by J. A. Saare
I slashed out with a weapon that wasn't as sharp or easy to use. While silver, it still took force, and his body would naturally start to heal. I was so happy about that. I hacked at the skin on his head, the source of his life seeping through my fingers as chunks gave way and forced me to change my grip. I gloried in his cries, wanting them to continue.
"Tell him the servant he wants is here." I applied pressure as I reached the rear of his head. "Tell him to come get me."
A large portion tore free, and Marius wailed in misery.
I yanked, knowing what was attached to my hand would rip from his head. Blood and skin flung with the motion, creating an arch of blood that hit me right in the face, covering one side of it. Something hard and sharp pierced my forehead and stayed there. In my fury, using the power of my rage, I'd managed to go so deep I'd taken part of his skull. A piece had flown up and embedded in my head. The family watched what transpired, and I wanted them to understand my agony and grief.
I wanted them to see how it had changed me.
See what heartbreak can make me do?
It wasn't enough, the emotional pain too much to bear.
I needed something different to alleviate complete misery.
I lifted the butterfly knife that was now bent and somewhat twisted and brought it over the eye that Marigold had claimed. I pulled the blade down, applying pressure as it traveled over a large area of my forehead, carried over my eye, and ended its journey when it slid down my cheek. Not satisfied with the pain, I started at the center of my head, letting the sharp portion take a solid chunk of flesh. The blade might be fucked and had become dull, but I wasn't a vampire. The implement still cut deep. Skin parted and gaped, leaving areas bare and seeping.
I'm bleeding for her, even now.
The amulet thrummed, and its power coursed through me. I didn't answer the call as I went to my knees, wanting to be eye level with the vampire. His maker would see me. I didn't want to be nice and tidy when Revenald got the message. I yanked the elastic from my hair, letting the length come apart and cascade around my shoulders.
"I will end you for taking what I love from me."
Marius studied me, no longer crying out.
He'd endured so much pain. He'd given in to it.
Blood flowed, cascading down his face.
Just like mine.
"He knows," he told me, and I heard pain in his voice, "but he won't come."
"Too bad for you." I rose, embracing the pulsating burn coming from my face. The amulet was already hard at work sealing the gashes. "On your back. Time for the rest."
There was no way he could resist, but he did as I instructed.
He flopped into the position I wanted.
He did so willingly, compliant about his lot in life. Perhaps if I were in my right frame of mind, not fueled by misery and despair, I'd have appreciated his acceptance. He knew he'd messed up, and he'd taken it like a man. There was value in that. But I didn't care, not when I could get more from him. I cut away the front portion of his clothing, and he didn't fight me. I'd become a monster created by monsters a long time ago. Ray Bradshaw, my former foster-father turned tormenter, didn't have shit on me.
I'd just never imagined I could take my wickedness so far.
I started at the area above his ankles, skinning him like the animal he was, throwing slabs of slippery flesh, thick meat, and sharp pieces of bone away when I couldn't hold complete portions in my free hand. Blood coated my fingers and palm and made them sticky as minutes sped by. I didn't take care, hacking at him, trying to vent my rage. Chunks of his body hit the ground as I kept going, creating dimpled areas on his legs. He'd been screaming a while, but to me, it was a symphony. Images of my sister were currently playing in my head with his cries as the soundtrack.
He wanted it to end; I never did.
By the time I'd come to his groin, I'd had my fill.
His injuries were horrific and severe, but they wouldn't kill him.
His body had already healed in certain areas.
Marius had created a chasm inside me, a void that could only be filled with pain and anger, but he wasn't the one I really wanted.
There was only one individual who could appease my hurt.
"Revenald," I said, tossing the bent and no longer usable butterfly knife aside so I could reach for Sucker. "You're next."
With the cursed blade, the next task seemed far too lenient for Marius.
It was easy. Too easy.
I wondered if I should have extended his torment when images of Jenny changed. I didn't know if Gabriel made it happen or if I'd reached out to them on my own. I remembered her on the rare occasions when she'd been happy. She wouldn't have wanted this for anyone, including someone who'd taken part in her demise. She'd always taken her disgrace and humiliation on the chin and looked out for others while she did. She always argued for those weaker than her. She'd have asked me to show the person facing my absolute fury one thing.
Mercy.
Aware of that, I severed Marius's neck quickly. I grasped one of his ears and hiked his head into the air. I held it above me like a fucking trophy, gasping for breath.
"You've seen and witnessed," Gabriel said, his words loud and carrying into the hot summer night. "Never forget. Remember."
I lifted my chin slightly, feeling blood from my head trickle and ooze down my face, and peered over my shoulder. Dozens of vampires had appeared during the ordeal, watching from a few yards away. Gabriel had told them to come. They were the ones who'd agreed to join the cause, swearing fealty to him. Other dark creatures had also made the trip to see the punishment firsthand. Some stood on the roof of the mansion; others kneeled at its side.
My eyes landed on one witness in particular.
A large and bulky figure had changed his location.
Bane.
He looked at me, meeting my eyes, and lifted his right hand into the air. The outlines on the roof and by the lawn inched closer, salivating after a fresh kill. I noted many now had glowing eyes. Bane slowly looked at the ground beside him.
I followed his line of sight and saw the chest Paine had given me.
He must have known how important it was.
After I'd seen the chest, Bane approached.
His eyes shifted from blue to black as he lifted his hands. Red and blue flames surrounded his body but didn't appear to do damage to his clothing. The scar on his face moved in a way that wasn't natural, shifting along his skin. He came to me, took Marius's head from my grasp, and whispered something I didn't understand. The language was unlike any other, like a record playing in reverse. A vortex appeared, magenta and lavender at the edges, revealing a place I'd been to when Marigold's memories consumed me. I could smell the stink and feel the darkness wafting from it.
Hell.
I gazed into it, seeing numerous forms.
"Your reign here has ended," Bane announced, and he sounded perfectly serene. He tossed Marius's head into the swirling area. Then he went to Jonny's corpse and retrieved his head. He threw it in too. "Come into our domain and expect the same. This is your only warning."
A figure stepped forward, gaining shape in the portal.
Revenald.
"I'm coming for you, bitch," he snarled and met my gaze.
Stupid bastard should have known better.
I wasn't scared of him.
"I won't let you run a second time." I made it to my feet, wanting to face him dead-on. I was thankful he could see me standing tall, bloodied, and unafraid when I told him, "You know where I am. Pay a visit." He narrowed his green eyes, and the smile I gave him wasn't one of happiness but of promises to come. "I dare you."
The bloodlust ebbed and vanished.
"Take your place beside me." Gabriel expected me to return from the brink. He'd given me what he could and wanted the woman he loved back. "It's finished."
No, it wasn't. Not yet.
I went to the vortex.
"Time is valuable, but I'm
waiting," I informed Revenald, stopping at the barrier as my smile faded. As the circle that allowed me to see him got smaller, folding in on itself, I told the half-demon in all seriousness, "I'm doing that for a reason, fucker." The shimmering halo was almost gone when I shared, "I'm waiting for you."
Chapter Eight
I'd finished drying my hair and was pulling on my clothes when a knock sounded at the door. I stopped dressing, wondering who'd come a calling, taking in my surroundings. Shutters had lifted from the windows two hours ago, meaning the sun was down. The vampires in the residence had absolute freedom of movement. Anyone could have decided to pay me a visit.
"Rhiannon?" Goose's voice came through the heavy wood. "Can I come in?"
"You can if you want to see me partially naked," I called out, wriggling into my jeans. I only had one change of clothes, which were ones I'd put in the closet a long time ago. I'd lost a lot of muscle and weight on The Minnow. The fit was looser than I liked. "Or you can give me another minute to avoid any nightmare fuel."
He didn't come in, meaning he picked up what I'd put down.
Hurry. Go. Go.
I rushed to zip the jeans and retrieve the socks I'd placed on the bed. "Come in."
The door opened slowly, and he peeked inside. I noted the apparent relief in his warm brown eyes when he saw me clothed. He stepped in, closed the door behind him, and he didn't move.
I kept my yap shut, ashamed to face him at all.
He'd tried to warn my stupid fucking ass.
There was a lot of ground to cover.
I wasn't sure if he wanted to argue about things I'd done or start over.
"I've done a lot of digging since you've been gone." He dove straight into current events and not our twisted history. "I've found things that I'm certain pertain to Marigold. I think I know places she might be, but I'm not sure. Some of the things I found came directly from the information I gave you from Mary Agnes." He swallowed thickly, and I looked at him. Good thing I'd let him take charge. He sounded okay at the door, but now he seemed as uptight and edgy as a rat in a cage. If metal bars had been in front of him, he'd have been gnawing on them. "Gabriel told me I should share what I learned, but I wanted to make sure that was fine with you."
Poor bastard.
He hadn't been around me in a very long time. He had seen me turn so evil and vile the night before that even he—the most social and amiable person I'd ever met—had no idea what to say. There was more to the situation, like with everything. He'd told Marius about the amulet. In his own way, he'd instigated shit.
But he hadn't meant to. I knew that without a doubt.
"Chillax, most pristine waterfowl." I tried to center myself, recalling our previous conversations. I seemed like they had taken place so long ago. I pulled up my socks. "It's all good."
I was furious with him at one time, but not anymore. A lot had happened in five months. He'd told me what could happen back then, and I hadn't listened. He had been much like me, performing as a puppet, trying not to tangle his strings. He'd done what he had to help the family and survive.
"Is Disco in the office?" I asked. When he nodded, I told myself we couldn't keep going like this. I wasn't the person I used to be. That young woman had died right along with those she loved. We had to reintroduce ourselves and create new ground. "Stop acting strange, okay? Be yourself. It's a trend these days." Knowing he needed to hear the truth in matters, fully aware I had to admit my faults, I informed him, "I'm not mad at you, Ethan."
His head slowly lifted. "You're not?"
"Of course not." I pulled my boots over and put them on my feet. "You were trapped in a shitty situation. You made some calls to protect the family, and they didn't go the way you thought they would. That kind of shit happens all the time."
"When does that happen?" he asked with gravity. "Tell me."
I glanced at him and recognized the torment in his face.
Fuck. He blamed himself and shouldn't.
"After you get involved with a stupid bitch like me." I'd accepted I was a piece of shit after I'd taken Jenny into the sun to die. I'd lived on my own for so long I'd stopped caring how my actions affected others. I should have found another way to prevent the hellish future I'd visited. I'd been too consumed by the tools at my disposal, unwilling to let them go. I'd thought about myself and ending the future I'd witnessed only. A smart person would have used that energy to look for alternative solutions. "I meant well, but I was too stubborn to listen and pay attention to any of you. If you want to point a finger at someone, point it right at me. I deserve it."
His expression softened, and he inched closer. "The circumstances and amulet didn't help. They influenced you."
"Which was also my fault," I reminded him, allowing myself to bask in the misery brought on by the cold, hard fact. No way I'd let him think any of this happened because of him. He'd always been too good for me, a friend I didn't deserve. "I could have made different choices, but I looked out for myself like a selfish asshole. Revenald never would have come here if it wasn't for me."
"It was all new to you."
His understanding made me feel even worse. "Stop giving me outs because I don't fucking deserve them, okay? I know what I did, and I know who's to blame. I'd do everything differently if I could."
"I know you would."
Angry at myself, I snapped, "You do?"
"Yes, I do. You're different now." He sounded almost sad, like he mourned the loss of who I once was. "I noticed it as soon walked inside to greet the family. You're not comfortable in your own skin. You don't know who you are anymore."
Perceptive as always.
"We're all different now, Goose." I didn't bother arguing. The man was right. I viewed many things differently, becoming another version of the woman I used to be. "Grief changes people. I'm no exception."
"That's true, but we've had time to mourn. We've been able to come to terms with things and move on with our lives. You and Gabriel haven't had a chance to do the same. Both of you have to give yourself that. You'll never heal if you don't."
"I'm sure we'll figure something out when we're not fighting to stay alive."
Grief wasn't the only thing that changed me. All the killing in the last few months had as well. When I closed my eyes and tried to think happy thoughts, visions of blood and my prior actions rose to the surface instead. When I wanted to smell fresh air and remember why life was so vital, I latched onto the stench of regret and remembered what I'd lost. Every single time I'd muddled through the emotions, I had come to one conclusion.
If not for Gabriel, I'd have ended it all.
Part of me wanted to be with those I missed.
I'm so fucked up. "I'm tired of chaos and death."
"I would be, too."
"I'm sorry," I whispered, using the only two words I could. I repeated them because they brought me a strange amount of self-ease. "I'm sorry."
In moments like these, what else could I say?
"Why are you sorry?" His voice had become hoarse, vibrating with heavy emotion. "I didn't have the courage to go to Gabriel after Revenald put him in the ground. I think about that all the time. I was too afraid. But you weren't. You faced them all to get him back, even if it killed you." He shuddered and swiped at his arms. "I couldn't save or protect him."
"Don't ever say that, because it's not true," I said, revealing turmoil and emotion of my own. Goose didn't understand or appreciate just how important he was. I might have the inborn gifts, but he had the knowledge, wisdom, and patience to guide me when I managed to shut the fuck up and listen to him.
"Isn't it?"
Why does he keep asking questions? "If something happened to me, you'd have found a way to get him out. Only you'd have done it the right way. You would have come up with a plan and given it your all to make it happen. It's true I went back to the hellhole mansion, but it wasn't just to save him."
I thought I might cry, so I took a moment.
Sometimes that
truth hurt more than the rest.
I hadn't decided to save my sister and one true love because I needed them more than life itself. That had been part of things, but I had motivations that stretched far beyond his well-being.
Clearing my throat, I confessed, "I went back for my own reasons. I wanted all of them to pay for what they'd done." It was time to tell him the fucking truth. "I'm no hero or saint, Ethan. I was just more reckless with my life than a normal person would be." It was how I'd learned to live. Accepting life only came one day at a time for me. Drawing air through my nostrils, centering myself as best I could, I told him an absolute fact, "If you're building me up as a savior in your head, you need to stop. I didn't go to Gabriel because I served him and had sworn fealty. I did it because there was a part of me that would never let it go. I wanted to hurt those who had hurt me."
I wanted them all to pay.
"It doesn't matter why you did it. We're all grateful."
"Even with the debt I owe?" I'd put them in the middle of the shit because of my bargain. "Fucking around with demons and angels caused all this. I've brought that right into the house."
"That will be a distant memory once we find Marigold." His gaze darted to my eyes, and he met my stare. He took in the change in my left iris. "I thought she'd pull something with your bargain. I never trusted her."
"Your instincts were always better than mine."
"Not my instincts," he corrected, shaking his head, calming down. "The amulet is how I knew. She crafted the thing, and that told me a lot about her. I told you those who fall have a measure of darkness in them. Some carry more than others. She might work for God, but she's corrupt. Her soul went to Hell for a reason."
"She likes what Lucifer does to her," I informed him, cringing when a yucky zing traveled up my spine. "In some ways, I think she wanted him to catch her."
He studied me, brows coming together as his lips thinned. "You're aware of everything when you're in her memories, aren't you?"
"I sure am." I fucking deserved it for being so goddamned stupid. "I feel every part of it. This last time I tried to figure her out, but I didn't get far. You have no idea how disgusting the attacks are." I wasn't going into details. Goose didn't need to know what I experienced when Lucifer and Marigold got carnal and dirty. He had been hurt, but his center was pure and not corrupted. "She's repulsed, but in a way she likes. She enjoys the degradation. She's not the sharpest tool in the shed if you catch my drift."
