I really like it.
“Where to first?” he asks. ‘Have you had a coffee yet?’
“Well, yeah I had my coffee with breakfast this morning. If that’s what you’re asking?”
“How about we go and get one to go, so we can shop for flowers with coffee?”
Usually anything with coffee is a date. Is that what this is? A date? I don’t remember any chats about us having a date at all. I feel a little taken aback. Do I want to date Oliver? Is that why my heart just felt like it plummeted when I realised this is not a date, but a friendly outing.
Or maybe it is a date.
But he never called it that.
I really want to face-palm myself but that would make Oliver suspicious and he will ask questions. Questions I don’t really want to answer at the moment.
Oh God why did I agree to this?
Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Oliver’s focus is entirely on me.
“Oh…um…sure, coffee sounds good.” Giving him a genuine smile. “Actually, if they make iced coffee, that would be even better.”
The radio plays in the background as Oliver drives to a coffee place. His fingers tap against the steering wheel. I watch him out of the corner of my eye. There’s just an ease within myself when I’m with Oliver. Yet at the same time, I’m scared! What if I’m just some woman he wants to sleep with? What if I’m not enough? What if—so many ‘what ifs’ are running through my mind right now. While I have trusty Mr Big, I need to feel more. And Mr Big has been with me for a long time, especially when Richard had night shifts at the hospital.
“I’ll be back in a bit.” I didn’t even notice Oliver parking the car at the Jetty Headland for a coffee. I have driven past this place a few times, always seeing people milling around waiting for food or a drink from the vans that are always parked here.
My phone pings. It’s a text from my little sister Ali.
Ali: Christmas is next week.
Me: Yeah
Ali: Mum is spitting chips! Literally!
I forget how young Ali is sometimes. Even with three children now. I have visions of Mum sticking a potato in her mouth and spitting out chips.
Me: I’m still not coming.
Ali: Wow! You for real?
Me: Yup.
There’s a delay, until and I watch the dots waving about as she types something longer.
Ali: I’m really proud of you sis. It’s about time you put you first. Dickhead was always a Dick.
Now I completely understand why my sister called my ex that. Six months on and I’m still married to the bastard. Maybe I should take the first step and actually divorce him?
Me: Look, I’ve got to go. Call you later, yeah?
Ali: Sure, maybe we can Facetime so the kids can say hi too.
Me: I’d love that, but you ring me as I’m still trying to work that bit out.
I put my phone back into my handbag.
“Here you go,” Oliver says as he passes a steaming cup to me.
Our hands brush. There isn’t that cliché’d zap I used to read about in books, but I feel something when our warm fingers touch. I meet his green gaze, which I have become accustomed too. Oliver seems as though he is searching for something. Maybe that’s me? I’m looking for something that is really never there. Am I able to take the first step forward?
Oliver breaks first as he gets in the driver’s seat and puts his belt on.
I need a distraction. Oliver is bringing feelings out in me that I want kept hidden away.
Wait.
I don’t think I do want to keep them hidden away.
Eyeing the straw quizzically, I tilt my head forward and take a sip. Mhmm Iced Coffee swirls in my mouth and the coolness of the drink slides down my throat.
“Thanks. This is so good.”
Oliver drives out of the parking lot and continues his way towards the town centre. This small town has beautiful banners lining the streets with Christmas lights underneath.
My foot taps to the song playing on the radio. I have noticed this station plays a lot of old hits, music I grew up with.
“Are you always this quiet?” Oliver asks after a while.
Turning to look at him, “I’m a little shy I guess.” My shoulders shrug because he brings this shyness out in me. I am feeling shy right now, which is completely new to me. None of my friends or family would ever describe me as shy. I was forever the bitch to Ali with her relationship with Cam.
Jealousy is a curse. I owe them both a huge apology, because that must explain why I was so bitchy with them. And now I have time to indulge in a little self-awareness, I can see there were triggers in my own relationship, but I would brush them off, because that’s how I thought a relationship should be.
Man, I was so wrong!
“You ready?” Oliver asks as he steps out of the car and walks towards a florist.
Why the hell is he at a florist? He never did explain why. I follow him into the store, as I’m curious to find out.
6
Oliver
The smell of flowers hits me in the face, my nose itches. Hope this doesn’t start up my hay fever. “Hey, you want to take a look around while I’m chatting with the chick over there?” I point to the counter where the shop assistant is standing.
“Sure,” Jay presses her lips flat, there’s this look in her eyes I can’t decipher. It’s hard to pinpoint her feelings as she hides them well.
It feels wrong to turn my back on Jay as I make my way to the counter.
“Hi, how may I help you,” the girl asks as I approach, her smile is a bit flirty, but it’s a part of being in this type of business.
“I’m looking for flowers.” Oh man, that is so lame!
“That’s great, because we’re all out of cheese.” She says.
In another corner of the shop, I hear Jay laugh at the assistant’s quip.
The assistant smiles at me and says, “Do you know what type of flower you’re after?”
Scratching my chin, “no.”
She lowers her voice and says, “Are you after a bunch? A box or vase?”
I have no idea. Oh God, she thinks I’m buying for Jay. I’m not. Why did I bring her? Oh yes, she’s supposed to be helping me. Or something. Maybe I just wanted her near me.
The assistant smiles again, “Do you have a favourite colour?” She hefted a catalogue onto the counter between us and began flicking through.
Maybe this will jog my memory. I check over my shoulder and notice Jay has stepped closer to the counter. “Babe,” the endearment rolls off my tongue so easily with Jay. “You wanna come help me choose?”
Jay gives me a quizzical look. I see her swallow. She nods. “Sure,” Jay walks over and joins me at the counter.
“What are we looking at?” she asks. Those big beautiful eyes, peer into mine and I’m sold, I would officially do anything for this woman. The urge to brush her hair over her shoulder runs through my brain. I don’t want to scare Jay off yet.
I cough to clear my throat and pull the catalogue closer. “I’m looking for flowers for my sister.”
“Oh,” Jay lowers her head as her voice sounds disappointed.
Does she want flowers?
Jay quietly says, “Do you know what she likes?”
“No, not really. She’s my sister I would never ask her something like that!” Raising my eyebrow, I sound incredulous.
Jay nods her head as she flicks through the pictures of the different flower arrangements available.
“Is it okay if I choose them?” Jay bites her lip.
My hand moves on their own accord. My thumb pulls the plump lip she’s trapped under her teeth.
Lust flashes in Jays eyes briefly before she masks it.
Jay looks at the photos again and points to a red-looking bouquet.
“Pick this one.” Jay runs out the door.
I quickly work out stuff with the girl and run after Jay.
Placing my hand on her shoulder I turn J
ay around. She’s close to tears as she looks up at me.
Both her hands come up.
“What was that?” she yells as she pushes hard against my chest.
I feel the frown spread across my face.
“Jay, it was just—"
“No, Oliver, don’t give me an answer.” She folds her arms over her chest. “Can you please take me home.”
“But we—"
“Take me home, Oliver.”
Sighing, I give in. Reaching into my pocket I unlock my car. Jay hops in with an angry look on her face.
We drive in silence to Jay’s place.
I have stuffed this right up, big time.
7
“Jay, can we please talk about this?” Oliver asks as I climb out of his car. “I am so sorry for whatever happened. My sister is getting married and she’s freaking out about the flowers, but when I got to the shop, I had no idea there were so many and … I choked,”
“You could have told me that in the car on the way home.” I argue.
“I guess I was shocked. I was in a panic and then you freaked out.”
“I did not freak out.” I fume, my ears feel red, is the steam pouring out yet? Oh hell. This is stupid. “I mean, I freaked out, but I had reason to. OK? You took me to a flower shop and I had no idea what you were doing. And then when you touched my lip I just … this is all my fault, I am obviously reading way too much into everything.”
Oliver places a hand on my shoulder and my whole resolve crumbles. My eyes veer down as I try to concentrate on a weed in the pathway.
Oliver lifts my chin up gently with his fingers and his green eyes steal mine.
“I haven’t touched anyone else since I’ve met you.” Oliver makes known. There is so much sincerity in his eyes, that I want to believe him, but I’ve been hurt before I’m too scared to love again.
“Oliver, I can’t give you what you want.”
“What’s that?”
I pull back slightly from his grasp.
“Love, intimacy—" I swallow the lump in my throat, “—sex.”
“Jay, someone did a number on you, and if I ever meet him, I might have to run him over. I don’t want you for sex, though I’m sure it would blow my mind.” Oliver steps forward and runs the back of his hand down my cheek. “Baby, you’re beautiful, smart, independent. You’re more than just someone to share my bed with—"
“—I’m thirty,” I blurt out.
“And I’m twenty-six,” he shrugs as though it’s no big deal.
Is it a deal to me? “You should find someone your age, Oliver.”
“Age, what is age, but a number. There’s only four years between us?”
Oh my gosh, I’m sure I’ve heard those lines before used on girlfriends. Oliver is just never going to give up.
Oliver cups my face.
“I’m yours if you’ll have me?”
Oliver is breaking down all those protective barriers I’ve built since leaving Richard.
“I’m still married.”
He balks, then collects himself. “You don’t wear a ring. I did actually check that, because I would never want to come between anyone.”
“I … we broke up, but we’re not divorced yet, so yeah, I’m still married.”
“Are you waiting for him to come back?”
Peering down, I mumble, “No.”
“Do you want him to come back?”
“No!” leaps from my throat.
“Good.” Oliver leans down and a gentle, soft kiss captures my lips. We move in sync with one another. All the fears I have with Oliver fall to the pathway underneath us. My heart beats behind my ribcage as I close my eyes. Butterflies swarm in my stomach wanting an escape. My insides melt. My hands move to Oliver’s shoulders and then reach around his neck. My fingers thread through his soft hair.
Oliver breaks the kiss and leans his forehead against mine. Our breathing is hard as we both catch our breath back.
Taking a step back, my fingers touch my tingling lips. “Ah, thanks—goodbye,” I say as I unlock the front door, step behind, shut and lock the door before sprinting to my bedroom where I land on the bed and scream into my pillow.
This feels childish, but I can still feel his lips on mine.
And at this point, I start to realise what’s wrong. It’s not that I don’t trust Oliver.
I don’t think I trust myself.
I am a really bad judge of character, because I ended up with Richard. He was so different to Oliver, I see that now. The signs were there with Richard, I just kept right on ignoring them.
The signs are not there with Oliver. Well, not the bad signs. The good signs are all there.
Can I do this with him?
My body is starting to age. I’m thirty for crying out loud!
My phone rings. I roll to my side and feel the lump of my handbag underneath my hip. Sitting up, I get my phone out of my handbag. I swipe it across to answer.
Alison’s face pops up on the screen. Her children are scream-yelling behind her.
“Oh my god! Somethings happened!” Alison squeals.
I can feel the blush spread across my face.
“Wait I know that look! You met someone! Who is he?” Alison asks.
I lay back on the bed and take a deep breath. “I met Oliver back in Rockingham, when I worked for Jo,” I explain.
“Hmmm,” Alison is waiting for more of an explanation.
“I swear I didn’t know he lived here. I don’t even know why he was in Rockingham to begin with. I guess I never asked. I have been spending some time with him. Not in a that way.”
The kids are making so much noise in the background, they can’t really hear what I’m saying, but I need to mind what I do say, because kids have that knack of suddenly hearing what they’re not supposed to. “He is nice, has a great body and he actually listens to me even though I don’t say much.” I ramble on.
“Have you kissed him?”
“Alison,” I screech.
“I’ll take that as a yes. Good for you Jennifer,”
“Jay, he calls me Jay.”
“Oh my god! I wanna meet him. Can I please come and meet this guy?” Alison pleads.
I have asked my family for no visits from them and to only contact me via the phone or emails. And they have supported me, I needed to find myself again.
“What about the kids.”
“So, I can come then?”
“Ali,” I groan.
“You didn’t exactly say no,” her lips purse. Before I correct her she’s already pretending I’ve sent an invitation.
“Yay!” Alison yells. “Honey, were going to Esperance for Christmas.”
“Isn’t Cam working?” I ask.
“No, he has a few days leave.”
“It’s a nine-hour drive from Perth, Ali, the kids will get bored in the car.”
“Don’t worry I’ll get it sorted. Look at you, caring about your nephew and niece being bored travelling the long distance. I’m happy that you’ve found someone to love,”
“I wouldn’t go that far.”
She rolls her eyes. “And you called me Ali before. You haven’t called me that since we were kids. Oliver is—"
I hold the hand that isn’t holding the phone up to stop her from continuing with whatever she was about to say. “No, don’t say it. I’m not sure I want to have a relationship with him.”
“Jen, it’s okay to find love again. You’re allowed to be loved.”
Her words resonate with my own feelings. I know what she says is true. It’s just hard.
“What if I get my heart broken again?” I half whisper.
“Okay, first of all. Richard never really appreciated the beautiful woman you are.”
“You’re supposed to say that.”
“I’m your sister, so isn’t it biased.” I think that’s the first time Alison never called my ex ‘dickhead’. “Anyway, let me finish.”
I nod my head.
“Sec
ondly he never and I mean never wanted you to shine like you are right now. Are you happy?”
“Well, no I don’t have a job yet!”
“That’s not the point I’m trying to make here. Look deep within yourself Jen. You will see this amazing woman I am proud to call my sister.”
One of her children pops into the screen. “Hi, aunt Jen-e-fur.” Alison’s daughter Kaitlyn says. It reminds me of Oliver and the way he first said my name as though he had trouble reading my name tag.
“Hi Kaitlyn, did you have school today?” I ask.
Kaitlyn nods, “mm hmm, mummy was late,”
“Traffic,” Alison calls out behind her daughter who is a mixture of her and Cam.
“Where’s your brother?” I asked Kaitlyn.
She points to an unknown place in the room. “Oh, okay. Aunty loves you,” I say as she squirms her way out of her mum’s grasp.
Alison comes back into the screen, “She’s gone to look for Cam junior, who is most probably in his room for some peace and quiet from his sister.”
“I’ve got to go. Dinner waits for no one. Now, Jen, give this Oliver a chance. It’s been enough time, you’re allowed to move on. You deserve to have fun at least.”
“Yeah, I’ll think about it. In the meantime, I’ll prepare a room for you guys, yeah?”
“Yes of course.” Alison smiles. “I love you sis, we should FaceTime more often,”
“I love you too, and I’ll think about it.”
“Stop thinking and start doing. Bye.” Alison’s face disappears as she hangs up.
I can’t help but think of the consequences of moving on and going through heartache again. I don’t think I could face it if it all fell to bits like with Richard. I can’t put myself through that again.
But Ali is right about one thing. I need to be happy within myself.
8
It’s Boxing day and I’m nervous as hell. While Oliver is more of an acquaintance—who I happened to kiss—than friend, I can’t help the butterflies fluttering with nervous array.
Why did I put myself through this?
In a way though, I’m glad it’s Ali and Cam here with me instead of my parents. I’m still ashamed of my marriage breaking up. I know it’s not my fault, but I can’t help feeling as if I disappointed them in some way.
Be Mine: Valentine Novellas to Warm The Heart Page 38
