Fuck, the kid looked somewhere between defiant and terrified that he was being sent to the gallows… or in this case, that they would kick him out or something.
“How about we order first and then we can talk, like we told you before.” Sawyer put a hand over Gavin’s, pulling it from his mouth where he seemed to be biting his nails like it was his last meal. “You’re not in trouble, okay.”
Gavin’s eyes bored into Sawyer’s as though if he looked long enough, he could read the answers, or maybe he thought that would make Sawyer talk. When he lowered his hand to the table, Sawyer patted him. “Order and then we can talk, all right?”
Ford motioned the waitress over, and they all ordered. After the waitress left, Gavin glanced between Ford and Sawyer, the look in his eyes saying, “Well, she’s gone…”
Sawyer looked over at Ford and nodded. They had talked earlier about how to handle this and decided it was best to present a calm, confident front, although if Sawyer had his way, Ford would have done all the talking. He had to chuckle at that, seeing as Sawyer dealt with negotiations and difficult situations on a daily basis, yet was on edge having to talk with a ten-year-old child.
Ford squeezed his boyfriend’s thigh and whispered, “Are you sure?”
Sawyer simply nodded, so Ford rolled his shoulders, said a prayer he didn’t fuck this up, and plastered a smile on his face as he faced Gavin.
“Your brother and I just want to talk to you,” he started. “You’re not in trouble.” He was quick to reassure the boy.
Gavin frowned. “When parents say, ‘you’re not in trouble,’ then you’re usually in trouble, and”—he pointed at both of them—“the two of you have been saying it… a lot.”
Ford couldn’t help it, he laughed, and when he looked over, Sawyer had a small smile playing over his face. Ford managed not to blurt the first question that came to mind, mainly, did Gavin really see them as his parents. Instead, he pushed on. “Well, we haven’t been parents for that long, so trust us when we say you’re not in any kind of trouble, but it would be awesome if you just listened to what your brother has to say.”
Sawyer’s fingers on his thigh tightened. There would probably be a bruise, but he didn’t care.
Gavin nodded, his eyes moving to Sawyer. Ford patted his boyfriend’s hand, offering his support, hoping that gave him encouragement. As much as Sawyer had wanted Ford to speak, this had to come from him.
Did it make him evil that he loved seeing his usually confident boyfriend all nervous because of the kids?
Ford shrugged mentally. It just made him love Sawyer more.
“I hope you know how much I love you,” Sawyer started. Gavin shrugged, which broke Ford’s heart. “Well, I do... A lot. And I’m hoping in time you will come to see that”
Gavin held Sawyer’s gaze like he was trying to divine the truth in his eyes. God, Ford hoped the boy saw what he needed because he knew Sawyer loved his siblings.
“Your teacher, Mrs. Harper, called me earlier today and said she had some concerns, so Ford and I went in to meet her after school this afternoon.”
Gavin’s eyes grew as big as saucers. “Are you going to spank me? Do I have to sleep in the closet?”
“What?” Sawyer’s body jerked as though he’d been electrocuted. “What are you talking about? Did your father make you sleep in the closet?” Sawyer’s fist was clenched tight, his eye twitching.
Gavin hesitated, then shook his head. “Daddy didn’t do that, only mommy. But only when she had people over and couldn't leave us with her friends. Savie always locked us in the room when we weren’t with mommy. Sometimes she would spank us too. Daddy never spanked us. Are you going to?”
Sawyer slid closer to Gavin in the booth, putting a hand on his shoulder and holding his gaze. “No, Gavin… listen to me. I will never hit you. Ford will never hit you. That’s not how we will handle things in our family. And you won’t ever have to worry about us dropping you off with people you don’t know. Just at your grandparents’ home since they love having you around so much.”
Ford couldn’t help the squishy feeling in his belly at being included as part of the family.
“I’m sorry that you have been through so much… I didn’t know.” Sawyer put his arm around Gavin. “But listen to me, Gavin. We’re here for you.”
Ford nodded when they both looked up at him.
Sawyer continued, “And, you certainly don’t have to go in the closet… unless you’re playing hide and seek.”
Ford tried not to point out the other kind of closet, but that Gavin had to worry about that, either. At least not in the foreseeable future.
Finishing, Sawyer told him, “We’re not going anywhere. I promise.” There was certainty and conviction in his voice as he said this to Gavin.
Gavin looked between the two men, the silence drawn out as they waited for him to answer. His lips were pursed and his brows were drawn together, and it was obvious to Ford that he was mulling over all that he’d been told.
When Gavin began to nod slowly, Sawyer pulled him into his arms. Ford tried to hold back his tears as he watched the two of them embracing, releasing the lungful of air he’d been holding in now that this hurdle had been overcome.
When the waitress came back to the table with their pizza, it lightened the moment. Sawyer slid over to Ford and sought out his hand under the table, then they took a moment to just enjoy their meal.
Gavin cleared almost half the pizza as they watched him. When it looked like he was slowing down, Sawyer spoke up. “Do you like school?”
Gavin shrugged, and Ford thought that was it, but then he tilted his head to the side before finally nodding. “Most of the time, I guess.”
Sawyer chuckled. “Yeah, I get it. I only like work most of the time.”
“They give us a lot of homework, though,” Gavin added.
“Homework is the worst,” Sawyer groaned and made a face, which made Gavin laugh, but Ford elbowed him.
“I liked homework.” Ford mock pouted, folding his arms.
Sawyer rolled his eyes and looked at Gavin. “Ford’s a little weird, don’t you think?”
Gavin cackled, then nodded as he chewed.
Ford’s mouth hung open in mock offense. “Hey.”
Gavin grinned. “We still love you.”
Ford clutched his chest and smiled. “Well, then I can be the weird one.”
Even though he was teasing, Gavin didn’t know how much that meant. Sawyer met Ford’s gaze, who nodded supportively.
Then Sawyer looked over at Gavin. “I need you to do something for me, buddy. Do you think you can?”
Gavin scrunched up his nose. “You want me to do my schoolwork, right?”
Sawyer laughed. “For starters, yes... But I also want you to come to me if you ever feel down, or if you ever want to talk. Can you do that?” He looked over at Ford. “Can you come to me… or Ford? Either one of us will hear you out, but you need to talk to us about what’s going on.” Sawyer held Gavin’s gaze. “Do we have a deal?”
Gavin nodded slowly. “I promise.”
“Good!” Sawyer wrapped his arm around Gavin, and they hugged again. “I love you, Gav.”
“I love you.” It was muffled in Sawyer’s chest.
He sat up and looked over to where the pinball machines were. “Can I go play?”
Sawyer laughed and reached into his pocket, but he only had bills. He gave a few to Gavin. “See if they’ll give you change.” Gavin nodded, then scooted out of the booth, and the two men watched as he ran off.
Sawyer moved back so he was closer to Ford, then rested his head on Ford’s shoulder.
“You’re good with him… like, really good with him.”
Sawyer blew out his cheeks. “Thanks. I’m just kind of playing it by ear.”
Sawyer was quiet, and Ford tilted his head so he could see Sawyer’s face. “I didn’t tell you something that happened when I met with the social worker the first time.”
�
��Okay…” Ford nodded. “What’s up?”
It was so weird how much he wasn’t worried. He and Sawyer were good now, the random urge to strangle Sawyer for thinking he’d have fled at the mention of the children having faded soon after they returned to Colorado .
Sawyer took a couple of moments before speaking, then let him have it.
“When I went to get the kids, she gave me a letter from my dad. I’ve been at war with myself...” Sawyer shook his head. “I don’t know if I want to read it.”
“What are you afraid of?” Ford asked.
Sawyer shrugged. “I don’t know. I told you the man abandoned my mother and I, never contacting us again. I’ve been filled with anger for years, and it all came back rushing back when I found out he had a family and left me to take care of his other children.” He looked down at the table, shaking his head. “I love my brothers and sister, but I don’t know if I can stomach reading anything that he has to say.”
Ford considered that, taking his time before he spoke. “I think at some point you should read it, but only when you’re ready. Maybe when things have settled and the mixed feelings have quieted. It could do you some good, and maybe give you some closure.”
Sawyer huffed at that.
“Either way, I’ll be here with you, if you want me to be. But do it for yourself and on your own terms, not for him.”
Sawyer kissed the top of his head. “Thanks, baby.”
They were quiet, then Sawyer spoke up again. “There’s something else.”
Ford smiled. “Lay it on me.”
“So, for the past week I’ve been doing some research.”
“Research?” Ford repeated.
Sawyer nodded and took Ford’s hand, lifting it to his lips and kissing each knuckle before going on.
“I think we need a place of our own… just the five of us.”
Ford sat up and faced Sawyer, his mouth open, but before he could form words, Sawyer held up his hand.
“Your parents are great, but it’s a little crowded.” He pulled out his phone from his pocket and then tapped a couple of times before handing it over to Ford. Ford looked down and saw a picture of a house. A rather sizable house, even bigger than his parents’.
“This house is for rent,” Sawyer said, “with the option to buy. I think it’ll be perfect for us. We can live together as a family.”
“My parents are going to be disappointed.” Well, that wasn’t what he’d planned on saying. It just kind of came out. He scrolled through the pictures of the wood and stone home.
“It’s not far away, and they can see the kids whenever they like,” Sawyer pointed out.
When Ford looked up from the phone, it was to find Sawyer’s eyes on him, his teeth worrying his lips.
“We can even have Sunday dinners like the families on TV. Plus, we’ll still need their help to watch the kids while we’re at work or on date nights.” Sawyer held his gaze. “This will just be ours. I know this isn’t how you imagined we’d get our first place, but....”
Ford leaned in brushing their lips together. How could Sawyer think he would say no to that? He wanted to build a life with him. Maybe it wasn’t how he imagined their story would go, but he wasn’t complaining at all.
Ford pulled back and whispered, “You’re breaking it to them, though.”
Sawyer tickled his side. “Fine… if that’s the way you want it. But you’ll owe me one. And I know exactly what I want.”
Sawyer’s eyes heated, and Ford’s body reacted as always. He leaned in for another kiss, but they were interrupted when Gavin's voice exclaimed, “Ewwww.”
Ford snorted and pulled back slowly from the kiss, realizing he probably had a dopey smile on his face. “Don’t worry, kid. One day you’ll meet someone, and they’ll make you”—he looked over at Sawyer and grinned—“happier than you ever thought you could be.”
“I’m not kissing no one.” Gavin scowled and folded his arms across his chest.
Sawyer snorted, “We’ll see.”
The kids had taken him being Ford’s boyfriend with indifference, but neither Sawyer nor Ford had brought up the topic of the birds and the bees… or the bees and the bees, or the birds and the birds.
“Let’s get out of here,” Ford said. Everyone agreed, and he slid out of the booth with Sawyer following.
When Gavin’s hand slipped into his, then Sawyer’s, their eyes met over his head. Ford knew they would do everything in their power to make sure Gavin—and all the kids—actually were okay.
Ford prayed that getting a house, their own rooms, and putting down roots would make them feel even more secure. Because he knew that was all Sawyer wanted for them.
And so did he.
14
Sawyer
“What? But it’s too soon.” Barbara looked between him and Ford. Ford had of course been right. His mom wasn’t taking them moving out very well. The kids had all gone to bed, and it was just him, Ford, Barb, and Doug in the living room.
“Mom… you knew we would have to leave sooner or later. Sawyer, the kids, and I can’t stay here,” Ford pointed out to his mom. “Mom, Dad, I’m sure you’re ready for us to leave and be in our own place, right.”
His dad held up his hands, almost in protest. “I’m staying out of this one.”
“Thanks a lot,” Ford mumbled. He faced his mom, but Sawyer knew he needed to step in.
“Barbara…” Every time he wanted to call her Mom, he couldn’t quite do it. “I know it’s sudden, but we’re not moving far away. We’re going to be a couple of miles down the road.” Sawyer didn’t add that they needed their own space, and he didn’t mean just the kids. “You guys have been amazing, but it’s time that we let you have your house back to yourselves. I’m sure you’re tired of having us underfoot.”
“Never,” Barb insisted. “We’ve loved having you here.” Her eyes flitted between them. “We adore having you all here. We’ll miss that.”
“We’ll be over often, Mom,” Ford chimed in. “We are going to still need your help with the kids.” Ford looked over at him nodding, and Sawyer chimed in.
“We’ll need you to watch Callum when we’re at work, and the kids could still come here after they get off the bus.”
Ford took over. “Sawyer and I are going to be pretty busy at work, so we’ll need your help often. We’re not leaving the area, Mom.”
“Sunday dinners,” Sawyer blurted. “We can have Sunday dinners.”
Where had that come from? He looked over at Ford to find him smiling.
Barb slumped into Doug and let out a resigned sigh. She looked sad, but she finally gave in. Doug patted her thigh, and she sighed again, then nodded.
“I know you’re right,” Barb said, then her eyes narrowed. “And I’m trusting that you mean every word and that you will bring the kids around often.”
Sawyer put his hands up. Yeah, he had a feeling Barb would come after them if they kept the kids away.
“You’ll see them every day, Mom.” Ford shook his head. “You can still spoil them daily.”
That managed to get a smile from Barb, and Ford reached over and took Sawyer’s hand. Sawyer couldn’t believe that by the end of the following week, they would be moved into their new home.
Between the site and working to get their new house ready for the move, they collapsed into bed each night with nothing more than a kiss between them before they fell asleep.
It wasn’t exactly the house that he and Ford had spoken about, one built from scratch on the same land as Ford’s parents, but he reminded himself that could still happen. This was just to start their lives together as a family.
It was a day off from school, teacher training or something, so Sawyer and Ford had brought the older kids to see the house while Barb watched Cal.
The house they had chosen was one of the mountain village homes with vaulted ceilings, a massive great-room fireplace shared with the adjacent family room that had floor-to-ceiling windows and gave them an a
mazing view of the surrounding canyon, and there were covered porches and decks that Sawyer knew would be amazing in the summer. The kitchen was open plan and flowed into the dining area, and Sawyer loved it because it felt like something that you came home to and watched your kids doing their homework at the table or had family dinners where they all talked about their day.
It also had six bedrooms, which may have seemed a little much, especially with the private guest wing that held two other bedrooms, but Sawyer figured it would be perfect for when Mark and his family came to visit.
There was also a small theater and a wine room that he and Ford had agreed to leave empty for now. The basement he knew would make a great kid’s activity room, and the final bonus was ski-in/ski-out access, and their very own ski room.
Not that the kids could ski yet, but it was now on the list of family activities.
He’d also checked to find there was a family living next door, and hopefully, they would become friends with the neighbors. Sawyer didn’t want to live next to one of the company-owned properties that got rented out to vacationers. That wouldn’t feel like home with a continual rotation of couples, families, or groups moving through the area.
In his mind, home had neighbors that watched your house while you were out of town and pulled your garbage cans in for you.
Ha! Like you could pick your neighbor in New York out of a line up.
God he hoped the kids liked it.
“Okay, so the beds, crib, and the tables for the kids’ rooms are definitely coming tomorrow.” Ford walked up beside him with his tablet in hand and scrolled through it. “The last thing I want to do is move in and have to sleep on the floor. So I’ll come over while you’re at the site and wait for them”
“Thanks, babe.” He brushed his lips over Ford’s. “And I’m with you on that.” Sawyer moved so he was behind Ford and placed his hands on his shoulders. He massaged the tight muscles there while looking down at the tablet until Ford’s moan had him distracted. “Everything else we can figure out and have delivered after we move in. As long as we have the essentials, we should be okay.”
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