She found herself walking in the direction of the woods. She was angry and wanted to tell the fairies off. What were they thinking giving her a gift of harm?
She stopped at the entrance to the path shrouded in morning shadows. It looked ominous enough to make her turn around and go to school.
She didn’t kill Doug. She couldn’t have. No one had that kind of power. Then again, didn’t she change all her father’s liquor to water?
She turned around and walked to her bus stop wondering if she was really sane. Maybe the fairies weren’t real, and she imagined it. There were other times she walked into those woods and there were no fairy houses…anywhere.
When she got to school, she went directly to the library as her first class wasn’t until the third period. She needed to do some research for her paper in Global History. They were studying World Wars and the affects they had on different countries’ economies. As boring as it sounded, she found it interesting—maybe because it was so very close to her own life. There had always been a war going on in her home and it definitely affected her family’s economics. Maybe she’d write the paper about that.
But she couldn’t get rid of the only vision that filled her mind; her mother reminding her that she couldn’t fail. She needed to get out of the house and that wouldn’t happen until she got into college.
She picked a table in the back corner where only the “losers” sat (that’s what Isabella told her). She pulled her books out of her bag and started to work.
“Is this seat taken?”
Without looking up, Maggie said, “It is now.” She continued to write, stopping when the table shook with the weight of books being set upon it.
“Why aren’t you using a computer?”
“I like to write. Some teachers let me do my work handwritten. Besides, my laptop is seriously dying.”
“You know the school has laptops students can borrow.”
Maggie looked up at Charlie, her head tilted. “Really? I know you don’t know me very well, but do I seem like the type that takes handouts?”
Charlie sat down. “It’s not a handout. They loan them to you. Of course there’s all sorts of paperwork to fill out to make sure you return it in good condition.”
Maggie kept her eyes on her paper. “I like to write.”
“Are you going to college?”
Maggie continued to write. “Why do you care?”
“It’s not about whether I care or not. I’m just informing you that I don’t know of any college that accepts handwritten papers. It’s all computers now.”
“Well, thanks for that info. Guess I’ll look for a college that does accept them.”
Charlie hesitated, not sure she should engage in any more conversation. “You okay?” she asked tentatively.
Maggie looked out of the top of her eyes. “What is it about you?”
Charlie sat back in her chair, arms folded. “You’ll have to be more specific.”
Maggie lifted her head. “Do you take pleasure in finding me when I’m down which seems to be most of the time?”
“I don’t take pleasure in it, but you said it. You’re in the dumps just about every time I see you, so chances are that’s going to be how I find you. I’d love to see you when you’re happy and not pissed at the world.”
Maggie flipped pages in her book and read a few lines. Then, she started writing again. “That makes you a glutton for punishment…or just stupid.”
“There’s no need to insult me.”
“Then go. I’m not going to get in a better mood any time soon.”
“Talk to me. Is Doug still around? Did he hurt you?”
The letters on her paper became illegible as Maggie’s hand shook.
Charlie reached out, took the pen out of Maggie’s hand, and covered her hand with her own.
Tears flowed. “He’s dead.”
Charlie didn’t flinch.
“Did you hear me?”
“Yes, I did. What happened?”
“I killed him. That’s what happened.”
“How?”
Maggie stopped crying. Shocked at Charlie’s question, her mouth dropped open, but no words came out.
Charlie smiled. “You can close that until you’re ready to tell me how you killed Doug.”
“Oh, my God, don’t say it so loud.”
“I’m sorry…very insensitive of me.” Charlie leaned forward and whispered. “How did you kill Doug?”
Maggie couldn’t fight the smile that appeared on her lips. “Okay, you’re making fun of me. I get it. But my mom thinks him dying was my fault.”
“Tell me what happened.”
“He came into my room in the middle of the night. I tried to push him off, and he grabbed his chest and fell over on me. They took him to the hospital. He died.”
Charlie sat back again and put her index finger to her chin. “Yes, I can see why you think you killed him. You made him have a heart attack.”
“Yes!” Maggie shouted so loudly, Charlie jumped.
Now it was Charlie’s turn to be shocked. “Maggie, you didn’t make Doug have a heart attack.”
The thought going through Maggie’s head was, if only you knew.
Chapter Twenty-three
Maggie looked at herself in the full length mirror on the back of her door. The dark green graduation gown and cap marked the end of one chapter of her life and the beginning of a new one.
She had not failed. Not only did she pass, but she was in the top ten in her class, and even though there were only sixty-three in her class, it meant something to her.
She was accepted to the Finger Lakes Community College and would be living on campus. She could only assume her mother was ecstatic she was leaving because she barely saw her. Since Doug’s death, her mother was gone most nights and home sleeping off whatever hangover she was nursing.
Maggie smiled at the reflection in the mirror that didn’t really look so bad because for once, she wasn’t alone. Her guidance counselor at school helped her to fill out any paperwork she needed to get accepted to school and find financial aid.
And then there was Charlie. She smiled wider. Charlie had held her hand every step of the way, literally. Ever since they had talked that day in the library they had become friends, and Maggie had never been happier.
There was someone in her life that not only gave a shit about her but really cared for her. Charlie took every painful feeling Maggie had about her mother out of her heart with each smile and every word she spoke. She helped Maggie deal with her life and make better choices.
If what Maggie was feeling was true happiness, she was okay with the path her childhood had taken. She was okay with having a drunken father who died early and having an absentee mother.
And she hadn’t needed the fairies since Doug. She hoped she would never need them again because now, she had Charlie, who would be sitting next to her (their last names started with the same letter) and who was going to the same community college where they were going to share a room on campus.
In the mirror, Maggie saw another image. Her mother, haggard with blood shot eyes was looking at her. She was leaning against the door frame, arms folded. Maggie couldn’t tell the expression on her face. There was no smile or frown, no terse lips in anger.
Maggie unzipped her gown and took off her cap. When she looked back in the mirror, her mother was gone.
She put her cap in her bag and folded her gown over her arm. She went down to the kitchen to get something to eat and fill her water bottle. On the table was a small box, unwrapped, sitting on top of an envelope.
Maggie leaned over to see if she could read the name on the envelope. It was hers in her mother’s lopsided handwriting. She looked back down the hall, then picked it the box and envelope and put it in her bag. A piece of toast in hand, her water bottle filled, she left the house for school.
She found Charlie beneath an old oak in the front of the school waiting for her. A smile was met with a smile, m
aking Maggie’s heart feel as if it would burst. This would be a good day.
“Mags?”
Maggie didn’t have to turn around to know her day just got better, but she did to make sure what she heard was real.
“Aunt Agnes,” she cried and threw herself into the woman’s open arms. “I can’t believe you’re here. How did you know? Why are you even here?”
Aunt Agnes held her niece out at arm’s length. “I’ve always been keeping an eye on you, even if I wasn’t allowed to be here.”
Maggie thought the last thing she said about not being allowed to be here was odd. She was an adult. She could have come whenever she wanted to. Maggie always thought she was too busy and it was too far for her to come. So, who was keeping her aunt from her?
The answer hit her as hard as her mother’s slaps across the face.
“I’m so sorry,” she looked into her aunt’s face.
Aunt Agnes hugged her tightly but briefly. “You have nothing to be sorry for. And now you’re going to college, so I can visit more…if you want me too.”
“That would be awesome.” Maggie grabbed Charlie’s hand and pulled her over as her aunt studied the tall, thin girl with short brown hair. “Aunt Agnes, this is Charlie.” Maggie’s smile was wide with so much happiness she thought she’d burst. “She’s my best friend.”
Charlie glanced at Maggie and then extended her hand to Aunt Agnes. “It’s nice to meet you.”
Aunt Agnes shook her hand gently, “And you. Now, shouldn’t you both be going to line up?”
Maggie giggled like a small child who just received the Christmas gift that was at the top of their list.
“Will you be here after the ceremony?” Maggie asked.
“Of course, I will. No matter what.”
Maggie and Charlie took each other’s hand and turned to leave.
“Maggie,” Aunt Agnes called reluctantly.
Maggie looked back. “Yes?”
Her aunt almost choked. She swallowed it back. “Is your mother here?” She regretted asking the question because Maggie’s bright eyes dulled, and her smile faded immediately.
“No, and I don’t know if she’ll show.”
“Okay, thanks, honey. Walk proudly. You deserve this.”
When Maggie did walk across the stage, she searched the sea of faces for her aunt, not her mother. She found her by following the calls of “woo, woo” and the loudest clapping. Even so, she felt a small pang of disappointment that she didn’t hear or see her mother.
She tucked the feeling away and focused on Charlie who was waiting for her at the end of the stage. Charlie grabbed her, twirling her around in a celebratory hug. As Maggie was spun in circles, she saw Isabella and Mike smirking in their direction. She stopped Charlie and planted a kiss on her. Charlie’s lips reciprocated with longing and passion, causing Maggie to pull back, her face flushed and her breathing rapid.
Charlie took her hand and led her back to their seats, but not before Maggie saw her mother in the very back of the auditorium. Her mother shook her head in disgust and walked out.
Maggie tried not to let her mother’s actions stain her perfect day. She sat in her chair, proud she had made it this far, happy she was moving on, and grateful she could finally give her mother the gift she wanted—to get rid of her.
Aunt Agnes took them both out to lunch after the ceremony. Maggie had so many questions, but she didn’t want to ask them with Charlie there. Even though Charlie knew a lot about her, she still didn’t know it all, and Maggie was okay with that. Some things were better left unsaid.
Halfway through their hamburgers and French fries, Maggie’s mother walked into the diner. Maggie was mid-bite when she saw her and stopped. Sitting across from Maggie and Charlie, Aunt Agnes turned to see what shook Maggie up enough to put her burger down and spit the piece in her mouth into her napkin.
As Maggie’s mother approached the table, Aunt Agnes spoke. “Hello, Dolores. Nice you could join us. Have a seat” She slid over making room, but Maggie’s mother didn’t sit, instead her eyes were shooting daggers in Aunt Agnes’s direction.
Maggie took a quick drink of water to hide her shock at hearing her mother’s first name for the first time in her life. She swallowed hard to keep from laughing. A few edge pieces in the puzzle of her life began to fill in, make sense, and take on meaning. She knew there was the still the whole middle to fill in, but for the first time in Maggie’s life, she felt she was taking control of her own existence and her future and that was good enough.
She wanted her mother to know that. So, she said, “Sit down mother,” looking directly at her when she said it. Then she turned to Charlie and smiled. “How’s your burger?”
“It’s, um, it’s good, um, but…,” she looked at her watch, “my family will be waiting for me. I really should get going.”
“Sure. I’ll walk you out.” Maggie got up and waited for Charlie to slide out of the booth.
“It was so nice to meet you Aunt Agnes. Thanks again for lunch.”
“My pleasure. Congratulations, and I hope to see you again.”
Maggie took Charlie’s hand and walked her out of the diner, but her mother wasn’t the only one staring after them.
“That child.” Dolores practically spit on the table. “She’s trouble. That’s all she’s ever been and ever will be—trouble with a capital ‘T’.”
Aunt Agnes continued to watch Maggie and Charlie. “Really? And why do you think that, sister?”
Dolores moved to the other side of the table. “She’s the reason for every rotten thing in my life, and that’s just about everything.”
Aunt Agnes looked at her sister, eyes dark with anger. “I did as you asked. I stayed away. I should have never listened to you.” She pulled two twenties out of her wallet and put them on the table. “But no more. You are selfish and cruel, and….” She closed her purse and stood up. “No more!” Aunt Agnes walked out of the diner.
Chapter Twenty-four
Aunt Agnes helped Maggie move into her room with Charlie to begin a new chapter in her life as a college student. She kissed Maggie on the forehead and hugged her in a way that made her feel as if she was surrounded by a down feather comforter. Her aunt told her to call any time she needed her. This time, she would be there.
But Maggie didn’t need anything. Classes were interesting, and she was doing well on her homework and tests.
And she had Charlie.
At first, they spent every night together, exploring the college and surrounding areas, finding good places to eat and shop. They met every day for lunch and discussed their classes, then again for dinner.
On the night Charlie didn’t come back to the room at four-thirty like she did every day before, Maggie waited, calling her every five minutes on the phone. When Charlie tiptoed into their small and sparsely decorated space well after midnight, Maggie was lying in bed facing the wall, tears swelling her eyes, keeping her from sleeping.
From then on, Maggie became as much a tortured soul during college life as she had been at home. By the third month, she would pace back and forth in the room whenever Charlie wasn’t there, and she didn’t know why—until the day Charlie showed up to their room with Olivia.
The only emotions Maggie had ever dealt with in her short life were sadness, fear, anger, and rejection. Jealousy was new to her, and at first, she didn’t recognize what it was.
Olivia was tall, strikingly good-looking with snow white, baby smooth skin, short, jet black hair, big brown eyes and full lips. When Charlie walked into the room followed by the slender beauty, Maggie felt her insides tighten. It was a similar reaction to the one that often took over her emotional state when she was home—just for different reasons.
Maggie didn’t stay in the room with them for long. She sensed Olivia studying her out of the corner of her eyes to which Charlie was oblivious.
Maggie’s hands began to sweat, and she stumbled over her words as she grabbed her phone and made excuses for le
aving. She practically ran out of the room taking the one flight of stairs to the first floor two at a time, nearly tripping over another student ascending to the second floor. She tapped numbers on her phone as she pushed the door open to the outside.
“Aunt Agnes?” she said through tears.
“Maggie? What is it? What’s wrong?”
Maggie put her hand to her forehead in frustration. She couldn’t think of an answer.
“Maggie, honey. Are you alright?”
Maggie found a patch of grass and sank to the ground holding the phone to her ear. Tears came once again as she tried to figure out what was wrong—if there was anything wrong?
“Okay, I’m getting on the next flight. It’s not your mother, is it? Is she at it again?”
They had never really talked about Maggie’s mother, but she knew her aunt was aware of how her childhood really was.
“Why weren’t you there?” Maggie said suddenly.
“Wh…what?”
“Why weren’t you there?”
“Because your mother wouldn’t let me be there. The few times I came, she threatened to call the police on me if I showed up again. She’d do it too. She said she’d tell the police that I was trying to take you away from her—which I would have if I could have.”
Maggie wasn’t surprised. She lay down on the grass and rested her forearm across her eyes.
“Maggie, I don’t think that’s all that’s wrong. What’s going on?”
“Charlie’s got a girlfriend,” she choked out.
“Oh, I see. What happened to the two of you?”
Maggie stopped crying and sat up. “Nothing. What do you mean?”
“You just answered both our questions,” her aunt said quietly.
Nothing. Maggie thought about it. Ever since she kissed her the day of their graduation, she kept a physical distance from Charlie. At that moment, Maggie realized the reason she kissed Charlie that way was to spite Isabella and Mike. Suddenly, she was angry at herself for using Charlie that way because Maggie really enjoyed that kiss. The problem was she wanted more, but being in a lesbian relationship meant she had to be a lesbian, and she couldn’t add that to everything else. She took enough abuse from her mother and her friends. This would only add fuel to her mother’s fire that she used to burn her daughter with every chance she got.
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