by Liz Isaacson
“Of course,” Sawyer said. “I’ll be back sooner next time.”
Gramps held open the door and said, “Looks like Blue’s gonna stay with me.”
“You keep ‘im,” Sawyer said with a smile.
“I hope you figure things out with Jeri,” Gramps called, and Sawyer lifted his arm in a wave.
He didn’t think he and Jeri could do what Gramps and Grams had done. Sure, maybe they’d both gotten married too early, but Grams had obviously loved Gramps as much as he’d loved her, and well, that just wasn’t the case with Jeri.
Sawyer could love her with his whole heart and soul, but if she didn’t feel the same about him….
He pushed the thoughts away as he rounded the homestead to find Cache waiting in his idling truck so they could head down to the farm supply store for the supplies they needed to build a new fence around a new pasture for the cattle.
“There you are,” Cache said as Sawyer opened the passenger door and got in.
“Here I am,” he said. “Let’s go.”
Chapter 19
Rain met Jeri when she got off the plane. She knew nobody else would be waiting for her, so she said hello to the drizzle under her breath, collected her bag from the overhead compartment, and made her way through the airport to the taxi line.
Her heart skipped every other beat, though she hadn’t even contacted Howie or Randy yet. She had a week here in Eugene, and she was feeling more and more foolish for coming without telling anyone.
Her problems couldn’t be fixed in a week—especially when the two men she needed to see didn’t even know she was in town.
She stepped to the front of the taxi line and gave the man the address to the hotel she’d booked. She had two more months on the project at Last Chance Ranch, and she’d still done nothing to find another job. She’d put in no bids, she hadn’t incorporated her construction business again, none of it.
Jeri felt completely lost, adrift at sea, and she was desperately trying to find a life preserver somewhere.
She knew who she wanted to latch onto—Sawyer Smith—but she hadn’t dared go see him over the past few weeks. Since that disastrous night where she’d admitted she wasn’t ready for a relationship, let alone a marriage, and she’d been participating in both.
“Here you go,” the man said, handing the slip of paper with the address to her driver. He took her bag and loaded it into the trunk of the cab, and she slid into the backseat.
He drove through the rain to the appointed place and Jeri went inside to see if she could check-in early. She couldn’t, but they would keep her suitcase for a few hours until check-in arrived.
With nowhere to go and nothing to do, she pulled in a deep breath and pulled out her phone. She had a phone number for Howie, but whether it was the right one or not, she wasn’t sure. She had one for Randy too, and she was fairly certain it was the right one, though he’d never answered one of her calls, nor returned any of her messages.
She tried Howie first, because, in the past, he’d at least picked up when she’d called. The phone rang once, twice, three times, and her heartbeat felt like it was trying to attack her.
He finally said, “Jeri?” his voice sounding tinny and far away.
“Hello, Howie,” she said, not quite sure what else to add.
“What’s going on?” he asked, his voice getting louder now.
“Look, this might sound strange, but I’m in town, and I need to see you.”
“You’re in Eugene?” His shock could not have been higher, and it ignited a fire under Jeri’s mood.
“Yes,” she said strongly. “And I’d like to see you as soon as possible.”
“It’s the holidays, Jeri. We’re busy.”
“I can meet for lunch. Thirty minutes.”
Howie sighed like she’d inconvenienced him greatly. Maybe she had. Guilt flowed through her, but she pushed it back. She couldn’t move forward with Sawyer unless she resolved this part of her past with Howie.
“Fine,” he said. “I work downtown. I’ll text you the address. We can meet at twelve-thirty.”
“Thank you, Howie,” she said, pure relief in the words. He said nothing else, and the call ended. A few moments later, her phone chimed with the address, and Jeri hurried back inside the hotel to have the receptionist help her get a cab.
At twelve-thirty, she stood in the lobby of the appointed building, ignoring the daggered looks of the security guard a dozen feet away. She wasn’t the only one loitering about, but she didn’t wear a lanyard around her neck like everyone else. If Howie didn’t show up in the next—
“Hello, Jeri,” a man said, and Jeri turned toward her ex-husband. He looked good, all dressed up in slacks, a white shirt, and a gold and yellow checkered tie.
“Howie,” she said.
“What’s this about?” he asked, making no move toward the door. He wasn’t wearing a jacket, and he didn’t carry an umbrella.
Jeri wasn’t sure what it was about, and her thoughts felt like a cyclone in her brain. Finally, she said, “Randy.”
“I can’t control him, Jeri,” Howie said with a long, exaggerated sigh. “He’s a grown man, and if he doesn’t want to talk to you, I can’t help that.” He barely looked at her, instead scanning the lobby for someone more important.
Oh, but he could. Anger simmered in Jeri’s veins, but she hadn’t flown here to argue with her ex. “I shouldn’t have walked away,” she said. “You shouldn’t have asked me to walk away.”
Howie lasered in on her. His eyes stormed with fury she thought he’d unleash. He’d said plenty of unkind things to her in the past. Then, as if someone had flipped a switch, he softened. “I know,” he said. “I was wrong about that.”
Jeri blinked, as she hadn’t been anticipating an apology. Technically, Howie hadn’t apologized yet, but he’d never admitted he was wrong before either.
“I’d like to see him,” she said. “I—” She didn’t want to tell Howie anything about Sawyer or the stupid things she’d done these past five months. He didn’t get to pull up a chair at her table and know everything after all this time.
“I’ve met someone,” she said carefully. “And he wants a family, and I don’t even know what that looks like. You….” She shook her head, her emotions getting the better of her. She fought against them, looking out the window at the rain sluicing down.
“I’ll call him,” Howie said, falling back a step. “Give me a minute.” He turned and walked away from her, pulling his phone out of his pocket and lifting it to his ear.
Jeri stared at his shoulders, the way he still gestured with his left hand while he talked on the phone. He worked in a building that had law offices and corporate offices, and she knew he’d made something of himself, just like he’d always claimed he would.
His life here was vastly different than the one she lived at Last Chance Ranch, and as she stood in the busy building, with men and women coming in and out, she felt very much alone. Very different.
And absolutely wonderful. She didn’t want this life any more than he’d want her ranch one. And that was okay. She was okay.
Howie glanced over his shoulder, his eyes cutting into Jeri’s. She moved forward without him doing anything. When she reached his side, he extended the phone to her. “He wants to talk to you.”
Jeri took the phone, feeling like it might be a trick. A trap. A poisonous snake that would rear up and bite her the moment she put it to her ear.
“I’m sorry,” he said to her, but she wasn’t sure what he was sorry about. He walked away, leaving her to speak to her son.
Her son.
A person she hadn’t spoken to in eight years.
She lifted the phone to her ear, and asked, “Randy?”
“Mom,” he said, and Jeri burst into tears. Words bubbled out of her then, apologies for walking away all those years ago, for not trying harder to see him, for not fighting for him.
“Mom,” he said again. “It’s okay. Just calm do
wn.”
But it wasn’t okay, and Jeri didn’t know how to deal with this fury of emotions inside her. She’d known they were there, but it was easier to drive a nail into wood, or write up a new bid, or hire a plumber for a big job than it was to deal with them.
“Let’s talk tonight,” her son said. “I’m in the middle of something right now.”
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“I’m on a build, and I’ve got my building inspector here. Please, I’ll call you later.”
Just like that, he was gone as fast as she’d gotten him back. As if Howie had been listening to her conversation and knew it was over, he turned back to her. She lowered the phone the words, I’m on a build in her ears.
He approached, a bit of trepidation on his face. “Well?”
“Well,” she repeated, thrusting his device back at him as her anger exploded again. “He works in construction. Why didn’t you tell me that?”
Howie swallowed. “I don’t know.”
“You’ve kept him from me for fifteen years,” Jeri said, her fury mushrooming up into a huge cloud that obscured her thoughts. “I can’t believe you would do that. I’ve been nothing but nice to you from the moment we met. I married you so you wouldn’t be humiliated in front of your friends. I supported you through law school. I—”
“I know,” Howie said, grabbing onto her arm. “Can we go outside, please?”
Jeri wrenched her arm away from him, everything happening so fast. She needed to slow down. Calm down.
Mom.
It’s okay, Mom.
She turned without another word and marched toward the exit. It was too loud in the lobby to know if Howie was following her or not, and when Jeri burst out into the rain, she tilted her head toward the heavens and let the water wash down her face.
“Help me forgive him,” she prayed right out loud, an umbrella opening above her a moment later.
“There’s a coffee shop down the street,” Howie said. “We can talk there.”
“I don’t want to go,” she said, facing him under the small space of protection from the rain.
“I’m sorry, Jeri,” he said. “I knew the second I asked you to leave us alone, to let me raise him by myself, that I was wrong.” He had to speak loudly to be heard above the sound of rain against the umbrella.
“Why didn’t you tell me then?” she asked. “We could’ve been a family.”
He shook his head. “No, Jeri. You didn’t love me. I knew it. I couldn’t stand to be so close to you when I knew that.” Sadness overcame him, and he looked away. “I thought I was doing the right thing. Cutting you loose. Letting you go, to live your own life, pursue your own dreams. Do all the things you would’ve done had you not been the one standing beside me that night.”
She stared out into the rain too, wishing she could turn back time and spend time building the right things in her life—her relationship with her son—instead of a business and buildings for other people.
“You shouldn’t have been saddled by me, and by the son I gave you.” He touched her shoulder, and she looked at him. “I thought I was doing the right thing. When he’d ask me about you, I told him what you did. I showed him your website. All of it.”
Jeri didn’t believe him. “Why didn’t he want to talk to me, then? Why wouldn’t he answer my phone calls on his birthday?” She’d tried. Maybe not as hard as she should’ve. There was so much more she could’ve done.
“You can ask him that tonight,” he said. “He shut me out a long time ago too.”
“He did?”
Howie pressed his mouth together into a thin line and nodded. His eyes stormed as hard as Mother Nature currently was when he looked at her again. “We’re not even getting together for the holidays. He has a girlfriend, and she’s more important to him than I am.”
Despite what Howie had done, Jeri wanted to console him. Something passed between them while they stood in the rain, and Jeri recognized the feeling. It was the same one that she’d had as she’d stood across from him in front of the altar all those years ago. The same one she’d had when Sawyer had helped her.
Understanding. Acceptance. Forgiveness.
She nodded, said, “Thank you, Howie,” and stepped out from under the umbrella and into the rain.
Chapter 20
Sawyer pushed against the hind end of a stubborn dairy cow, disgusted that Cache preferred cattle to horses. They were so stubborn, and he couldn’t get them to load onto the trailer to save his life.
Cache walked up behind him and said, “Let’s go, cow,” before slapping it on the rump. The cow moved, almost sending Sawyer to the ground face-first.
“I hate this,” Sawyer complained as he caught himself. “How did you do that?”
“Magic cattle touch.” Cache grinned at him like he was having the time of his life. As Sawyer had gotten to know the other cowboys in the band, he realized that Cache was a lot like Jeri—very sunny outlook on life.
Dave dated everyone of the opposite gender that he could—except Sissy Longston. Despite telling Sawyer that he was fine by himself, he went out with everyone from Amber to Karla to any female volunteer he could chat up enough to ask.
Everyone on the ranch could see that he liked Sissy, but he’d steadfastly said he didn’t, and he wouldn’t go out with her.
Sawyer didn’t care who he went out with, and he didn’t see Sissy all that much. She worked out of a room in the adoption center, because the administration buildings were all abandoned and in need of repair.
He’d worked through the morning to get the new cattle pasture fenced and ready, and now, if he and Cache could just get these last few cows loaded up, they could move them and go home for the night.
Sawyer turned and nearly got ran over by two more cows that Cache had magicked up the ramp to the trailer. He hopped down before he became ground beef himself and glanced toward the homestead to see Scarlett coming toward him.
She wore a cowgirl hat and lifted her palm to the top of her head to keep it seated as the wind tried to steal it away. Instantly, he knew he was the one she wanted to talk to. How he knew, he wasn’t sure.
A single cow had escaped the formation Cache had put them in, and Sawyer started toward the far corner of the pasture to retrieve the cow. If Scarlett wanted to talk to him, she could, but he had work to do and it had been a long day already.
“Come on, cow,” he said to the animal, moving around behind it so it would move toward the trailer. He stayed close to the fence, driving the cow in toward the trailer.
Cache saw him and came to help, saying, “He’s the last one.”
Working together while Scarlett watched, Sawyer and Cache got the errant dairy cow into the trailer, and Cache bolted the door.
“Nice,” he said, knuckle-bumping Sawyer like they were fifteen years old. “I think the boss wants to talk to you.”
“Do we have a minute?” Sawyer asked, eyeing Scarlett with her right foot up casually on the bottom rung of the fence.
“Sure,” Cache said, obviously not as tired as Sawyer. He clearly slept at night instead of obsessing over a certain brunette and how he could get her back.
“What’s up, Scarlett?” Sawyer asked as he approached the woman.
“Did you know Jeri went to Oregon?”
Sawyer sighed and looked toward the road leading off the ranch. “Yeah, I knew.”
“Why didn’t you go with her?”
He swung his gaze back to her, aware that Cache stood only a few feet away, also watching. “She didn’t invite me.”
Scarlett blew out her breath and looked left and then right too. “Do you know if she’s planning on putting in a bid on the administration building project?”
She’d talked about it back in November, when they were still talking to one another. Before she’d told him she wasn’t ready to let him into her life.
“I thought so,” he said with a frown. “She hasn’t?”
“No, and they’re due by
next week. If she doesn’t bid, Forever Friends won’t let me hire her.”
“Have you called her?”
“She’s not picking up.”
Words stormed through Sawyer’s soul. Truths and facts that were not his to tell. He pressed his lips together to keep them all in, wishing he could put in a bid for Jeri.
“Did you guys break up?” Scarlett asked next, and it felt like the conversation had moved from professional to personal.
“Yeah,” Sawyer said, his heart heavy when he’d worked so hard all day to get it to lighten up. “She’s…we’re…it’s complicated.” He wasn’t going to throw her under the bus. She didn’t deserve that, even if she had ripped his heart out and left it on his front lawn to bake in the California sun.
“What’s she doing in Oregon?” Cache asked, leaning against the fence too.
Sawyer glanced at him, trying to decide if he should remain quiet or tell a little white lie. He was so tired of the half-truths and trying to do what was right. His head pounded, and he said, “I know why she’s there, but it’s not my business to tell.”
Cache nodded as he accepted his answer, and they both looked back at Scarlett. She seemed as nervous as a chicken with a coyote out. “I know why she’s there too,” she said, “And Sawyer, she needs you there with her.”
“No,” he said immediately, shaking his head. “If there’s one thing I know about Jeri Bell, it’s that she doesn’t need me.”
He hated the words as they streamed out of his mouth. Hated how true they sounded. Hated that Scarlett wore a sad look on her face and cocked her head as if to see him better.
“Her last name is Smith,” she said.
“I know what her last name is,” Sawyer practically barked back. “I’m not going to Eugene.” He walked backward for a couple of steps. “Can we get these cows moved?” He looked desperately at Cache. “I’m starving, and I just want to go home.”
“I don’t know,” Cache said, looking between Scarlett and Sawyer. “I think the boss wants you to go get Jeri and make sure she gets that bid in.”
