by Leta Blake
“Fuck you,” Joel whispered. “You’re—” He scrubbed at his face. “You’re here stirring up all kinds of shit in me, and I can’t hold still for it. I feel like I’m going to explode.”
“I feel the same way. Right now, the idea of going back to New York seems like hell. I want to stay here with you and be with you all the time. I’m in love with you. And, like you said, I have been forever.”
Bruno sighed heavily at their feet, and Joel used his bare foot to scratch along the dog’s side until Bruno rolled over onto his back, begging Joel to rub his belly.
Casey reached out and rubbed Joel’s back. “Can I give you that massage?”
Joel was silent a long time, but he finally replied, the fight gone out of him. “Only if you’re planning to seduce me again.”
“I promise.”
“And I promise not to cry this time.” Joel’s chest flushed. “Sorry about that.”
Casey scooted closer, pressing his lips to Joel’s shoulder and then whispering in his ear, “Cry if you need to, baby. I don’t mind. I love you just the way you are.”
The next morning, the sun rose before Casey was ready to relinquish his hold on Joel for the day, but there was nothing to be done about it. Joel had an Egg McMuffin to deliver to his father and a store to open, so Casey crawled out of bed with him and ate a quiet breakfast of doughnuts, eggs, and coffee. He was grateful when Joel let him share the shower.
They didn’t mess around, though. Both of them cleaned as best they could in the tight space with all the elbows, knees, and asses in the way. Joel laughed when Casey accidentally clipped his jaw while washing his hair, and he swatted Casey’s ass on his way out of the shower to grab a towel from the rack.
“When I graduate, this could be every morning,” Casey said, rinsing the shampoo from his hair, thrilling inside that he would smell like Joel’s Garnier Fructis all day.
“Dreamer,” Joel said, studying his own face in the mirror and grabbing a razor. Despite the mild whisker burn that decorated his chin and upper lip, Casey noted that he was efficient in his strokes. Soon the dark stubble that had left nice scratches all over Casey’s neck and chin was scraped away.
“One of us has to be.” Casey turned off the water, grabbing the second towel Joel must have put out for him.
“I dream plenty, thank you. Who’s the writer here? That’s like dreaming while you’re awake.”
“Horror writer. Your dreams are dark and grim. I’m here to lighten them up.”
Joel snorted and rinsed off his razor before splashing at his face. “Will I see you again tonight?”
Casey grimaced, rubbing the towel over his dick and balls and then sliding it down to get his feet. “You could. If you’re willing to take a risk.”
“I already told you I want to get fucked. Buy some condoms. Make it happen.”
Casey swallowed hard, eyeing Joel’s apple ass on top of his taut, firm legs. He licked his lips as he took in the various tattoos he’d finally had a chance to eyeball up close. Each of them held a lyric, just like Joel had said, and Casey was going to Google the songs from the ones he didn’t recognize.
“Not that kind of risk,” Casey said, coming up behind Joel to press kisses along his shoulders. He’d noticed the night before how Joel melted when he did that, and he wanted him soft as putty now in hopes he might actually say yes.
“I don’t know how much more risk I can take,” Joel said, his dark eyes in the mirror sparking anxiously. “I’m already putting my heart out there, and it’s gonna get squashed, so what more can you ask of me?”
“Come to my parents’ house tonight. They’re having a Christmas Eve party for their friends, and I want you there with me. As my date. As the man I love. I want to ring in Christmas with you.”
Joel tensed in Casey’s arms. “What? Are you insane? Hell no. Not a chance.”
Casey nuzzled Joel’s neck.
“If you think that’s going to convince me, you’re wrong.” Joel pushed away from the sink and, evading Casey’s wandering hands, headed back into the bedroom.
Casey pulled Joel’s brush through his hair and grabbed the new toothbrush he’d picked up with the groceries, concentrating on designing a new argument while brushing his teeth. By the time he finished and went to pull on his own clothes from the night before, Joel was already dressed and stuffing his pockets with a key ring and his wallet.
“Yeah?” Joel asked, like he was ready for whatever Casey was going to say.
“If you don’t come, then I guess I can’t see you tonight. What’s your schedule tomorrow?”
Joel frowned. “Can’t you come over after?”
“I’ve spent the last two nights here. I want to stay again, obviously,” he said conciliatorily when he noticed Joel’s shoulders inching up. “There’s nothing I want more. But Aunt Courtney’s arriving this afternoon for the party, and my parents will give me a hard time if I try to bail on seeing her.” Casey’s heart leapt wildly, and he didn’t know what possessed him to say it, but the words were out of his mouth before he could reconsider. “We have two guest rooms. Come to the party. Spend the night in my bed. Then you can have Christmas breakfast with my family in the morning. It’s worth the pain of dealing with my folks.”
“Even if I wanted to do that, which I don’t, I’ve got Bruno. I can’t leave him for the night.”
“You could feed him before you come. Plus, he has the dog door.”
Joel shook his head. “You’re barking up the wrongest tree that ever grew.” He turned to face Casey and smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corner, “But you’re cute to think I’d ever consider it.” He pressed a kiss to Casey’s mouth. Then, like he almost couldn’t believe he was allowed, he did it again.
“Joel,” Casey started, but Joel pressed his fingers to Casey’s lips and shook his head.
“Let’s not fight. I’ve got to go. Let yourself out whenever you’re ready. We’ll talk later.”
“If you change your mind, it’s casual dress. You don’t have to wear anything fancy. And I’d be proud to introduce you as my boyfriend.”
“Would you?” Joel asked. “I wonder.”
“Handsome, smart, funny, and in love with me? What more could I ask for?”
“Oh, I can think of a few things,” Joel said bitterly. He grabbed his coat from the rack, pressed another kiss to Casey’s mouth, patted Bruno’s head, and was outside before Casey could plan a new assault on his commitment not to come to the party.
“Text me,” he called out the open door.
Casey lingered with Bruno as long as he could, not eager to return home and face his mother, or possibly his father. At least Aunt Courtney would be there soon to pull some focus.
Besides, they always had to play happy family when there were witnesses around.
Chapter Nineteen
“Hey, Pop.” Joel stepped into his father’s room at the nursing home with some measure of trepidation. He’d been walking a razor’s edge of insane joy and utter terror all morning, and he knew there was no one better suited to tip him over to the terror side than his father.
“About time,” his father barked, frowning. Christmas carols played from the small speaker Joel had set up for him to use with an old iPod he’d scored for more than half off at McKay’s. “What’s wrong with your face?”
Joel touched his sore chin. He hoped whisker burn healed quickly. That was another thing porn didn’t get even close to the reality of: the pleasure-pain of prolonged kissing with a stubble-faced man.
“Get in a fight?”
“With a tree, yeah.” Joel moved his finger to the scrape on his cheek from the tree and shrugged. “Some branches got me good.”
His father narrowed his eyes, but he said nothing.
“Brought your Egg McMuffin.” Joel held out the bag.
“There’s something wrong with you today,” his father said after he’d chewed and swallowed his first bite. “You look…” He leered. “You got laid?”
/> Joel swallowed and shook his head. He wasn’t going to let his pop taint what he’d done with Casey. Not now. Not ever.
“Finally found a pussy willing to spread its lips for you?”
Joel wrinkled his nose. “Pop, could you be more crude?”
“Faggot,” his father hissed.
“And I’m out.” Joel backed toward the door, waving goodbye.
There was a time he’d have stayed to try to calm his father, but he’d learned over the years that the best course of action was retreat when his dad started up with the name-calling.
“Pussy!” his father yelled after him as he turned and made his way into the hallway.
He grimaced as he ran into Katie as she approached his pop’s door with a tiny plastic cup of meds. “Bad day,” he said to her, shuddering as his father screamed more obscenities from his bed.
“Aren’t they all with him?” Katie asked gently, putting her hand on his arm. “You do more than you should for him. More than he deserves.” Her eyes went wide, and she flushed bright red. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It was out of line.”
Joel huffed as Pop’s endless curses still rained against his back. “It’s true.”
He walked stiffly out to his truck and sat with the heater blasting, staring up at the nursing home building, thoughts roaring through his head like a storm.
“It sounds like things are progressing quite fast,” Ann said, though her calm voice resonated with her usual lack of judgment on Casey’s choices. “You sound confident and, dare I say it, happy?”
Casey lolled on the soft guest bed he’d claimed as his space when he’d first arrived home. The windows beside the bed looked out on the lake and, if he squinted against the morning sun on the water, he could see Joel’s mobile home on the other side.
“I know it seems fast, but I’ve known him forever. I’ve loved him since the beginning.”
“I didn’t say your feelings were fast, Casey. Just the progress of the relationship. You’re talking about returning to Knoxville now, something you were adamantly against before, and you’re discussing living with him in his home.” Ann hesitated. “I’m not against it, mind you. It’s simply, quite objectively, fast.”
Casey laughed. “It is, I guess. But I don’t want to be away from him. And Knoxville is where he needs to be. He has his family’s store and his father to take care of.”
“And who knows what the future might bring…”
“Exactly. We’re young, and his father isn’t well. I don’t have my heart set on anywhere else. You know that. Well, now it’s set on Joel.”
“I’ve never heard so much excitement in your voice. I’m happy for you, Casey. Though I do urge you to take things as they come. Don’t push for too much, too fast. Like you said, you’re both young. There’s time to breathe in this relationship.”
“It just feels like we’ve already wasted so much time.”
“You haven’t. You’ve found each other sooner than most. You’ve got your whole lives ahead of you.”
Casey smiled and rolled onto his back, gazing up at the smooth, white ceiling and the decorative crown molding all around the edges of it. “Thank you. I know you thought coming here was a bad idea. If I hadn’t manned up and gone to see Joel, it probably would have been. But I’d never have found the nerve to do it without our work together. So, thank you.”
“Of course. And I’m not too proud to admit when I was wrong. Going home to Knoxville and facing your feelings for Joel has been a long time coming. I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks, Ann. I guess our hour’s mostly up.”
“I’ll charge my phone rates to your bill. And, genuinely, I’m thrilled for you. I hope your happiness only grows. See you in a few weeks when you’re back in New York and I’ve returned from my vacation.”
Casey placed his phone on the nightstand and grabbed his laptop. Opening it up, he fiddled some more with the marketing plan he was putting together for Joel’s books. He’d read a few chapters of the werewolf book when he got home, and it’d been so much better than the cover art and blurb had led him to believe. So, he’d taken it upon himself to mock up something sexier and gripping. Something he’d one-click if it ever popped up in his Amazon search.
When he’d made something he was proud of and was convinced Joel would like too, he moved on to researching a little about the horror-book market. Everything he found for indie authors stressed what he already knew: social media and getting the word out about the book was key.
And those were two things he knew Joel wasn’t doing.
He did a fast Google and Facebook search for Joel Grimsbane and found almost nothing. Just the original sales site links, a couple of enthusiastic but low-quality reviews, and some pirated copies.
It didn’t take long after that to make a list of things Joel could do to improve his books’ visibility. A Facebook page for Joel Grimsbane first and foremost, and then a website, and a list of horror review sites and contacts to send review copies off to. This was easy stuff. Casey could do it all in his sleep.
He sat back and considered his next semester’s course load and smiled. He’d be able to do almost all of the marketing for Joel, if his crabby lover (lover!) was willing and didn’t put up a fuss. Not just for his books, but for Vreeland’s too. Casey double-checked that there was nothing online for the home and garden store, not even a website, and shook his head when he was proven right.
After cleaning up his list into bulleted to-do items with deadlines for execution, he decided to take a little rest. So he closed his eyes, letting sleep steal him away into Joel’s arms again. He woke not too long later to the sound of his aunt’s squeals and his mother’s laughter drifting up the stairs.
Yawning, he stretched and rose, checking his hair and face in the mirror over the dresser. He hadn’t shaved yet, and his chin was still scrubbed pink from Joel’s stubble the night before. He grinned and flattened the places where his hair stood up before heading down for hugs and the obligatory exclamations about his height.
“Here he is,” his mother said, with a hint of disapproval sneaking into her tone. “Casey, honey, look who’s here.”
Aunt Courtney squealed again and met him halfway down the stairs, pulling him into her arms and hugging his middle for all she was worth. Twelve years younger than Casey’s mom, she was smaller than Casey by half a foot, with strawberry-blond hair and hazel eyes. But dang if she wasn’t strong!
Casey grunted as the breath crushed out of him. “Hey, Aunt Courtney,” he gasped when she released him enough to breathe.
“You got too tall,” she scolded, slapping at his shoulder and going up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek.
“Sorry. I tried to stop growing back when I was ten, like you asked, but no luck.”
Courtney giggled and slipped her arm through his, letting him guide her back to the first floor and his mother’s tense smile. “Your mom was telling me on the way from the airport that she has to meet with one of her charity clubs this afternoon, but she’s volunteered to let you entertain me.”
“Perfect. What do you want to do?”
“Go shoe shopping. I brought a red dress for tonight, but I don’t have any heels that are right for it.”
“I thought it was casual,” Casey said, turning to his mother.
“Of course it’s casual, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t look our best,” his mother said, sending him a gleaming smile. “Take her to Off Broadway shoes. They have some decent brands at good prices. If she can’t find anything there, take her to the mall.” She leaned forward and whispered, although it was still loud enough for Courtney to hear. “If the pair she wants seems above her budget, just use your credit card. I’ll pay you back.”
“But first, let me unpack my bags and freshen up,” Courtney said with a big smile. “Which room should I take?”
“All of the rooms upstairs are available, except for the one Casey chose. If you don’t see his stuff all over the place,
feel free to claim it as yours.” His mother squeezed her sister’s arm and kissed her cheek. “I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve missed you. There’s nothing like family at the holidays.”
Once Courtney disappeared upstairs and Casey had delivered her bags to the room she chose, his mother cornered him in the kitchen where he was dreaming of Joel and waiting for his aunt to be ready for shoe shopping.
“What is going on with you and Joel Vreeland?” his mother asked, crossing her arms over his bosom. “I’m tired of making excuses to your father about where you are every night.”
“It’s only been two nights, and why haven’t you just told him I’ve been staying at Joel’s?”
“Why would I do that? It would upset him. He’s never liked that boy.”
“Because he thought my crush on him meant I was gay, which I am, and we all know it now, so what’s the problem?”
“Joel Vreeland’s not a good connection for you. Unlike Walker Ronson, who could take you far in life. Even if you’re not attracted to him—though how could you not be?—you should at least strive to be his friend. He’s the kind of man that will elevate you to the next echelon socially. If things really are over with Theo, then we should set our sights on something almost as good.”
“Deanna, for heaven’s sake, are you trying to force that boy to marry up?” Courtney’s laughing voice echoed around the kitchen, and when Casey turned around, she met his gaze with an eye roll. “He’s not even out of college. Give him a chance to live a little.”
“I would, honey. But he’s trying to kindle something that isn’t ever going to catch fire.”
“Mom, Joel is—”
“Joel Vreeland?” Courtney’s strawberry-blond brows arched up. “That sour-faced little boy who used to live behind you at the old house?”
“He’s still cranky,” Casey conceded. “But he’s grown up as much as I have. I wouldn’t call him little. And we’ve rekindled our friendship recently. For some reason, that bothers Mom.”
