Xone of Contention

by Piers Anthony

  "Good question. I suspect things would me much the same, assuming we were married."

  "So what would you have gained, honoring the Conspiracy?"

  In was Pia's turn to ponder. "Nothing," she concluded. "And lost a lot of early fun."

  "So what do you figure I should do?"

  "Take him."

  "I can't. All he does is kiss."

  "Face to face?"

  “What else?"

  “To use archaic terms you’re necking. You need to get into petting.”

  "Petting?"

  "Necking is above the neck Petting is below.”

  "I know that! But I can't get into it, because—"

  "I'll bet the Adult Conspiracy offers a bit of leeway in the in-between age. Why don't you try it and see?”

  "But what exactly—if he won't—"

  Pia realized that for all her professed knowledge, the girl had been stifled in Xanth, and lacked actual experience She had the concept with out the practical mechanics "Don't ask him, silly. Just do it."

  “Do it?”

  "Get him alone. Maybe tonight. Take off your shirt. Hold his hand."

  “Hold his hand?"

  "Like so " Pia glanced around to make sure they were unobserved, then took Breanna's hand and put it against Pia's clothed breast.

  "Oho!" Breanna smiled with wild surmise.

  “I guarantee he won't ignore you. See how far the Conspiracy will bend. I think you will at least make some progress."

  "For sure, Breanna breathed raptly Pia felt good too, it was nice being reminded of the joys of early discovery.

  They came to the first of the planned tour exhibits a tangle tree. From a distance the thing looked like a drooping live oak. But closer in, she saw that it actually had long hanging green tentacles

  "You don't want to get close to such a tree," Justin said.

  "But there's a nice little path leading right to it,” Pia said

  "Yes. But observe." Justin picked up a small fallen branch and threw it at the tree.

  The tentacles came to life. They caught the branch, wrapping around it and snapping it in two. Then they carried the pieces down to the trunk, where a huge wooden mouth opened. It chomped on a branch—then spat it out, evidently disgusted. The two children chortled together, loving it’s frustration.

  "Trees don't like to eat trees.” Justin said “They regard it as can canabalism. I speak from experience."

  "You were a tangle tree?” Pia asked, horrified.

  "No, merely an ordinary tree.” he said "Sunlight and soil sufficed. Until I met Breanna. But the birds and the bees kept me informed of the appetites of other tree species."

  "I don't think the birds and the bees informed you enough about flesh folk," Breanna said.

  Justin looked uneasy "Perhaps in two years—"

  "Yeah " But the girl was plainly nettled. Pia could see that she had a legitimate complaint. Two years was an eternity to that age.

  They resumed their walk along the path "Next we shall pass a dragon's lair," Justin said "Don't step out of the enchanted section.”

  "Why should we want to?" Edsel asked

  "The dragon's smart. It will try to fool you."

  Edsel shrugged, figuring he was foolproof. That was part of what nettled Pia about him.

  When they reached the lair, the dragon charged out snorting fire and smoke. Pia stepped back, but Breanna caught her elbow. “Don't cross the line, even on the far side It will hurdle that path and came after you."

  "But the fire—"

  "Can't touch you on the path."

  Now she saw that there was no smoke crossing the path It flattened out as if up against an invisible barrier, and wafted over the top well above head height. This was truly a protected section.

  Meanwhile the two children were making faces at the dragon. Realizing that no one was going to step out of the safe section, the dragon snorted one last blast and retreated into its lair, as disgusted as the tangle tree had been.

  "I am beginning to appreciate the enchanted path." Pia said

  "Folk who know the dangers can go where they want," Breanna said "But visitors are restricted for their own safety."

  The day was getting late "Perhaps we should camp, and visit the centaurs tomorrow." Justin suggested "There is a suitable spot nearby."

  They went to it. It was a park like section, marked by a colored line so that no one would accidentally step out of the safe area.

  "This is beautiful,” Pia said. She hated to admit it, but this Land of Xanth was beginning to get to her. It was more interesting than Mundania, and it seemed quite real. Her body felt better than it had, as if she had taken a pill to invigorate her, rather than just a shot. She had had some doubt that she had actually changed bodies with Chlorine, but was becoming reassured.

  "Yes. we try to keep the facilities pristine," Justin said. “We want all travelers to be both safe and satisfied." He paused. "Will the two of you be sharing a nest?"

  "Nest?" Pia asked, confused.

  Justin gestured. There was a large, plush nest nestled in the triple fork of a spreading tree. "A roc bird helped. You may be sure it is secure."

  "But we are expected to sleep in a nest?" she asked, more amazed that dismayed.

  Justin looked perplexed. "There is a problem?"

  "Oh, that's right, I remember now." Breanna said. “They use beds in Mundania. I didn't think of that. But it's very comfortable, and there's a canopy if you want privacy. Let me show you. Come on in." She climbed up a vine ladder and disappeared into the nest.

  Pia shrugged and followed. The ladder was flexible but firm. She was conscious of the two men standing below as she reached head height, but knew she had pretty good legs, so didn't worry about it. When she got to the rim of the nest, she heaved herself over, lost her grip, and tumbled into the center of the nest.

  "Fun, no?" Breanna asked. She was sitting on the far slope of the depression. "You can even bounce." She demonstrated, and in a moment was bouncing high, as if on a trampoline.

  "'Course you don't want to do that when there's a man watching; might show your panties."

  "What's this business about panties?" Pia asked. "You told that demoness not to show them, and she listened."

  "They fry men's eyeballs," the girl explained. "They freak out and can't do anything until the sight goes away."

  "That's interesting."

  "Your tone makes it sound like ‘That's a load of dragon manure.'”

  Exactly. "Men don't freak out at such sights."

  "Not in Mundania."

  "You mean they really do?"

  Breanna smiled. "I shouldn't, but I'm a rebellious teen, so I'll show you. Watch this."

  The girl climbed up the curving side of the nest and stood on the wide rim. "Hey, boys, look at this!" she called. Then she turned, bent over, and hoisted her skirt, showing her black panties. She was mooning them!

  There was no sound. Curious, Pia climbed the nest and peered over the rim.

  Justin and Edsel were standing below, motionless, eyes bulging, jaws slack. They were, indeed, freaked out.

  The two children were giggling. "That's showing 'em, Blackwave girl!" Ted cried naughtily. "Black is the color of my true love's—"

  The girl jammed a hand over his mouth before he could say a naughty word. "Wait till we get older, and I'll be able to do that," Monica said, seeming slightly jealous.

  "And I'll be able to freak out," Ted agreed.

  Breanna did a forward roll into the nest. That took her panties out of sight. The two men returned to life. Justin stepped back, as if catching his balance. Edsel sat down on the ground. Both looked dazed. Their eyes did seem to be somewhat hot.

  "You boys okay?" Pia called.

  "I guess," Edsel said. "What happened?"

  "You freaked out."

  "Freaked out? I don't remember anything."

  Both children chortled.

  Then Justin caught on. "Someone must have exposed her under
clothing."

  "Not me," Pia said innocently. "Go on about your business." She turned back to the interior of the nest.

  "For the canopy, just pull the cord," Breanna said. She reached up, caught a dangling vine, and pulled. A neat canopy of living branches and leaves descended, making contact with the rim. This was now a shrouded round chamber. "Good when it rains, too."

  "I believe this nest will do," Pia said. "Are there any sheets or blankets?"

  "You harvest them fresh from a blanket bush. I'll show you." Breanna scrambled back up the slope toward the ladder.

  "How is it that men are freaked out by panties, when it doesn't happen in Mundania?" Pia asked as she followed.

  "It's part of the magic. There are lots of routine magical effects. You get used to them."

  "What happens if a man sees a woman naked?"

  "Nothing special. Oh. he's interested, for sure, but he doesn't freak out. I mean, nymphs go naked all the time, and nobody thinks anything of it. It's just certain items of clothing that make the difference."

  They climbed down the ladder and touched ground "Is this logical?" Pia inquired

  "What's logic got to do with sex or magic?”

  That answered itself.

  “I don't believe you expressed a preference," Justin said as they passed him "Will the two of you be sharing a nest."

  What the bleep "Might as well," she said. Then realized that her bad word had been censored out, even in her thoughts. Because she was in the presence of someone below the correct age. Magic was everywhere.

  They came to the blanket bush, where they harvested two nice blankets.

  There was a swirl oft smoke It formed into a handsome male figure "A greeting, lovely ladies," he said, bowing gallantly.

  "Oh, hi, Vore," Breanna said. Then, to Pia "This is D Vore, Monica's father. He must be here to pick up the children."

  "Indeed Metria brought them, I will return them. We are obliged to be somewhat responsible, now that we are half souled." He looked at Pia "Have I made your acquaintance, luscious creature?"

  "She's Pia Mundane," Breanna said "I mean Putz Does Nada know you're flirting with visitors?"

  "I'm not flirting," Vore said quickly "I'm eating.”

  "Eating?" Pia asked

  "Devouring her with my eyes," he explained.

  That was a pun, Pia realized D Vore—devour "The children are fine." she said "They're around here somewhere "

  "They have a magic locket," Breanna added.

  "I will investigate " He vanished.

  "Those children really weren't much trouble," Pia said

  "We were lucky, this time. Things could've complicated in a hurry."

  They dumped the blankets in two nests. Meanwhile Vore had taken away the children, and Justin and Edsel had harvested four pies from a pie tree. They sat down on large toadstools by a glassy table.

  "Don't tell me, let me guess," Pia said, observing the way the table shimmered "It's a water table "

  "Of course," Breanna agreed "And here's some milk" She set down several milkweed pods

  Sure enough the pies were good, and the pods contained fresh milk.

  Breanna had chocolate milk "I wouldn't want my color to fade,” she explained.

  That reminded Pia of something awkward. "I gather there isn't racism in Xanth."

  "Not as such. But there is prejudice. For example nobody much wants to associate with zombies."

  "I should think not," Pia agreed.

  "But they should, Zombies are people too, and they serve Xanth well. If you're ever in trouble, and you see a zombie, ask it for help. They're kind hearted. Their hearts are rotten, of course, but soft."

  Pia wasn’t certain whether the girl was joking, so she played it low key "Rotten but kind," she agreed.

  "Justin and I will be taking over Castle Zombie, when the Zombie Master retires," Breanna said "Justin's going to be great "

  "Breanna is already great," Justin said gallantly.

  "You don't know the half of it” Breanna murmured.

  He looked at her "I don't understand.”

  "You will. We're sharing a nest and a blanket tonight."

  "We are? I'm not sure that's appropriate, considering your—"

  "My age? Would you want me to huddle all by myself alone in the great wilderness of Xanth?"

  "Of course not But—"

  "Good. So finish eating, and we'll turn in."

  Justin looked nervous "I suppose if we sleep on opposite sides of the nest."

  Pia kept her mouth shut. It was fun observing the interaction. Justin seemed like a very nice man, but Breanna was right he had archaic notions.

  They finished their meal as dusk closed. Then they went to their nests "You know, poor Justin really likes that girl," Edsel said as they settled down. "He told me that it's all he can do to keep his hands off her. But she's too young, so he stays clear."

  "Sixteen is old enough.”

  "I know that. You know that. But he doesn’t know that. He thinks a girl's not a woman until she's eighteen."

  "It's the Adult Conspiracy. But I don't think it's quite right. I told her how to try to bend it.”

  “Bend it?"

  "As in the distinction between necking and petting. I'm betting that petting's allowed at her age."

  "Maybe so. Speaking of which, how about—"

  "Forget it. We're estranged.”

  "Not until we finish in Xanth and you don't change your mind. Anyway, we have always fought, but gotten along great at night."

  He had a point. Still, she wasn't sure. "Sorry I don't feel like it."

  He lay back, disappointed Edsel had his faults, but he was a gentle man about sex. There was silence.

  Then Justin's amazed voice carried across the nests "Breanna! What are you doing?"

  "Just holding hands, dear "

  "Breanna!" He sounded shocked "You—"

  "Shut up and kiss me, handsome. Or shall I hold both your hands, like this?" After that the sounds muffled out.

  Pia turned toward Edsel "Now I feel like it."

  He moved over immediately "Exactly what did you tell her?" he whispered.

  "Just how to hold hands."

  "That's all?"

  "Like this." She demonstrated with his hand.

  "He's done for," he agreed appreciatively "This is just like the old days."

  "For sure," she agreed, imitating Breanna “But remember, we're still officially estranged."

  "Tomorrow," he agreed.

  Chapter 3

  MUNDANIA

  Chlorine was nervous about this particular adventure, because it was the first one where Nimby—the Demon X(A/N)th—would not have his immense power of magic. But he wanted to explore Mundania, and this was the only feasible way. Because each Demon was jealous of its territory and prerogatives, and had virtually absolute power within its domain. The intrusion of any other Demon would not be welcome. So Xanth was sneaking in to look around, and if E(A/R)th caught on there would be awful mischief. Chlorine had begged Nimby not to do it, but he had insisted, so now she would do her utmost to facilitate the visit and keep them both safe. Because she owed everything to Nimby, and his will was ultimately her will.

  They walked to the exit door, and paused "See you here tomorrow for check-in!" Breanna called cheerily.

  "Got it," the Mundane woman Kim called back. Then they turned forward, and walked down the hall to the O-Xone Interface exit. They passed though that—and Chlorine found herself sitting on a chair, with her hands on a funny kind of board with a number of marked little squares staring at a screen resembling Com Pewter's. Her hands looked wrong, until she reminded herself that she was no longer in her own body. She was now a Mundane, among Mundanes. She hoped she survived the experience.

  Words appeared on it. "Pia—stay where you are. Dug and I will be there soon. Kim."

  But Pia was in Xanth. Then Chlorine reoriented. Of course—she was in Pia's body now, and was to be called Pia, to protect her re
al identity. And Nimby would be called Edsel. Because the Demon E(A/R)th surely kept an eye on the Great Global Grid, and would soon know if Nimby and Chlorine appeared on it. They were here anonymously.

  But Nimby was in another room, and she had to be sure he was all right. She got up and found her way out the open door to the adjacent chamber. There was Edsel, sitting somewhat blankly before his own screen. "Nimby." she murmured. "It's Chlorine."

  He turned to look at her, nodding. He almost never spoke to others. He could speak, and elegantly, but this required him to focus on minutia, and he preferred not to bother. That was why she had to speak a lot, for both of them. But that was all right; it made her feel important.

  “Nimby, remember, we have to be anonymous, here in Mundania. So we must answer to the bodies we are in. You are Edsel, and I am Pia. Our Companions arrived in another house, and will join us soon. All right?"

  He nodded. She found it half a smidgen weird to be calling this stranger Nimby, but no weirder that it had been to see him change from dragon to manform the first time.

  She sat in his lap and kissed him. "I love you, Nimby. But from now on I will call you Ed or Edsel. Until we are back m Xanth. And I won't mention Xanth, because that might give us away. We are Ed and Pia outside, but inside we are ourselves." He knew all this, of course, but it helped her to express it, making sure there was no misunderstanding.

  They looked around the room, noting the distinctly Mundane look of it. Then they explored the house. There was a staircase leading to a second floor, with two rooms with beds, and one small room with odd ceramic or metallic objects that roughly resembled basins or a chair.

  There was a muted rumble outside, and a funny box on wheels rolled up. They saw it out a window. Then doors in it opened, and Dug and Kim got out on opposite sides. Oh.

  In a moment and a half, Dug and Kim were with them. "Okay," Kim said. "You are Nimby and Chlorine, right?"

  "Yes," Chlorine said. "But we will answer to Edsel and Pia."

  "Yes. of course." Kim paused, as if organizing her thoughts. "There are some things we need to get straight at the outset, so we don't get into mischief. For example, both of you can speak and understand our language, right?"

  "Yes."

  "Good. Because usually Xanthians can't understand Mundanian right away. But you're actually using Mundane bodies, so they must provide you with the language. But how much else do they provide you with? I mean, do you know where everything is?"