by Marlie May
I shook off my chill because letting my brain run in this direction was wrong. It implied there was something suspicious going on here.
Cara would never lie to me. Little was certain in life except for that fact.
Lainie lied when she said her extra spending money came from her parents. All while siphoning off funds from my renovation project. My anger at her actions rose all over again, and I raked my hand across my head.
Cara glancing back at me, brows raised, made me realize I had to let this go. Arie was Jason’s daughter. And I needed to put my ex into the past, where she belonged.
Cara stood and walked around the sofa to stand beside me. “I guess that’s enough brain rot for me tonight. I’m going to head home.” Her soft smile settled on me like a down comforter on my shoulders. I wanted to wrap her up and bury my face in her neck, kiss her until all she could do was moan my name.
But that urge was wrong. If I did something like that, she’d push me away and tell me to get lost. Rightly so. She’d end us before we got started. Worse, she might cry and tell me how much she missed Jason.
I couldn’t lose her friendship as I’d done after college.
“Do you have a minute?” I tilted my head toward the entryway. I shouldn’t be nervous. What I wanted to ask her didn’t mean a thing.
Who do you think you’re fooling, Roan?
“Sure.”
We walked out into the front hall.
I reached for my coat but paused and pulled my scarf off the banister instead. This soft, hand-knit thing had been with Cara all week. She’d worn it, closer to her skin. Did it still hold her scent? I’d be certifiable if I lifted it to my face and sniffed it in front of her. “You know, since you’ve held my scarf hostage all week, you could make it up to me.”
She chuckled, the sound shivering down my spine like a caress. “It’s a stretch to think I owe you a favor for my inadvertent scarf-napping, isn’t it?”
Heat dumped through me at the thought of draping my scarf along the back of her neck, then tugging her close.
“Come out with me tomorrow night.” When she hesitated, I held up my hand. “As friends only, of course.”
She paused so long I opened my mouth to retract my offer.
“I guess we can do something together,” she said. “What do you have in mind?”
I wiggled my eyebrows and smoothed my pretend mustache. “It’s a secret.”
“Okay.” The word came out slowly. “What time?”
“Can you be ready about 3:30? We’ve got a few hours’ drive to get there.”
She nodded and raked her teeth across her lower lip, a move that set my veins on fire. I needed to get out into the cold air, ASAP.
As I lifted my leather tool bag, I hollered, “Hey, Arie. You got a minute?”
Arie raced out of the living room and skidded to a halt in front of me. “What do ya want?”
“I need a carpenter’s assistant.”
Her eyes sparkled. “You mean me?”
“Well, I don’t know.” I smiled at Cara, who had a huge grin on her face, before lowering my gaze to Arie. “You got your helper’s license?”
Her face crumbled. “No.” With a tilt of her head, she said, “But I can sing my ABCs. Wanna hear?”
“Tell you what. Take this.” I reached into the tool pouch and pulled out a hammer. “We’ll let the helper’s license slide today because there’s no way I can get this job done by myself.”
“You need me?” Arie’s face brightened. “Really?”
I ruffled her hair. “D—, gosh darn straight I need you. Really.” I slid Cara another grin. “Put on your coat, hat, boots. The works. There’s no way I can hold the nails and the flashlight and the hammer and all that cr— crud by myself.”
“Yay!” Arie darted over to where she’d left her outdoor things. “Wait for me!”
We headed outside to do some repair work, walking Cara to her car along the way. She kissed Arie, hugged her forever, then, with a sniff, got into her car and started it up.
I watched as she backed carefully down the drive and headed into town, knowing she took a piece of me along with her.
Arie danced beside me as I stomped around the side of the garage to where I’d seen the shutter lying on the ground. “To make this job go well, I definitely need to hear those ABCs.”
Her high-pitched voice rang out, and she twirled the hammer in the air. “A-B-C-D…”
In no time, we’d repaired the shutter. We went back inside, where I said goodbye.
As I drove away from Ken’s house, I couldn’t stop burying my nose in my scarf.
It did smell like Cara.
Cara
That night, I settled under the covers with a book. It was a historical highlander romance, written by a local guy. Charity, the owner of Books Emporium, out at the mall had suggested it to me. She told me her cousin had written it.
But while the book was awesome, I couldn’t quite get into it. Partly because I kept thinking of Arie and how lonely it was without her around.
And Roan, who dominated my thoughts more than he should.
Silence echoed in the apartment, magnifying my isolation.
Getting out of bed, I poured a glass of wine and brought it and some dark chocolate back under the covers with me. Mmm. The chocolate disappeared faster than the wine, but the liquid soon sloshed in my belly. Yawns replaced written words and, even though it was only shortly after nine, I brushed my teeth, shut off the light, and drifted to sleep.
Like other nights in the past, The Dream crept in. It tugged on my heart strings, taking me back to when Roan had invited me to join him at a graduation party.
The boom of music and flashing lights greeted me. Standing in the doorway of the frat house, my eyes met Roan’s across the room.
He wove in my direction, his gaze holding me in place as if he’d been waiting for me to appear and now, I had. Or so I told myself in that secret place that longed for him always.
Ever since I’d ended things with Jason, and Roan and Lainie broke up, Roan had been sending me heated signals I let myself believe could mean something. This was it. While I was leaving soon, there was still time to explore us.
He stalled in front of me. “Cara.” Red crept from beneath his collar to flood his face. Why was he embarrassed? “You came.”
I laughed, high-pitched and way too nervous. “I said I would, didn’t I?”
“You did say that.” His laughter combined with mine as he took my jacket and dropped it onto a hook near the door. “Can I get you anything? A beer? Some wine?”
A little alcohol might lend me confidence, which I sorely needed. I kept worrying I’d freak out or say something stupid.
He took my hand, making my heart seize before thumping like a thousand drums. Tugging me behind him, he stutter-wove us through the crowded living room and into the kitchen, where someone had filled a cooler. He opened the cover with a flourish. “Pick your poison.”
We moved into the living room and parked on the couch to enjoy our beers, watching people sway to the loud song coming from nearby speakers.
“Want to dance?” Roan asked after we’d finished our drinks.
“What?”
“Dance!”
“Sure.” I set my bottle on an end table and took the hand Roan offered to pull me up from the cushions.
The first song was fast-paced, and we bumped around like we’d done during high school. But the next song took it slow. Deliciously slow. Someone dimmed the lights, and a few guys hooted.
Roan stilled, studying my face. “You okay with this?”
With a smile, I stepped into his arms.
His warmth surrounded me, pulling me down to that languid place I visited whenever I dreamed of being with him. Of holding him. Kissing him. Our bodies moving together without a breath of air between us.
Roan’s fingertips tickled the skin where my top rode above the back of my jeans. He leaned forward and rested his chin on my sho
ulder, whistling in my ear along with the song.
Emboldened by his closeness, I cupped his shoulders. I outlined the muscles of his back with my hands. Could tonight get any more perfect?
The music ended, and we drew apart. Roan gave me a smile so filled with heat, it set fire to an answering blaze inside me.
“It’s loud here,” he said. “We can’t talk.” Lacing his fingers through mine, we returned to the kitchen for a second beer. After opening them, Roan pulled me into the hall, away from the crush, and the noise level dropped once the door shut behind us. Leading me past a couple of girls who were hanging out talking, he took me to the end of the corridor where we could be semi-alone. He leaned his back against the wall, keeping a tight grip on my hand.
I settled next to him, my shoulder rubbing his. Warmth rolled off his body in gentle waves and the essence of boy and clean clothes drifted around me. His scent wrapped me up and brought out delicious shivers.
With some difficulty, I held it together. I was determined to see this—whatever this might be—through. To find out if there was anything between us before I began a new life in California. I’d visited California with my parents, as a kid, and loved it. When the perfect job opened up, I’d applied. I hadn’t then considered what it would mean to leave Roan behind.
We talked. I asked him what he’d decided to do with his degree, but he was still uncertain. He took a long sip of his beer, finishing it, his throat moving as he swallowed. It was sensual. Intimate, even. The urge to run my fingers along his jawline almost overwhelmed me. I wanted to stroke his shoulders stretching his cotton shirt. Touch him everywhere.
I lifted my eyes to meet his, hoping my heart didn’t blaze for the world to see.
“Cara,” he whispered, his gaze dropping to my mouth. Taking my beer, he set both bottles on the floor. He intertwined his fingers through mine, palms-to-palms, holding tight. Backing me against a closed door, he pressed himself into me and nuzzled my neck. “Is this okay?”
I nodded, unable to speak.
“You’re driving me crazy.”
“Why?” I whispered. Oh, my God. He was touching me. If he was feeling what I was, I wanted to close my eyes and savor this moment. But I also wanted to hear him say the words. “What do you mean?”
His breath tickled my neck. “I’ve gotta kiss you. I’ll die if I don’t.” The strain in his voice made my breath catch. My heart squeezed tight. The bottom dropped away from me, and my legs trembled. At that moment, I’d give him whatever he asked. My mouth, my body, my soul.
“Yes,” I said.
Our lips met. No, seared together. His slaked across mine, rubbing, pulling. He nibbled my lower lip, tugged on it with his teeth. Groaning, he covered my mouth again with his.
I arched into his chest, molding my body against his, unable to get enough. I needed him. Wanted him. More than anything, ever.
His tongue teased mine, sliding along my upper lip before dipping inside to explore. Stroking and tasting, driving me to the edge.
“Jeez, guys. Porn much?” The shock of the words made Roan jerk his head up. Eyes like cedar met mine. They were nearly black. Feverish. Feral.
I took in his messy hair. Had my hands done that? His shirt was unbuttoned, exposing his chest. His naked chest. My eyes traced the lines of muscle and sinew, trailing the downy bit of hair to where it disappeared at the top of his jeans.
Hell, his jeans button was undone. It would be easy to tug the zipper down, to release him and take him into my hand.
Loud laughter startled me.
Roan inhaled sharply and glanced down the hall. He closed his pants, buttoned up his shirt. He smoothed my hair over my shoulder, and I sighed when he cupped my face with his palms.
“Cara?” A thousand promises dwelled in his eyes. I only had to reach out and take them. Make them mine.
“Roan?” My whisper was more a moan. I wanted him. Tonight, and forever.
“Let’s get out of here. My roommate left after graduation.”
His empty room. His bed warmed with the scent of him. It could be mine.
“If you’re okay with that.” The throaty tone of his words shivered through me like a caress.
“Yes.” I couldn’t hide my heat in the word.
“I don’t mean you…” His voice cracked. “I mean we can talk. If you want.”
His vulnerability was so damned sexy, I could barely stand it.
I loved him. I’d always loved him. First as a friend, but lately, as more.
We grabbed our jackets and walked, stopping to kiss along the way. Fire built between us, to the point, I thought I’d explode. Reaching his room, he unlocked the door. It closed behind us, shutting out the world, leaving us alone for the first time like this ever.
He turned toward me. “You uh—”
I kissed blindly, hitting his neck with my parted mouth. Tasting his skin with my tongue.
He groaned and turned us to press me against the wall. His lips devoured mine, making my mind dreamy, my limbs tingly. Lifting his head, he spoke against my mouth, “Cara, I—”
I placed my fingertip on his lips. “Shh.”
He kissed my fingers one by one. “Yes.” Reaching up, he stroked my face. He slid his knuckles along my collarbone to my chest, where he lightly cupped my breast through my clothing. Air hissed from between his lips.
My gasp echoed his. I was filled with an overwhelming desire I didn’t fully understand. While I’d been with other guys, no one had ever made me feel this way before.
He backed up until his legs hit the bed. We stumbled, and he grabbed me and pivoted, twisting so I landed beneath him, his weight pressing me down into the mattress. His fire pulled me up, arching against him. His heaviness was ecstasy, but I wanted more.
“I need you.” Tension filled his voice. In his words, I read the eagerness I felt inside.
After tonight, we’d be together. This was a new beginning for us.
He tugged up my shirt and unclasped my bra, spilling my breasts free. They called to him, yearned for him. His mouth descended, and his puff of hot air made my nipple peak. Utter heaven. His tongue encircled the tip before he covered it completely and sucked in urgent waves. Lightning bolted to that place between my legs that ached for him.
His mouth returned to nibble my lower lip before he drew my tongue out to dance.
I shuddered and traced my hands along his back. Pulled him against me. I writhed beneath him. I’d take anything he could give me. All of him and more.
“Please.” I didn’t know what I called for. I’d never experienced this burning desire to possess and be possessed by someone before.
Reaching between our bodies, he undid my jeans. I lifted my hips, and he tugged them down. His fingertips stroked along the top of my panties before delving beneath, sliding across my warmth, touching and teasing between my legs. He dipped one finger inside me and…
My eyes popped open, and I stared blindly at the tile ceiling.
Groaning, I blinked, not knowing where I was for a long moment. Or who I was, other than half of a feverish blend of two. The dream had been as vivid as if I still lay underneath Roan in his dorm room, his body rising over mine.
“Stop it,” I said to the night. “Don’t.”
Do not go there.
Moonlight played through the window, and the light brought me fully awake. Taking in a shuddering breath, I pulled the blankets up to my chin. I rolled onto my side and watched the clouds skip across the sky, making the stars flicker.
Another dream about Roan.
I’d relived our night together multiple times since it happened. Many nights waking when I called out his name. Meeting Jason’s eyes in the morning had only compounded my guilt.
I worried I’d relive that night for at least a thousand more to come. All I had to do was close my eyes and drift to sleep.
My sob echoed in the room.
By returning home, I’d re-entered Roan’s orbit. Like always, he could shatter my wi
ts with a touch.
A smile.
A sigh.
* * *
Far too early the next morning, I dragged myself to the shower. Stumbling into the kitchen after dressing, I drank a strong cup of tea and ate a leftover muffin. In no time, I’d perked up and was tackling the boxes in the spare room.
Until the phone rang.
Stupid me for answering it, instead of letting it go to voicemail.
“Cara.”
“Bethany,” I said. It was all I could do to speak rationally, not scream my anger into the phone. The nerve of her to call me when she was trying to steal my child.
Actually, should she be calling me? It must be against the rules. I there were rules surrounding trying to take a little girl from her mother.
I’d fill Roan’s mom in on this call the second I hung up.
No formalities from Bethany today. “I want to speak with Arie.”
“She spent last night at Dad’s. They’re going fishing today.”
Bethany’s familiar whine sliced down my spine like razor blades. “It’s not fair that he gets to see Arie all the time.”
I bit back the retort hovering on the tip of my tongue, knowing my urge to snarl was fed by my lack of sleep and my horror at what she was trying to do to me. “You saw her all the time when we lived in California. It’s my father’s turn now.”
Ragged breaths echoed through the line, telling me I needed to end this conversation fast because she was gearing up for her next attack.
Maybe I should change my cell phone number. The act would give me peace if nothing else.
How dare she call me and pretend this was a normal conversation?
“Wait a minute,” she snapped. “Did you say fishing?” Her voice grew shrill. “Where? It’s winter in that wretched place you now call home.”
Maintain control. Do not shout back at her. Even though I wanted to shout more than ever. “They’re out on Dad’s boat.”
“On the ocean? What if…” Her gasp spiked through the line. “What if she falls into the water? She’ll drown.”
“My father would give his life to keep Arie safe.” Bethany must know that. “She can swim, but that’s beside the point. I used to do it all the time when I was—”
