by Claire Fogel
Randi asked, “Amy? Kevin? Are you coming?”
Amy looked at Kevin and he nodded. “Okay, we can stay for an hour. We already have some after-prom plans, but we’re good until midnight.”
Amy hadn’t said anything to me about after-prom plans, so I was curious what the two of them were up to.
We took separate cars to Randi’s, but as soon as we got there, I grabbed Amy to ask, “What after-prom plans? Are you two keeping secrets?”
Kevin laughed. “No, of course not. I’ve always wanted to see Washington, D.C. so my mom paid for a trip for me this weekend. Amy’s parents agreed to let her go with me.”
Amy giggled. “Of course, we both got the ‘you’ll have separate rooms’ lecture, but I think our parents trust us. And I’ve always wanted to see the Lincoln Memorial as well as the White House.”
Kevin added, “We leave early tomorrow and we’ll get back Sunday night.”
“Cool. A whole weekend out of Thornewood? I’m jealous,” Dion said with a grin.
Looking completely serious, Randi said, “After living in Greenville for several months, I’m totally happy right here in Thornewood. You don’t appreciate something until you lose it, you know.”
I took her hand and squeezed it. I knew how right she was.
Randi hadn’t been kidding about their sound system, and the shelves of vinyl records contained something for everyone. At that point, we were all a little low on energy, so she pulled out music by Sinatra, the Eagles, and the Beatles, giving us great tunes for dancing. She also went to the huge fridge and pulled out beers for anyone who wanted one, but she and Dion were the only takers.
I still remembered how I’d been affected by some spiked punch last summer. I didn’t want to embarrass myself again.
As we danced, I could see the southern end of Blackthorne Forest through the patio door. I wondered if there was anyone in the forest looking back.
Looking around, Sean said, “This is a great condo, isn’t it? I heard they have an Olympic sized pool as well as tennis courts, and a fully equipped gym. Randi’s really lucky to be living here.”
I smiled, remembering how thrilled Randi was when her father told her she could move back here and live with him. “She thinks so too. She really hated Greenville.”
He pulled me closer as we continued to dance. The Beatles’ “Norwegian Wood” was playing on the stereo.
He chuckled. “I’m really enjoying that gardenia in your hair. I’ll get one for you every time I know we’ll be dancing.”
I couldn’t answer him. I didn’t want him to think this would be a regular occurrence. But I was enjoying our closeness more than I should have.
Before long, Amy and Kevin had to leave and we all wished them a great weekend in D.C.
Randi put some old R&B on the stereo. The atmosphere was suddenly a lot warmer.
When I was younger and Mom would play R&B on the radio, I liked it but I never noticed how sensual the lyrics and rhythms were. I was noticing them now. The way Randi and Dion were dancing made it obvious they were really into the music too. It was a little embarrassing to watch.
Sean murmured, “I hope Randi knows what she’s doing.”
I added, “I hope Dion knows what he’s doing!”
Sean snorted. “He knows exactly what he’s doing, Cara.”
It suddenly dawned on me what was probably going on between Randi and Dion.
“Oh. I wasn’t aware their relationship was that serious.”
“It isn’t. But Dion and Randi are both over eighteen. I guess they both know what they’re doing.”
I didn’t want to think about Randi and Dion. I closed my eyes, rested my head on Sean’s chest and concentrated on moving along with the irresistible rhythms.
Finally, Sean moved away slightly and said, “I think we should sit down for a while.” He sounded a little breathless.
When I looked around, Randi and Dion were gone. “Where’d they go?” I asked.
Sean gently pulled me down to sit on the couch next to him and said, “Uh, I guess they went into Randi’s room.”
“Oh. Well, maybe we should leave.”
“In a few minutes. We haven’t really been alone in months, Cara.” Giving me a meaningful look, he wrapped one arm around me, pulling me closer, and kissed me. At first it was the sweet, tender kisses I’d always received from Sean. He’d always been so gentle with me, as though he was afraid I’d break.
I guess the music had gotten to both of us because our kisses quickly became more heated, more demanding. I’d always been physically attracted to Sean, tonight more than ever. His hands stroked the bare skin of my back and moved to my sides.
I knew where his hands would go next, and I suddenly remembered another voice telling me that being attracted to a boy wasn’t the same as being in love with him. It was like a splash of cold water.
I tried to push Sean away, but he murmured, “Cara, please . . . you know I love you.”
“I know, but I can’t do this. It’s not fair to you. I care about you, Sean. You must know that, but . . .” He let me go, his hands falling to his sides.
“But you’re not in love with me, right?”
I simply shook my head. I felt so guilty, I couldn’t look him in the eye.
“I’m sorry, Sean. I’ve never wanted to mislead you.”
Running his hands through his thick hair, in a choked voice he said, “It’s all because of what I did last year, right? I made a stupid, immature mistake and ruined everything, didn’t I?”
I sighed. “No. I forgave you for that a long time ago.”
Sounding desperate, he asked, “Then what is it? I’d do anything for you. Is there something else I don’t know about?”
I saw the light dawn on his handsome face.
His voice suddenly became softer. “That’s it. You’re in love with someone else, aren’t you?”
I couldn’t put it off any longer. I turned to him, forcing myself to look into his eyes.
“Yes.” I took a deep breath. I whispered, “I’m sorry.”
I could see the hurt on his face. He closed his eyes and sat there for at least a minute while I was busy hating myself for hurting him.
Finally he stood. “I’ll take you home now.” He slowly wrapped my shawl around my shoulders and led me to the back door near the parking lot.
Feeling like an idiot, I asked, “Shouldn’t we let Randi know we’re leaving?”
Looking toward the bedrooms, he sounded unlike himself when he said, “I don’t think she’d care.”
He didn’t say a word on the drive home. The atmosphere between us was acutely uncomfortable.
When he pulled up in front of my house, I thought he’d get out immediately but he didn’t. After a few long minutes, he turned to me, his mouth tight, eyes cold.
“I have to know. Who is it?”
I had fervently hoped he wouldn’t ask. But he deserved the truth.
I took a deep breath and finally said, “Adam.”
Looking confused, he said, “But he’s gone. He left, didn’t he?”
“Yes, he’s gone.”
“Cara, he’s at least ten years older, he left Blackthorne Forest, permanently as far as I know, and you’re still in love with him?” He looked completely at a loss. “I don’t get it.”
I was quiet for a while. Then I said, “Elves mate for life, Sean. I’ve told you that before.”
Sounding angry, he said, “Mate for life? What exactly do you mean by ‘mate’?”
I sighed. “Probably not what you’re thinking. It’s not really a physical thing. In the Elven world, ‘mating’ is really just falling in love. Once you give your heart, it stays given.”
“Well, that’s just great, Cara. I think I gave my heart to you when I was only ten. And I’ve never wanted anyone else. I have Elven blood too. Does that mean I’ll never love anyone else?” He still sounded angry. Angry and kind of lost.
“I hope not. I hope you forget all about me when you go away t
o college. I want you to be happy. That’s the only reason I suggested you date other girls.”
“Well, believe me, Cara, I’ll do my best to forget I ever knew you.”
He was really angry. And I couldn’t blame him.
“Well, I’ll always be glad I went to prom with you, Sean. I wouldn’t have gone with anyone else. You’ve been a wonderful friend. I’ll always care for you.”
He didn’t say a word so I got out of the car and went into the house.
I’d gone to my senior prom and broken the heart of a young man I would always like and respect.
I didn’t like myself much at the moment.
Disliking myself intensely, I didn’t get much sleep that night. I kept seeing the pain on Sean’s face, the look of betrayal in his eyes.
I was so glum when I went downstairs for breakfast, my father retreated from the back door he had been about to open and placed one arm around my shoulders. Leaning down, he looked into my eyes and asked, “What’s wrong, Cara? What happened?”
“I finally told Sean the truth, that I’m in love with someone else. He didn’t take it well. And I hate myself for hurting him. He’s such a great guy, and he’s been a really good friend.”
“I’m sorry, Cara. But it’s always best to be honest, even when it hurts. I like Sean, but you did the right thing. He’ll get over it eventually.”
After giving me a comforting hug, he said, “I’m on my way to Elvenwood. Why don’t you come with me?”
I decided to skip breakfast, grabbed my easel and paints and followed my father to his camp where our greys were waiting for us.
Just riding Storm again cheered me up. As we rode into Elvenwood, the magic of the hidden village surrounded me and I was finally more at peace. Glancing over at me as we rode through the gateway, my father sensed my mood and smiled.
That weekend in Elvenwood set the pattern. I’d be in school Monday through Friday and in Elvenwood every weekend.
My birthday came around, and my parents, Amy, Kevin, Conor and Arlynn helped me celebrate. Finally I was seventeen. The year I spent being sixteen seemed a lot longer than just a year. I was glad it was over.
I’d told Amy and Kevin what happened after prom. They guessed something dramatic had occurred when Sean stopped talking to me at school. He no longer ate lunch with us either.
Kevin said, “Well you almost made it through senior year with Sean. But I guess he deserved to know where he stood with you. Don’t beat yourself up, short stuff. You had to tell him the truth sometime.”
Nevertheless, I think we all missed Sean. He’d become such an integral part of our group.
We were getting close to Graduation, but first, we had to get through our final exams. Without Sean’s help, I didn’t expect to sail through finals.
One morning in Science class, he surprised me by dropping copies of his class notes on my desk, muttering, “These may help.”
I looked up to thank him, but he just sat down and looked in another direction. I leaned over toward him and whispered, “I really appreciate this, Sean. Thank you.”
He nodded, not looking at me, as usual.
At lunch one day, Kevin told me that Sean had received two scholarship offers, both for athletics, specifically football, and that he’d chosen to attend Penn State.
I was a little surprised Sean hadn’t told me himself. “I’m happy for him,” I said. “What was his other choice?”
“UCLA.” Kevin added, “He didn’t want to move to California. Besides, his living expenses out there would have been too high.” He chuckled. “I guess he prefers snow to sunshine.”
I said, “Well, he told me he didn’t want to be too far from home, but since a lot of things have changed recently, I thought he might have changed his mind about that.”
He’d said he wanted to forget he ever knew me. That thought brought on a sigh, drawing understanding looks from both Amy and Kevin.
Using Sean’s excellent notes, I studied hard the week before exams, hoping for no grades worse than a B. I knew I’d receive an A in Art; I always did.
When we’d all finished taking our finals, the three of us celebrated at The Grille, our traditional end of term celebration. It seemed kind of weird, with only three of us.
Amy said, “Last year there were six of us, remember? That was really fun.”
Kevin chuckled. “Yeah, we had fun with our bodyguards. That was the night Adam got all possessive . . .” He stopped, looking guilty as he glanced at me.
I gave a deep sigh. “Yeah, I remember. And it was also the night my mother warned him off, telling Adam he was too old for me.”
Amy reached over and patted my hand. “I’m convinced he’ll be back one day.”
I snorted. “I won’t hold my breath. If that was his plan, I think he would have told me before he left. I think I’m better off concentrating on my art. After all, that’s something that will never leave me.”
Amy and Kevin just looked at each other and said nothing.
I resumed painting after school every day, barely noticing when my final grades arrived.
Amy called when she got home from school and found the email with her grades on her laptop. She was thrilled with a mixture of A’s and B’s. “I can thank Kevin for coaching me and helping me study.” She laughed. “I think these grades are more his than mine, but I’ll take them!”
I congratulated her and she asked if I’d seen my grades yet.
“No, I’d kind of forgotten all about them. I’m working on my last painting for the show in New York City. I’ll barely have time to have it framed and sent off.”
“Well, Cara, look them up now! I’ll wait.”
“Okay.” I turned on my laptop and opened my email. I couldn’t speak for a minute.
“Well, what did you get?” she asked impatiently.
“Uh, this can’t be right,” I said. “These grades must belong to another student. They can’t be mine.”
“Cara, is your name at the top of the email?”
“Uh, yes.”
“Then they’re your grades!”
I gave an Amy-like screech. “Holy crap! I got A’s in Science, English, History, Art and P.E. And a B in Economics! It’s a miracle.”
She was laughing. “This really deserves a celebration. Mom just made a cherry pie. I’ll bring it over after dinner, okay? And I’ll bring Kevin too!”
Still somewhat in shock, I said, “Okay. I have to invite Sean even though he might not want to come. His notes get all the credit.”
“Cara, I get why you want to ask him, but don’t be surprised if he turns you down. Okay?”
“What do you know that I don’t?” I asked.
“He’s started dating a Junior. They’re spending every spare minute together. I’m surprised you hadn’t noticed.”
“Oh. Okay. Well, maybe I’ll just email him to let him know how valuable his notes were. And to thank him again.”
“That’s probably best, Cara. I’ll be over around seven, okay?”
“Okay. See you later.” I put my phone down feeling like I’d just been punched in the stomach. What was I expecting? Of course Sean was dating someone else. I had wanted him to date. So why the heck did it hurt?
I no longer felt much like celebrating, but I knew my parents would be thrilled with my final grades and that cheered me up a little.
I decided to wait until bedtime to email Sean. Maybe at that hour he wouldn’t feel he had to answer. I had to be honest with myself. I didn’t want to hear his voice, cold and unfeeling the way it had been the last time we exchanged any words. The coldness really hurt.
When Mom got home from work and Dad came in for dinner, I told them about my amazing final grades and collected hugs and kisses from both of them.
When I told them that Amy and Kevin would be arriving around seven with a cherry pie, Mom grinned and simply said, “Perfect. We’re so proud of you, honey. Good job.”
Smiling, my father said, “You really are a wo
nder, dear.”
I didn’t feel I deserved that much praise. I knew most of my success in school was due to Sean’s painstaking notes, which he’d so generously shared with me. With that thought, my stomach started to ache again.
I soothed the ache with my dad’s favorite meatloaf dinner, after which Amy and Kevin arrived with a cherry pie just oozing with cherries and juice. Amy insisted a celebration was in order because she had received an amazing B in Calculus, thanks to Kevin’s tutoring.
Kevin, of course, had earned a 4.0 GPA and had already received his acceptance letter from NYU where he planned to major in Computer Science. We all knew Kevin would be successful, no matter what he chose to do in the future. Amy and I were both happy he wouldn’t be any farther away than New York City.
The “three musketeers” would still be together, at least part of the time.
After Kevin and Amy left, Mom and Dad continued to sit at the table with me, talking about the Barrett Art Institute, where I’d be spending most of the next three years.
“After Graduation, dear, we really should drive up to Syracuse to look at apartments for you. Mrs. Gardner did say that June was the best time to see what’s available to rent.”
“Okay, Mom, but I have that Art Show in New York City after Graduation to get through first.”
“I think I’d like to join you this time,” my dad said.
I actually liked that idea. “Sure, Dad. Maybe we could do both at the same time. We’d only have to be at the art show overnight, and then we could drive up to Barrett to look at apartments.”
Mom was obviously thinking about that plan. “Cara, I don’t know if I can get someone to cover the bookstore for that many days. Would you mind if I didn’t go with you this time?”
She looked at me, then at my dad.
He shrugged. “What do you think, Cara?”
I smiled. “It might be fun, Dad. I think you’d find the art show interesting. As far as finding an apartment in Syracuse, I don’t think I’ll need much help deciding where I’d like to live. I already know what I’ll need.”
Mom’s eyebrows went up. “Really? What do you have in mind?”
