“Don’t give me any hope. You know the best thing for me would be to put it all behind me.”
“Sure, but there’s always hope when it comes to love.”
I allowed myself a small smile. “Sounds like something off a greeting card. Or a fortune cookie.”
“Really? Because I made it up just now. Thought it sounded pretty nice, if I do say so myself. And hey – at least you lost your virginity. And to an older man, no less. You can go back to New York an experienced woman who knows a thing or two about love – and sex.”
“I guess you’re right about that.”
I forced a smile before the two of us went back to our potato peeling. Ten minutes or so later, I heard the rumble of Dad’s car pulling up to the house, the headlight beams illuminating the kitchen.
“Dad’s back,” I said. “Let’s keep a lid on the whole Craig thing.”
“Obviously. What do you think he’d do if he found out?”
“God, I don’t even want to think about it. Fists would fly – I bet you that much. But, luckily, he’s not gonna find out.”
“What if Craig has a little too much whiskey one night and spills it?”
“If that happens, I’m hoping I’ll be safely far, far away in New York.”
The door opened and Dad waltzed into the house, trailing snow behind him. Seconds later he was in the living room, two big bags of steaks and burgers and all sorts of meaty things in his hands. “How’re my little elves?” he asked as he set the bags on the counter.
“Peeling the hell out of these potatoes, if I do say so myself,” Alexa announced.
“That’s what I like to hear. You girls mind giving me a hand getting the meat?”
I smiled at Dad. “Of course.”
Together the three of us went for the bags and took out all the stuff inside. But a strange thing happened as I did – the moment I put my hands on one of the packages of hamburger meat, a wave of nausea took hold of me.
“You OK, baby girl?” Dad regarded me with concern – I must’ve looked obviously sick.
“Yeah, I’m fine. The tacos I ate earlier must not be agreeing with me.”
“Well, take some Pepto, because we’re gonna have more than enough food to go around.”
I breathed in slowly a few times, the nausea eventually passing. “OK, I think I’m fine.”
“Good.” Dad put his arm on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “Don’t want my girl getting sick on me. Now, let’s unwrap this stuff so I can get started on seasoning. I don’t know about you two, but I can’t wait. Haven’t eaten all day just so I can have room.”
Without a word, I took one of the packaged steaks from the counter, grabbed a small knife, and sliced it open. The smell hit me. The raw, rich smell of uncooked steak rushed up to me like a fist. And once again I felt totally sick, and I knew it wasn’t going to pass.
“OK, I’ll be right back!”
Without waiting for a response, I bolted from the kitchen, ran to the bathroom, and shut the door behind me. Once it was locked, I dropped in front of the toilet, lifted the lid, and puked. Whatever I’d eaten that day was soon in the bowl, my stomach aching from the forceful heaving.
When I was done, I fell onto my side and tried to recover. The nausea was gone, thankfully, but I was worried about what the hell had happened. Was I getting sick? What could I possibly be coming down with that would make me feel so sick, so suddenly? Sure, I’d been feeling out of sorts over the last few days, but nothing like that.
As I pushed myself up into a sitting position, a soft knock sounded at the door. “Hey Cin?” Alexa called through the door. “You OK in there?”
“I think so.”
“Can I come in?”
I leaned forward and undid the lock. Alexa opened the door, entered, and shut it behind her as soon as I did. “What’s up? Your dad’s kind of freaking out in there. I mean, I was too. You kinda flew the hell out of the kitchen.”
“I got sick all of a sudden. It was weird. Something about the touch and the smell of that raw meat made me feel totally nauseous. I don’t know what it was.”
“That is weird. You feeling better now, though?”
“I think so.”
She stuck out her hand to help me up. “Then come on – let’s get back in there so your dad stops worrying.”
I took it and she helped me to my feet. “Thanks.”
Alexa waved her hand in front of her face. “Holy bad breath. OK – change of plans. You brush your teeth and then we go back to the kitchen.”
I turned to the bathroom mirror and opened it. I reached for the toothpaste, knocking a box to it down onto the counter. The paper box landed on the sink, and I realized that it was a box of tampons – unopened tampons, to be specific. I was about to put them back, when I realized something that made my blood run cold.
Alexa noticed my frozen state and asked, “What is it? You look as freaked out as your dad did.”
“These tampons.” I picked up the box. “I bought them last month after I ran out. But they’re not opened.”
Alex appeared confused. “Wait, what does that mean?”
“It means that I haven’t had my period in over a month.”
“Holy shit. I’m guessing that’s about the time you and Craig…”
“Yep.”
“And I take it you two weren’t exactly careful?”
“Nope. We were so caught up in the moment, neither of us even thought about it. How could I have been so stupid?”
“Alright, don’t freak out,” she said calmly. “What we need to do is figure out what’s going on. And that means we need to go to the drug store and get a pregnancy test. OK?”
My heart was racing. But she was right – we needed to know for sure before I went crazy.
“Let’s go now. We’ll tell your dad we’re picking up some Pepto and take the test as soon as we get back, OK?”
“OK.”
We hurried through the house after I mumbled an excuse to Dad, and we were gone without waiting for a response. The drive to the drug store was totally silent as I had a feeling my life was about to change, forever.
Chapter 21
Craig
I pulled the car to a stop in front of the flower store.
“Why are we here?” Kyle asked. “We’re getting flowers?”
“Yeah, we’re getting flowers.”
“For who? For Drew?”
I laughed. “Nah, not for Drew. Well, kind of. Important life lesson is that when you go to a person’s house, you never show up empty-handed.”
“But aren’t we bringing some beer? And Christmas presents?”
“We’re bringing beer. But we’re going to a lady’s house, remember? It’s always nice to bring something for her.”
He smiled, apparently getting it. “Yeah, let’s do something nice for Cindy.”
I reached over and mussed his hair. “Now you got it. Wait here – I already ordered so I’m just gonna run in and grab them.”
“OK!” I could tell the kid was happy to see Cindy. Hell, so was I, despite everything.
I doubted there was a chance in hell she was happy to see me, though. The last dinner was tense but uneventful. I had a bad feeling about this one, though. Part of me had wanted to call Drew and cancel. But that would look strange and keeping things calm and quiet was the best way to handle this.
She’d be gone, soon. I knew how much she’d been making and knew what her goals for leaving were. Unless she’d been burning through money like crazy, she’d likely be done with me and the farm and everything else in a few weeks, tops.
I didn’t know how to feel about that, to be honest. I’d been doing a lot of thinking about her, as well as how I’d reacted to what she’d told me. When she’d said the words, I was more stunned than anything. So, I did my usual thing of icing her out.
It had turned out to be the wrong call. She’d been pissed and had every right to be. I acted like a total prick, acted like her feelings didn’t mean anythin
g more than a simple annoyance. I shut down and made her feel worthless, like our time together hadn’t meant anything other than me getting my dick wet.
That couldn’t have been further from the truth, however. What was the truth? I’d been thinking about that a lot over the last month. It had taken some soul-searching, but I’d figured it out.
I loved her. I loved the damn girl. I loved her more than I could say.
But it didn’t matter. I’d had my chance with her, and I’d screwed it up. I kept thinking about that dinner when Drew had come back into down, when Cindy had given me the silent treatment all through the evening. It made how she’d felt crystal clear. She didn’t want anything to do with me. Best I could do would be to give her the distance she needed until she was ready to get out of here and back to her real life in New York.
It was what needed to be done. And I was a man who always did what needed to be done, never mind how much it hurt me in the process.
“You OK, dad?” Kyle’s voice brought me back to reality.
“Yeah, fine. Just thinking about how damn hungry I am. How about you, kid? You ready for some steaks?”
“Yeah!”
I loved his excitement and was more than a little envious of how he was able to simply be happy and not have to deal with grownup shit like this.
“OK, one sec.”
I hopped out of the car and hurried into the flower store. Everything was ready for me at the counter, a nice, colorful bouquet of Christmas-type flowers. I didn’t know a damn thing about flowers or anything like that, so I’d asked the clerk to put together something a girl might like. And it looked pretty good.
I took the flowers and headed back to the car, still not sure what the fuck I was doing. The thing about bringing a gift hadn’t been bullshit, but there was more to it than that. Part of me was hoping I’d be able to say I’m sorry, to let her know I actually did give a shit about her and her feelings. A small, pathetic gesture, but I figured it was better than nothing at all.
We drove the rest of the way to Drew’s place, my stomach tensing as we pulled to a stop. It was strange as hell – I couldn’t remember the last time I’d gotten butterflies like I felt at that moment. Maybe when I met my ex-wife, but that was it. No other woman had the effect on me that Cindy did.
Kyle and I went to the front door and I knocked. Drew opened the door seconds later, a big grin on his face. “Merry Christmas! What’s up, guys?” He reached down and messed with Kyle’s hair. “Good to see you two!”
As he did, my gaze flicked over his shoulder and into the house. I was looking for Cindy, but she was nowhere to be seen. For a moment I worried she might not show.
“Merry Christmas to you too,” I said.
Drew glanced down at the flowers. “Aw, look at how sweet you are. Flowers – just for me?”
“See, Dad,” Kyle said. “You don’t bring flowers for a guy.”
I laughed. “Only the prettiest for my bud Drew.” I handed over the beer. “Nah, this is a little more your speed, I think.”
“You’re right about that.” He took the beer, giving it an appreciative pat. “Come on in – we’re about ready to eat.”
The scent of cooking meat hit me the moment I stepped over the threshold. God, I was hungry as hell. But I didn’t give a damn about food – all I wanted was to see Cindy.
“Where’s the little lady at?” I asked.
“Little ladies. Cindy asked Alexa over.”
It was a relief. Meant that Cindy was here. She’d probably asked Alexa for moral support or some shit. Couldn’t blame her. I’d put her through a hell of a lot to have to go it alone.
“Well, where are the little ladies?”
“Waiting for us in the dining room. They’re finishing up setting the table.”
“Let’s go then – I’m freaking starving.”
We went into the dining room and there they were. Cindy glanced up as she set a plate of steaks onto the table, her face turning a deep shade of red. I couldn’t tell what she was thinking, if she wanted to kill me or kiss me. Probably the first thing. And I deserved it.
“Hey, girls. Merry Christmas.” I tried to keep myself in check, not act like a total dumbass. Kinda too late for that, though.
“Hey.” They answered simultaneously, and in oddly quiet voices.
“Cindy!” Kyle rushed over to her and wrapped his arms around her legs, like he always did with me. “Joyeux Noel!”
“Joyeux Noel, little man!”
Kyle and Alexa said their hellos, and before too long we were all seated at the table, beer in front of everyone except for the little guy and Cindy.
God, it was tense. On top of what had been going on between me and Cindy, there was still the lie to worry about. Drew happily ate and drank, still oblivious. We chatted about nothing in particular – shit about the farms and Cindy’s plans for when she got back to New York.
“You know,” I said, turning to Cindy. “I have some contacts up there – might be able to pass your name along if you’re looking for a job. Don’t know if it’s what you’re looking for, but you’ve done more than enough to warrant a recommendation.”
“Yeah, that might be OK. Maybe.” Cindy’s voice was sharp and terse. I could tell she didn’t want to talk to me about a damn thing.
The rest of the dinner went like that. There’d be general conversation, and every now and then I’d say something to Cindy only for her to respond with some brief answer. And it was torture, because being near her made me feel so intensely that it was almost like I was in physical pain. I wanted to talk to her, to hold her, to tell her how badly I’d fucking screwed up. What a damn mess I’d made.
Dinner was followed by some apple pie and ice cream. Usually my favorite, but the last hour or so had all but killed my appetite. Was that how it was going to end? Me and Cindy parting on awful fucking terms? I wouldn’t allow it. I had to do something.
When we were done, I spoke up. “You know what? I think I’m feeling like I need to do some dishes. Pitch in a little for this fine meal.”
“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Drew said. “The girls offered.”
“Nah, I insist. And I’m stubborn when I insist.” I looked at Cindy. “But if you want to help, I’d be more than happy for some assistance.”
I could see that Cindy was conflicted as hell. For the first time that night, I sensed she actually did want to talk to me.
“Um, OK. Sure.”
“OK, then,” Drew said. “Then me and Kyle and Alexa will hang out in the living room and check out the tree. I think Christmas With the Kranks is on too. Come join us when you’re done.”
“Sounds like a plan,” I said.
I cleared the table quickly, carrying everything into the kitchen. Cindy and I were alone, the sound of running water the only noise in the air. I glanced over toward the living room, making sure Drew and Kyle and Alexa were good and occupied. When they were, I leaned back against the counter next to Cindy and went into what was really on my mind – and it wasn’t about the dishes.
“Cin.”
“Don’t call me that. Only my friends call me that.”
Ouch. Not off to a good start. “OK. Cindy. Do you wanna talk?”
She shook her head, her eyes on the sink in front of her. “Nope. I want to get the dishes done so I can relax and enjoy Christmas Eve with my family.”
Still not good. But I wasn’t giving up. “How about this then – I’ll talk, and you listen.”
“Fine.”
Progress. But I still had to say something to make her not hate me. “Listen. I don’t know how else to say this, but I fucked up. And I fucked up big time. Possibly even the biggest fuck up I’ve pulled in a life full of fuck ups.”
She continued washing the dishes, not appearing to be moved in the slightest.
“When you told me what you told me that day, I didn’t know what to do. I’d told you we needed to stop what we were doing, and it was one of the hardest things I’ve ev
er done in my life. But at the time, I felt like it was the only thing that could be done. Because the last thing I wanted was to tear your family apart. And I knew if we kept doing what we were doing, that’s exactly what would happen.”
She still didn’t speak. But nothing was better than telling me to screw off. So I continued. “But when you told me what you did, when you said what you felt…I didn’t know what to do. I’d said what I had for reasons that made sense, but my reaction was awful. I froze up like a damn coward. Instead of respecting your words and, fuck, even thinking about how I felt, I stonewalled you. And that wasn’t fair.”
She kept on washing, and I knew what I had to say next. If it didn’t get her to stop with those damn dishes, nothing would.
“And I’ve thought about it. I’ve thought long and fucking hard – you have to believe me on that. I realized how I felt, and seeing you tonight only made me more certain. Because the idea of not being able to talk to you, to hold you, to make you mine…it tore me up inside. I knew every night for whatever years I’ve got left on this damn earth would be restless unless I told you what I’m about to tell you…”
She finally stopped with the dishes. Hallelujah. I wanted her full attention for what I was about to say.
“I love you, Cindy. I love you with all my damn heart. I tried to pretend I didn’t, tried to pretend you were nothing more than a conquest. But I couldn’t make myself believe that bullshit even for a damn second. I love you, Cindy. And I want you to be mine more than I want anything in the world.”
She stopped washing, dried her hands, and turned off the sink. She took a deep breath, and I knew everything was riding on whatever she might say. She turned to me and looked me dead in the eye. “You mean that?”
“I mean every last fucking word.”
“Good. Because I’ve got something to say myself.”
“Good news, I hope.”
She chewed her lip. “I suppose that all depends. Craig, I’m pregnant.”
“Are…are you serious?”
“What, you think I’d joke around about something like that? I’m as serious as a heart attack. I’m pregnant, and there’s no doubt the baby’s yours.”
Mistoletoe Surprise: An Older Man Younger Woman Christmas Romance Page 15
