‘Well, he’s not likely to want her back, is he?’ Ned snorted. ‘Or he wouldn’t have disowned her in the first place.’
‘To tell you the truth, Ned, I don’t know who’s worse, him or Connie. I just thank the good Lord the child is too young to know what’s happening.’
‘Does she still ask questions… about her mam and dad, I mean?’
‘Not any more. I don’t have to tell you how distressed she was at first. But, thanks to Mrs Jessup, she’s happy as Larry now.’
‘Is there no news from that private detective?’
Adam sighed. ‘No, not yet. But he’s only been on her trail for a fortnight. There’s time enough yet.’ Groaning, he leaned forward to push his long fingers through his mop of hair, his whole expression one of misery. ‘Dear God above! How can any mother leave her own flesh and blood like that?’ He had come to love the child as his own, and now wanted only to keep her. Looking up with tortured eyes, he said in a gruff voice, ‘The trouble is, Ned, even if Connie does come back, I won’t want her to take April away.’
‘I told you to watch out for that.’ Time and again, Ned had warned Adam he was getting too close to the child, and that it would only end in heartache; not just for Adam but for April too. ‘When the time comes for you to give her up, will you cope?’
Adam gave a wry little smile. ‘I don’t intend giving her up,’ he confessed.
‘What in Heaven’s name are you talking about?’ Ned was horrified. ‘If Connie turned up tomorrow and demanded the child back, there wouldn’t be a single thing you could do about it.’
‘There is just one. I’m not searching for Connie so she can take April away. When I find her, I mean to ask her to marry me.’
Ned couldn’t find words to speak. Instead he stared in disbelief. Presently he warned, ‘You’d only be making real trouble for yourself, son. Connie’s already brought you enough grief. And besides, she’s already married, or have you conveniently forgotten?’
Adam shook his head. ‘No, I haven’t forgotten. But for the legalities, that marriage is already over. It’s April we have to think of now.’
‘You don’t love Connie, do you?’
‘Not in that sense.’ How could he love her? How could he love anyone when he only had thoughts for Rosie? But she had thrown him aside, just like he had thrown her aside all those years ago, just like Connie had thrown her daughter aside now. Thinking of Rosie made him sad. But then a little glow came into his heart. The child was the best thing that had happened to him since Rosie. Though she may not be his own, April loved him as though she was. She had even begun to call him Daddy. And why not? Certainly she had no one else but him. And he had no one else but her. Nothing in the world would be allowed to spoil the loveliness that had grown between them.
‘Adam, think what you’re saying. If you don’t love Connie in that way, then how can you even think of marrying her?’
‘If it means keeping April, I’m prepared to do almost anything.’ He got out of the chair and came round the desk. Perching on the edge of it, he regarded Ned with honest eyes. ‘You’re the only one I can talk to, Ned. I need to know what you think. Sometimes it takes a different point of view to spot the pitfalls. What do you think? I mean, really think?’
Ned thought long and hard. He knew Adam had come to adore the child, and he knew that he was not prepared to give her up without a struggle. A fight for custody would harm everyone involved, particularly the child. Connie had claimed the girl was Adam’s. She could have lied just to spite her husband. Equally, she could lie again, in court, on oath. Connie was the kind of woman who would break all the rules to get what she wanted. And even now, nobody knew what it was she really wanted! Moreover, a court case like that would cost Adam a small fortune. At the end of it all, he still might not have the child. As you’ve asked me, I’ll tell you exactly what I think…’ he said now.
‘So, to my mind,’ he concluded, ‘marrying Connie to keep the child might be the lesser of two evils.’
Adam sighed with relief. ‘Everything you’ve just said only echoes my thoughts. I’ve agonised for weeks on this, Ned. At first, I wanted Connie to come home and take charge of her daughter. But gradually I began to think it could be the very worst thing that could happen to April. I’ve always known that Connie didn’t care one way or the other about the girl; she saw her as a nuisance, someone who got in the way of what she wanted to do with her life. She even blamed April for ruining her marriage. Now she’s just up and left, leaving a note claiming I’m the father. God Almighty, Ned! He might have done the child harm. He was certainly in a rage when he turned up here with her, and that’s a fact.’
‘So your mind’s made up?’
‘It is. And I’m not likely to change it.’
‘Then there’s nothing else to be said. But what if you don’t find her?’
‘I’ll give it a few weeks, then I’ll have to talk to a solicitor.’ His face stiffened. ‘But I won’t let them take April away. I’m a wealthy man now. I can give her the best education that money can buy, and I’ll see to it she never wants for anything. I’ve got the letter, signed by Connie, saying I’m the father.’ His dark eyes glittered with defiance. ‘Let anyone try and deny that, and they’ll wish they’d never been born!’
* * *
Some time later, when Ned left, Adam returned to the living-. Mrs Jessup was just coming back from the child’s bedroom. ‘She’s wide awake,’ she said with a patient smile, ‘and she’ll not sleep ’til you’ve been up and told her a story.’ Shaking her head she began mumbling about how, ‘Auntie Jessup ain’t good enough to tell her a story! Auntie Jessup don’t do it properly… not like Daddy does!’ She wagged her finger at him and chortled, then shuffled off to the dining-room where she would lay the table ready for breakfast. After that, she would wash and make her way to her own room at the back of the house. There she would fall on her knees and say her prayers before gratefully falling into her bed. ‘That little rascal would wear an elephant out!’ she called after Adam as he went up the stairs two at a time.
He opened the door cautiously, in case April had gone to sleep. But no. As soon as he poked his head round the door, she was squealing with delight: ‘Daddy! Daddy! April wants a story.’
‘You should be hard and fast asleep, my girl,’ Adam lovingly chided. No sooner was he seated on the edge of the bed than two thin little arms wound round his neck and his face was wet where she’d planted a sloppy kiss. ‘Daddy tell April a story?’ Her whole face lit up with joy on seeing him. It was the tiniest heart-shaped face, with a small upturned nose and the prettiest mouth; her fair hair curled about her neck and ears, and her huge brown eyes put him in mind of Rosie.
Suddenly the sadness had returned, and his mood was changed; though he was careful not to let the child sense it. ‘Shall I tell you about someone I once knew?’ he asked softly. ‘A lovely creature by the name of Rosie.’
‘Rosie.’ The child mimicked the way he spoke her name and it was beautiful to his ears. He began. First he told her about the prince who used to be a soldier. ‘The prince had fallen in love with a beautiful princess,’ he went on. ‘All his life he’d loved her, but while he was making up his mind to go home to her, someone else came and took the princess away.’
‘Did the prince cry, Daddy?’
Not wanting to convey his own sadness to the child, he changed the story, gave it a happier ending. And soon the brown eyes closed and she was sound asleep. But as he turned away, there were tears in his own eyes. ‘You were all kinds of fool, Roach,’ he told himself. ‘If you’d only been half the man you are now, you might never have lost her.’
He sat in the library until the small hours. The clock struck midnight, then it was two o’clock, and now the daylight was beginning to peep over the horizon. Tired and weary, but with the tiniest hope in his heart, he took up the pen and began to write:
Dearest Rosie,
Won’t you see me? There are so many things I need
to say to you. So many times I’ve started out with the intention of coming to you. But then I’ve realised you would only turn me away.
With Doug imprisoned, I wonder how you’re coping? Is there any way I can help? All you have to do is ask, you know that.
The man who escorted you from the courtrooms, he was a stranger to me. Is he Doug’s solicitor? Was he a friend? Does he have your interests at heart?
Oh, Rosie. How can I say it without it sounding wrong? I love you. As long as I live, I will always regret losing you…
He stared at the partly written letter, and his heart was broken. ‘You bloody fool! What makes you think she’ll even open it?’ Torn in so many directions, he knew he could never send that letter. Now, when he voiced his thoughts aloud, he realised he had no claim on Rosie, and never would. What right have you to say such things to her, with Doug in prison and Rosie trying to make her way without him? She loves him… not you! You lost the right to Rosie years ago, and now it’s too late. He crumpled the letter in his fist. Then, like all the letters before, when he’d poured out his heart and seen the futility of it all, he flung it in the bin. Besides, you have to think about April now, and Connie. And how, if your plans work out, you’ll soon be a married man yourself.
Later, when he lay in bed, in the quiet, he couldn’t shut Rosie out of his thoughts. When he slept she was there; when he woke, and all day as he worked, she was with him, breathing every breath he took, like a tangible presence that wouldn’t leave him. And though he was prepared to move Heaven and Earth for that dear rejected child he adored, nothing in life could compensate for having lost Rosie. And just as surely, he believed, nothing would ever bring her back to him. As he surveyed the years ahead, with or without Connie, all he could see was a great empty void that not even the child could fill. And he was desolate.
Part Two
1955
When We Love
Chapter Eighteen
‘Let me look at you, sweetheart.’ Rosie gazed down on her son, and her pride was so strong it was like a physical lump in her breast. ‘My! You look so grown up,’ she said, her smile enveloping him, ‘It’s hard to believe you’ve been at school for a whole year.’
During this past year he had taken on the appearance of a real little gentleman. Dressed in short grey trousers with knee-length socks, a smart dark blazer and a little cap adorned with the school badge, he was different somehow. Already she could see the man in him, and the realisation brought its own kind of regret. Somehow, Rosie couldn’t help but feel that in her son’s transition from bairn to boy she had lost something very precious to her, something that was gone forever and could never be recaptured.
‘Oh, Mam!’ Danny had acquired a habit of biting his bottom lip when he was worried. He did that now as he glanced at the mantelpiece clock and it told him they had only five minutes to get to the tram-stop. ‘Miss Jackson will only shout if I’m late again,’ he groaned.
Rosie feigned a look of horror, ‘And we mustn’t let that happen, must we, eh?’ In fact, Miss Jackson was a kindly soul who had brought Danny’s learning on in leaps and bounds, and Rosie viewed her with great respect, ‘Get your overcoat on,’ she told him, ‘it’s still snowing outside.’ The snow had come with the beginning of January, bursting from the skies with a vengeance. The next day it fell steadily, and now, two days later, had lessened to a slight trickle. But the wind had grown in strength, and Rosie was wakened that morning when the windows began rattling in their frames.
Danny put on his coat. ‘I don’t want my scarf on,’ he grumbled. ‘It tickles my neck.’
‘Sorry, love, but your mam wants you to wear it.’ Rosie wrapped the scarf round his coat collar and tied it securely at the front. ‘It’s freezing out there.’
‘Are you wearing a scarf?’ He fidgeted, tugging at the scarf and grimacing.
‘I’m not going out there without one, that’s for sure.’ Taking her long brown coat from the back of the door where she’d hung it the night before, she threw it on and quickly buttoned it up. Fishing a soft blue headsquare from the pocket, she wrapped it round her head, tying the knot tightly and tucking the ends beneath her coat collar. Next came woollen gloves. Now she felt ready to brave the elements.
Collecting a smaller pair of mittens from the sideboard drawer, she handed them to Danny. ‘Here you are, young man. ‘You’ll need these.’
She watched him pull the mittens over his fat little hands. Satisfied, she collected her handbag from the chair, glanced round to make sure everything was ship-shape, and, propelling the boy before her, went along the passage and out into a cold wild day. ‘We’d have done better to stay in bed,’ she said through chattering teeth. Danny would have gladly gone off snowballing, but she dragged him back. ‘There’s no time for that,’ she reminded him. ‘We’ve a tram to catch.’
Peggy’s voice sailed along the street. ‘Hey, you bugger! Wait for me.’
Rosie was astonished. Not wanting to stand in the howling wind, she slowed her pace until Peggy caught up. ‘I thought it was your day off?’
‘It was. Until your fancy man asked me to come in.’ Bending her head against the wind, she shivered and moaned, ‘If I’d realised how bloody cold it were, I’d have stayed where I was… nicely tucked up in a warm bed.’
‘Robert Fellows isn’t my fancy man,’ Rosie reproved. ‘Anyway, I didn’t know he’d asked you to come in.’
‘Well, you would have if only you hadn’t buggered off at half-past three of an afternoon, when the rest of us were still working,’ Peggy complained indignantly. ‘You don’t expect to know what’s going on if you ain’t there, do you now?’
‘Aw, give over, Peggy.’ Rosie said light-heartedly, ‘I start an hour earlier, so I’m entitled to leave an hour earlier.’ Lately, Peggy seemed to go out of her way to antagonise.
‘Oh, I’m sorry, gal,’ Peggy apologised. ‘Take no notice of me. I reckon I’ve just got out the wrong side of the bed. Besides, if I had a lad to take care of, I expect I’d rearrange my hours an’ all.’ Glancing sideways at Rosie, she explained, ‘There ain’t no real mystery about why I’m trudging in this morning when I should be abed. All of a sudden we’re one short at work, so I were asked to substitute.’
‘One short. How come?’
‘You know that silly little sod from stationery… Meg Withering, as big as a bloody ship an’ ready to drop any minute?’
‘’Course she’s not!’ Rosie argued. ‘She’s only five months gone… still got two weeks before she finishes at work.’
Aye, well, that’s what she wanted everybody to think, so she could earn a few more wages. Crafty sod.’ Shivering aloud, Peggy pulled her coat collar up. ‘The bugger’s eight months gone, and if your fancy man hadn’t rushed her to the Infirmary in his car, happen she’d have given birth there and then, on the floor behind her counter, in full view of everybody.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me this last night?’ Clutching Danny’s hand, Rosie quickened her steps. Peggy had made them lose a few minutes and if they missed the tram they’d have to stand in the freezing cold waiting for the next one.
‘I was about to. In fact, I were halfway down the street when it struck me that he would probably turn up any minute. I reckoned three would be a crowd, that’s all.’ There was just the slightest hint of envy in her voice.
Rosie still wasn’t certain whether Peggy had forgiven her for spending more and more time with Robert. ‘That’s nonsense, and you know it,’ she said sharply. ‘You’re always welcome in my house, whether there’s anyone else there or not. And anyway, he didn’t turn up, so I knew nothing about Meg Withering and her little drama.’ She chuckled. ‘Was it panic stations?’
Peggy giggled. ‘You could say that. Meg were just serving this big fat fella when she grabbed at her stomach and screamed out that the baby were coming. Honest to God, you should have seen his face! He went bright red, then he went a dirty grey colour and looked like he were about to throw up. Then he turned and ra
n. Well, he waddled at a fast pace anyway… his huge arse knocking all the displays over as he went. Cor! You should have been there, talk about a mess! Still, it ain’t surprising when he were as far round as the bloody gas works, and his belly hung over his shoes.’ She laughed aloud, then clamped her lips shut when the cold made her catch her breath. ‘Bleedin’ weather!’ she said through stiff lips. ‘I should’a stayed in me bed.’
She lapsed into a sullen silence, but Rosie chuckled all the way to the tram-stop. There was little said until the tram pulled up outside the school where Rosie saw Danny safely off. As he went through the gates with all the other children, she called out, ‘I’ll see you this afternoon. Wait inside the classroom now.’ He waved and nodded, and in a minute was lost in the playground amongst the other children. The teacher blew the whistle and the children quickly formed straggly lines outside the door. The tram trundled away and Danny was lost to sight. ‘It doesn’t seem possible he’s been at school for a whole year,’ Rosie said, shaking her head and thinking it seemed like only yesterday that he was a newborn in her arms.
‘A year, eh?’ Peggy nodded her head, blue eyes surveying Rosie with curiosity. ‘That’s how long you’ve been seeing your fancy man.’ When Rosie seemed preoccupied with her own thoughts, she went on, ‘I expect you’ll be announcing your engagement soon, eh? Then it’ll be off with the jailbird, on with the new, wedding bells and happy ever after.’
Turning in her seat, Rosie looked her in the eye, ‘What’s bothering you, Peggy?’
She blinked with embarrassment. ‘What d’yer mean?’
‘You still don’t like me going out with Robert, do you.’
More Than Riches Page 32
