by Claire Fogel
Mr. McKay chatted with my parents for a few minutes and then he and Sean got up to leave. At the door, Sean gave me a warm hug and whispered, “I’ll call you later.”
I whispered back, “I’m really sorry about my melt down.”
He kissed my cheek. “Don’t worry about it.”
When I walked back into the kitchen, Mom asked, “Are you hungry, dear?”
I had to think about it. Food was the last thing on my mind. “Well, we had a big lunch in Elvenwood. I could probably eat a sandwich. I can make one myself, Mom. You don’t have to make anything for me.”
She gave me a questioning look. “Is this part of your new independence, Cara?”
I hesitated. There were a few things that needed to be said.
“I think it’s time I began to be more independent, don’t you?”
“You’re still only sixteen, dear. I’m not really ready to cut you loose just yet,” she said with a smile.
I knew it was unreasonable, but I could feel myself getting irritated.
“Mom, I may be sixteen on the outside, but think about all the crap I’ve been through during the past six months. I’m not a little girl anymore, not on the inside. I think you need to understand that.”
She didn’t say anything right away. I looked over at my father. He was watching us quietly. He knew this was between my mother and me.
“Cara, do you want to discuss everything that’s on your mind now? I’ve tried to be patient until you were ready to talk. It sounds to me like you’re ready.”
“Okay. I guess now’s as good a time as any. First of all, you need to stop being over-protective. I still have a problem with storms, but in every other way, I’m able to take care of myself. Second, I don’t want you trying to make my decisions for me. For example, I don’t want to spend four years in college to get a Liberal Arts degree. I want Art school, just art school. I want to study art, art history, and anything art-related, that’s all. That’s where I know my future lies. And I want to choose the school myself. I want to be close enough that I can come home on weekends. Blackthorne Forest is here. This is where I belong.
“Third, I can choose my own friends, and I can decide for myself who I care about, regardless of his age. You took that choice away from me once, and I may never feel the same way about anyone again.” My throat was feeling tight.
I could feel tears welling up in my eyes and tried to force them down.
My mother’s face had paled and was looking tight, but I wasn’t through yet.
“Elves mate for life, Mom. I’m enough of an Elf that it’s true for me. My heart belongs to Adam Wolfe, but because of you, he’s gone. I may never see him again. Now you know exactly why I’ve been upset. I’m heartbroken.”
My father still hadn’t said anything. I went to the fridge, pulled out some cheese, made myself a sandwich, grabbed a soda, and went upstairs. There was dead silence in the kitchen until I closed my bedroom door.
Had I said too much? Had I gone too far? I really didn’t know, but at least I got it all off my chest, and that felt better.
My cheese sandwich gave me indigestion anyway.
A little later my phone rang. It was probably Sean. I picked it up.
“Hey, beautiful. Have you recovered completely?”
“Hi, Sean. Well, I’m sure I’ll find the bruises tomorrow, but yeah, physically I’m okay.”
“You don’t sound like yourself. What’s wrong?”
“I just told my mother what I’ve been feeling and why I’ve been upset with her. I don’t think it went down too well.”
“Ooh. That couldn’t have been easy. Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really. My mother just has to realize I’m not a little girl anymore. The past six months have changed me a lot. I feel a lot older than sixteen, but I don’t think she realizes that.”
“Your mom can only see what’s on the outside. And she still sees that innocent little girl she’s had to protect since you were born. You may have changed, but she hasn’t.”
Sean’s insight occasionally amazed me. “I wasn’t looking at it that way. You’re probably right, but I still think she has to start respecting my rights. I’m not as young or as defenseless as I look. I think you know that.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, I do. You can definitely defend yourself. You’re a lot stronger than you look. You’re not the same girl I met last spring either.”
I heard a deep sigh. “You wouldn’t have survived if you were. Maybe you could give your mom time to get used to that fact. You probably made that point clear tonight, didn’t you?”
“I think so. She’ll have to deal with it now. I’ve been completely honest about how I feel. I know it sounds selfish, but at least I feel better now that I got it off my chest.”
“That’s good but there was one other thing I wanted to ask you about.”
“Okay. Shoot.”
“When you told Ian about Adam, your face changed completely. I think his leaving really hurt you.”
I had to take a deep breath before I could answer. My heart was being squeezed again.
“Yeah, it did. He didn’t tell me he planned on leaving. He didn’t even say goodbye.”
“Oh? I thought you and he were really close. I mean, outside of being your bodyguard.”
“I thought so too. That’s why it hurt.”
I couldn’t tell him any more. I didn’t want to hurt Sean.
“I was just trying to understand why you were so depressed. So it was more than one thing, wasn’t it?”
“Yep. And I’m still working through it. You’ve been really patient with me. I appreciate that.”
“Whatever you need, I’m here. But I’d better get off the phone. I need to get some laundry done tonight.”
“Okay. See you in the morning. And thanks for understanding today. I don’t usually behave like a lunatic.”
He chuckled. “I know that. Don’t worry about it.”
“’Night, Sean.”
There were no taps on my door that night. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. It took a while, but I finally fell asleep.
All I remember about my dreams that night was seeing Adam’s cobalt blue eyes, watching me sadly.
Mom took me to Urgent Care after school the next day to get my wrist x-rayed. She was right; it was only sprained. It would be sore for a week or two and the doctor gave me anti-inflammatory pills for the pain, but I knew how lucky I was. He said a broken wrist would have been much more serious and would have handicapped me for months.
When we left the medical office, I thanked Mom for bringing me in and she asked if I’d like to go to The Grille for burgers.
“Your father will be staying in Elvenwood tonight. He won’t be back until tomorrow night, so why don’t we have a girls night out?”
“Okay. Burgers and a milkshake sound good.” I was guessing she wanted to talk to me and figured The Grille would be a more neutral place than home.
The restaurant was fairly empty on a Monday afternoon so Mom chose a booth in the back where we’d have some privacy.
After we placed our orders, she said, “I’ve given a lot of thought to everything you said last night. I do understand why you’ve been so upset. I think heartbroken is the word you used. All the other points you made are minor by comparison. Of course, you should be making your own decisions about school, college, your friends, and so on. And you will be, your father and I both agree you have that right.”
I was relieved to see the understanding in her eyes. She spoke more softly. “And I think I understand why Adam’s departure has affected you so painfully.
“Honey, please think back to June when Adam first came here and your father assigned him to act as your bodyguard.”
I nodded. “I remember. And I remember your reaction to him when you met him, Mom. You overreacted.”
“Perhaps I did. But I didn’t know him. Your father trusted Adam intuitively, but he didn’t really
know him either. You probably didn’t notice the way Adam watched you that night. He barely took his eyes off you, and it was obvious to me that he was not indifferent to my beautiful, but very young, daughter. You can ask Kevin. I think he noticed it too.”
I could see that she hoped I’d understand her point of view. “Some day you may have a daughter, and you may also overreact when you see a handsome man who can’t take his eyes off her. You know, it’s not so many years ago that I was sixteen, naïve and inexperienced. When I was seventeen, I met an incredibly handsome older man. I fell madly in love. There was no one worrying about the possibility that I’d get hurt.”
She took a deep breath. “By the time I was nineteen, I had a child to take care of. I know your father was, and is, a good man, but he and I might have both been better off if there had been someone to rein us in until I was more mature. He knows that too. That’s not to say that we’ve ever regretted having a daughter we both adore, but if I’d been a few years older, we probably wouldn’t have lost sixteen years together. Does any of this make sense to you?”
“Of course it does. I agree your life would have been a lot easier if you hadn’t fallen in love when you did. But how would you have felt if someone forced the man you loved to leave you, to go who knows where, because he wasn’t trusted? I think we all know that Adam is a good man, not someone who would hurt me. If he’d felt he was welcome to stay, maybe he would have waited a few years for me to grow up.” I was feeling emotional again, blinking away the tears.
“Cara, once I got to know him, I welcomed him into our home. He stayed with us while he recovered from that gunshot. By that time, I did trust him. I knew he wouldn’t let anything, or anyone, hurt you. Perhaps I should have told him that I trusted him.”
“I wish you had.”
“Sweetheart, what happened that made him feel he had to leave? There must be something you haven’t told us.”
“Yes, I guess there is.” I hesitated for a minute or so.
“Adam stayed out of the crowd at your wedding. He’s like me; he doesn’t really like crowds. I finally spotted him standing at the edge of the woods. I went over to him to ask if he’d gotten anything to eat. We talked for a little while. Then he kissed me. The one and only time he’s done more than hold my hand. It wasn’t a kiss on the cheek. It was a real kiss.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, fighting tears again.
“Kissing Adam was like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I had always wondered what falling in love felt like. Now I know.” I felt tears welling up again.
“One kiss and you fell in love? Are you sure, Cara?”
I nodded. “To be honest, I think I’d been falling in love with Adam for months. I just didn’t know what it was that I was feeling. But when he kissed me, my whole world exploded. I’ve been kissed before, Mom, but it never affected me like that.”
Our burgers arrived and we ate quietly.
After we’d finished, Mom said, “So that’s why you reacted the way you did when your father told you Adam was gone.” She looked into my eyes and I knew she understood.
“I felt like my heart had been torn out of my chest. I’ve never felt that kind of hurt before.” I was blinking back tears again. “My life without Adam seems . . . empty.”
“I see.”
She paid the check and we left for home.
When we got home, Mom suggested we have some of Kathleen’s herbal tea.
We sat down in the kitchen with our tea and Mom asked, “What about Sean? He’s certainly been devoted since you two became friends again.”
“What about Sean? Well, Sean and I are good friends. He’s a good guy, but I’m not in love with him. I knew that even before I met Adam. To be honest, I hope Sean meets and falls for someone else when he’s away at college. He thinks he’s in love with me but I hope he’ll outgrow it.”
We drank our tea quietly for a while.
Finally she said, “I hope you know that you can talk to me about anything, and I do mean anything. My memories of my teen years are vivid! I made some mistakes that I hope you won’t make. But if you do, your father and I will still be here for you, loving you and supporting you.”
“What if I never see Adam again? What if he never comes back?” My voice was shaking. “When he left, I think he took my heart with him.” Tears were now running down my cheeks.
“That’s a question I can’t answer, honey. I’m sorry. Maybe you’ll get over him.”
Getting over him was simply not a possibility. Adam was, and always would be, my mate.
After Mom and I had talked it out, the atmosphere at home was no longer like an armed camp, but it wasn’t the same as it used to be either. It was weeks before I figured it out.
That light, happy vibe that had existed whenever I was with both my parents was missing. Things were peaceful; no one was mad at anyone. Mom and Dad were fine, obviously in love and happy with each other.
I was the one who had changed.
A few days later, Sean’s bandages came off. As I had predicted, he was better looking than ever, and was the subject of even more longing glances from girls at school.
I did my best to focus on my studies, thanking Sean daily for his efficient note taking. He was actually a far better student than I’d ever been. When I asked him one day what his GPA was, I was surprised when he said, “Last time I checked, it was 3.9. Why?”
“Holy cow, Sean! Kevin’s the only other guy I know with a GPA that high. You’re definitely not going to need an athletic scholarship.”
He just shrugged. I couldn’t believe he didn’t think his excellent grades were that big a deal. Gorgeous and modest, that was Sean McKay.
I wasn’t really surprised to learn that Sean and Kevin were both taking SAT Prep classes twice a week. They both wanted to be well prepared for the SAT’s in January. Kevin wanted to make sure he’d be accepted at the school of his choice. Sean was hoping for a scholarship offer from one of his chosen schools.
He was able to play in Thornewood’s last two football games, both of which we won. His teammates made sure none of the players from the other team got anywhere near him and his “new” nose. Sean was an outstanding quarterback. Naturally. He seemed to do everything well.
Over dinner one night in November, Mom asked when I wanted to start visiting colleges.
“In less than a year, you’ll be leaving home and starting college, dear. How many would you like to visit?”
She looked surprised when I said, “Just one.”
“Mom, I got brochures for half a dozen schools from the Guidance Department. There’s only one I’m interested in. Some of the colleges have decent Art Departments, but I’ve already decided I want to attend an Art School rather than college. There’s one within driving distance, the Barrett Art Institute. They offer a three-year program that sounds perfect, and they’re located in Syracuse. It’s about a two-hour drive.”
My parents looked at each other, obviously surprised that I’d already chosen a school. Mom asked, “How soon do you have to send in your application?”
“Well, Miss Burrows, my Art teacher, sent one of my drawings to Barrett’s Admissions Director. They emailed her that they’d love to have me study there. I just have to let them know when I’m visiting. One of their people will give us a tour.
“I’d like to have both of you go with me to visit Barrett, check out the campus and the dorms. The brochure made it look like a lovely place, but pictures can be deceiving.”
“Do you want to go before or after Thanksgiving?” Mom asked.
“Before the holiday, I think. Syracuse is north of us and they get even more snow than we do, so I’d like to go before winter sets in.”
Mom chuckled. “The way you feel about winter, I’m surprised you didn’t investigate Art schools in Florida.”
“Nope. I want to be able to come home on weekends. Florida’s too long a drive.”
“Cara, I was joking.”
“I know, Mom.” I finall
y smiled, winking at my father who wore a big grin.
We made a date with the Barrett Institute for the following week. I think Mom and Dad were more excited about the trip to Syracuse than I was. Not that I wasn’t looking forward to it, but I didn’t get excited about much anymore.
It was a cool, sunny day when we left to visit the Institute, perfect driving conditions which I knew wouldn’t always be the case during the winter months.
When I mentioned this to Mom, she said, “I’m sure even an Art Institute has opportunities for socializing on weekends. You should really plan on taking part, at least some of the time. You don’t have to come home every weekend, you know.”
I nodded, but I wasn’t planning on pursuing a social life while I was in school. Art was my only interest.
Traffic moved well so we reached Syracuse in just under two hours. Barrett was located outside the busy downtown section of the city. The campus covered about six city blocks, full of trees and brick walkways that meandered between the buildings that housed the Institute. There was a little fall color remaining, but not much. Most of the trees were already bare. Winter was on its way.
I parked in a visitors lot behind the main building. We were expected so we went straight to the Admissions office on the main floor where Mrs. Gardner was waiting for us.
When we walked into the Admissions office, we got the usual reaction. Women simply stared at my tall, handsome father, their mouths slightly open. I heard Mom sigh.
I walked to the reception desk and introduced myself. Within seconds a door opened and Mrs. Gardner came out to greet us, smiling until she spotted my father. It was almost as if she was wondering if he was real, or simply a figment of her imagination.
Mom and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes.
Once Mrs. Gardner recovered, she welcomed us to Barrett and led us outside for the promised tour. We saw groups of students walking from one building to another, many dressed rather strangely I thought.
