Breathless

by HELEN HARDT

  I shook my head. How could I even compare my situation to Donny’s? He’d been through the hell that Talon had been through—physical and sexual abuse as a young child. Me? I was heading into middle age when I found out my father was a perverted psycho.

  Despite my father’s disgusting tendencies, he’d never laid a hand on me or my mother. He had laid a hand—and other parts—on my best friend’s brother, Talon Steel. He’d done worse to my cousin Luke Walker. My father and his two psycho cronies had killed Luke after torturing him.

  How Joe and Talon could even look at me eluded me sometimes. If the situation were reversed, I wasn’t sure I could be so forgiving. Granted, I’d done nothing wrong. Nothing. And they didn’t blame me for my father’s actions.

  But shouldn’t I have known?

  My father had been a respected attorney. My father had been the one who welcomed Talon back to Snow Creek as a war hero when he returned from Iraq. My father, who’d also been Talon’s rapist when he was young.

  I shuddered.

  I shuddered a lot these days.

  Yet the Steels bore no ill will toward me or my mother. But I did. How could we not have known? Shouldn’t we have seen clues? How do you live with a psychopath and have no idea who he truly is?

  Pure evil.

  That was my father.

  Pure evil.

  And part of me was frightened beyond words.

  Frightened that I was the same as he.

  “Bryce?”

  I nearly jumped, spinning around.

  Talon Steel stood in the kitchen, his hair a mass of unruly dark waves and his cheeks pink with windburn.

  “Hey, Tal.”

  “I said your name three times. You were in another world.”

  “Just watching Donny and the pups.”

  “Yeah, he’s amazing. So much strength for such a little guy.”

  “Do you ever worry he’ll break?” I wished I could take back the words as soon as I uttered them. Of course Talon worried. We all did.

  “I do. But he’s getting the best therapy available with Melanie twice a week and with a child psychologist in Denver once a month. Right now, though, Dale is the issue. He’s having a hard time opening up to both doctors. At least Donny’s talking. Trust me. The more you hold it in, the more it just eats away at you. I’ve been there.”

  I nodded. What could I say? We all knew Talon’s story…including my father’s involvement.

  “So what’s up?” Talon asked.

  I cleared my throat. “I went to Joe’s first, but he wasn’t home.”

  “He and Melanie went out.”

  “I heard. Great news about the baby.”

  “True. Jade’s so young, she doesn’t need an amnio. Thank God. This pregnancy has been hard enough on her as it is.”

  “She’s strong.”

  “That she is. And we both want this baby so much. Can you imagine? Me with three kids? I never thought I’d want children, but when I met Jade, that all changed.”

  I nodded. Again, I didn’t know what to say. I had always wanted children. Indeed, I had a child—a beautiful son I adored. But now I worried constantly. I didn’t exactly come from great genes.

  Henry was here, and all I could do was hope like hell he hadn’t inherited any of my father’s mental issues. But that was it for me. No more kids. No more chances of handing down my father’s defective brain.

  Talon cleared his throat. “Is everything okay? Your mom? Henry?”

  “We’re fine.”

  Right. Fine. What a crock. Henry was fine, at least. At a little over a year old, he was way too young to have a clue about the upheaval we’d all been through. Thank God for small favors.

  “What’s up, then?”

  I inhaled, gathering what little strength I had left. “I hate asking you this, but I’m desperate. I need a job, Talon.”

  “Aren’t you—”

  I shook my head. I was a financial analyst by trade, and I knew what he was going to ask. “I can’t. I can’t work at a desk right now. I want to be outside doing physical labor.”

  “Really? With your background, we could find you a desk position. We could use your brain, man.”

  I shook my head again, this time more vehemently. “Most of my father’s assets have been seized, so I need to be working. But no, Tal. Please. I just want to be a hand. In the orchards, vineyards, with the cattle. Whatever. I don’t care. Just put me to work. I want to do a hard day’s work and then be too fucking exhausted to think.”

  “If it’s money—”

  “Absolutely not. I want to earn my keep.”

  “You know we’d do anything for you. You and Joe have been friends your whole lives.”

  “I do know that, though I don’t deserve it.”

  “Look, this is getting to be a broken record, Bryce. None of us blames—”

  I held up my hand to stop him. I’d heard it all before. He was right. It had become a broken record. “Damn it, Talon, I want to work. I need to work. I need to feel like I’m doing something for my son and my mom. I know you don’t blame me, and I appreciate it. That doesn’t stop me from blaming myself.”

  “But you didn’t do anything.”

  “No, I didn’t, but I should have known what kind of man my father was. I should have figured it out before now.”

  “You were thirteen when I was taken, Bryce.”

  A tiny spot on the wall piqued my interest. At least I pretended it did. “Okay. Maybe I couldn’t have prevented what happened to you. But later. As a man. I should have seen—”

  “All fed!”

  I turned at Marj’s voice.

  She whisked into the kitchen. “Jade ate it all, though she looked a little green. But I think she’ll keep it down.”

  Talon smiled. “Good to hear. I need to go see how she’s doing. In bed all day?”

  “Most of it,” Marj said. “She’s a little better now.”

  He nodded and walked out of the kitchen.

  Leaving me without the job I’d come for.

  And in the presence of the most beautiful woman I’d ever laid eyes on.

  “Ready for dinner?” she asked.

  “Uh…sure. Where should I sit?”

  “Wherever you want.” She set a salad bowl on the table and then went to the door and opened it. “Donny! Dinner!”

  The little boy ran inside. “I’m starved!”

  “Good.” She ruffled the hair on his head. “Go get your brother. Your dad is in his bedroom with your mom. Tell him to come on out and eat too.”

  He trotted out of the kitchen.

  She laughed. “That kid never walks. He trots. It’s the cutest thing.”

  “He’s a great kid.”

  “He really is.” Marj bit her lip. “I just can’t…”

  I walked over to her and placed my hands on her shoulders. Her warmth surged into me, and though I was far from in the mood, my groin tightened. “I know. It’s horrible what he went through. His brother too. And Tal.”

  She nodded, saying nothing, her eyes becoming shiny with tears.

  “Hey. Don’t. Everything’s okay now.”

  She sniffed back the tears and nodded. “I have to be strong for them. All of them.”

  Strength. This woman had it in abundance. So much more than I possessed.

  I wanted some of it.

  Needed some of it.

  Needed her.

  Without thinking, I bent my head and pressed my lips to hers.

  Chapter Three

  Marjorie

  Soft. So soft.

  I’d dreamed of how Bryce’s lips might feel on mine ever since our “almost kiss.”

  Now I knew. His gorgeous full pink lips were soft, the softest I’d ever kissed.

  I parted my own.

  Was I being too forward? Perhaps he just meant to give me a—

  He swept his tongue into my mouth.

  Not too forward after all.

  His tongue was warm and probing, a
nd I met it with my own. It was a soft kiss, not urgent, though I could feel the potential. A soft hum vibrated from his throat, warming me all over.

  Just as quickly, though, I pulled away, breaking the suction. My family would be trampling into the kitchen at any moment.

  Bryce’s cheeks reddened. “Fuck. I’m sorry.”

  “No. Don’t be. I… It’s just… They’re coming in for din—”

  Donny clanked in, his older brother, Dale, behind him. “Dad’s coming,” he said.

  I swallowed. The boys wouldn’t notice anything. But Talon…

  “Hey, guys,” Bryce said. “Looks like I’m eating with you tonight.”

  “Cool,” Donny said. “Are you going to make us eat salad again, Auntie?”

  I smiled, gathering what was left of my composure, which wasn’t much. All I could think about was that kiss and how I ached to finish it.

  “You bet I am. It’s Caesar salad. You like that.”

  “Not with the fishies.”

  “I left the fishies out this time, sweetie. Dale, you hungry?”

  Dale nodded. As usual, he didn’t say much. At least he was eating, and he’d gained back most of the weight he’d lost while in captivity.

  The boys sat down as Talon entered.

  “Jade’s doing better,” he said. “I hate that she’s so sick.”

  “And the doctor says it’s all okay?” Bryce asked.

  “Yeah. Just really bad morning sickness. It might be another month before she gets any relief. I hate leaving her here all day, but the work has to get done. We all took so much time off with the case, so it’s crazy now. I’m really glad you’re here, Sis.”

  “I’d do anything for her,” I said. “And you.”

  “I know. We appreciate it more than you’ll ever know. Once Jade is feeling better, you can go on with your plans for Paris.”

  Bryce stopped with a forkful of salad in midair. “Paris?”

  “It was only a passing thought,” I said.

  “Not a passing thought,” Talon said. “You’re going to study at Le Cordon Bleu. Joe, Ryan, and I are handling things here. We’ll take good care of your quarter. It’s time for you to do what you were meant to do. You’ll be a master chef someday.”

  “Paris?” Bryce said again.

  “Why not?” Talon said. “Julia Child herself studied there. One day you’ll be cooking circles around her.”

  “Paris?” Bryce said for the third time.

  “You hard of hearing?” Talon jibed him.

  He let out what sounded like a forced laugh. “Paris sounds great. You’ll be a smash there, Marj.”

  “Nothing is set in stone,” I said.

  “The hell it’s not.” Talon took a bite of salad.

  Donny and Dale said nothing, just shoveled food into their mouths. My heart broke just a little more. They were still so afraid their food would be taken away.

  My brothers had been hounding me to take my cooking more seriously since Ryan and Ruby’s wedding. I’d taken a few classes in Grand Junction and had loved them, but right now, I truly felt my place was with my family. They’d all been through so much. I wanted—needed—to be here for them.

  And then there was Bryce…

  Lord, I wanted to finish that kiss.

  He’s too old for you.

  The voices of all three of my brothers chanted inside my head.

  Of course, Talon was ten years older than Jade. Bryce was a mere three years older than Talon, making him thirteen years older than I was. Would they really balk at a measly three years?

  I jarred myself back to reality. We’d had one tiny kiss, and already I had us walking down the aisle. Truth was, I wasn’t in any hurry for marriage, even though within the past year I’d witnessed all three of my brothers find love and tie the knot.

  I had to get out of my own head first.

  My father had left me when I was eighteen. At the time, I’d thought he’d died. Instead, he’d faked his own death once all his children were of age. I was the youngest and the only girl, seven years younger than my youngest brother, Ryan.

  Then there was my mother…

  I’d always been told she’d killed herself when I was a baby. I had no memories of her. Until recently. She lived in a fantasy world where I was still a baby and Talon and Jonah were still little boys. Ryan didn’t exist in her world…because he was not her biological child.

  He was the son of my father and his stalker, Wendy Madigan.

  My life was a big mess.

  Plus, I had God only knew how much crazy in my genes. My brothers shared the genetic crazy. In fact, Ryan probably had more. His biological mother was a true psychopath. Still, Joe and Tal were having children from their own bodies, and Melanie had assured all of us that if we weren’t exhibiting “crazy” by now, we were probably fine.

  Still…I worried.

  I loved children. Dale and Donny had both wormed their way into my heart in a short time, and Bryce’s son, Henry, was an adorable little mini-Bryce with a sweet disposition.

  I missed him.

  I hadn’t seen him since Ryan and Ruby’s wedding. Bryce had been around a few times, but always sans Henry. I wasn’t sure why.

  “Right, Marj?”

  I jerked toward Talon’s voice. “Huh?”

  “Aren’t you listening?”

  “Sorry,” I mumbled.

  “No big deal,” Talon said. “I was just telling Bryce that we could use his expertise around here, but he’s dead set on a job that uses his brawn instead of his brain.”

  “Oh?” I had no idea what they were talking about.

  Bryce chewed his salad.

  Instead of saying anything more, I stood and collected the empty salad plates and then brought the meat, potatoes, and green beans to the table. I also set a plate of bread next to Dale and Donny. They both grabbed a slice. Anything to fill up their little bellies.

  “Can we talk about this later?” Bryce asked softly.

  “Sure,” Talon said. “After dinner.”

  I brought the food over. Talon served the boys first and then passed the dishes around. Bryce took very little, which surprised me. He was nearly as big as Joe, the tallest and most muscular of my brothers, at six feet four.

  Something was bothering him, clearly.

  I held back a huff. Of course something was bothering him. He’d been through hell just like the rest of us. His father was as crazy as Ruby’s. As crazy as Ryan’s mother.

  Rather than face the consequences of what he’d done, Bryce’s father had offed himself, right in front of Joe.

  Would things around here ever get back to normal?

  I was content most days, helping Jade and taking care of Dale and Donny. Cooking for my brother and his family who had been through so much.

  At least my brothers were more than content. Despite everything we’d gone through recently, they’d all fallen in love and found their soul mates. They were deliriously happy.

  And I was happy for them.

  Truly I was.

  I just didn’t see that in the cards for myself—at least not anytime soon.

  The boys gobbled up their food and were excused. Then Talon, Bryce, and I finished up in silence.

  Really uncomfortable and awkward silence.

  Whatever Bryce had come to see Talon about, he didn’t want to discuss it in front of me.

  Made sense. Bryce and I had no connection.

  No connection other than a short kiss that I yearned to continue.

  But as I looked at him chewing his food in silence, I saw no yearning in his eyes.

  Chapter Four

  Bryce

  Marjorie had cleared the table and went to check on Jade.

  Talon turned to me. “Let’s go down into the family room for a drink.”

  A drink. Sounded great. But not in the family room. Not where anyone could hear me. “Do you mind if we use your office?”

  “No,” he said. “Why?”

  “P
rivacy.”

  “No one’s around but— Oh.”

  Marjorie. Talon probably had no idea why I didn’t want Marjorie seeing my weaknesses, and I certainly wasn’t going to tell him how attracted I was to his baby sister. He’d probably want to pummel me. God knew Joe would.

  “I’ll get us a drink. Peach Street okay?”

  I nodded. Normally I was a beer guy, but I loved a good bourbon, and Peach Street was Tal’s favorite. He bought it by the case directly from the distiller.

  I followed him down and took the drink he’d poured for me. Then he led me down the hallway to his office.

  “Have a seat.” He indicated one of three leather chairs as he took a seat behind his desk.

  “You mind sitting here with me?” A strange request, considering I was asking for a job on the ranch. But I wanted to be on equal footing with a friend. He was going to grill me, and I didn’t want to feel like I was opening up to a potential boss.

  “Sure, man.” He walked out from behind the desk and sat down in the chair next to me. “What the hell is going on?”

  Where to start?

  “You know as well as I do that life will never be the same for any of us,” I said. “I don’t want to get into specifics.”

  “There’s no reason to,” he said. “No one knows the specifics better than I do.”

  Wow. I felt like a douche. Talon had been through the worst of all of us. I never forgot that, but sometimes I got so involved in my own issues that it nudged itself into the back of my mind. I had no idea how to address my self-absorption, though, so I took a long drink of my bourbon, letting its smoky crispness float over my tongue. The smooth burn down my throat felt good. Damned good.

  “Let me get right to the point,” Talon said. “Joe, Ryan, and I have already discussed bringing you on, and we were going to bring it up sometime soon. But things get in the way.”

  I stifled a surprised jerk. They’d talked about it? “I get it. I wish Jade weren’t having such a hard time.”

  “You and me both. It kills me. But she and the baby are healthy, so that’s the main thing.”

  I nodded.

  “Then we were all on pins and needles waiting for Melanie’s amnio results. They came in fine, thank God.”