Xone of Contention

by Piers Anthony

  He killed the motor and got off. But he couldn't just leave the Lemon there. So he took it by the handlebars and pushed it forward, it was heavy, but he could handle it, and the rolling weight wasn't bad on approximately level ground.

  "So have we used up our talents?" Pia asked.

  "Must have." He took the teller. "What's my talent?"

  "Bringing statues to life."

  "But there's no statue here."

  There was as usual no answer. "Maybe you can make one," Pia suggested. "The way I drew my picture."

  Good idea He parked the bike, took out his pen knife lifted a stick, and carved it into a crude man form "Come to life " he said

  The form moved. But it couldn't say anything, because he hadn’t carved a mouth He had wasted another talent

  “My turn," Pia said taking the teller from his hand "What's my talent?"

  "Glaring daggers "

  "It's got you pegged!” Edsel exclaimed

  She glared. A dagger shot from her eye and just missed his ear. He ducked, alarmed, and the other daggers missed by greater margins. Damn the literal nature of Xanth.

  He grabbed the teller "What's my talent?" "Controlling the emotions of others " "Make Pia happy!" he cried

  "You fool," she laughed happily "You just wasted another talent you should have saved for a mean monster "

  She was right He had once again acted without thinking She couldn't be mad at him, because he had made her happy, but the damage was done He handed the teller to her "Find out yours, and use it sensibly "

  "I will " She oriented on the disk "What's my talent?" "Summoning a friend " She smiled "Breanna'"

  A figure appeared m the distance "Pia! Is that you?"

  "Here'" Pia called happily

  Breanna hurried up, followed by Justin. “We've been looking all over for you. We tried to follow your trail, but there wasn't much. Are you all right?"

  "I am now. You know the way back to the enchanted path, right?"

  "For sure" Breanna paused "Pia—you look terrific. What happened?'

  "I got my sixteen year old figure back I'm your age now."

  "And twice as sexy," Breanna agreed admiringly.

  "Oh, I wouldn't say that." Justin demurred

  "Why not?" Edsel asked. But the man averted his gaze embarrassed. Oh, yes holding hands.

  "We are certainly glad to see you," Pia said cheerfully "We were lost.”

  Justin looked at the motorcycle "What is that thing7"

  "That's my old Lemon,” Edsel said, with mixed feelings.

  "I must say I never saw a lemon or any other fruit like that."

  "That's its brand name "

  "It was branded?"

  This wasn’t getting far. "It’s a Mundane machine. I got it for a wish, but I can't use it here. In Mundania it could carry two people rapidly, a long way.”

  "Oh," Justin said, clearly not understanding

  "Let's get moving toward safety," Pia said joyfully "We can explain everything as we go."

  "Yes," Breanna agreed "And we must check in, so the others know you're all right. It has been a day."

  "But it will take time to get back to Com Passion s cave," Edsel said.

  "No, we can do it now I have an ear " She produced what looked like a human ear "Speak into this It's connected to the O Xone."

  Pia took the ear "This is Pia Ed and I are okay "

  The ear quivered, so that she almost dropped it "Good, so are we," Chlorine's voice came

  That was it Pia returned the ear.

  They walked through the brush Edsel pushed the Lemon, unwilling to give it up, though he knew that soon he would have to. They caught the two companions up on their recent adventures.

  "Oh, the Isle of Talents," Justin said "I know of it, though never knew its location But your talents shouldn't keep changing once you leave the Isle "

  "We can use them only once,” Edsel said "Then we have to ask the teller to identify the next one."

  "The what?”

  He showed Justin the teller. The man shied away "That's a demon!"

  "A what?"

  "A demon They aren't all like Metria, you know. They can assume any form. Some specialize in specific mischief. This one must be changing your talents as you invoke it.

  "Changing our talents!" Pia exclaimed, her happiness somewhat tempered by outrage.

  "Yes My guess is that it masks your inherent talent, drawing on its power to provide a temporary new one. Get rid of it and you'll probably have your original talent back.”

  "Gladly." Edsel said. He dropped the disk to the ground.

  It bounced back like a yo-yo, returning to his hand. Angry, he threw it violently away. It curved in air like a boomerang and returned.

  He set it on the ground and put a rock on top of it. But when he retreated, it wiggled its way free and snapped back to stick to his sleeve.

  "I suspect you can part with it only by giving it to another person," Justin said.

  Edsel looked at Pia They had been handing it back and forth They had never tried to dispose of it "There's got to be another way," Edsel said.

  "There should be," Justin agreed “Probably you can return it to the place you found it. That's often the way of such things."

  "The Isle of Talents.” Pia said. "Bleep!" Her magic happiness was weathering.

  "Nevertheless, I believe we should return it there," Justin said "Breanna and I do not dare to set foot on it, for obvious reason, so you will have to do it yourself. But we will help you in whatever way we can "

  That made sense. "Then let's head for the isle," Edsel said. "We know where it is I want to get this done and get out of here before dark."

  "Not to worry," Breanna said "My talent is to see in the dark."

  "I don't want to get near that dark castle," Pia said.

  "But there's no castle in this region."

  Pia exchanged a glance with Edsel "It disappeared when the crack of dawn came," he explained "It may reappear at night."

  "Sounds interesting," Breanna said "But let's take care of the teller first."

  "Maybe we can use the teller to help," Justin said "If you care to run through several talents until a useful one turns up—"

  "But why would it help us to get rid of it?"

  "Demons aren't necessarily intelligent. Often they do what they do without thought."

  So Edsel tried running through talents, and was in luck he got the ability to find the very best route to any objective "What's the best route to the boat?" he asked

  "That isn't right," Justin said "You did not define the boat."

  "Any boat will do dear." Breanna said.

  “Not the Censor Ship.”

  "For sure," she agreed "But he's already invoked it, so we'll just have to see."

  "This way," Edsel said with certainty, facing the thickest brush "Toward the boat, in a small meander."

  "A small meander," Pia said, but didn't protest, because the talents did seem to work.

  They turned and cut through the brush toward the place where the boat was, as none of them cared to risk swimming in the lake.

  They found a path, and followed it. That made pushing the Lemon much easier. But the path led straight to a tangle tree.

  "We should have known," Breanna said "You can't trust wilderness paths "

  "But my talent indicates this is the best," Edsel said, perplexed.

  "What's that caught in its tentacles?" Pia asked

  Breanna peered "That's Para" she cried "The duck-footed boat."

  "A what?" Edsel asked

  "We met it by the Isle of Women last year," Breanna said "It was traveling between a pair of docks. It's really nice. We've got to save it."

  Edsel appreciated the pun pair of docks = paradox "But what good is a—a boat with feet?"

  "You'll see This is the boat your talent led you to, and it's much better than the other. How can we rescue it?"

  "Perhaps we can arrange an exchange," Justin said.


  Edsel laughed "How about my Lemon for the boat?"

  "We can try," Justin said doubtfully.

  Pia helped Edsel move the Lemon into position just beyond the range of the tangle tree's tentacles. Then he stood to the side, while she sat on it and smiled. Pretty girls made anything salable, and she was excruciatingly pretty now.

  "Tangle Tree." Edsel said "How would you like to trade this for that?" He gestured to the Lemon, then to the tangled boat.

  The tree considered. Edsel could tell by the way its tentacles twitched. Then it released the boat. The boat promptly got its dozen or so feet under it and ran away from the tree.

  "Para!" Breanna cried The boat ran to her, and she hugged its wooden prow "I'm so glad we found you in time."

  The boat was evidently glad too. It curled its webbed feet and quivered.

  "However." Justin said to it. "We feel that one favor deserves another. We have rescued you; will you transport us?"

  The boat slapped a foot against the ground, and stood still. That seemed to be agreement.

  Meanwhile, Edsel wheeled the Lemon toward the tangle tree. "Here's your bike," he said sadly. "Though I'm not sure what use you will have for it."'

  The tentacles shook. "Retreat!" Justin called. "The tree is angry." Edsel quickly backed off. "What's the problem? We made a deal."

  "I think I understand." Justin said. "There may have been a misunderstanding. The tree thought you meant Pia."

  Oops. Pia had sat on the bike, decorating it, as he gestured to it. The tree would not have had much experience with Mundane marketing techniques.

  "But I'm not about to be going to go get gobbled by that monster," Pia protested.

  "Then it appears we are reneging on the understanding," Justin said. "That is not good policy."

  "For sure," Breanna agreed. "We've got to work something out."

  Edsel had a notion. "Suppose Pia uses the teller to get a talent that will protect her from the tree, so it can't eat her?"

  "I don't want to stay forever in its tangles either," Pia protested. Still, she took the teller. "What's my talent?"

  "Hearing anything close by."

  She cocked her head. "I hear bugs talking to each other through their antennae," she said. "But that won't help me. What's my talent?"

  "To be ineffably charming."

  "That won't help me either! I—"

  "Wait," Justin said. "It might after all help. If your talent is to be charming beyond the capacity of mere words to express, perhaps you could charm the tree into accepting the machine."

  Pia considered. "Would I have to get within its reach?"

  "I regret that you probably would, as the full measure of your charm is incapable of being verbalized."

  "No, she could just let it look at her," Breanna said. "That's not words."

  "Perhaps so," Justin agreed doubtfully.

  "Well, I'll try it," Pia said, just as dubious. She stepped close to Edsel and the Lemon, and struck a pose. It was a charming pose. "Tangler," she said dulcetly. "May I call you that? I was just the decoration for the motorcycle, not the offering. It was a misunderstanding. But you know, that machine is as useful to you as the quack footed boat. I mean. you can't eat either one. But there's nothing else in Xanth like the Lemon, so maybe it would be a tourist attraction or something. So maybe it's a fair deal after all. Doesn't that make sense to you?" She smiled winningly.

  Edsel stared. Pia had always been able to turn on the charm, when she wanted to, but this was moreso than she had ever been before. It wasn't just that she was lovely, in her sixteen year old perfect body. There was an intangible aura about her that made her ultimately winsome and sweet. Justin and Breanna felt it too; he could see them watching as avidly as he was. The magic was truly working. She could charm tears from a stone.

  The tangle tree was feeling it as well; its tentacles were quivering their tips curling and uncurling.

  "And such a big, strong, handsome tree as you can surely afford to be generous." Pia continued. She adjusted her pose to show more thigh. Edsel wasn't sure that was smart, as it might just make the tree hungry. but he didn't dare interfere. "You wouldn't want to gobble up poor little me, would you?" The tentacles twisted in denial; how could they do that awful thing? "Because I know that deep down inside your vegetable heart you're really a nice creature." She stepped forward and took hold of the end of a tentacle. "Won't you make the deal, and take the Lemon, and let me leave with my sincere appreciation?" She lifted the tentacle to her face and kissed it.

  The whole tree quivered and turned vaguely pink. Edsel acted on cue, and wheeled the Lemon forward. Several tentacles reached out to take hold of it, and Edsel retreated.

  "Oh, thank you so much, generous tree!" Pia exclaimed, and hugged the tentacle to her fair bosom. The tree seemed ready to melt. Edsel felt much the same way. Pia was an utterly charming creature.

  "Well, bye-bye, Tangler," Pia said, turning and walking slowly away. Her rear view was as compelling as her front view, as she well knew. The tree might not care about her sex appeal, however much Edsel did. but her charm was undimmished. The tentacles were limp with appreciation.

  "I believe that does it," Justin said. "Very nice performance, Pia." The compliment was obviously sincere, as his eyes were halfway glazed.

  "It was fun," she confessed. "Now let's get the bleep out of here."

  "For sure," Breanna agreed. They climbed into the boat.

  Edsel realized that the charm was fading. Pia had used up the talent.

  But she remained a lovely creature. How he hoped that this adventure in the Land of Xanth would somehow persuade her to reconcile the marriage.

  He got into the boat. The duck feet got moving, carrying the boat and them along. He looked back to see the Lemon disappearing into the green mass of foliage. At least it had turned out to be useful.

  Chapter 5

  COVENTREE

  Pia turned back to wave at the tangle tree, and it actually waved a tentacle back. So it could see and understand, as many creatures and things of Xanth seemed to be able to do. She rather liked that; it was a considerable contrast to Mundania's perversity of the inanimate. She also liked having her beautiful body back, though she knew she would revert to normal when she returned home. Now if only she could get rid of the diabetes, and stay rid of it in the real world. But of course such fancies were foolish.

  Meanwhile, Para the duck footed boat was transporting them to the Isle of Talents. The feet enabled it to cruise over land and water without pause. It seemed to be floating on land. Certainly it was nice to let her own feet rest. Edsel's temporary talent really had steered him right.

  "I am curious about one thing,"' Justin said. "You folk mentioned seeing a dark castle in this general region. But we know of no castle here. Could you be more explicit?"

  "It was just a dark outline against the sky," Edsel said. "And it vanished at the crack of dawn. So I think it's like the path: one way by night."

  "Did it seem inimical?"

  "Seem what?"

  "Hostile." Pia said, translating. "No. it was just there, and scary."

  "The phantasm did not seem hostile either," Justin said. "It merely led you on, assuming the guise of Breanna."

  "To whatever it was leading us to," Pia agreed. "I knew it was nowhere I wanted to be "

  "This perplexes me. Normally the dangers of Xanth are not subtle. If the phantasm wished you harm, it should have done it as soon as you were clear of the enchanted path. Why did it go to the considerable trouble of making a protected path of its own to bring you to an apparent castle?"

  "Protected path?" Edsel asked.

  "It must have been, because you came to no harm in the night. There are many dangers in the dark."

  "Oh. I don't know about that," Breanna demurred. "I like the dark."

  "That is because your own talent is to see in blackness, dear girl," Justin said fondly. "So you can go about by night as readily as by day. But normal folk can't see well in darknes
s, so it is both more frightening and more dangerous for them."

  "Are you implying that I'm not normal?" Breanna demanded archly. Pia noted that she was flirting, but could use some tips about how to do it better.

  "Dear girl, you will never be normal," Justin said gallantly. "You are uniquely endowed."

  "Endowed," Breanna echoed. "As in holding hands?"

  Justin spluttered. She had scored on an awkward memory. Pia wondered how that scene had worked out. Probably it hadn't gotten beyond the "hand holding" stage, but maybe that was enough for now.

  They passed a small creature, like a squirrel, with pearly gray fur. perched on a bright spot of stone, its little chin held high. "That's so cute," Pia said. "I wonder if it would let me stroke it."

  "Don't touch it!" Justin said, alarmed. "That's a chin-chilla."

  "A chinchilla? Their fur is—"

  "No. It feeds on chili powder, and cools whatever it touches. Sometimes greatly. See the ice around it?"

  Now she realized that the stone was actually ice. Just as well she hadn't touched the pretty creature. But they had already left it behind, and were coming up on another creature, that looked almost like a dog. But not quite. "What is that?"

  "Laika," Justin replied. "Don't touch it either; they bite when afraid."

  "Like a?"

  "Yes, that's its nature: to be like a familiar creature, so that no one will hurt it."

  Then they passed a region of balls. Some were bobbing up and down, while others were bashing back and forth "The vertical ones are bowling balls." Justin explained. "They are very courteous. The horizontal ones are not nice at all; they are sock-her balls."

  Indeed, one came zooming at Pia, just missing her and striking the side of the boat, and rebounding. It had tried to sock her. She was glad they were now in the boat instead of afoot; this could have been an awkward region to cross.

  The boat reached the water, and splashed into it. The Isle of Talents was in sight. It looked as serene and innocent as ever. Which showed how islands were not to be trusted.

  Para Ducks was much faster than she and Edsel had been in the other boat, and soon they were at the isle. "Now how arc we going to handle this?" Pia asked.