At noon, from the front windows, he watched her stately old figure descend the steps and move slowly down the street. And it seemed no more than a minute after that when the phone burst into ringing, his nerves making it sound much louder than it was.
“You sure took off in a hurry,” Christine said.
“Yeah. Well, I couldn’t sleep. How’d it go with Amy this morning?”
“Oh, that’s okay now. That’s all over. The three of us had a long talk, and in the end I talked Grace into letting her stay.”
“Well, good. Still, I’m surprised she’d want to stay.”
“Are you kidding? Amy? You think she has anywhere else to go? Jesus, if you think Amy has anywhere else to go you’re outa your mind. And I mean you know me, Warren: I get all upset sometimes, but I couldn’t ever just turn somebody out on the street.” She paused, and he could hear the faint rhythmic click of her chewing gum. He hadn’t known, until then, that she ever chewed gum.
For a moment it occurred to him that having her in this placid, rational, gum-chewing frame of mind might be his best opportunity yet for breaking off with her, over the telephone or not, but he hadn’t quite organized his opening remarks before she was talking again.
“So listen, honey, I don’t think I’ll be able to see you for a while. Tonight’s out, and tomorrow night too, and all through the weekend.” And she gave a quietly harsh little laugh. “I’ve got to make some money, don’t I?”
“Well, sure,” he said. “Sure you do; I know that.” And not until those agreeable words were out of his mouth did he realize they were exactly the kind of thing a ponce might say.
“I might be able to come around to your place some afternoon, though,” Christine suggested.
“No, don’t do that,” he said quickly. “I’m—I’m almost always out at the library in the afternoons.”
They settled on an evening in the following week, at her place, at five; but something in her voice made him suspect even then that she wouldn’t be there—that intentionally failing to keep this appointment would be her inarticulate way of getting rid of him, or at least of making a start at it: nobody’s ponce could expect to last forever. And so, when the day and the hour came, he wasn’t surprised to find her gone.
“Christine’s not here, Warren,” Grace Arnold explained, backing politely away from the door to let him come in. “She said to tell you she’d call. She had to go up to Scotland for a few days.”
“Oh? Is there—trouble at home, then?”
“How do you mean ‘trouble’?”
“Well, I just mean is there an—” And Warren found himself mouthing the same lame alibi that Carol and he had once agreed would be good enough for Judith, in what now seemed another life. “Is there an illness in her family, or something like that?”
“That’s right, yes.” Grace was visibly grateful for his help. “There’s an illness in her family.”
And he said he was sorry to hear it.
“Can I get you something, Warren?”
“No thanks. I’ll see you, Grace.” Turning to leave, he found that the words for a cool, final exit line were already forming themselves in his mind. But he hadn’t yet reached the door when Alfred came in from work, looking embarrassed, with his forearm encased in a heavy plaster cast from the elbow to the tips of the splinted fingers and hung in a muslin sling.
“Jesus,” Warren said, “that sure looks uncomfortable.”
“Ah, you get used to it,” Alfred said, “like everything else.”
“Know how many bones he broke, Warren?” Grace asked, almost as if she were boasting. “Three. Three bones.”
“Wow. Well, but how can you do any work, Alfred, with a hand like that?”
“Oh, well.” And Alfred managed a small, self-deprecating smile. “They give me all the cushy jobs.”
At the door, holding the knob in readiness, Warren turned back and said, “Tell Christine I stopped by, Grace, okay? And you might tell her too that I don’t believe a word of anything you said about Scotland. Oh, and if she wants to call me, tell her I said not to bother. So long.”
Riding home, he kept assuring himself that he would probably never hear from Christine again. He might have wished for a more satisfactory conclusion; still, perhaps no satisfactory conclusion would ever have been possible. And he was increasingly pleased with the last thing he’d said: “If she wants to call me, tell her I said not to bother.” That, under the circumstances, had been just the right message, delivered in just the right way.
It was very late at night when the phone rang the next time; Judith was almost certainly asleep, and Warren sprang to pick it up before it could wake her.
“Listen,” Christine said, her voice empty of all affection and even of all civility, like that of an informer in a crime movie. “I’m just calling because this is something you ought to know. Alfred’s mad at you. I mean really mad.”
“He is? Why?”
And he could almost see the narrowing of her eyes and lips. “Because you called his wife a liar.”
“Oh, come on. I don’t believe—”
“You don’t believe me? All right, wait and see. I’m just telling you for your own good. When a man like Alfred feels his wife has been insulted, that’s trouble.”
The next day was Sunday—the man of the house would be home—and it took Warren most of the morning to decide that he’d better go there and talk to him. It seemed a silly thing to do, and he dreaded meeting Christine; still, once it was done he could put all of them out of his mind.
But he didn’t have to go near the house. Turning the corner into the last block he met Alfred and the six children walking up the street, all dressed up for some Sunday outing, possibly to the zoo. Jane seemed glad to see him: she was holding Alfred’s good left hand and wearing a bright pink ribbon in her African hair. “Hi, Warren,” she said as the younger ones came to a stop and clustered around.
“Hi, Jane. You look really nice.” And then he faced the man. “Alfred, I understand I owe you an apology.”
“Apology? What for?”
“Well, Christine said you were angry with me for what I said to Grace.”
Alfred looked puzzled, as if contemplating issues too complex and subtle ever to be sorted out. “No,” he said. “No, there was nothing like that.”
“Okay, then. Good. But I wanted to tell you I didn’t mean any—you know.”
With a slight grimace, Alfred hitched his cast into a better position in the sling. “Piece of advice for you, Warren,” he said. “You don’t ever want to listen to the women too much.” And he winked like an old comrade.
* * *
When Christine called him again it was in a rush of girlish ebullience, as if nothing had ever gone wrong between them—but Warren would never know what brought about the change, nor ever need to weigh its truth or falsehood.
“Honey, listen,” she said, “I think it’s mostly all blown over at home now—I mean he’s all calmed down and everything—so if you want to come over tomorrow night, or the next night or whenever you can, we can have a nice—”
“Now, wait a minute,” he told her. “You just listen to me a minute, sweetheart—oh, and by the way I think it’s about time we cut out all the ‘honey’ and the ‘sweetheart’ stuff, don’t you? Listen to me.”
He had gotten to his feet for emphasis, standing his ground, with the telephone cord snaked tight across his shirt and his free hand clenched into a fist that shook as rhythmically in the air as that of an impassioned public speaker as he made his final statement.
“Listen to me. Alfred didn’t even know what the hell I meant when I tried to apologize. Didn’t even know what the hell I was talking about, do you understand me? All right. That’s one thing. Here’s the other thing. I’ve had enough. Don’t be calling me anymore, Christine, do you understand me? Don’t be calling me anymore.”
“Okay, honey,” she said in a quick, meek voice that was almost lost in the sound of her hanging up.
And he was still gripping the phone at his cheek, breathing hard, when he heard the slow and careful deposit of Judith’s receiver into its cradle upstairs.
Well, all right, and who cared? He walked over to a heavy cardboard box full of books and kicked it hard enough to send it skidding three or four feet away and release a shuddering cloud of dust; then he looked around for other things to kick, or to punch, or to smash and break, but instead he went back and sat bouncingly on the couch again and socked one fist into the palm of the other hand. Yeah, yeah, well, the hell with it. So what? Who cared?
After awhile, as his heart slowed down, he found he could think only of the way Christine’s voice had flickered to nothingness with the words “Okay, honey.” There had never been anything to fear. All this time, if he had ever before taken a stern tone with her, she would have vanished from his life in an instant—“Okay, honey”—even, perhaps, with an obliging, cowering smile. She was only a dumb little London streetwalker, after all.
* * *
A few days later there was a letter from his wife that changed everything. She had mailed hasty, amicable letters once a week or so since she’d been back in New York, typed on the rattling stationery of the business office where she’d found her job, but this one was in handwriting, on soft blue paper, and gave every sign of having been carefully composed. It said she loved him, that she missed him terribly and wanted him to come home—though it added quickly that the choice would have to be entirely his own.
“… When I think back over our time together I know the trouble was more my fault than yours. I used to mistake your gentleness for weakness—that must have been my worst mistake because it’s the most painful to remember, but oh there were so many others…”
Characteristically, she devoted a long paragraph to matters of real estate. The apartment shortage in New York was terrible, she explained, but she’d found a fairly decent place: three rooms on the second floor in a not-bad neighborhood, and the rent was surprisingly …
He hurried through the parts about the rent and the lease and the dimensions of the rooms and windows, and he lingered over the end of her letter.
“The Fulbright people won’t object to your coming home early if you want to, will they? Oh, I do hope you will—that you’ll want to, I mean. Cathy keeps asking me when her daddy is coming home, and I keep saying, ‘Soon.’”
* * *
“I have a terrible confession,” Judith said over tea in her sitting room that afternoon. “I listened in to your talk on the phone the other night—and then of course I made the silly mistake of hanging up before you did, so you certainly must have known I was there. I’m frightfully sorry, Warren.”
“Oh,” he said. “Well, that doesn’t matter.”
“No, I don’t suppose it does, really. If we’re going to live in close quarters, I suppose there’ll always be these small invasions of privacy. But I did want you to know I’m—well, never mind. You know.” Then after a moment she gave him a sly, teasing look. “I wouldn’t have expected you to have such a temper, Warren. So harsh. So loud and domineering. Still, I must say I didn’t much care for the girl’s voice. She sounded a bit vulgar.”
“Yeah. Well, it’s a long story.” And he looked down at his teacup, aware that he was blushing, until he felt it would be all right to look up again and change the subject. “Judith, I think I’ll be going home pretty soon. Carol’s found a place for us to live in New York, so as soon as I—”
“Oh, then you’ve settled it,” Judith said. “Oh, that’s marvelous.”
“Settled what?”
“Whatever it was that was making you both so miserable. Oh, I’m so glad. You didn’t ever really think I believed the nonsense about the illness in the family, did you? Has any young wife ever crossed the ocean alone for a reason like that? I was even a little annoyed with Carol for assuming I’d believe it. I kept wanting to say, Oh, tell me, dear. Tell me. Because you see when you’re old, Warren—” Her eyes began to leak and she wiped them ineffectually with her hand. “When you’re old, you want so much for the people you love to be happy.”
* * *
On the night before his sailing, with his bags packed and with the basement flat as clean as a whole day’s scrubbing could make it, Warren set to work on the final task of clearing his desk. Most of the books could be thrown away and all the necessary papers could be stacked and made to fit the last available suitcase space—Christ, he was getting out of here; Oh, Christ, he was going home—but when he gathered up the last handful of stuff it uncovered the little cardboard music box.
He took the time to play it backwards, slowly, as if to remind himself forever of its dim and melancholy song. He allowed it to call up a vision of Christine in his arms whispering, “Oh, I love you,” because he would want to remember that too, and then he let it fall into the trash.
A Compassionate Leave
NOTHING EVER SEEMED to go right for the 57th Division. It had come overseas just in time to take heavy casualties in the Battle of the Bulge; then, too-quickly strengthened with masses of new replacements, it had plodded through further combat in eastern France and in Germany, never doing badly but never doing especially well, until the war was over in May.
And by July of that year, when service with the Army of Occupation had begun to give every promise of turning into the best time of their lives—there were an extraordinary number of unattached girls in Germany then—all the men of the luckless 57th were loaded into freight trains and hauled back to France.
Many of them wondered if this was their punishment for having been indifferent soldiers. Some of them even voiced that question, during the tedious ride in the boxcars, until others told them to shut up about it. And there was little hope of welcome or comfort in their destination: the people of France were famous, at the time, for detesting Americans.
When the train carrying one battalion came to a stop at last in a sunny field of weeds near Rheims, which nobody even wanted to learn how to pronounce, the men dropped off and struggled with their equipment into trucks that drove them to their new place of residence—an encampment of olive-drab squad tents hastily pitched a few days before, where they were told to stuff muslin mattress covers with the clumps of straw provided for that purpose, and to cradle their empty rifles upside down in the crotches formed by the crossed wooden legs of their canvas cots. Captain Henry R. Widdoes, a gruff and hard-drinking man who commanded C company, explained everything the next morning when he addressed his assembled men in the tall yellow grass of the company street.
“Way I understand it,” he began, taking the nervous little backward and forward steps that were characteristic of him, “this here is what they call a redeployment camp. They got a good many of ’em going up all through this area. They’ll be moving men out of Germany according to the point system and bringing ’em through these camps for processing on their way home. And what we’re gonna do, we’re gonna do the whaddyacallit, the processing. We’re the permanent party here. I don’t know what our duties’ll be, mostly supply work and clerical work, I imagine. Soon as I have more information I’ll let you know. Okay.”
Captain Widdoes had been awarded the Silver Star for leading an attack through knee-deep snow last winter; the attack had gained him an excellent tactical advantage and lost him nearly half a platoon. Even now, many of the men in the company were afraid of him.
A few weeks after their arrival in the camp, when their straw mattresses had flattened out and their rifles were beginning to speckle with rust from the dew, there was a funny incident in one of the squad tents. A buck sergeant named Myron Phelps, who was thirty-three but looked much older, and who had been a soft-coal miner in civilian life, delicately tapped the ash from a big PX cigar and said, “Ah, I wish you kids’d quit talking about Germany. I’m tired of all this Germany, Germany, Germany.” Then he stretched out on his back, causing his flimsy cot to wobble on the uneven earth. He folded one arm under his head to suggest a wor
ld of peace, using the other to gesture lazily with the cigar. “I mean what the hell would you be doing if you was in Germany? Huh? Well, you’d be out getting laid and getting the clap and getting the syphilis and getting the blue balls, that’s all, and you’d be drinking up all that schnapps and beer and getting soft and getting out of shape. Right? Right? Well, if you ask me, this here is a whole lot better. We got fresh air, we got shelter, we got food, we got discipline. This is a man’s life.”
And at first everybody thought he was kidding. It seemed to take at least five seconds, while they gaped at Phelps and then at each other and then at Phelps again, before the first thunderclap of laughter broke.
“Jee-sus Christ, Phelps, ‘a man’s life,’” somebody cried, and somebody else called, “Phelps, you’re an asshole. You’ve always been an asshole.”
Phelps had struggled upright under the attack; his eyes and mouth were pitiably angry, and there were pink blotches of embarrassment in both cheeks.
“… How about your fucking coal mine, Phelps? Was that ‘a man’s life’ too?…”
He looked helpless, trying to speak and not being heard, and soon he began to look wretched. It was clear in his face that he knew the phrase “a man’s life” would now be passed around to other tents, to other explosions of laughter, and that it would haunt him as long as he stayed in this company.
Private First Class Paul Colby was still laughing along with the others when he left the tent that afternoon on his way to an appointment with Captain Widdoes, but he wasn’t sorry when the laughter dwindled and died behind him. Poor old Myron Phelps had made buck sergeant because he’d been one of the only two men left in his squad after the Bulge, and he would almost certainly lose the stripes soon if he went on making a fool of himself.
And there was more to it than that. Whether Paul Colby was quite able to admit it to himself or not, he had agreed with at least one element in Phelps’s outburst: he too had come to like the simplicity, the order and the idleness of life in these tents in the grass. There was nothing to prove here.
Liars in Love Page 12
