by Lenora Worth
Disappointment warred with relief in Josie’s head. She had to do this, but maybe she could find Tobias along the route home. “I’ll talk to him later, then. Denke.”
Abram smiled. “Tobias is a good man, Josie. I hope you find him.”
Like so many, Abram wanted her and Tobias to be together. That could never happen, especially now when her whole world was falling apart.
She left the big field and followed the path past all the cars and buggies, trying to stay away from anyone who might stop and talk with her. After looking everywhere, she didn’t find Tobias at any of the lunch booths. Maybe he’d gone on home to the Schrock place after his delivery. That was too far in the other direction to get to and back before dark, and people would notice if she went there alone.
She’d send word somehow to let him know she needed to see him. She just hoped she wouldn’t be too late.
* * *
Monday morning, Tobias explained to Bettye and Jewel that he was to meet the Beningtons at Campton Center at two o’clock. “I’m sorry for the short notice but they were firm on the day and time.”
With no church yesterday, he’d managed to stay busy in the barn while Abram and Beth went visiting. But he’d thought about going to see Josie. Her reaction to hearing about Drew had puzzled him.
“We live for short notice,” Jewel said, bringing him out of his worries. “I’ll pull out some cookies and brew a big pot of coffee. Sounds like you’ve got some business to tend to.”
“I have no idea what they want,” Tobias replied, worry scorching his insides. “I did hear Drew went to prison, but I’m not sure why.”
“Maybe he’s getting out and he wants to make amends,” Bettye suggested, her gaze meeting Jewel’s.
“Could be,” Jewel replied.
Tobias figured they knew something but weren’t talking. He’d just have to wait and see. He couldn’t stop thinking of how Josie had sunk down on her stool, shock draining the color from her face. She’d never liked Drew and had stopped going to the Englisch house parties a few weeks before she’d left. Was she upset that he might still be Drew’s friend?
He’d have to explain that he hadn’t seen Drew in a long time. Tobias had been so distraught after Josie disappeared, he didn’t go to many social gatherings, Englisch or Amish. Then he had to take care of his daed, which meant he barely left the farm unless it was to take Daed to doctor appointments and to pick up supplies. Curiosity was making him antsy and on edge.
As the time to meet drew near, he left work and walked back over to the Campton Center. Jewel met him in the hallway and then placed a thermal coffeepot and water on the big table where the pro bono counselors and lawyers met with people. When they heard a knock at the door, Jewel hurried to open it.
Tobias sat, white-knuckled and worried, Bettye with him.
“I’m praying,” Bettye said. “No matter what, Tobias, we’re here when you need us.”
Jewel walked back in, followed by Nathan Craig with a woman dressed in a dark suit and an older man and woman.
Jewel said, “Tobias, you’ve met Nathan. This is his wife, Alisha, who is a lawyer. And this is Mr. and Mrs. Theodore Benington.”
Tobias stood and nodded. “Hello.” Why had they brought a lawyer?
The woman with golden-brown shoulder-length hair answered his unasked question, her tone all business. “I’m here as a mediator, nothing more.”
Now he needed a mediator?
Jewel and Bettye discreetly left, shutting the door behind them.
Tobias sat back down after everyone had found a place. “What is this about?”
The older woman’s eyes teared up. “I’m Pamela, Drew’s mother. We’re here because he asked us to find you.”
“He wants you to forgive him,” Mr. Benington said, his voice shaky.
“Forgive him?” Tobias shook his head. “For what?”
The older couple looked at Alisha. She nodded.
Pamela leaned across the table. “He’s ill, Tobias. Liver cancer. He’s in prison, but he’s dying, so he insisted we come here to find you. He needs forgiveness.”
Tobias lowered his head. “I am sorry to hear of this, but Drew owes me nothing. We were friends for a season and then we went our separate ways. You didn’t need to come all this way to tell me that.”
Alisha cleared her throat. “Tobias, the Beningtons are here today because their son begged them to find you. But he wanted them to find another person, too.”
“Who?” Tobias asked, more perplexed than ever.
“Josie Fisher,” Alisha said, her gaze moving from him to her husband.
* * *
Josie’s frantic worry had mounted by the hour. Yesterday she’d begged Katy to drive her to the Schrock place so she could talk to Tobias, but no one had answered the door. Worried that he’d found out the worst and left before she could explain, she’d told Josiah and Raesha about the Beningtons. She couldn’t put it off any longer.
“I don’t know what they want,” she said after they’d all had the midday dinner. “But I have to find Tobias before they talk to him. I tried yesterday, but he was nowhere to be found. If they know about me, they’ll tell him. And then they’ll want to see Dinah.”
Naomi’s gaze held hers. “But how would they possibly know about Dinah?”
Josie wiped at her eyes. “I went to them one night when I became desperate and...told them I might be pregnant. They refused to believe me and told me to get out of their house. After that, I ran away.”
“You never told us that,” Raesha said.
“It didn’t seem to matter,” Josie admitted. “They did not believe me and their son wanted nothing to do with me. They only thought I was trying to trick their son into marriage, which I never wanted.”
Raesha gasped and grabbed Josiah’s arm. “They can’t take her, can they? They won’t take Dinah away?”
Josiah paled, reaching for his wife. “I do not know. They might not even realize a child is involved.” He let go of Raesha and tugged Josie close. “We cannot say what they know or why they are here.”
“We should call Alisha,” Raesha said, wiping her eyes. “She can advise us same as she did when Dinah first arrived. She handled the adoption and told us we were clear to raise Dinah. We have all of the paperwork.”
Naomi moved her wheelchair closer and reached for Raesha’s hand. “Do not fret. Don’t go borrowing worry.”
Josie cried against her brother’s fresh-smelling shirt. “I have to find Tobias. Now.”
“I’ll take you into town,” Josiah said, nodding to Raesha and Naomi. “We’ll find him and I’ll be there, nearby, when you tell him.”
Naomi nodded and held tightly to Raesha’s hand. “We will pray while we wait for your return.”
* * *
Now Josie sat in the buggy beside her brother, remembering when she’d first returned to Campton Creek. Back then, she had been numb and afraid and ashamed. Today she was stronger but still afraid. If Drew’s parents took Dinah, her family would never get over losing their little girl.
She would never get over losing her own child.
“They have money, bruder. They can hire lawyers and make things hard for us.”
Josiah hushed her. “We have love and we know a good lawyer. We did everything right, Josie. Alisha made sure of that.”
When they reached town, Josie’s nerves scattered and scurried. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think about what she’d say to Tobias.
“He should be at work,” she told Josiah. “I’ll go in and find him. We can go somewhere private to talk.”
She hurried toward the store, her heart racing. Somehow she had to find the words and the courage to tell Tobias her secret. At long last.
Praying with all of her heart, Josie rushed into the market, the scents of cedar and pine only remin
ding her of Tobias.
“Well, where’s the fire?” Abram asked from behind the counter. “Are you all right, Josie?”
“I need to talk to Tobias,” she said, out of breath.
Abram’s expression changed from jolly to dour. “He’s not here. He had to meet with some people over at the Campton Center. Want me to give him a message?”
Shock caused Josie to go limp against the counter. “I’m too late.”
Abram came around and sat her down on a chair. “What is wrong, Josie?”
“I need to tell him something important,” she said, tears misting in her eyes.
Abram patted her shoulder. “Does it have to do with the people he’s talking to? He told me about that.”
She nodded, unable to speak.
“Then go and find him. You might be of some help to him.”
Josie doubted that, but she didn’t have a choice. Maybe she could get to him before the Beningtons did. “Denke, Abram.”
She stood and steadied herself. “I have to go.”
Abram watched her hurry away, but she didn’t care anymore what anyone thought. Except for Tobias. She wished now she’d told him the truth right away. But she’d been foolish and prideful. Thinking of the beautiful, delicate butterfly he’d carved for her, Josie found her strength.
She had to do the right thing. Tobias deserved that much at least.
* * *
Tobias stared at the couple across from him. “Did you say Josie?”
Pamela nodded. “Drew especially wanted us to find Josie. He’s unable to come and tell her himself, but he wants her to know he’s sorry.”
Tobias leaned against the table. “Sorry for what?”
The front door burst open, causing all of them to glance toward the hallway. Tobias heard Jewel talking to someone and then footsteps approaching.
Jewel knocked on the partially open door. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but, Tobias, someone is here to see you.”
“I can’t... Can they wait?”
“No.” Jewel’s eyes went wide, her brows lifting like two dark wings, while she tried to communicate with him. “It’s urgent.”
Still reeling from what they’d said to him about Josie, Tobias stood and glanced at Nathan and Alisha. “I’m sorry. I’ll be right back.”
They nodded and turned to continue talking to the Beningtons. Probably to keep them occupied until they could give Tobias more information.
Tobias hurried out into the hallway. “What is going on, Jewel?”
“She’s out in the sunroom,” Jewel said, giving him a gentle shove. “Go on now.”
Tobias walked to the back of the house and stopped at the door to the sunroom.
Josie sat on a wicker chair with her head down and her hands twisted against her apron.
“Josie?” He hurried into the room and knelt in front of her. “What are you doing here?”
Josie lifted her head, tears streaming down her face. “I have to talk to you and tell you what happened. Before they do.”
Tobias touched his hand to her tears. “You mean Drew’s parents? They said Drew had a message for you.” A sense of dread settled over him. “Drew did something to hurt you, didn’t he?”
Her eyes filled with more tears, fear and dread darkening her gaze. “What...what was the message from Drew?”
Leaving his hand on her warm cheek, Tobias said, “He wanted you to know he’s sorry.” Then he dropped his hand and looked into her eyes. “Why would he need to apologize to you, Josie?”
Chapter Twelve
Josie’s worst nightmare had come true. Now Tobias would know her dark secret and her great shame. Would she have to leave again and never see her family? Give up on seeing Dinah grow up? Or, worse, would Drew’s parents take Dinah and never let her return to them?
“Josie?”
She looked up and into Tobias’s eyes. He deserved the truth. She would hurt him again, but at least he could move on knowing he had done nothing wrong.
Tobias pulled up a chair and took her hands into his. “You have to tell me everything.”
“I do not want to, but, yes, now I have no choice.”
“What did he do?” Tobias asked, the tone of his voice edged with anger.
Josie took in a shuddering breath. “It was at that big party at his house a few weeks before Christmas. He always flirted with me and said vile things about you and me and how we were so square and not cool.”
Tobias’s hands squeezed hers. “I told him not to tease you in that way. What else did he do?”
When she tried to look away, Tobias touched a finger to her chin so she had to look into his eyes. “Tell me.”
She took in another gulp of air, her lungs burning with the need to scream, her heartbeat throbbing through her pulse. “He gave me a glass of punch then told me you were looking for me.” She stopped, the memories as bright as the red geraniums blooming in a huge pot by the pool. “He pointed to the back of the house, so I went to find you. He followed me.”
Tobias let go of her hands and stood, his elbows bent, his hands on his hips. “What did he do, Josie?”
“The drink had something in it. I only took one or two sips, but it made me dizzy and I felt sick. He pushed me into a room and... I couldn’t get away, Tobias. I couldn’t get away.”
Tobias stared at her as if he hadn’t heard correctly. But realization covered him in a rush of bright anger that darkened his cheeks and changed his expression into a hard-edged, grisly acceptance. He backed away and went to the glass door leading out onto the terrace.
Leaning his forehead against the glass, he shuddered. “No,” he said, his voice rising. “No.”
Josie held her hands to her face, her head falling as she tried to hide her shame and the horror of what had happened. The vivid memories she’d tried so hard to bury came back in full-forced clarity. “I’m sorry. I did not want you to know. I couldn’t tell you.”
“So you left me?” he said, his voice rising as he turned to face her. “You left me and let me believe the worst—that you didn’t love me, that I had failed you?”
“I had no choice,” she said, her body numb with pain and grief. “I had no choice. I didn’t think you’d love me anymore if you knew.”
He stood pressed against the door in the same way she’d stood when she’d gone to see him in her old home. “You didn’t trust me enough to tell me? You know I would have done anything to protect you, to make this up to you.”
“I was afraid of that, afraid you might confront him and he’d lie to you. I barely remember it happening because he drugged me and he was drunk, Tobias. So drunk that he didn’t even remember my name or that we’d been in that room.”
Tobias paced in front of her. “You found me that night, told me you weren’t feeling well. Why didn’t you tell me what had happened?”
“I was in shock and terrified,” she said, each word dropping like a pebble against glass. “Afraid of his power and money, his friends who made fun of me, of how you’d react and what you might do to him.”
“So you decided you’d just run away. We could have worked this out and we could have still gotten married. I...I would have listened and understood.”
“Think long and hard on that,” she said, standing to face him as she found her courage. “Would you have been able to get past it and still marry me?”
Tobias stopped and stared at her, his eyes misty and red rimmed, his expression grim and defeated. “I would have done anything, anything, Josie, to keep you with me.”
She nodded and then she put a hand to her stomach. “Even accept another man’s child as your own?”
* * *
Tobias felt a rushing roar inside his head. He’d been angry in his life, but nothing like this. This was a rage that made him want to break every window in this room, made him wan
t to find Drew Benington and tear him apart.
But that was not the Amish way.
How did he deal with this now? How did he keep moving, working, living, trying to have the life he’d been denied? How, when a man he considered his friend had betrayed him and Josie in such a callous, horrible way? Why had Tobias forced her to go to that party, knowing she felt uncomfortable among those rich Englisch teenagers?
This was on him. All those years he’d wondered, and it was his fault, after all, that she’d left.
“You wanted the truth,” she said on a raw whisper, taking his silence as a condemnation. “Now you have it. Dinah is my child and that is why I had to leave. I would not shame you into marrying me out of a sense of duty. I had to leave, and when I came back to this area, things got bad, and out of desperation, I left my baby on Raesha and Naomi’s porch.”
Tobias couldn’t speak. The thought of her out there alone in the cold of winter, pregnant and afraid, made him want to rush to her and hold her tight. But the thought of her not trusting him to help her or still love her held him away.
Why had God brought him here to find her only to have this happen? The Beningtons showing up so she was forced to admit what she’d kept from him? Was that Gott’s plan?
Maybe it had to be this way so they both were forced to see the real truth.
“I do not understand why you went to such extremes.”
“I left my child with two women I’d trusted before, and then I became ill with grief and longing and loneliness. I caught pneumonia and almost died, but Gott had other plans for me. My brother came back here to sell our place, and he went to the neighbors’ to let them know he’d be over there renovating the house and barn.”
Tobias wiped at his eyes and nodded. “What else happened?”
Josie wrapped her arms around her stomach in a protective stance. “Josiah noticed the pink hat Dinah was wearing and knew immediately it had to be mine.” She paused and swallowed away the grief. “I carried that little bonnet with me everywhere. It was the only thing I had left from my mamm. But I wanted Dinah to have it, to keep her warm.”
