by Holly Jaymes
Thinking of him brought tears to my eyes that I tried to blame on hormones, but I knew that it was grief and guilt. I needed to tell him about the baby, but I hadn’t figured out the best way. I suspected I was in denial of some sort hoping the test had been wrong. Except for the fatigue, I didn’t feel pregnant. I didn’t look pregnant. In fact, the thing that kept the pregnancy foremost in my life was Parker. He was making sure I got enough sleep, ate right, and had everything I needed. Much of it was stuff I knew Mitch would do if given a chance. But I also knew it wasn’t what he wanted. That didn’t absolve him or get him off the hook, but I hated that from now on my contact with him would be out of obligation. Perhaps that was why I was putting off telling him about the baby. I wanted him to want the baby and me. I didn't want him to have to do the right thing out of duty.
I left the house that week only to check on the manufacturer's progress on my samples and to see a doctor. She confirmed the pregnancy, gave me prenatal vitamins, and told me to come back next month unless I had spotting or another health issue. She said hormones could impact my blood pressure so I shouldn’t stand up too quickly from sitting or laying down. She finished with saying that I should avoid strenuous activity but that regular exertion was fine, including sex. Ha! Like I was ever having that again.
By the end of the week, I was closer to getting my clothing line ready for market, but still not as excited about it as I should be. How was it possible that just a few weeks ago, all I wanted was to start my own clothing line, and now that I was close to making it a reality, the appeal of it had waned?
“When are you going to tell mom and dad about the baby?” Parker asked me one evening as we sat on his deck after having dinner together. We had settled into a routine of eating together, unless he had a business dinner or date, and then hanging out on his deck in the evening.
“I don’t know.” I wanted this baby, but I didn’t want to see the disappointment on my parents’ faces that I’d gotten knocked up. I didn’t want the pressure to reveal the father, either. Thankfully, Parker wasn’t pushing me on it, but someday he’d have to know. I hated that I was not only going to ruin Mitch’s perfectly designed life but probably his friendship with my brother too.
“They can help too, you know. Maybe not financially, but they’ll babysit,” he said.
“How are they financially?” I asked, knowing Parker was involved in helping them figure out how to get out of the financial hole they were in.
“Not great, but they’ll live. Selling the river house helped. Downsizing and selling the current house will help. It’s too bad the business is tanking as selling that could solve a lot of problems.” He sat back in his chair, extending his legs out and crossing them at the ankles. He sipped from a glass of red wine.
“If they move south, I won’t have babysitting,” I pointed out.
“They won’t move south if they know they’re going to be grandparents.” He turned to look at me sitting next to him. “What about the baby daddy? When are you going to tell him?”
Ugh. Just when I thought I was safe from that question. “How do you know that I haven’t?”
He shrugged. “It’s hard to think you’d be with a man that wouldn’t do the right thing, and no man has shown up.”
“I’m just trying to sort things out first.”
“Hope, I’d be pissed if I’d gotten a woman pregnant and she didn’t tell me.”
I closed my eyes, knowing Mitch would be pissed too. I looked over at Parker. “What if you didn’t love her.”
“I had to care for her some to sleep with her. I’d still want to know,” he said.
“Even though you’d be tied to her when you didn’t love her? Even though you don’t want a relationship and kids?” I asked.
“Yes. That kid would be partly mine, and I’d want to be a part of its life. Not out of obligation but because it was my kid.” He gave me a pointed look. “The idea of kids is often something single men say they don’t want, but the reality can change things. I don’t want kids right now, but if a woman showed up and said she was carrying mine, you can bet I’d be there and love that kid. If your baby daddy is a good dude, he’ll feel the same.”
I sighed, knowing he was right.
“What is the problem? Won’t he handle it well?” Parker said, reaching over to take my hand.
I shrugged. “I know he’ll do the right thing like you said. And, you’re right, even though it wasn’t in the cards now, I think he’d be loving toward the child. I don’t know why I’m hesitating.” Yes, I did. I wanted Mitch to want me for me. When he heard about the baby, he’d do what needed to be done. I suspect he’d even suggest marriage, but I didn’t want him merely because of the baby. I wanted him to want me. I was being stupid and selfish.
“I’ll tell mom and dad this weekend at dinner,” I said. Parker was right in that my parents would be okay. They might even see it as good news to brighten up their stressful life.
“And the father?” Parker prodded.
“I’ll work on that as well. I’d really like to get my business up and running first. I want to show that I can take care of this baby on my own.”
Parker frowned. “He won’t help you? He has to. We can make him. Legally he has responsibilities including financial ones.”
“I know he’ll help, but I don’t want to need his help.”
“You know what they say, pride goeth before the fall,” Parker said.
“It’s not pride,” I said. “Well, maybe a little. I want to feel secure in my own ability to do it all.”
He squeezed my hand. “You are a strong, smart woman. You can do it, but you don’t have to do it alone. I’m here, and I know mom and dad will be too.”
On Sunday, I sat at the table with my parents, having a meal of roasted chicken and potatoes as I worked up the guts to tell my parents about the baby.
Under the table, Parker nudged my foot, which I took to mean he was there for me.
I waited until my mother finished telling about her adventures in couponing for the week. At first, she’d felt self-conscious about using them, but since then had taken them on as a challenge. Each time she went shopping, her goal was to save even more.
“This week, I saved twenty percent. That’s the most ever,” she said, clearly pleased with herself.
“Yay, mom,” Parker said, holding up his wine glass to salute her.
I was sticking with water, which no one had questioned so far even though I’d always enjoyed wine with them before.
“How is your business coming along, Hope?” my father asked.
“Good. I should be getting my samples soon, and I’ve been working on lining up places that can sell them.”
“The money came through?” my father asked.
“Yes. All that is good.”
“What about opening your own store?” my mother asked. “Maybe a boutique.”
“There’s a lot of overhead to that,” Parker said. “But you know an online store wouldn’t hurt.”
I remembered Mitch offering to do a website for an online store, but nothing ever came of it.
“That’s something on my list,” I said. “In the meantime, I’m working on getting other stores to carry the items. I have an outdoor line, so I’m targeting one or two of the big-name sporting good retailers.”
“Go big or go home,” Parker said, smiling at me. He really was a terrific brother.
“I do have something else to share,” I said.
“Oh?” My mother’s face showed concern, which suggested my tone wasn’t positive.
I looked at Parker, needing his support. He smiled and nodded.
I took a deep breath. “I’m…you’re going to be grandparents.”
My parents’ brows knitted together, and it seemed to take them a minute to understand what I was saying.
My mother’s eyes widened. “Oh. You’re having a baby?”
I nodded.
“I didn’t know you were seeing anyone,�
� my father said.
“It was back a little bit.” God, I hoped they didn’t put it together with the time I’d been at Mitch’s.
“Who is he?” my mother asked.
“I haven’t told him yet,” I said.
“I’ve told Hope that I’d be here to help any way I could,” Parker said.
“So you’re not getting married? The father isn’t in the picture?” my father asked. He didn’t have any judgment in his voice, which I appreciated.
Even so, I felt tears pool in my eyes about the father. “I’m sure he’ll be involved when I tell him, but no, I’m not getting married.”
My mother frowned. “Why haven’t you told him? What’s wrong with him?”
“Nothing, mom. He’s a good person. I just want to get my life sorted first. This isn’t something either of us planned.”
My mom and dad looked at each other, but I had no clue what that silent communication was about.
Finally, my mom turned back to me. “We love you, Hope, and whatever you need, we’ll help you with.”
My father nodded in agreement. “We can’t help much financially, but we support you.”
“We can babysit!” my mother exclaimed, clapping her hands over her heart. “Oh, I can’t wait.”
My father turned to her. “What about moving south?”
“That can wait. We’re going to be grandparents.”
Parker was right, as he usually was about such things. My mother went through a list of names she liked for boys and girls and wanted to know my plans for the birth. All in all, it went well, thanks to Parker.
“Thank you,” I said to Parker as I rode in the car beside him as we headed back home.
“For what?”
“For being a great big brother.”
He grinned over at me. “Good thing I took cuts coming out of the womb.”
I laughed. “Good thing, indeed.”
“Hey, what if you have twins? I hear it runs in families.”
Oh really? I wasn’t sure I could manage one baby, but two?
Parker laughed hard. “Your face is priceless right now.” He picked up his phone from the center console and snapped a picture of me. I hope he got my tongue sticking out at him.
The following week, I continued to work on my business, but I also knew that if I really wanted to get my life sorted, I needed to move into my own place. Being at Parker's home was great when I needed to move quickly because my parents sold the river home, but now that I had a baby coming, it was time for me to get settled before I got too big to move.
I didn’t want to buy a home as my business wasn’t up and running yet, and I didn’t want to use up my nest egg just in case it took longer than planned to start making money in my business. Instead, I found a cute end unit townhome in a community filled with kids not far from my parents’ house.
“You don’t have to go, Hope,” my brother said when I told him about my impending move. “You can stay as long as you want.”
“I appreciate that. I really do.” I gave him a hug to let him know how much his support meant. “But I have to do this. How can I run a business if I can’t even manage my life?”
“Living with me isn’t a sign that you’re not managing your life,” he said.
“To me, it is. It says I can’t afford to support myself.”
He leaned against the kitchen cabinet as I made us spaghetti for dinner.
“Who’s going to make me dinner when you leave?” he said.
I laughed. “Ah, the truth comes out. You want me here to cook for you.”
“Well yeah.” He grinned at me.
“Get married or get a maid.”
“I think I’ll just order takeout.” He helped carry the food to the table. “So, when are you going?”
“Next weekend.”
“That fast? Fortunately, I’m available. I was thinking of inviting Mitch to play golf, but I can rope him into moving.”
I shook my head. I still wasn’t ready to see him yet. “I’ve hired a company to move me. Mom and dad said I can take some of the furniture that’s in storage from the river house, and I only have boxes here.”
“You’ll save money by letting me and Mitch do it.”
“It’s okay. I’ve got it all arranged already.” I hoped I sounded calm and not desperate to avoid Mitch.
Parker sat back in his chair, studying me. “Did something happen between you and Mitch again?”
I swallowed hard and looked down at my spaghetti. “What do you mean?”
“When I saw you two up at his place, you seemed to be getting along. Now, it’s like before, where you don’t seem to like him.”
“I like him.” Hell, I loved him. My heart lurched into my throat, and tears threatened again. “I just don’t want to inconvenience him or you.”
“It’s no inconvenience, Hope. Not for me. And I bet not for Mitch either. He can do what he wants when he wants.”
I mustered a smile. “You can help me organize a housewarming party,” I said, hoping it would placate him.
It took him a minute to come around, but finally, he agreed.
That night as I lay in bed, I tried to work how and when I’d tell Mitch about the baby and wondered how he’d take it. One thing was for sure, the longer I waited, the worse it would be. I trusted Parker not to say anything about the baby to Mitch, but if my mother ran into Mitch’s mother, she’d probably gleefully tell her she was going to be a grandmother. If that got to Mitch before I told him, that would be a disaster.
Book 3: Chapter 20—Stabbed in the Heart
Stabbed in the Heart
Mitch
If I kept telling myself that my life was back to pre-Hope normal, eventually I’d believe it, right? It had been several weeks since she left, and yet I still often expected her to be in my bed when I woke in the morning or to join me for a walk.
“She’s like a fucking ghost,” I told Duke one morning after our run. Every day I went through the motions of my life, but she was always there, lingering in the back of my mind. The summer turned into fall, and now with the holidays around the corner, it would be cold soon. Time was marching by, but I was still stuck thinking about when Hope was here.
I wanted to know how her business was going. After she’d hinted at bank loan issues, I’d called her bank since I’d referred her there. I told them I’d back the loan, although I asked them not to tell her. I’m not sure it was legal. But it was funny how much one could get away with when he is rich. If I needed someone to jump or do me a favor, I could get it done. Good thing I wasn’t corrupt.
In the end, I knew she’d have the money to get going, but I didn’t know where she was in in the process. Did she have samples? Was she going to open a shop or just distribute through other stores? Would she follow up with Glynnis? Was she happy? Did she miss me?
No. She didn’t miss me. The last time I saw her, it was clear my being there made her uncomfortable. It both angered and saddened me. It didn’t feel fair that she’d be mad at me. I’d done everything I could to ease her concern about a possible pregnancy after our mishap. And since there clearly was no pregnancy, there was no issue. So why the cool attitude?
The only information I had about her progress was from the occasional call from Parker. He and I were working on getting together to play golf but hadn’t settled on a day yet. He’d said things were moving along. He hinted she could use some tech help, but didn’t come out and ask, and neither did Hope. I remembered I’d offered to do a website for her. Immediately, the idea appealed to me because it would be another thing I could do to help her reach her goal, as well as be another excuse to see her. Apparently, I was a glutton for punishment because the last time I saw her didn’t go so well.
Maybe I wouldn’t see her, but I could get in touch with her. Perhaps it was time to treat her like the woman I wanted to be with. Instead of hiding my feelings, maybe I needed to start showing them. I could start small, with email and texting. I could work my w
ay up to phone calls and video chats. Then I could ask her on a date.
There was Parker to contend with, but if she responded and showed interest, I’d deal with him. The question was, would she show interest? My last encounter with her suggested she wouldn’t, but maybe it was just awkward because Parker was there.
The holidays would be here soon. Maybe I could give her a website as a Christmas gift. I got in touch with Parker to see if he could send me pictures of any of Hope’s clothes she’d designed that I could use as samples.
“What are you getting me for my birthday?” he asked after agreeing to see what he could get. He indicated he’d try to get them this week as Hope was moving into a townhome over the weekend. I’d offered to help, but he said she’s hired out. I wondered if that was so I didn’t come help.
“I’m going to let you win at golf,” I answered his question.
Parker laughed. “How about the weekend after next?”
“I’ll be there.”
I spent the next two weeks working on the website, trying to make it sleek and sophisticated like her, but also easy to use on the front end for the shopper, as well as on the back end for her or whoever she’d end up hiring to run her online store.
Parker emailed a few pictures, and I was so proud of her and how well the clothes were turning out. I wondered if she had stores signed up yet to sell them.
The next weekend, I drove down the mountain and met Parker for golf. I had most of the website done, so I gave him information about it and where I was hosting it to see if he could check it and give me feedback on what he thought Hope would like.
“You’re going to spoil her,” Parker said, as we walked up to the tee on the sixth hole. “Meanwhile, you’re kicking my ass in golf. I thought you were going to let me win.”
I laughed. “It’s not Christmas yet, man.” I stepped up to the tee and put my ball down.
