‘Because you weren’t thinking straight, and who can blame you? Adam hadn’t written in a long time, and as far as you were to know, you might never have heard from him again. If you ask me, he’s as much to blame.’ She was suddenly pensive. ‘Being lonely is a terrible thing.’
‘Are you lonely, Peggy?’ In that moment Rosie saw a side to her friend that she had never seen before.
‘Sometimes,’ Peggy admitted. ‘It would be nice to have a fella, but they take one look at me and run a bleedin’ mile!’
‘Fella’s can often cause more trouble than they’re worth.’ And I should know, Rosie thought bitterly.
‘Aye, well… there ain’t too much chance of being lonely in our house, what with screaming brats and my mam going off half cock when things don’t suit her.’ She laughed. ‘Life would be dull without them, though.’ She studied Rosie’s sad face before asking quietly, ‘How do you feel about Doug? I mean really feel?’
‘Sometimes I hate him.’
‘And other times?’
Rosie had asked herself the same question over and over, so she knew the answer by heart. ‘I suppose I’ve grown used to having him around. But I don’t love him. Not in that way. I never did.’
‘Then don’t wed him.’
Shocked at the suggestion, Rosie shook her head. ‘Oh, Peggy! I don’t think you’re listening. I’m with child, and my dad’s thrown me out. When Adam hears what I have to say, he’ll wash his hands of me and the only friend I’ll have in the world is you. I’ve put myself on your poor mam, who already has more than enough to contend with. I’ve a few savings put by, but that won’t last too long, and in a couple of months’ time I won’t be able to work at all, and I’ll be looking for charity.’
‘You’re only seeing the bad side.’
‘What other side is there?’
‘You could stay in our house, and let our mam bring the baby up while you go back out to work. I know she wouldn’t mind.’
Rosie realised what a good friend she had in Peggy. ‘I would mind though,’ she said gently. ‘I couldn’t put on your mam like that. I wouldn’t. And anyway the whole town would know my shame then. I’d be labelled a bad ’un, just like my dad said, and the baby would be branded a bastard.’ The thought horrified her. ‘No. Bless you for the thought, but I can’t do it.’
‘There is another way.’ Sipping at her tea, Peggy regarded Rosie through crafty blue eyes.
‘Oh?’ Intrigued, Rosie put down her mug of tea and stared at Peggy with curiosity. The faintest sense of hope stirred inside her. Though it soon fell away at Peggy’s words.
‘Get Adam to wed you.’
‘What are you saying.’
‘I’m saying you should keep your mouth shut about carrying Doug’s child, and go along with Adam’s plans. Wed him. Set up house together in Rosamund Street, just like you’ve always planned. You love Adam, don’t you?’
‘You know I do. Even though I’m promised to Doug, it’s Adam I’ll always want.’
‘Well then?’
Rosie smiled. ‘Don’t think it hasn’t crossed my mind, because it has, time and again. But it wouldn’t work. Adam’s a proud man. He wouldn’t want me after what I’ve done. There’s no way I could deceive him, and I wouldn’t really want to. Besides, can you imagine Doug keeping quiet? No. He would take great pleasure in telling Adam about what went on when his back was turned. He would never let Adam forget that I was carrying his child.’
‘It’s worth a try. If you really must, you can tell Adam the truth, about Doug and all. Then tell him how you’re sorry… that it just happened, and you still love him.’
‘I intend to tell him all that,’ Rosie confirmed. ‘But I’m also going to tell him that Doug and I are soon to be wed.’
‘Aren’t you even going to try and win him back?’
It seemed an age before Rosie answered. How she wished everything was as simple as Peggy would have her believe. ‘No. Like I said, it’s all too late. I know Adam like the back of my own hand, and I know it would never work.’
‘But if he loves you?’
‘No. Even then. He’s a fine man but he’s proud and rightly so. I don’t believe there’s a man alive who would want to be reminded day after day that his wife and his best friend were lovers while he was away in the forces. Every time he looked at me or the baby, it would break his heart. It would break mine too. Whatever love we started out with, would soon become loathing.’ ‘Oh, Rosie!’ Peggy’s voice broke with emotion.
Moved by her friend’s tears, Rosie laid her hand over Peggy’s, saying softly, ‘You mustn’t fret, you know. I’m resigned to what has to be done. I know how concerned you are, and I know you’re trying to find a way out of it for me. But I’ve thought it through, and marrying Doug is the only way.’ She smiled wryly. ‘Like my dad would say, I’ve made my bed and I’ll have to lie on it.’ Peering through the window, she turned her eyes towards the clock over the station entrance. It was almost nine-thirty. ‘I’d better go,’ she said brightly. ‘I don’t want to keep him waiting on top of everything else.’ She stood up. ‘Don’t wait for me,’ she told Peggy. ‘I’ll see you later, eh?’
Peggy squeezed her hand. ‘Don’t forget what I said,’ she insisted. ‘It’s worth a try.’
Rosie’s answer was an affectionate kiss on the cheek. Then, without a word, she turned away, left the tea rooms, and was soon lost in the milling crowd of shoppers.
‘Best of luck, sweetheart. I’ll be thinking of you,’ Peggy said under her breath. ‘Though I’d rather you than me!’
As she made her way across the market place, the train’s whistle pierced the air. She paused for a minute, wondering whether she should go back. Rosie’s instructions rang in her ears. Don’t wait for me, she’d said. ‘I expect she’ll want to be on her own for a while,’ Peggy thought aloud. Soon she was clambering on to the tram that would take her home, and soon after, much to the amusement of the other passengers, she was light-heartedly arguing with the same conductor who had brought them here.
* * *
Rosie paced back and forth. As the train approached, people surged forward to meet the disembarking passengers or to board the train themselves. Once or twice she was given the glad eye by certain young men who took a fancy to the slim pretty young woman, though they soon lost interest when she seemed oblivious to their bold attentions.
The train shuddered to a halt. A cloud of vapour from the engine enveloped the carriages, and Rosie stepped forward. Her anxious eyes scanned the crowds as they converged from every direction. There were men in bowler hats, harassed mothers with small crying children, soldiers and airmen on leave, old folk and young, all weary, wilting in the heat of a glorious June day, and all wanting to get home.
As they made their way along the platform, another figure caught Rosie’s eye. A tall uniformed figure which intermittently disappeared and reappeared, a ghostly thing, lost in a billowing haze. Adam!’ Instinctively she ran towards him, her heart in her mouth; a great longing surged through her as she thought of him, of the way it had been between them.
Suddenly he was there, standing only inches away yet not seeing her. He was more handsome than she remembered, upright and strong, with the same proud bearing which had first attracted her to him. She could recall it as though it was only yesterday. It was a Saturday night in February, a little over three years ago. It was Peggy’s nineteenth birthday, and she and Rosie had gone to the Palais to celebrate.
Doug and Adam were best pals, and they were there that night; both in Army uniform, jointly celebrating the end of the war and Doug’s imminent demob. Adam though, because he had no family ties, had decided to carve out a career in the forces. They were each handsome in their own way; Doug, with his striking, laughing eyes and tumbling brown hair, was the merry one, outgoing and fun to be with; while Adam was quiet, more serious, and incredibly handsome with his commanding height, dark eyes and black hair.
At first Doug made a beeline for R
osie, but was soon disappointed when it seemed that the only man in the room for her was Adam. Disgruntled, Doug then turned his charm on Peggy, sweeping her off her feet and starting a relationship that lasted only weeks before they began to quarrel and he eventually threw her over for the barmaid at The Swan public house. ‘Bloody good shuts!’ Peggy told Rosie. And the two of them went out on the town to celebrate.
Doug’s best friend, though, wanted none other than Rosie. They were so right for each other, so much in love, and so excited about the future. Soon they were a couple, idyllically happy and making plans for a life together. It soon became evident, though, that there was one area where they disagreed. While Rosie begged Adam to get a civilian job, he was adamant that he would stay in the forces. ‘I don’t feel ready to come out yet, sweetheart,’ he explained, and nothing that Rosie could say would persuade him otherwise.
For a while she went along with his wishes, telling herself that the Army had been his family, and he needed it for a while yet. But, from his letters, it soon became clear that he might never leave it. Then came the long empty months when he didn’t write and she was left lonely and confused. The loneliness gave way to anger, and it was then that she allowed herself to be seduced by Doug. He seemed always to be near, going out of his way to be both charming and attentive. Peggy warned her against him, as did her father. In fact there were times when her father forbade her to leave the house. He became entrenched in his dislike of Doug, and blamed Rosie for the fact that she and Adam had drifted apart. Inevitably they argued, and Rosie was driven the wrong way by her father’s dictatorial attitude; especially in view of the fact that the last letter she had received from Adam warned her that she may not hear from him for a while. ‘Got things to think about,’ he’d written. ‘Not sure what to do.’
Secretly delighted, Doug seized his chance. He was quickly there at her side, to comfort and distract her, especially on the night Peggy was taken ill with the ’flu and couldn’t go with Rosie to the Palais. She could remember little of that night. Yet she knew she had drunk too much, and recalled going outside to get a breath of air, and Doug kissing her. One thing followed another and on the way home they made love, right in the middle of Blackburn Rovers football grounds.
Later, when she found she was with child, she was frantic, believing he would want nothing to do with her. Astonishingly, when she told him, he proudly declared that they should be wed as soon as it could be decently arranged. Rosie was under no illusions. It took only a short time for her to see him for the shallow and vain man he was. Even so, he was hard-working, and she never doubted for a minute that he truly loved her.
Adam’s letter had re-opened all the old wounds. And now here he was in person, breaking her heart all over again. His head was turned away, his dark eyes desperately searching the platform. ‘Adam, I’m here,’ she said, her soft voice reaching out to him.
When he turned his dark eyes to her, she trembled from limb to limb. There followed a strange silence when it seemed they were the only two people in the whole world. Then he was rushing forward and she was rooted to the spot, summoning up the courage to do what must be done. In a minute he had thrown off his rucksack and was sweeping her into his arms, laughing aloud, calling her name and crushing her so tight to his chest that she could hardly breathe. Setting her on her feet, he gazed down on those beloved features, his own face suffused with pleasure as he breathed, ‘I’d almost forgotten how beautiful you are.’ He kissed her then, a long hungry kiss that lit the passion inside her.
Tearing herself away, she told him, ‘You look well.’ She wanted to say so much more; to tell him how she had missed him, and how she still loved him with all her heart. She wanted to rant and rave, and let him know he had ruined both their lives. But how could she accuse him, when it was she who had been the impatient one?
Overjoyed to be back with her, to have finally come to a decision which would secure their future, he didn’t realise there was anything wrong. ‘Did you tell your dad I was on my way? He won’t mind me staying with you both, will he? At least for a while. Oh, Rosie, you can’t know how good it is to be home.’ He was excited, and full of things to tell her. ‘Tell you what,’ he suggested, ‘I’m starving! Do you fancy a bite to eat?’
This was Rosie’s opportunity. ‘I was about to suggest that myself,’ she told him. ‘There’s the tea rooms across the way?’
‘Fair enough, sweetheart.’ He didn’t mind where they went as long as they could be alone somewhere they could talk. Swinging his rucksack over one arm, he cradled her to him with the other. And as they walked the short distance to the tea rooms, he couldn’t take his eyes off her.
‘Sit yourself down,’ he told Rosie, throwing his rucksack to the floor. ‘What’s it to be? Mug of tea and a sandwich?’ He pushed his hand into his trouser pocket and began walking towards the counter. The joy at seeing her was still shining in his eyes as he glanced back.
‘Tea, that’s all,’ she said, making herself smile.
Soon they were seated opposite each other, and he was shaking his head in disbelief. ‘I can’t believe I’m here with you,’ he murmured. ‘Miss me, did you?’
‘You know I did.’
‘I’m sorry I took so long to write, sweetheart.’
‘You should have written before!’
‘You’re angry?’
‘Yes, I’m angry.’
He cast his eyes down, his fingertips toying with the edge of the tablecloth. ‘I thought about you every minute. I always meant to come back.’ He looked up. Reaching out, he covered her hand with his. ‘It was always on the cards that you and me would be wed. You do believe that, don’t you?’
Not daring to look into those dark eyes, she kept her gaze averted. ‘I don’t know what to believe,’ she answered truthfully.
‘You must know I love you?’
‘I suppose.’
Only then did he realise there was something not quite right. Yet he didn’t immediately say anything. Instead he bit a chunk from his sandwich, then another, meticulously chewing each bite until it was gone. Taking a great gulp of his tea, he put the mug back on the table with deliberation. For a long silent moment he stared at her, his brows furrowed in thought. And all the while she avoided looking into those dark troubled eyes. At length, he asked in a subdued voice, ‘We are going to be wed, aren’t we?’
‘No.’ Now that the word was out, she felt stronger somehow, yet deeply ashamed.
Sitting bolt upright, he clenched his fists on the table. ‘What the hell do you mean… no?’
‘I mean, when you hear what I have to tell you, you won’t want to wed me.’ Her stricken brown eyes flickered beneath his searching gaze.
He stretched out his hand and took hold of her fingers. ‘It can’t be all that bad,’ he said fondly.
Sliding her hand away, she faced him directly, dying a little with each word as she described how she had begun to believe that he was never coming back, that he didn’t want her any more. She told him how she had betrayed him with another man, and how she was carrying that man’s child. Her heart broke when he fell back in the chair as though she had felled him with an axe. ‘I’m so sorry, Adam,’ she murmured. ‘When I got your letter, it was already too late. I’m promised to him, and that’s an end to it.’
His eyes were hard as they focused on her. ‘Who is he?’ His voice was curiously low, yet forceful.
She was tempted to give him another name, or not to tell him at all. But then she realised that it was only a matter of time before he found out. Once he was settled in her father’s house, probably the first person he would want to see was his best friend Doug. He had to know. And it was best he should know now. ‘It’s… Doug.’ There! It was said. And now she felt more ashamed than ever.
He stared at her in disbelief. ‘Doug!’
Peggy’s words came back to her then, and she knew she had to try. SHE HAD TO TRY! Peggy had said it was worth it, and she was right. The thought of losing Adam an
d spending the rest of her days with a man she didn’t love, was suddenly more than Rosie could bear. ‘I don’t love him,’ she said desperately, ‘it’s always been you, Adam. It’s still you. If only you could forgive me, we could still be wed. Oh, if only you could forgive me it would be all right, I know it would.’ She could feel the tears streaming down her face, hot and moist against her skin. She wiped the back of her hand over her mouth, brushing the wetness away, trying so hard to choke back the emotion. But she couldn’t. For months now she had bottled it all up, and now he was here, he had held her and kissed her, and her heart was breaking.
Without a word he stood up and slung the rucksack over his shoulder. One last glance from those questioning black eyes, then he was gone. As he strode from the room, she called out his name. He didn’t look back. She watched him hurry across the boulevard and re-enter the station. She hoped and prayed, right up to the moment he disappeared from sight and for some time afterwards. But he didn’t look back. And in her heart she couldn’t blame him.
* * *
It was growing dark when Rosie returned to her friend’s house. She knew at once that there was something very wrong. Peggy was waiting for her. ‘You’d best sit down,’ she said gently, leading Rosie into the parlour.
Peggy’s face was ashen. The children were all abed and the little house was too quiet. Peggy’s mam was seated by the window. She didn’t speak, but her pained eyes spoke volumes.
‘What is it?’ Rosie was afraid. ‘What’s wrong?’
Peggy looked helplessly at her mam, who quickly nodded encouragement. ‘The police were here. We came to the station looking for you, but you’d already gone.’
Rosie was puzzled. ‘What do the police want me for?’ When Peggy was slow in answering, it was as though a light had been switched on in her mind, and it filled her with horror. She was shaking her head, trying to push the truth away. ‘It’s Adam, isn’t it?’ she asked fearfully. Running through her confused mind was the possibility of a train crash, or even worse.
More Than Riches Page 3
