hot.
I could handle casual with Roan. Maybe. But I’d risk my heart all over again if I started thinking there could ever be more than friendship between us.
