by Peter Hall
So, today Cal had spent hours trapped in his Land Rover with Ken. Long silences had been punctuated by Ken’s hilarious fishing stories. Towards evening, as the sun touched the peaks of distant hills, Cal was close to breaking point. He drove his Rover slowly, so they could look for a place to camp. Sue and Juliet followed closely behind in the Rover campervan.
“Listen, Cal,” Ken said, “I know you and I are very different, and we haven’t hit it off that great. But we both see how well Jules and Sue are gelling, so we need to find a way to get along. Savvy?”
Cal hated Ken referring to Juliet as ‘Jules’. Why did he have to debase everything?
“Yes, that would be nice,” Cal said, keeping his voice as monotone as possible.
“Y’know we’ve got more in common than you think. We’re both survivors and hunters. We both like beautiful women. I mean, look at Sue and Jules. Both are highly shaggable. You and me… we’re lucky men, Cal.”
Cal did not regard dipping a hook into a river as hunting. As for Ken being a survivor—that was pure luck, but he let the comment pass. It was true they both appreciated beautiful women, but so what? They both enjoyed shitting, yet that did not make the basis for a friendship. Cal bristled at the notion of Juliet being shaggable. Where was this nonsense leading?
“Yes, we’re very fortunate,” he said.
“Y’know, Sue and I were chatting last night. About what a coincidence it was, we should meet up. Two couples of the same age, bumping into each other. It feels like destiny.”
Cal huffed. “The reason we discovered you was because of your smoke trail that could be seen for miles.”
“Yeah, whatever. It was lucky we lit that fire then, or we’d have never met.”
“Lucky indeed. Particularly lucky it was us that saw the smoke and not a gang of murderers.” Cal realised he gripped the steering wheel tightly.
Ken shrugged. “Anyway, like I was saying, we were talking about things and… well… did y’know she quite fancies you?”
“Who, Susan?”
“Yeah, man, Susan. Who’d you think I mean? She said you’ve got a fit bod, and she gets turned on when you come back from a run, all sweaty, with the heaving chest and all that shit.”
Cal looked over at Ken with a furrowed brow. “This is one of your jokes, isn’t it?”
“No, man, I swear. You must have seen her looking at you?”
Cal thought about it. Perhaps their eyes had locked once or twice. “Okay. Let’s say I have. What of it?”
“Listen. Thing is, that Jules is super hot, and she seems to like me. So, Sue suggested… maybe if you and Jules wanted to, well, spice things up a bit… y’know, in the bedroom department. Well, we wondered what you thought about swapsies?”
“What?”
He’d not seen that coming.
“Oh come on man, don’t tell me you haven’t eyed up Sue a little—in that tiny red bikini she’s so keen on? I can tell you she’s not a disappointment in the sack and super obliging, if you know what I mean?” He stuck his tongue out and wiggled it.
Cal slammed his foot on the brakes and the Land Rover skidded to a halt. Crates and boxes crashed about in the back.
“Whoah man!” Ken said.
Cal turned to face him, chin rigid and face flushed. “Now you listen. Listen very carefully. If you touch Juliet—and it’s Juliet, not Jules—If you touch her, if your eyes pause for a second when you look at her, then I will wring your scrawny, useless neck. Is that absolutely clear?”
“Yes, man, yes. Calm down, calm down, it’s only an idea. I told Sue you were too… that you’d never go for it. Sorry, man, no offence meant.”
“Don’t ask if you can fuck my girlfriend and then say no offence meant. And while we’re discussing being offensive, if you call me anal one more time, you’re going to get very anal with my rifle barrel. Do I make myself clear?”
“Crystal. Jeez, man. Cool it.”
Cal looked in the rear-view mirror and saw the women staring back with puzzled expressions.
He started off again. Cal and Ken remained silent for the rest of the journey.
That evening, the usual jollity around the campsite was absent, replaced with uncomfortable silences. Cool damp air promised rain during the night. Ken had told Susan about the confrontation, so only Juliet remained ignorant why Cal and Ken avoided each other.
When Cal and Juliet fetched their belongings from the Land Rover, they had a moment alone.
“What’s going on? What’s happened between you and Ken?” Juliet said.
“Why don’t you ask him?”
“Because I’m asking you. Because you’re supposed to be my partner.”
“We argued.”
“No shit. What about?”
“I can’t tell you now. It’s complicated… delicate. Let’s talk about it later.”
“Fucking hell. Why can’t men just get on with each other?”
Cal went to bed straight after the meal and Juliet followed shortly afterwards. The couple lay back-to-back in their sleeping bag without speaking for several minutes. The tent canvas rustled in the wind.
“Juliet?”
“Yes?”
“Are you still awake?”
“I just answered you, didn’t I?”
“Sorry. This afternoon. When I was alone in the car with Ken. You’ll never believe this, but he asked if we’d try swapping partners—for sex, that is.”
Juliet laughed. “Oh, Lord. Was that when you braked and almost drove into a ditch?”
“Yes. And I didn’t almost drive into a ditch. I was in complete control.”
“Whatever. So, what was your answer?”
“Well, I said ‘no’, of course. What did you expect?”
“I reckon you probably said a lot more than ‘no’, judging by his reaction tonight. I wondered what was going on. Poor Ken. He had no idea what he was getting himself into. I bet Susan had the idea.”
“Yes, she did.”
Juliet laughed again. “Typical.”
“You seem to be taking this rather lightly.”
“And you seem to be taking it rather seriously.”
“It is serious. Ken wanted to shag you!”
“And why are you surprised? Am I that unattractive?”
Cal turned over to face Juliet, and she did likewise. The couple lay face-to-face in the dark. “No, of course not. You’re not unattractive. What I mean is you are attractive… pretty… beautiful. You know what I mean. That’s not the point. Ken had no right asking that.”
“Because?”
“Well, because you’re mine, of course. Oh bollocks, I don’t mean that. I mean, we’re together―a couple. You’re my girlfriend, partner, whatever you want to call it. Come on, you know what I’m getting at.”
In the dim light from the moon filtering through the tent walls, Cal could see Juliet smiling. “Yes, Cal. I do know exactly what you mean, and I feel the same. But Ken and Sue aren’t like that. They’re much more… flexible? If you talked to them a little more, instead of just glaring across the campfire, you’d realise.”
She held Cal’s hand inside the sleeping bag. “Remember, they left their last group because of smoking pot. They’re just a tiny bit more liberal and laid back than you are, Cal. At least Ken had the decency to ask. It’s not like he’s trying to go behind your back. Considering how attractive Sue is, I’m quite flattered. Do you find Sue attractive, Cal? That is a very tiny bikini she wears.”
“Why does everyone have to keep banging on about that fucking bikini? Okay, I admit Sue is quite attractive. What’s that got to do with anything?”
“Well, I just wondered if the prospect of sex with Sue would change your mind?”
“What! You can’t be serious… You’re winding me up, aren’t you? Christ, you had me worried there for a second.”
“Cal, I’d no more have sex with Ken than I’d boil my head—even if I fancied him—which I don’t. And his breath stinks of fish.”
/> Cal chuckled. “Good!”
“And also, by the way, it’s nice to hear you say I’m beautiful. You’ve not said that before, so if Ken’s suggestion has wrung that out of you, it’s achieved something.”
“Have I not said that before?”
“No.”
“Shit. Sorry. I’m not good at this relationship stuff.”
“You’re doing all right. But sometimes you really put the ‘ass’ in Asperger’s.”
Cal lay in silence, wondering how to broach the next subject. There was no easy way.
“Juliet?”
“Yes.”
“I’ve been thinking a lot and decided I’m leaving.”
“What?”
“I was considering leaving even before today. This business of sharing partners has made up my mind. Ken and Sue are too different. It’s like living with Martians. I’ve tried, honestly, but I can’t stand it any more. Can’t stand them any more. It would be really, really, great if you’d come with me. I don’t want to be alone again. But with or without you, I’m going, tomorrow morning.”
“Christ, that came as a shock. You’re serious, aren’t you?”
“Sorry, yes. I can’t understand why you like them so much. Think back to the first morning we were together. You’d slept well and felt safe for the first time in ages. That was because of my booby traps and precautions.”
“Yes, I remember.”
“Well, there’s been no booby traps since we met those two. No hiding the vehicles. No covering our tracks. We travel around like a bloody circus. Doesn’t that worry you?”
Juliet considered for a moment. “Well, yes. It does, to be honest. But not that much. I know it makes no sense, but I feel safer in our group. Somehow Ken and Sue make me more optimistic. When I’m alone with you, I expect a bogeyman around every corner. Your paranoia is infectious. Somehow, the world seems a brighter, less dangerous place with them around. Perhaps the world isn’t as bad as you imagine? Ken and Sue have survived until now without letting security dominate their lives. Everyone we’ve met lately has been nice. People are settling down, making new homes, beginning to trade. Things are becoming civilised again.”
“Is that right? Remember the red mini-bus? Remember the coach full of dead bodies. What happened to those raiders? Have they all emigrated, or turned into farmers? Trust me, they’re still out there. Ken and Sue have been lucky, that’s all. I won’t rely on luck. Eventually, luck runs out.”
Juliet sighed. “So we have to go around constantly checking nobody is creeping up on us. We have to treat everyone we meet as a potential murderer. What sort of life is that?”
“It’s not forever. There’ll be some sort of civilisation again, perhaps in a few years. But not now. Perhaps the time is right to seriously search for a permanent home. Join a settlement. Travelling is becoming too hard and dangerous.”
Juliet smiled. “Ken and Sue are looking for a settlement. Perhaps we can look together?”
“They are not looking for a settlement. I know they say they are, but they’re not actively doing anything about it. They just travel from one fishing spot to another, hoping to stumble on the perfect settlement. As usual, there’s no plan, only a belief something will turn up. Even if by chance they were to discover Nirvana, will they be accepted? Can you honestly see that pair grafting hard from dawn to dusk? Do you expect the settlers will allow Ken to fish all day and Sue to spend the afternoon sunbathing?. In my opinion, Ken and Sue don’t genuinely want to join a settlement—they’re too fucking lazy.”
“That’s being harsh, I’m sure they can adapt.”
“Huh! If we’re serious about settling down, I can find somewhere in a couple of weeks. With our skills, we’d have people begging us to join, but not with Ken and Sue in tow. No, I’m definitely leaving tomorrow. If you come with me, then we can hunt for our forever home together. Otherwise… well, if I’m on my own, it doesn’t matter to you what I do, does it?”
Juliet sighed. “Oh, Lord. So you’re going to make me choose. Leave with you, or stay with Ken and Sue?”
“I guess so, sorry. That’s what it comes down to.”
“Shit. I enjoy being with you, Cal, but I need more. Sue’s such fun and we’re so great together.”
“Look,” Cal said. “I know I’m not the world’s best conversationalist. But when we’ve settled, there’ll be loads of other people. You’ll make new friends there.”
“That’s true, but Sue’s special. We get on really well together. If we’d met before the Yellow Death, we’d have been best friends. Shit, shit, shit. Let me have one more day to decide, Cal. Please? I’d like to sleep on it. And, if I go with you, I need time to break the news to Sue.”
Now it was Cal’s turn to sigh. “Okay, I’ll put up with this pantomime for one more day.”
Cal rolled on back on to his side and closed his eyes, but sleep remained elusive. He lay for what seemed an eternity with his mind churning over. Juliet’s breathing slowed and, when he was sure she was asleep, he rolled on his back. The glow of the moon illuminated the tent canvas. Would he really leave Juliet behind if she decided to stay? He meant what he said at the time, but the idea of actually driving off without Juliet filled him with dread. Juliet had changed everything. He did not want to live without her. Bollocks—relationships were so complicated. Why did they have to bump into Ken and Sue rather than a nice, conventional couple? Cal realised the ultimatum to Juliet was stupid, and he would never leave her. He felt guilty for putting her in that situation. The solution was down to him. It was time to grow some balls and stand up to Ken and Sue. First thing tomorrow, he would apologise to Juliet and clear things up.
A breeze rustled the tent and reminded Cal of how exposed they were without booby traps or trip wires. An elephant could walk into the campsite and they would never know. That had to stop. He felt responsible for Juliet’s safety. It was one of the few things he excelled at. Tomorrow night he would set booby traps and, if the others made jokes, so be it. And he would hide the vehicles properly—even if he did the work alone. This was the last night they would sleep without defences.
CHAPTER 25
John & The Yellow Death
TIMELINE: At the time of the Yellow Death
“Pale Death with impartial tread beats at the poor man’s cottage door and at the palaces of kings.”
Horace (65–8 BCE)
John’s first thought on seeing his Mother ill was to get urgent medical help. He called 111 to the NHS helpline, only to get a recorded message referring him to local medical services. John phoned the GP surgery in Torrington to receive another recorded message, this time instructing him to contact the NHS helpline. In desperation, he dialled 999 several times, but they did not answer his calls.
John decided his Mother would stand the best chance if he drove her directly to the Royal Devon and Exeter Hospital. Before they left, he changed into his old Army uniform, thinking it might carry some weight with the authorities. He also packed his bow and arrows. Sarah hunched with pain when he helped her walk from the house and put her into the back seat of the car. Sarah had a fierce fever and screamed when he accidentally put pressure under her armpits. John handed her a bottle of water, but she dropped it. A steady rain added to the sense of miasma.
The roads were deserted, so he drove fast and made good time. None of the radio stations were playing music. They all talked about the plague. Endless gossip and very few facts. Government advice was to stay at home in a full lockdown. The local Heart radio station hosted a public discussion, where one person after another related harrowing stories, or suggested how the authorities should deal with the problem. This was truly the blind leading the blind and ignorant.
As they reached the outskirts of Exeter, traffic built up and slowed to a crawl into the city, although it flowed freely in the opposite direction.
“Not long now, Mum. We’re at Exeter.” He tried to reassure her. In the rear-view mirror, her face was grey and twisted with p
ain.
“John. I’m sorry,” she croaked. He didn’t understand what she was apologising for, but it hardly mattered.
A few minutes later, they reached a major roundabout and discovered the source of the holdup. Army land rovers and trucks completely blocked every exit. Armed troops were in charge, a few of them wore full-face gas masks giving them an ominous alien look. The guards were directing vehicles to turn around and go back. Most drivers complied. Occasionally, someone would shout at the soldiers, pleading to be let through for some urgent reason. They remained resolute—no exceptions.
Cal tried to recognise the soldiers. All were strangers except one: ‘Smartie’ from his T.A. unit. This was his chance!
John swerved out of the line of traffic and drove up to Smartie, whilst lowering the car window.
“Hey, Smartie!”
Smartie squinted suspiciously, then smiled in recognition. He pulled his surgical face mask down below his chin.
“Hey, Cal. Good to see you. It’s Sergeant Smart to you, you goddamn civvy.” Smartie pointed to the sergeant's stripes on his sleeve. “What’s up?”
“It’s my mother, she’s ill. I need to get her to the hospital.”
Smartie screwed up his face. “Sorry mate, nobody’s going through the road block. There’s a complete ring around Exeter.”
“But she’s in terrible condition. She needs medical help and I’ve tried everywhere else.”
Smartie glanced into the car at Sarah’s pale, sweaty face and shook his head.
“Listen, John. I’ve seen dozens of people in your mother’s condition this morning. The best thing you can do for her is to go home. I know that sounds fucked up, but I was on duty at the hospital earlier, and it’s worse than hell there. Half the doctors and nurses have gone down with it and they’ve run out of everything—even beds. People are just lined up on the floor in the corridors. We were clearing the bodies. We carried one after another and made piles out back. When one pile got so big we couldn’t reach the top, we just started another pile. Ignore the crap on the TV, it’s out of control.”
