by Torsha Baker
And even with those justifications running through my mind, it takes everything I have not to run after her. I think about what she said about my sabotaging the relationship. She knew I was keeping things from her. Was I that obvious? She knows me well enough to tell? And is she right? Am I the problem? She’s right that I never intended to burden her with all of my Brittany drama. But that isn’t the same thing, is it? It’s not like I was trying to keep secrets. The rain pummels me as I contemplate my role in the breakup.
The door opens and Landon walks out holding a towel to me. I glance up and then back at my boots before walking up the steps of the porch. I take the towel and wipe my face.
He looks me over and shakes his head. “Well, aren’t you a sorry lookin’ sack of manure. Did you just do what I think you did?”
He couldn’t possibly understand. He doesn’t have the same responsibilities. “It was the right decision.” I wipe a traitorous tear before it can fall. “Hurts like the devil, but I can’t just think about myself.”
“So, you did it for Audrey?” Landon makes a humph sound. “From what I saw, our girl loves Malia, and I think the feeling is mutual.”
I twist the towel in my hands, water falls to the wood planked floor. “It’s not that simple. I have to be with someone who’s willing to put Audrey first—who’ll make decisions with me that’s in her best interest. Malia wasn’t doing that.”
Landon nods his head slowly. “Not that I was listening, but it sounded to me like you were telling her that dropping her career was the only decision she could make that would allow you two to be together. It seemed like you were telling her how it would be, rather than asking her opinion and discussing a way to compromise. If you’re looking for someone to make decisions with, then maybe you need to be more open with her.”
Irritated, I stand and walk a couple steps away before turning back to him, leaning on the railing. “You don’t understand. You’re not a father.”
“That may be true. But I do know a thing or two about relationships, and you don’t quit when things get hard.” He nodded to emphasize his point. “You also don’t get to choose your in-laws. Some of them are more than happy to inflict misery.” His gaze drifts in the direction of Coyote Glen. It used to belong to Kitty’s family.
“Um, are we still talking about me?”
Landon’s eyes snap back to me. “Yeah. Anyway, I know you’ve been making decisions for Audrey by yourself for a long time and that’s what you’re used to, but if you give Malia a chance to make decisions with you, she might just surprise you. Perhaps breaking up with her the first time there’s conflict isn’t the answer.”
A little gasp calls out from the door. We both turn our heads to see Audrey standing at the open doorway. A look of horror has painted her face white. “You broke up with Malia?”
Her hurt expression tears at my heart. I crouch in front of her. “Yes, baby girl. I’m sorry, I know you like her, but—”
She stomps a foot. “I love her. So do you, Daddy. I don’t want you to break up with her.”
I hold her little hand in mine. How can I explain it to her so that she’ll understand? “Yes, I do love her, but sometimes that’s not enough.”
Audrey’s lip quivers and she pulls her hand from mine. “You’re wrong. The prince and princess fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after.” Tears fall from her eyes. “She’s supposed to be my mommy!” She wipes her eyes. “I hate you!” She turns and runs back into the house.
I stand staring after her, not knowing what to say but feeling as if my whole world is unraveling. I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose.
“Jax,” Landon says placing a hand on my shoulder. He doesn’t say more. He doesn’t have to. He’s just letting me know he’s there for me.
The rain has lightened to a mist. “I’m going to check on the horses,” I say. “I need to—”
“It’s okay. Go walk it off. I’ll check on Audrey.”
I trudge away from the house feeling like a complete failure. In trying to do the right thing, I may have just ruined everything.
The next day I pour myself over ranch work. The one thing about being a rancher is that there is always work to be done. Audrey has refused to talk to me all day. She had Landon tell me that she’ll talk to me again when I bring Malia back. No matter how hard I work, I can’t seem to shake the feeling that I screwed everything up. In trying to be responsible, I just ended making us all miserable. Landon’s words about giving Malia the chance to help find a solution with me keeps running through my mind. As much as I hate to admit it, he’s right. And Malia was right too, I never fully let her in. By not telling her about Brittany, I never gave her the opportunity to work things out with me. Now, all I want to do is beg her for a second chance at doing just that, but I’m sure there’s no way she would ever talk to me again after yesterday.
I’m walking back to the house when Dillon comes running out to me. The worried look on his face has my internal alarms going off. “What is it?” I ask.
“Audrey’s missing.”
“What do you mean missing?”
The look on his face must match my own, horror and fear. “We can’t find her. Landon said she went to her room an hour ago, claiming that we’re all useless at fixing problems, but we only just discovered her missing about fifteen minutes ago.”
My heart races, and a stab of panic jolts me to attention. “Did you check the attic? She likes to play up there sometimes.”
“Yes, we searched the entire house; now we’re searching the property. Landon went to the stables, Kitty is checking Coyote Glen, and Preston went to the storage sheds.”
My mind races with all the possible places she might hide in. Our property spans more than thirty-eight thousand acres, and that’s not including Coyote Glen. All the dangers the desert night can bring come to mind: mountain lions, wolves, coyotes, places to fall and get lost. If she wandered off on the ranch, it could be hours or days before we find her. A vice-like grip clamps over my heart. I push those thoughts away and focus on places Audrey might be.
“We better grab the horses,” Dillon says. “We can cover more ground that way.”
We run for the stables. It’s not like her to take off like this. She’s with one of us at all times. This is my fault. And now Audrey could be wandering the desert, lost and alone.
We make it to the stables to find Landon calling her name and searching each and every stable. When he sees us, he shakes his head. “She’s not here.”
I head to the tack room. “Get three horses,” I say to my brothers.
I grab bridles and head back out to where Dillon and Landon have already gathered the horses. I hand them each a bridle. “Landon, you check the road along the highway.” He nods.
My horse, Copper, stomps his feet. I’m sure he can feel my nerves. Horses are in tune with our emotions. I put my thumb in the corner of Copper's mouth to force his teeth open where the gums are, and guide the bit in. Once the bit is properly in place, I slide the headpiece over his snout, making sure his ears go between the headpiece and broadband.
“Dillon, you check the fences that run along Coyote Glen and Wyle Away,” I say. I work on the first buckle, but my hands are shaking. “I’ll check the wash.” My voice breaks as I imagine Audrey getting swept away in floodwater.
Dillon puts a hand on my shoulder. I look up and meet my twin’s eyes. “She’ll be okay,” he says with conviction. “She’s a smart girl.”
I nod and borrow his strength. I return to buckling the bridle, my hands a little more steady.
We don’t bother with saddles. We’ve all ridden bareback, and there’s no time to waste. The sun will be down soon, and that will make the search all the more daunting. I swing the reins over Copper’s head so that they sit on the back of his neck and jump onto his back. Without waiting on my brothers, I steer my horse out the barn. “Call me if you find her,” I say to them over my shoulder. “Or if you don’t, let us know so w
e can figure out where to look next.” Once I clear the barn doors, I give Copper a kick and yell, “Haw!”
Copper responds instantly and takes off in a full run.
I call out for Audrey as I search, but after thirty minutes of searching up and down the wash, thinking of how far a small child might travel, I’m pretty certain she’s not there.
My phone rings. I pull it out from my pocket and see that it’s Landon. My heart pounds in my ears as I answer. “Did you find her?
“No, I just got off the phone with Dillon. He suggests we check where Mom and Dad are buried.”
“You think she would go that far?”
“She knows where it is and has a possible hour to an hour-and-a-half head start on us on foot. If she said we were useless, maybe she plans to pray to them for help?”
It’s worth a try, and it sounds like something Audrey might think of. “Okay, I’ll meet you there.”
Ten minutes later, I arrive at the family cemetery and jump off my horse. “Audrey! Audrey, are you here?” I stride through the iron gate and search the grounds and around all the trees, but my heart sinks with each passing moment. She’s not here. I stop in front of Mom and Dad’s graves, feeling defeated. Dillon and Landon ride up, calling out for Audrey. I don’t know where else to look.
“I don’t know what to do,” I whisper to their shared headstone, dropping down to my knees. My parents would know what to do if they were here. They always had the answers. But they never made decisions without making them together. They relied on each other and got through difficult times together, as a team. Suddenly, I know what to do next.
I pull out my phone and call Malia.
Chapter Twenty-Three
MALIA
I’m just about ready to drive out to Sunset Tower Hotel for my audition. I slide rouge lipstick on, using the mirror in the foyer. I move one of the many vases of flowers off the table beneath the mirror to get a better look at my reflection. Dozens of vases and bouquets of flowers from well-wishers fill the entryway of my home. Some are just blooming; others have already wilted. Even more crowd the outside of my home. My house cleaner stopped bringing them in at some point. Their overpowering sweet scent is a reminder of my deception of those concerned fans who sent them.
I stare at myself. My makeup is perfect, not a hair is out of place. I tilt my head from one side to the other. There’s no doubt I’m beautiful . . . and a compete fraud. I sigh and promise myself that I will write back everyone who wished my speedy recovery and ask if there is anything that I can do for them; whatever it is, I’ll do it. Unless they want me to break the law, of course.
My phone rings. It’s Jax. I ignore the call. The last thing I need right now is for Jaxon Wyle to make me cry again right before my audition. As it is, I had to sit with frozen cucumber slices over my eyes for an hour to get the puffiness to go away.
When I got back home from Bisbee, everything was exactly as I had left it and yet entirely different. The big, beautiful house is far too quiet and cold. There’s no life in these grey walls. No laughter, no one to have my morning tea with.
There are reminders everywhere of how lonely and dead this place is. I stare at my Emmys on the mantle, wishing family pictures stood there instead. I look out at the pool in the backyard, wishing Audrey was jumping off the diving board, telling me to watch her cannonball. I stare at the flowers, wishing my mom were pruning the leaves in her big-rimmed hat. At breakfast, I sat at my big table eating alone, hating that dad wasn’t here with his mug and newspaper, grunting at the pages and occasionally sharing an interesting tidbit. Or hearing my sister call to her husband to bring her this or that since she’s still on bed rest. I miss Jax’s brothers’ bickering and Kitty chiding them. I miss the way they all function as a team. I miss their laughter. I look down at my hand and miss Jaxon’s rough calloused one with it. I touch the spot where my neck meets my shoulder, missing his soft kisses.
I shake my head as if I can shake Jax from my thoughts and cap the lipstick. How did a life I sought after for so long become so empty and deeply lonely? All I want is to go back to Bisbee, even with the insufferable Jaxon Wyle. Who am I kidding? Especially with the insufferable Jaxon Wyle. I grab my purse and slide my lipstick in the side pocket. I take out my keys, and my phone rings again. I glance at it and see it’s Jaxon again. I send it to voicemail. Let him see what it’s like to have his calls ignored. I do realize I’m being petty, but I have to focus on my audition.
A few seconds later, he calls again and then texts.
Jax: Pick up the phone. It’s an emergency. It’s Audrey.
My stomach fills with dread, and I call Jax immediately.
“About ti—” Jax says.
“Is Audrey okay?” I ask, cutting him off.
“I don't know. She’s missing.” The worry and pain come through clearly, as if I could see it on his face, and it matches my own. Missing?
I sit hard on a chair. “What do you mean missing?”
“She wandered off, or maybe . . . probably . . . ran away. She’s mad at me for breaking up with you.”
“She’s a bright girl,” I mumble. “Where have you looked?”
“Everywhere.” His voice is strained. I can just imagine him desperate enough to call me, pacing with his free hand running over the back of his neck in frustration. My heart softens toward him.
“Jaxon, it’s going to be okay. We’ll find her.”
“We’ll?”
“I’m going to charter a plane back to Arizona.”
He pauses for a moment, and I wonder if we got disconnected. “Don’t you have the audition tonight?”
I pace the foyer. “All that matters right now is finding Audrey.”
He pauses for a long moment, and I wonder if we got disconnected. “Do you have any ideas where she might be?” His voice is tight. “Any secret places she mentioned?”
“I—I don’t know.” I try to remember every conversation we ever had about the ranch. “You know her better than I do. What happened before she went missing?”
“She told Landon and the others that they were useless at fixing problems, and she went to her room. Then she disappeared.”
She wants to fix things. A thought occurs to me. “What if she went to the wishing tree?” I say in a rush. “If she wants to fix things, maybe she thinks she can make a wish on the tree.”
“The wishing tree? I didn’t think about that. That’s a good idea.”
“Call me back once you get there. I’m heading to the airport.”
“Malia?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you.”
“Thank me when we find her.”
“Still, thank you for being here when I need you.”
“Of course.” I hang up and rush around my house, gathering anything I might need. I already have my purse and keys, so I grab the suitcase I haven’t bothered to unpack and rush out the door. On my way to the airport, I call JulieAnn.
“Darling, are you ready to kill that interview?” she asks.
“Change of plans,” I say and turn onto the freeway. “I’m heading back to Bisbee.”
There’s a pause. “I’m sorry. I must have heard you wrong. It almost sounded like I heard the sound of abandoned dreams and ruined careers.”
“I’m sorry, JulieAnn. We’ll just have to reschedule. Audrey is missing.”
“Who’s Audrey?”
I sigh. “Jaxon’s daughter.”
“Who’s Jaxon? The tasty cowboy who manhandled Trey?”
“Yes.”
“Well, the cowboy’s daughter will just have to get on without you. We can’t reschedule. You stand up Harry Wilson, and it’s over. You will not get another chance at this.”
“Then I don’t get another chance. They need me, and I’m going.” And just like that I’m willing to throw it all away. Oddly, I have no regrets. I know exactly where I need to be right now, and it’s with Jax searching for Audrey.
“Honey, listen. Last I rem
ember, the cowboy dumped you. And now you’re just going to go scampering back?”
Jax is calling through on the other line. “JulieAnn, I have to go.” She starts to protest, but I pull the car over, hang up on her, and switch lines.
“Jax?” I ask, my heart racing.
“We found her.” His voice is full of relief.
I smile. “Oh, thank heavens.” A weight lifts off my shoulders, and I feel as if I can breathe again. I rest my head on the steering wheel and exhale. “She’s okay?” My voice cracks on the last word.
“Yes, she’s okay Malia. She’s just fine . . . still mad at me, but she was at the wishing tree, just like you said. Turns out you know her pretty well too.”
I smile, and my heart warms at his words. “I’m so relieved you found her.”
“Yeah, now you can make it to your audition.”
“Oh, right. The audition.” It seems so inconsequential now. “Yeah.”
“I hope I didn’t make you late.”
“Sunset Tower Hotel isn’t too far from here. I should make it on time.”
“You’ll do great, I’m sure.”
I’m not sure I will. My heart won’t be in it. I left that back in Bisbee. But I don’t tell Jax that. “Will you give Audrey a hug and kiss for me please?”
“Yeah, of course. Good luck, Malia. Really, I hope you get everything you’re after.”
“Thanks.” I hang up and sit there for a moment, the cars driving past me in streaks of red taillights. I open and close my hands on the steering wheel trying to decide what it is I’m feeling at the moment. In acting classes, we learned how to convey many emotions, but I can’t seem to pinpoint this one. For a moment Jax and I were a team again, we worked together to find Audrey. It felt good to be needed by the people I love. But now, I just feel. . . hollow. Jax broke up with me. I don’t have a place with him or Audrey anymore. Before I can think on it further, my phone rings again. It’s JulieAnn.
