by Beau North
Now, Charlotte considered her options with a sinking heart. She could submit to doctors or she could submit to her parents. At least if she lied and repented, she could keep the memory of Anne intact.
She rushed over to the door, fighting back tears even as she knocked. “Reverend Dubose!” she said loudly. “May I speak with you, please?”
She heard the sound of the lock sliding open and thought, Oh Anne, forgive me.
***
Mrs. Bennet’s change from sorrow to joy was so sudden and so strong that Elizabeth found herself more worried about her mother’s mental state than she had been before she broke the news about Lydia and Wickham.
“You can see why I’m worried,” Elizabeth said to Jane. “It’s like night and day.” They were sitting at the table, polishing the family’s silver service, which was only brought out for the most special occasions. The newlyweds would be joining them for dinner. They would stay the night at Longbourn and would be setting off for Wickham’s new post at Fort Leavenworth first thing in the morning.
“Mama’s gonna be fine,” Jane said reassuringly. “She has a baby to look forward to now.”
Elizabeth heard a bitter edge in Jane’s voice. The doctors had told Jane her whole life that the risks were too high for her to consider motherhood. Elizabeth decided to change the subject before Jane could go down that path.
“When does Charles get back from his trip?”
Bingley had been “called away” just before Elizabeth arrived back in Meryton. She had a strong suspicion he helped her uncle locate Lydia and Wickham, having resources and connections that her family did not.
“He’ll be at dinner tonight,” Jane said, smiling happily. She then looked askance at Elizabeth. “As will Mr. Darcy.”
Elizabeth’s head snapped up, her polishing rag poised in midair. “Mr. Darcy? Here?”
“I spoke to Charles last night,” Jane said with a satisfied smile. “He told me so himself.”
“Does he know that Wickham will be here too? Jane there are a thousand ways that could end in disaster!”
“Oh, he’s aware. Charles promised me that everyone will be on their best behavior.”
“Good heavens.” Elizabeth shook her head. “I wonder if it’s still too late to join back up with Uncle Jack.”
“Stop that nonsense, Lizzie. You’ve spent long enough running away. Now help me finish, and I’ll set your hair for you tonight.”
“You are a cruel taskmaster, Jane.” Elizabeth laughed, but she attacked the silver with renewed energy.
***
Elizabeth knocked on the door to Netherfield and waited, the box in her arms getting heavier by the minute. Jane had asked that all wedding gifts be sent there instead of Longbourn, but apparently, Bingley’s Aunt Gladys had gotten confused and sent hers to Longbourn. While Jane was busy helping their mother ready the house for Lydia and Wickham’s impending visit, Elizabeth offered to take the latest offering over and leave it with the maid.
She was starting to wonder whether Aunt Gladys had actually sent a box of bricks when the door finally opened. Elizabeth expected to see the housekeeper, but Caroline Bingley stood holding the door. Both women looked at each other in varying degrees of shock and discomfort.
“If you don’t let me in, I’m going to drop and break whatever this is,” Elizabeth said finally. Caroline stepped back without a word and let her pass.
“Where do the gifts go?”
“The sitting room,” Caroline said flatly. Elizabeth made her way there, happy to finally divest herself of her heavy load. She took a deep breath and turned to look at the other woman. Caroline’s face remained impassively cold.
“I suppose you’ll be happy to know that I’m leaving,” Caroline said. Elizabeth’s brow rose at this admission. Jane told her that Mr. Bingley and his sister had a terrible disagreement, but he wouldn’t disclose any of the details.
“Charles has asked me to move out of the house.” She crossed her arms over her chest, unsuccessfully trying to hide the pain she felt. “I suppose you think I got what’s coming to me.”
Elizabeth felt unsure of herself. She still carried resentment towards this woman but she pitied her more—that someone with so much at her disposal felt it necessary to stoop to such base tricks.
“Caroline, we’ve ever been at odds, you and I. No doubt, we will never be friends or even friendly. While I can’t say that I know what has happened to make your brother so upset with you, I can say that I’m not a petty person. I wouldn’t wish that kind of rift on anyone—not even you and not even after what you did to me. In all honesty…I feel sad for you.”
Caroline paled. “Unasked for and unappreciated.”
Elizabeth smiled a little. She couldn’t help it. The woman was inexorable as death. “I’ll give you that. I know you feel alone, though. And I understand that feeling. But you’ve got to realize, Caroline…you’re not alone in the world. You’ve got a brother and sister who love you. You’re educated and intelligent. Don’t waste that. You could do so much more than all this petty scheming.”
Caroline had nothing to say, so she chose to scowl at the wall just behind Elizabeth’s shoulder.
“Well,” Elizabeth said awkwardly. “I guess I’ll be going.” She turned back before leaving. “Believe it or not, Caroline, I don’t hate you. Hate is a pointless, destructive emotion, and I’m glad I let go of it. You should too.”
She left the room before she could see Caroline wiping the angry tears that fell from her eyes. It wasn’t lost on her that it was her own actions that had led to Eliza Bennet’s pity.
***
Darcy stood at the bottom of the steps at Longbourn, trying to make himself move forward when the whine and slam of the screen door made him look up. Elizabeth stood at the top of the steps, wrapping a thin green shawl around her shoulders.
“It’s going to storm,” she said, looking up at the sky.
She spoke as if it had been moments and not days since he had seen her last. He took the stairs slowly, his eyes covering every part of her like a shadow. She wore her hair loose in a dark cloud over her shoulders. He wondered whether it was for his benefit. When her eyes met his, he felt a jolt go through him to the soles of his feet. All the unsaid things hovered in the air between them like the fog of breath in winter. He halted on the step below where she stood so that they stood eye to eye.
“Have you read Frankenstein?” he asked before he could stop himself.
She blinked in surprise at his question, a slow smile spreading over her face. “A few years ago,” she said. “Why do you ask?”
Because I’m a great lumbering beast, and you’re the madman who made me come alive, he thought.
“Just…the lightning. It’s kind of scared me ever since.”
“Mr. Darcy, afraid?” she teased. “I never would have imagined it.”
He took her hand in his. “Come with me for a second,” he said, gently leading her off the porch. He opened the door to his car and bustled her in before walking around and getting in the driver’s seat.
Curiosity burned in her eyes while a small, bemused smile played at her lips. He took a deep breath. He knew this wasn’t going to be easy.
“What you saw, the night of the party—” Her smile vanished instantly.
“William, don’t.” She looked down at her lap, wanting to forget both of their actions that night.
“What you saw,” he said, continuing as though he hadn’t heard her, “was all that happened. I know it was unforgivable, but I…I beg your forgiveness anyway. When I saw you there in the door…damn it!” He slammed his left fist into his right hand, as if he could punch his own frustration. “I’m saying this all wrong,” he said, sighing. “I’ve never been jealous of anyone before, not in that way. It was a new experience for me, and I don’t think I handled it well.”
“That’s an understatement,” she muttered.
“Knowing what I knew…about you and Richard. It was like all the ai
r in my lungs had vanished. I couldn’t breathe around it. You have to understand, I’d never been in love, and seeing how good you two were together…I went a little crazy.”
Elizabeth’s mouth fell open. It was several moments before she could speak. “Did you just say…did you just say that you love me?”
“I suppose I did. Does that surprise you?”
“Of course, it surprises me!”
“Well, then you’re not as observant as I’ve given you credit because I’ve been in love with you for months now.”
“I meant…after you knew.” Her face turned an alarming shade of red. “About me.”
He took her hand and held it tenderly. “You know that I’m not either…” She nodded and looked out the window, turning her face from him. But she didn’t pull her hand away.
“Our pasts are our own,” he said finally. “It’s today and tomorrow I care about.”
Her fingers moved in his hand, intertwining with his. She turned her face back to him. “Thank you,” she whispered.
He smiled, wondering why it had taken him so long to tell her these things. He had been afraid. He had been afraid of change, afraid of being hurt. He had only hurt them both by keeping himself so guarded. Looking down at his fingers intertwined with hers, he vowed that he would never deny her any of himself ever again.
“Besides,” he said, “you’re in love with me too.”
Her brow lifted, a teasing light shone in her eyes. “Oh, am I?” she asked. “You know me so well?”
Darcy chuckled. “I know you better than anyone. I’m the stranger here.”
Darcy looked at his watch, aware that his time was running out. They would send someone out to find them soon.
“Elizabeth, I know you’ve had a lot to deal with lately, and I’m sorry, but you’re about to have one more thing. I wouldn’t be doing this now if I didn’t think you could handle it.”
As he leaned forward to open the glove box, he could smell ivory soap, lemons, and sweet basil on her skin. They were so close that, for the briefest moment, he drew his cheek against hers and found her smooth skin against the rasp of his five o’clock shadow strangely thrilling. A moment later, he put a thick envelope in her lap.
“I don’t expect an answer from you now, but I won’t wait forever. Charles and Jane’s wedding is in a week; you can tell me then.” She had not moved or spoken, only stared mutely down at the envelope in her lap.
“What do you mean?” she asked. “About not waiting?”
He sighed, wiping a hand across his face. “What I mean is that if you can’t…if you can’t bring yourself to admit that you love me, I’ll go. We never have to see each other again. We can teach ourselves to settle for less. I love you, but I won’t spend my life chasing a dream.”
The furrow between her eyebrows deepened. “Why now?”
He laughed. “Why not now? Aren’t you tired of pretending that we don’t belong together? I sure as hell am. Richard, Caroline, Wickham…none of that matters anymore. I love you, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let the past stand in the way of that. I’m only hoping you can say the same.”
Elizabeth hardly knew what to say. She picked up the envelope. “So what’s this?”
“Open it and find out.” She did as he asked, her eyes widening at what she read.
“You cannot be serious.”
“I’m completely serious.” Darcy sat as far away from her as he could in the driver’s seat so he could see her better.
“This is the deed to Longbourn Farm.”
“It is.”
“This is my name.”
“So it is.”
“Mr. Darcy, this looks like you’re giving me Longbourn Farm?”
“I am. But if you call me ‘Mr. Darcy’ again I might just change my mind.”
“Well, knock me over with a feather.” Elizabeth was stunned. She looked at Darcy wonderingly. “Why?”
He reached out and put a finger on her lips, silencing her. “Because you wanted it,” he said simply. “And because I know you can handle it.”
“I can’t…I couldn’t possibly…What will my father say?” She blanched at the thought.
“Look.” He scooted close to her once more, pointing at the bottom of the document.
“See here where it says ‘grantee’? Once you sign there, Longbourn belongs to Elizabeth June Bennet—well, once you sign it and my attorney takes it to the county office. Until then, it still belongs to me. Your father keeps the money from the original sale and his five percent stake.”
Each of them pretended to be absorbed in the document in front of them so they wouldn’t have to look at each other.
She couldn’t keep her voice from shaking. “I don’t know what to say.”
“For now, don’t say anything. All I ask is that you think about it.” He took her hand once more. “If you decide that this isn’t what you want, sign the papers. Longbourn will be yours again, truly yours, and it will be like I was never here.”
He let go of her hand, nodding at Mary, who just appeared on the porch, no doubt looking for them so that dinner could start. “You can give me your answer after the wedding.”
“There’s just one problem,” Elizabeth said, opening her car door. She tucked the envelope into the pocket of her skirt as she scooted out of the car.
“What problem?” he asked, still behind the wheel. She leaned down, her hair spilling over one shoulder, exposing the tantalizing length of her neck.
“You haven’t asked me a question,” she said before shutting the car door.
Darcy stayed in his seat, dumbfounded. With a chuckle, he got out of the car and came inside the house. His eyes found hers first, that wicked smile of hers tugging at the corner of her mouth.
My little madman, he thought. Outside, a flash of lightning lit the sky, but he was no longer afraid.
***
Dinner turned out to be a more difficult affair than Elizabeth imagined—for her, at any rate. Everyone else was polite if not jovial, though she still couldn’t bring herself to smile at George Wickham, knowing what she knew about him. Their greeting had been a simple, wordless nod with the briefest of smirks appearing on his face.
Wickham at least had the decency to keep his mouth shut during dinner. She was appalled by how Lydia seemed to have no shame around the circumstances of her marriage or her expectant state—though she did have to admit that Wickham seemed attentive to Lydia in a way that she hadn’t expected. There was a strange light in his eyes every time her sister touched her swollen belly that made Elizabeth wonder whether part of him could actually be sincere. She didn’t expect that it was so but hoped nonetheless for her sister’s sake. Elizabeth vowed that, no matter what she did in life, she would make sure the child was well cared for. The poor baby couldn’t help its parents.
At least Mama seems well, she thought. Mrs. Bennet sparkled with happiness at every mention of Lydia’s impending motherhood or Jane and Bingley’s wedding. Elizabeth noticed her mother occasionally giving her father a particular glowing look, and she had to look away, embarrassed to have witnessed a moment so private.
She had not forgotten Darcy as the envelope in her pocket was a constant burning reminder of the man who sat on the other end of the table in quiet conversation with her father. Every so often, he would give her a long, knowing look that had her reaching for her wine.
After dinner, they all gathered in the sitting room, trying to be comfortable on the impossibly uncomfortable furniture. Darcy chose to prop his tall frame against a wall—away from Wickham. Elizabeth felt his eyes follow her as she went around the room refreshing drinks.
“Lizzie, why don’t you sing for us?” Bingley asked. “I am the worst kind of ass for missing your big show with Hank. I hear you were really something.”
Elizabeth flushed then lied. “I don’t have my instrument.” Truthfully, she didn’t know whether she could make it through an entire song with Darcy’s eyes on her. He always had a way
of watching her when she sang that made her feel naked.
“Oh, Darce could play for you,” Wickham said. Elizabeth startled and looked at Darcy, whose face was turning red.
“You play, Mr. Darcy?” She nodded towards the upright piano in the corner.
“You didn’t know?” Bingley asked. “I don’t know anything about music, but I think he’s pretty good.”
Elizabeth tried not to notice the laughter dancing in her father’s eyes, or worse the hopeful look on her mother’s face.
“I don’t think I know any of the songs you were singing with your band,” Darcy said apologetically.
Kitty strode over to the piano and shuffled through the sheets of music. She picked one and handed it to Darcy.
“How about this? Lizzie sounds swell with this one.”
Darcy took a deep breath and strode over to the piano. He knew the song well enough to forgo the music. He tested the pedals and cracked his fingers before turning around to look at her.
“Whenever you’re ready, Miss Bennet.”
Kitty handed Elizabeth the music with a smile. “Go get him,” she whispered with a wink. Darcy had already started playing, not waiting for her. She put one foot in front of the other somehow until she stood in front of him. He scooted over on the bench, making room for her.
This will go down in history as the strangest courtship ever, she thought as she took a seat beside him.
She worried that sitting pressed against him on the little bench would make her more nervous, but she found herself feeling more relaxed than she had in months. She watched his long fingers move skillfully over the keys and wondered whether they weren’t always supposed to be like this—making music together.
“I love you truly, truly dear,
