It’s not like I ever celebrate the holiday in a special way. I do like to find someone to share the night with. This year, that person could’ve been Jenna.
Fuck. I can’t be thinking like that. If I’m not steadfast in my resolve against us dating, Jenna might start getting the wrong idea. I don’t want her thinking I’ve changed my mind or anything, because I haven’t.
I think I had an away game for Valentine’s Day this year. That explains why I didn’t have a one-night stand. I’m not that kind of guy. Mostly because we share hotel rooms, and I wouldn’t want to put a teammate out just so I can get laid. I can have plenty of sex in the privacy of my apartment at home.
The line starts to move forward.
“Are you ready?” Jenna asks.
“It’s just a carousel.”
“I know, but it’s a rickety old carousel. I know how much you love old things.”
I ignore her teasing. Just because I freaked out on a really old roller coaster when we went to an amusement park a couple years ago doesn’t mean it’s a regular thing.
Okay, it’s a regular thing, but Jenna doesn’t need to know that.
I jump up onto the carousel first and turn to offer Jenna a hand. It’s a bit of a leap, especially for someone of Jenna’s small stature.
She takes my hand and I hoist her up. Our palms stay connected for a few beats longer than necessary. Jenna’s eyes meet mind, but I turn away and pick a horse. That wasn’t a moment. It was just a friend helping a friend.
I pick a regal looking horse with chestnut brown hair and a caramel mane. Jenna opts for the one right in front of mine. It has white hair and a black mane.
The attendant comes around to make sure we’re all being safe. The poor teen looks exhausted. If it’s like this in winter, I can’t even imagine what he deals with in summer. I make a mental note to avoid this park during the off-season.
The ride starts and my horse rises up towards the top only to lower back down slowly. Jenna’s horse is doing the same in front of me. I’ve got a great view of her ass.
I try to focus on anything but in order to prevent an embarrassing situation. My jeans won’t cover an unwanted erection.
After the ride is over, I hope off my horse. Jenna’s finished in the higher up position.
“Help!” she says, laughing. “I can’t get down.”
I open my arms and she jumps down, landing on me. We almost both fall over, but I manage to keep us upright.
“Thanks,” Jenna says.
“No problem.”
I set her down slowly. Her body slides against mine. Fuck. Those thoughts are coming back. I need to make this stop now.
“Are you hungry?” I ask.
“Sure.”
“Let’s grab dinner.”
There’s a small food shack open near the carousel. We order some hot dogs, fries, and hot chocolates and find a bench to eat. I sit first, and Jenna sits extra close to me. Our legs are pressed together.
“I’m glad we’re doing this,” I say.
“Yeah, me too. It’s nice. Plus, it’s better than sitting inside all day. I’d much rather be out, even when it’s kind of cold.”
“Same. This was a good idea.”
“I’m full of good ideas,” Jenna says. The words feel full, like she’s not just talking about our walk through the park.
I open my mouth to reiterate that this is not a date, but it’s no use. If she hasn’t gotten it by now, I’m not sure she ever will.
Besides, this sure does feel like a date. I’m not sure why. Jenna and I have done this exact thing before. Maybe not the same location, but we used to hang out alone all the time. Why does it feel different now?
The answer isn’t because we’ve had sex. It’s because I have feelings for my best friend.
No matter how hard I try, I can’t deny that it’s true. I really like Jenna. We have such a great time together. She’s easy to talk to. Having sex with her is incredible. She’s everything I could possibly ask for.
The problem is that I don’t want to ask for it. I have to keep reminding myself that Jenna deserves so much better than what I can give her. The sooner she accepts that the better.
The sooner I believe that the better.
We finish our food in relative silence. After we’re done, we stand from the bench, throw away our trash, and start back towards my apartment. It’s getting dark and the streets aren’t always well lit around here.
“Do you have a game tomorrow?” Jenna asks.
“No, not until Monday. But we’re on the road Monday through Thursday.”
She pouts. “So I won’t see you for four days?”
“Probably five days,” I admit. “I’m always dead after long trips. I’ll need Friday to recover.”
“That sucks,” Jenna says. “I hate your hockey schedule.”
“It’s rough sometimes, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.”
This conversation is part of why we’ll never work out. Jenna obviously wouldn’t handle my schedule well. We’re just friends and she’s already worried about four days away.
“Do you have games next weekend?”
“Yeah. Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. Did you even look at the schedule I gave you?”
“Nope. I saw yesterday’s game online, and that’s why I ended up going with Melonie. I didn’t realize you played this much.”
I shrug. “It’s not that much, and it’s only in the winter/spring.”
“True. Once your season is over, I’ll have you to myself.”
I choose to ignore the statement. She can’t possibly still think we’re going to date. Jenna is a smart woman. She wouldn’t hold on to something that will never happen.
We approach my apartment. I hesitate for a second, but I invite Jenna inside.
“We can watch a movie or something,” I suggest.
“Yeah, that’d be nice.”
Jenna and I sit down on the couch and she picks a movie. She goes for something funny, which I appreciate. I don’t appreciate that it also has multiple sex scenes. Did she pick this on purpose? If so, it’s working.
About halfway through the movie, I look over at Jenna only to find she’s looking at me, too.
Fuck it. What’s the harm in one more time?
I lean forward and kiss her. I didn’t plan it like this, but I’m not going to give up another night with Jenna. The last two were too good.
We abandon the movie completely. We waste no time moving from the living room to my bedroom, kissing and groping at each other the entire way.
Jenna looks blissfully happy when I lay her down on my bed. That should be my sign to stop this, but I’m powerless against her. I want this too badly to send her home.
So, I take Jenna again, and then again, and we fall asleep wrapped in each other’s arms. We can have tonight. We just needed to get the sex out of our system once and for all.
Tomorrow, I’ll reiterate my no-dating policy. I’m sure it’ll go fine.
Jenna’s an understanding person.
Nothing could possibly go wrong.
Jenna
I’ve never been so happy in my life.
I was a little nervous last night when Damien seemed to keep me at a distance, but when we got back to his apartment, his guard was down.
After the amazing sex we had, there’s no way he’ll say no to a relationship. He’d be an idiot if he did.
The best part is, I don’t feel confused when I wake up in Damien’s arms. It’s like my body has gotten used to being with him. His room is a comfortable place for me.
I slowly remove myself from under Damien’s arm. I hate to leave this perfect position, but my bladder will protest if I stay here any longer.
My legs are sore as I walk to the bathroom. The first couple of times I slept with Damien were tame compared to last night. I didn’t even know some of those positions existed. I had to use muscles I’ve never used before.
I loved every second of it. I can’
t wait to get back in bed with him. Damien doesn’t have a game and I did all my school work yesterday. We can stay in bed all day.
After I finish in the bathroom, I check out my reflection. My hair is tangled from Damien’s grip. I didn’t think I would like having my hair pulled, but it’s hot when Damien does it. I’ll have to tell him how much I like it so he keeps doing it.
I put some toothpaste on my finger and attempt to brush my teeth. The least I can do is get rid of my morning breath. I don’t have a brush to fix my hair and my clothes are on Damien’s floor. He was nice enough to give me another pair of sweats and a shirt to wear. I’ll try not to steal these. It’s too early in our relationship for that. I’ll have plenty of time to accrue his clothes while we date.
The word ‘relationship’ sends a chill down my spine. Damien and I are officially dating! We’ll need to talk details, but that’s fine. I’m excited about that conversation.
This all went faster than I thought, but I knew Damien would come around eventually.
Coming back to Damien’s apartment solidified it, but I knew the second Damien held my hand that he was giving in to his feelings. It was like sparks flew between us. There’s no way he didn’t feel it.
Then, when he helped me off my carousel horse, it was even more obvious. Damien reciprocates my feelings.
It was a relief to realize this. I was starting to wonder if it isn’t that Damien doesn’t want to date, it’s that he doesn’t want to date me. Now, I know that’s not true. Damien likes me!
Butterflies fill my stomach. I can’t wait until Damien wakes up.
I creep back into his room. Damien is still fast asleep. I climb into the bed carefully. I want him awake, but I’m glad I get to be next to him when it happens. I want to see his face when he sees me.
Damien stirs when he feels me on his bed. His eyes shoot open in surprise.
Okay, that’s not exactly the reaction I was hoping for. It doesn’t matter. I’m sure he was just shocked to see me since he’s used to waking up alone. His body will be accustomed to me in no time, just like I’m accustomed to waking up here.
“Hi,” I say. I lean forward for a kiss, but he backs away. I laugh. “I’m not afraid of your morning breath.”
“Uh. No. I just didn’t expect you to still be here when I woke up.”
I laugh again. “Don’t worry, my disappearing act was a one-time thing.”
“Yeah, um, listen, Jenna…”
I cut him off. “Let’s make breakfast again! That was a lot of fun last weekend.”
Before he can say anything, I jump out of bed and head for the kitchen. Damien has always been slow to wake up. It’ll be nice to have breakfast ready for him when he gets out of bed. After we eat, we can go right back to his room.
There’s pancake mix in the cabinet. The egg sandwiches last weekend were great, but a real breakfast with pancakes and eggs will be even better.
Damien is still in his room when I mix up the batter and start cooking the pancakes. There’s also some bacon in the fridge and hash browns in the freezer. Damien wasn’t kidding about taking breakfast seriously.
There’s a small table in Damien’s kitchen. I wish I could do something more romantic for our first breakfast as a couple, but I’ll have to make do. I doubt Damien has flowers and candles laying around.
I glance towards Damien’s door. He’s still not up. I had hoped he’d come out and help me like last weekend, but it’s fine. All that I have left is a few pieces of toast. I lightly butter them and plate everything.
“Damien. Breakfast!” I call out. I hear stirring from his room. He emerges a minute later wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt.
“You didn’t have to cook,” he says. “I could’ve handled my own breakfast.”
“It’s fine! I don’t mind. I like spending time with you.”
I wanted to say “with my boyfriend” but I don’t want to scare him off.
Damien might get skittish if I try to move too fast. I know we’re in a relationship, but using the words this morning might be too soon. I want him to say I’m his girlfriend first, anyway.
It’ll be the best day of my life when he does. No other person in the world has been called girlfriend by Damien. I can’t believe I get to be his first.
“Sit!” I say.
Damien does as he’s told. I find some orange juice in the fridge and pour us each a glass before sitting across from him. I want to sit right next to him but I’m not trying to be that kind of person. This makes it easier to stare at my boyfriend, anyway.
“Wow, you made a lot of food.”
“Yeah, I thought a romantic breakfast would be nice.”
Damien’s eyes widen. “Jenn, I think we should talk about last night.”
I grin. “I agree! But let’s eat first, okay! It’s already getting cold.”
Damien opens his mouth to argue but decides against it. I’m excited to hear what he has to say. He’ll probably talk about how busy he is and make sure I understand that. I do, or course. I’m busy too. We’ll make time for each other.
He’ll probably also ask me to come to more games. I genuinely had fun when I went with Melonie. She’d be down to accompany more often. Damien would love it.
We eat in silence. I smile the entire time. Damien doesn’t look as happy, but I’m sure he’s just tired. We were awake most of the night. I’m too excited to be tired.
Damien drops his fork. His plate is empty. The fact that he enjoyed the food I made makes me incredibly happy.
“Okay, Jenna, I feel like something is happening here.”
Here it comes! I lean forward as I wait for him to say what I’ve been wanting to hear.
“My position on relationships hasn’t changed.”
My heart drops.
“You’re just messing with me.”
Damien sighs. “Jenna, we’ve been over this. I told you that I’m not interested in a relationship. I thought you understood me.”
“Yeah, but last night…”
“We shouldn’t have done that. That’s on me. I got too comfortable with you, so I let it happen again.”
My jaw drops. “What are you saying?”
“The same thing I’ve been saying since the beginning. I don’t want to date anyone. I’m sorry if you got the wrong idea. I thought I was being clear.”
Nothing makes sense. I stare at Damien, trying to find the joke in his words. He’s not smiling or laughing. He means every word he’s saying.
I can’t believe this. All my earlier happiness has disappeared. How could a Damien do this to me? There’s something special between us. Why does he refuse to acknowledge that?
“Jenna, I’m really sorry.”
I can’t help but laugh. “You’re sorry! You made me believe we were finally a couple.”
Damien holds up his hands. “Hey, I never said anything close to that. If you believed something else, that’s on you.”
I want to scream. How dare Damien blame this on me?
“You’re an asshole,” I say, pushing away from the table. “I can’t believe I had feelings for you.”
“Jenna, come on. None of this should have been a surprise. I’m not saying anything new.”
I scoff. “We went on a date, Damien. Don’t try to act like it wasn’t. You held my hand!”
“For a second!” He exclaims. “I was helping you up onto the carousel. It’s not like I kept holding it.”
I start to argue, but Damien has a point. In that case, maybe I did read more into it than I should have. He did pull away immediately.
“Fine, but what about after that? You invited me over and we slept together. Multiple times, in multiple positions.”
“That’s just what I do!” Damien shouts, exasperated. “You know who I am as a person.”
In my heart, I know that it’s true. I’ve heard Damien talk about his conquests before. I just never thought I’d become one.
“You made me feel special. I thought you cared abou
t me. Don’t try to blame me for that. You’re the one who treated me like I matter. If I was just one of those girls, then you should’ve told me.”
“I tried! You didn’t listen. I said it after the first night and the second and when we didn’t have a date the night you thought we did. You’re just not getting it. How is that my fault?”
Tears spill from my eyes. “Your actions never match your words. You say you don’t want me but you seem like you do. You never sleep with the same girl, but you did with me. You fucked up, Damien. Stop acting like you’re an angel here.”
“You’re right,” Damien concedes. “I should’ve stopped this shyer the first time. Maybe the first time shouldn’t have happened.”
I sniffle. Great, now Damien admits he retreats sleeping with me? What a nice feeling that is.
None of this is going as planned. I was supposed to have a boyfriend this morning. Now, I’m not sure I even have a best friend.
“This is so fucked up,” Damien continues. “This is why I don’t do relationships. I’m not cut out to be with the same person more than once. You’re right, this is all on me.”
“It’s on both of us. You should’ve done less and I should’ve listened more.”
“I’m so, so sorry, Jenna.”
“Yeah. Me, too.”
We’re still sitting at the table, our empty plates in front of us. The girl who made breakfast was so full of hope. If only she knew what was about to happen.
“Are we going to be okay?” Damien asks.
“I don’t know. I need some time. It’s going to take a bit for me to get over this.”
Damien nods. “I understand. But don’t take forever. You’re still my best friend.”
Best friend. Those words used to send a thrill through my body. I loved being Damien’s best friend. Now, it hurts. I know what it’s like to be more, even if it was one-sided.”
How will i survive without him? I need to learn. Damien can’t be my person anymore. He can’t be my anything right now.
Someday, maybe we can be friends again. Maybe.
“I should go,” I say.
I never should’ve stayed. It if left before Damien woke this morning, none of this would’ve happened. We could’ve continued our friends with benefits relationship.
Arrogant Puck: A Friends to Lovers Sports Romance (Hockey Heartthrobs Book 2) Page 12
