She smiled at him and patted his arm. “They’re good kids, but I won’t lie to you. They’ll be a lot of work.” Her eyes wandered to the kids, then returned to his. “Their mother is a drug addict, and she took off rather frequently. She’s in rehab right now, court ordered, but she’s also been to rehab four times in as many years. By all accounts, your father tried to do well by them.”
Sawyer had to bite his tongue to stop him from saying that man was not his father.
“He was there for them, but…” Madison seemed to be considering her words carefully. “Kids like this, there’s no way their mother’s behavior hasn’t affected them. The woman hasn’t been back since little Callum was born.”
She held his gaze, and Sawyer felt like he was being assessed, and he started to fidget under the intense scrutiny.
“Can I be frank with you, Mr. Lancaster?” Her look was pointed as she spoke.
Sawyer nodded. It wasn’t like he could say no.
“Your siblings need stability in their life, and we know they’re not going to get that from their mother. She once left them with a male stranger for two days. Your father was out of town, and they were scared to death. They need you.”
“But I’m not a parent,” Sawyer argued.
“So don’t start at being their parent. Just be someone that they can count on and go from there.” She sighed before going on. “It’s not going to be easy, and I’m not telling you it will, but frankly, this beats the alternative. And your father entrusted them to you, so that has to mean something.”
Even though several days had passed since he last spoke to Ms. Walker, Sawyer still couldn’t believe this had become his life now. And boy, was there a learning curve.
He’d known each time his life was about to change. The day he’d started Columbia, and again when he got into Harvard. The day he got the call that his mom had passed away… and the day he realized Ford wasn’t just another soon-to-be ex. Still, this was by far the craziest and most surreal of them all. Even now, he still didn’t know how to feel about it.
He knocked on the bedroom door where fifteen-year-old Savanna spent most of her time barely acknowledging his presence. He was greeted with silence, so Sawyer knocked again, but when there was still no answer, he opened the door and peeked inside.
“I’m warming lunch. Are you okay with lasagna?”
That was one of the changes in his life. He’d had to get the catering company to add some kid-friendly food to his orders. And, of course, instead of food for one, it had become food for four.
Savanna didn’t say a word. She didn’t even spare him a glance, and her eyes never left her phone.
Sawyer didn’t know how to help her. Savanna seemed to hate him, immediately locking herself away once he’d shown her which room was hers. That was another thing that had also changed. He no longer had a home office since the boys needed a room too.
Sawyer took a step into the room and looked around. Nothing had changed in there. The only addition was the small suitcase and backpack that Savanna had had when he’d picked her up.
Sawyer had opened accounts on some websites Theresa had suggested for girls’ clothes, but his sister had yet to order anything. He wasn’t quite ready to take them to malls or stores, especially not with his sister acting the way she was.
“Please talk to me.” Sawyer had gotten good at begging Savanna to talk to him and to get Callum to stop crying at night and sleep. The only one who seemed to kind of like him was Gavin, his ten-year-old brother.
Her eyes met his, and for a moment, he thought maybe she would start a conversation, but all he got was, “Not hungry.”
She had to be hungry. In the week since they’d been here, all he’d seen her eat were snacks, and she’d only grab those when Sawyer wasn’t looking.
Was she anorexic? How did he even tell? Did he need to get a doctor involved? Fuck. What had his father been thinking, leaving these kids to him?
Sawyer backed out of the room. Savanna would come around soon… right? Weren’t you supposed to let kids come to you when they were ready…?
God, he knew fuck all about raising humans.
“If you change your mind, it will be waiting for you.”
Not even a nod.
He shut the door, his forehead connecting with it. Closing his eyes while he leaned there, an almost imperceptible deep sound vibrated from low in his throat. He was doing his best, but it felt like it wasn’t good enough.
I can do this. Maybe if he said it enough times it would start to come true. The universe was supposed to give you back what you put out. Well, what the hell did I put out there to deserve this?
He took a deep breath and turned around. “Fuck! You scared me.” If not for his quick reflexes, he would have collided with Gavin.
Gavin’s eyes went wide, and Sawyer realized what he’d said. “Shit… I mean damn…” His brother’s eyes widened with each curse word.
Sawyer closed his eyes and slapped a hand over his mouth. He was working on that, but having kids around wasn’t exactly his norm.
He opened his eyes to see Gavin still in front of him, studying him.
“Everything okay, buddy?” Sawyer asked while looking into eyes that matched his. It still tripped him up seeing basically a miniature version of himself.
Gavin nodded, but the youth took his hand, and that was how they walked to the kitchen.
As much as Savanna treated him like he had the plague and there was quarantine glass between them, Gavin stuck to him like glue. He seemed to need Sawyer the most… actually, he seemed to need to know where he was at all times.
Probably because he had just lost his dad. Even though he knew they were his siblings, Sawyer couldn’t bring himself to see the man as his own father.
Callum, his youngest brother, was happy to be sitting in front of the TV on his mini bean bag chair. He, at least, was a good eater, but the toddler didn’t seem to want to sleep. Not to mention everything in his apartment was now child-proofed since Callum seemed to think everything went in his mouth. Who knew there was a service for that?
“You hungry?”
Gavin nodded.
Sawyer lifted his brother and settled him on one of the stools at the kitchen island, even though the boy could have done it himself using the leg rest on it. He glanced toward the timer on the oven. Twelve minutes to go.
“I guess it’s just me and you for lunch, huh buddy…”
Gavin met his gaze and nodded.
“Should we eat here or at the dining table?”
Sawyer’s question was met with shoulders hitched up.
Well okay then. Clearly he didn’t care.
He’d already fed Callum chicken and mashed potatoes an hour ago. Actually, it was more of watching his youngest brother use his hands to stuff potatoes in his face and throw most of the cut-up chicken on the floor.
Gavin got off the stool and walked out of the kitchen without saying a word, but then, less than a minute later, he was back with the iPad Sawyer had picked up for him. He put it on the island, then got himself back on the stool and tapped the button to bring the screen to life.
So this was silent time then.
Even though his life was completely different now that the kids had come into his life with the notice of a tornado, Sawyer found that he was already attached to the little ones, even Savanna who was doing her best to pretend he didn’t exist. There was something about knowing you had people in the world that settled your spirit.
He’d never dwelt on it, preferring to focus on what he could control, but being alone in the world was not fun. Ford and his family had not only shown him that but made him feel less so.
God, he’d done his best not to think too much about Ford. Not that it ever worked. That was another thing he never had—missing someone. Sure, he missed his mom, but it was a different kind of ache because he knew she was gone forever.
Ford was…
Nope, don’t go there Sawyer… He was stil
l battling the need to tell Ford this recent change of life he had experienced, but as more time passed, the harder it was becoming to say anything. It was easier to just ignore it and Ford since he was far away at the moment. Handle one thing at a time, and the kids were here.
He went to the freezer and grabbed the garlic bread and put it on the counter. Where were the oven trays? His cellphone started to ring, and he walked over to where he’d left it on the counter. Ford’s name on the screen had his heart skipping a beat.
Still, Sawyer considered letting it go to voicemail like he had been doing with every other call. He just didn’t want to lie to his boyfriend again.
Sawyer wanted to go back to Amber Falls, or even have Ford here, but he’d barely gotten his head wrapped around having three kids as his responsibility now. How could he ask Ford to jump on the crazy train?
But he didn’t want to give him up, and if they spoke, then… Sawyer didn’t know what would happen, and that scared him more than anything.
Right now, their relationship was like Schrodinger’s cat. It was both dead and alive, at least if he understood the Big Bang Theory show he’d been bingeing with Gavin.
Sawyer preferred to exist in a space where Ford was his boyfriend, they were happy, and he was expected back in Amber Falls.
He might not have done the relationship thing, well, ever, but even he knew that three kids out of the blue wasn’t exactly a two-month-anniversary present.
How would that conversation go? Hey, babe. Surprise! We have three kids. The honeymoon phase is officially over.
Sawyer wiped his hands on his apron—yeah, he now wore one of those. “Gavin, would you go check and see if Savanna wants to eat with us please.”
Gavin looked up and nodded.
Once his brother scampered out of the kitchen, Sawyer hesitantly grabbed his phone and wiped his sweaty palms against his legs. “You can do this.”
Answer the phone, idiot.
“Hello?”
“Hey… I didn’t think I’d catch you.”
Sawyer heard what was unsaid, because you haven’t been answering your phone.
“I’m sure you’ve been very busy lately, and we’ve been missing each other on the phone.” Fuck, he hated that Ford was making excuses for him. “How are you?”
Sawyer heaved a sigh. There was a loaded question.
He gave the only answer he could. “Right now, it’s just great to hear your voice.” Sawyer ignored the voice that pointed out it was his fault that they’d not spoken. “I know I’ve been… scarce, but I don’t want to talk about me. How’s it going over there?”
There was a brief pause. “Eventful.”
That didn’t sound good. “Meaning?” Sawyer’s brow furrowed. “Don’t tell me there’s a problem with the new contractor.”
“No! No! Nothing like that,” Ford said. “I think the new team is going to be great. They started today. It’s just Larry actually.”
“Larry? Does he need a reference?”
Ford snorted. “No, he’s just being a difficult person.”
“What aren’t you saying, babe?” He might not be able to see Ford, but he heard the tightness in his voice.
“It’s nothing. I’ve handled it.” Ford’s response was abrupt, catching Sawyer off guard, and said that the topic was closed.
Yeah, you should be there helping him.
“I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with him.” The words tasted bitter in his mouth like drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth.
“It happens. I’m fine. Everything is fine.” Ford reassured him.
But there was something in his voice that had Sawyer asking, “You sure?”
“I am. Let’s not talk about it anymore. I just wanted to let you know.” There was a pause, and only Ford’s breathing told him he was still on the line.
“I wish I was there.” He hadn’t meant to blurt that out, but it was the truth.
“Yeah, I wish you were here too.” Ford cleared his throat. “Speaking of… any idea when you’ll be back?”
“I—”
“Go away.” He heard the shrill yell from Savanna before he could figure out how on earth he was going to finish that sentence.
“Sawyer? What was that?” Ford asked.
“City sounds,” Sawyer replied. “I gotta go!”
Way to go Lancaster. City sounds? Are you for real?
He hit ‘end’ before Ford had a chance to say anything, and as he put the phone down, it hit him. He had forgotten to say, “I love you.” Please don’t let me lose him. Sawyer wasn’t sure who he was asking for help… his mom maybe, but he hoped someone out there was listening.
“You’re so fucking annoying. Leave me alone, Gavin,” Savanna yelled.
“You said a bad word. I’m going to tell Sawyer,” Gavin said.
“So?”
Yeah, his sister definitely didn’t respect him.
“Sawyerrr!” Gavin screamed his name.
Sawyer groaned and covered his face with his hands. This was definitely not two-month-anniversary material.
“Wahhhh… wahhhh…” Great, now they’d woken Callum up.
Sawyer stepped out of the kitchen into the hall and groaned when he saw Savanna holding Gavin’s iPad in the air, and the kid on the couch trying to reach it.
When he stepped into the living room, he stopped short and just stood there for a moment, the chaos which was now his life hitting him all over again. Sweeping his eyes around the room, taking in the toys scattered on the floor with throw pillows tossed into the mix and some random cartoon playing on the TV, realization slammed home like a punch to the chest that his apartment was as unrecognizable as his life. A shaky breath passed through his lips when the thought came unbidden that he wasn’t the same guy Ford signed up for anymore. Would he still want this version?
7
Ford
Ford dialed Sawyer’s number.
Again.
It rang for a bit. Then flipped over to voicemail.
Again.
He listened to Sawyer’s voice before he hung up and put the phone down slowly, mostly so he didn’t throw it across the room. It took everything in Ford not to scream.
What the hell was going on? Was Sawyer blowing him off and he just wasn’t taking the hint? He’d been calling Sawyer for the last week, since he heard the voice yelling in the background, and somehow, he always got his voicemail. Ford wanted his promised sexy video call.
Sawyer wasn’t completely blowing him off, though, because sometimes Ford would get a ‘miss you’ text. Or a voicemail left super late at night.
So the signals were fucking mixed. If he was being ghosted then… wouldn’t that be radio silence?
Is he cheating on me? That thought plagued Ford’s mind. Like a stupid ear worm he couldn’t shake.
He tried to not go to worst case, DEFCON 1 scenarios, which usually led to dreams of Sawyer fucking two guys and a girl.
And in Ford’s mind, the guys always looked like Chris Hemsworth.
Throwing himself into his work only helped till he had to send an update to Sawyer or he closed his eyes at night. He knew Sawyer was getting his emails because his assistant in New York replied to them.
Maybe that was a sign. But if Sawyer was done, why wouldn’t he just tell him.
His chest burned like getting up and running five miles after not training for a year. He was going to give Sawyer a piece of his mind. Ford grabbed his phone and dialed him up again. He was waiting for it to get to the voicemail part, but then Sawyer answered.
“H… hey… hi… I mean, hello.”
That took the wind out of his sails.
“Are you okay?” His brow furrowed as he listened to Sawyer’s heavy breathing, “You sound like you’ve been running.”
Or something else, the thought slipped in unbidden, but he shut it down just as quick.
“Huh? Oh… I’m fine. Work stuff. Did you need something?” Those words stung. Just two weeks ago he c
ould call Sawyer anytime without a specific reason, now he felt like one of Sawyer’s business contacts who was bothering him after hours.
“No!” Even though his heart felt like someone was using it as their personal stress ball, he added, “I don’t need anything ever again.”
He hung up and put his phone on airplane mode. “He’s won’t call back anyway,” a voice whispered. “Bet he was waiting for you to end it.”
When did it get so hot in there? Fuck, he needed fresh air.
Ford jumped to his feet.
I need to get out of here.
He opened the door to the office and was about to leave when the work phone started ringing. He glanced at it for a moment, trying to decide if he had the energy to be polite.
This is still your job.
Ford squared his shoulders, then went to the phone and picked it up.
“Mr. Lancaster’s office. How may I help you?”
“Babe, I’m sorry. Things have been hard here. I’m sorry, Ford, I didn’t mean to hurt you. That’s the last thing I’d ever want to do. It’s just there’s—” Sawyer’s voice cut off for a second. “It’s just more complicated than I thought. But please, babe, I love you… I just need…” Sawyer’s voice was gruff. “Don’t give up on me yet, Ford, please.”
Ford swallowed, “Why won’t you talk to me?”
I’m not going to cry. I’m not going to cry.
Sawyer made it apparent that he had no desire to tell Ford what was going on or let him in, so he wasn’t going to embarrass himself by letting the man hear him crying.
“I just… Ford, baby, please…” He heard Sawyer’s pleading through his shaky words. “There’s just… I have… Please don’t give up on me yet. I just need a little more time to sort through things here. I love you, Ford.”
His voice seemed sincere, and he sounded like the man that Ford knew, but still, Sawyer wasn’t being honest with him. He was holding something back.
Or maybe he was ghosting you, and you’re not getting the hint… and he doesn’t want drama while the two of you still have to work together.
Forever With His Boss Page 6
