by E K Ballard
“Hey Jamie, how did he get Jason’s uniform?” the other kids wanted to know.
“Because Jason wanted him to have it.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, really. Could you guys excuse us? I need to talk to Lucas.”
“Hey, Jamie.” Lucas tried to look nonchalant that Jamie had come to see him in PE class.
“Hi, Lucas. I want to ask you something.”
“Okay.”
“Is Kristin all right?”
“She didn’t come to school today, she wasn’t feeling well this morning.”
“Oh. Okay. She hasn’t returned my calls.”
At least she hadn’t been in a car crash or something.
“You want me to tell her to call you?” he asked.
“No, I’ll try her later.”
* * *
Kristin saw she had a new voicemail and listened to Jamie’s message. She deleted it and immediately regretted it. She wanted to hear Jamie’s voice.
What was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she just make a clean break?
On the way home, Lucas spoke up.
“I saw Jamie today.”
Kristin’s stomach jumped. Why was she reacting this way? Instead of time healing, her feelings had intensified.
“Oh, yeah? What did she have to say?”
“That she’s going to try to call you later.”
Kristin tried to look uninterested. If she acted like she didn’t care, maybe she would stop caring. She kept her phone turned off.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Jamie couldn’t eat and her sleep was fitful. She got up early so she could try and see Kristin before Algebra.
What was going on? Why wouldn’t Kristin call her?
Jamie had tried to call Kristin one more time Monday night, but again got her voicemail and didn’t leave a message.
Something was wrong and Jamie was beside herself. She couldn’t imagine what could have happened that would cause Kristin to stop…everything. She couldn’t think past the next time she might be able to see Kristin.
She got to the math classroom five minutes before class was over. There sitting in her desk was Kristin!
Jamie tried to get her attention through the door, but the teacher saw her and closed the door with a frown.
The door finally opened, and the class streamed out. Jamie waited for Kristin, who she saw standing by her desk, putting her books in her bag. Finally, Jamie saw her walking towards the door and Jamie got ready to confront Kristin.
Kristin walked out the door without looking at Jamie. She was walking and talking with Dylan.
Jealousy ripped through Jamie’s heart.
“Kristin!”
“Oh, hi Jamie.” Kristin turned slightly but kept walking.
“Hey, Jamie,” said Dylan, giving her a knowing smirk.
Jamie watched them walk away from her. She leaned against a wall, slid to the floor, and sat in stunned anguish in the hall.
She was crushed. This wasn’t the Kristin she knew.
* * *
Kristin made it a point to wait to turn in her absence note right before Lit class so she could get a late pass. She knew Mr. Starke would lock his door after the bell rang, and she wanted to get there after class started.
As she expected, the door was locked. She knocked.
Mr. Starke opened the door and took her pass from her.
“Missed you yesterday.”
“Yeah, I haven’t been feeling well. I may need to use the bathroom during class.”
He nodded. “That’s fine.”
Kristin walked to her desk, averting her eyes from Jamie. She took out her books and sat at her desk facing the front of the class.
The classroom phone rang. Mr. Starke looked annoyed as he picked up the handset to answer.
“Hey, Jamie,” Mason said, “No school Friday and Farley’s parents are going away this weekend. Gonna have a keg tapped all weekend starting Thursday night. You guys coming?”
“Yeah, I guess,” Jamie said.
Kristin felt a rush hearing Jamie’s voice, then a pang of hurt, thinking she wouldn’t be going to the party with Jamie, Lissy, and Sam. She reminded herself that it was she who was imposing restrictions on her relationship with Jamie.
Mr. Starke hung up the phone and resumed class. Three minutes before class was over, Kristin raised her hand and got Mr. Starke’s attention. She pointed to the door. He nodded, and she got up and left the room, smiling her gratitude to him.
* * *
Jamie sat down at the lunch table and laid her head down.
“What’s wrong?” asked Lissy.
“She’s with Dylan now.”
Lissy looked across the cafeteria.
“No, she’s not. He’s over there with his friends.”
“Something’s wrong,” Jamie said. “She won’t talk to me. She didn’t return my calls yesterday and she wouldn’t even look at me in Lit. Then she left class early and I don’t know where she is.”
“Huh. Did something happen?”
“No. Kind of. Maybe.”
“What happened?”
“She came over Saturday. We studied and she taught me this dance for Spanish class. We were so close to kissing, but we kept getting interrupted. She was supposed to call me after church, but she didn’t. I called her and she didn’t call me back. Now it’s like I don’t exist!”
“You almost kissed?” asked Sam. “Was she, like, on board with that?”
“She seemed like it.”
“Maybe something happened that has nothing to do with you and she just needs some space,” Lissy said.
“I don’t know. Why won’t she just talk to me?” Jamie stood up. “I’m going to look for her.”
Jamie went into the weight room and the library and tried to find Kristin. She searched everywhere twice and went back into the corner where they studied together three times. She wasn’t there. Jamie sat down at their study table and put her head in her hands in despair.
Maybe Lissy was right and Kristin needed some space. She didn’t seem like she needed any space when they were dancing. Was Kristin upset that they had almost kissed? Why hadn’t she just pulled the trigger and kissed Kristin when she had the chance? At least then she’d know if Kristin was into her or not.
She knew Kristin went to Journalism after lunch, so she went and waited outside of the classroom for Kristin. She needed to find out what was going on. Jamie would just have to be late for Economics.
Kristin saw Jamie waiting for her outside of Journalism, and she quickly ducked into the bathroom. She went into a stall and waited three minutes after the bell rang, then peeked out the bathroom door and saw no sign of Jamie. How long could she keep this up? Another day? Another week? She went into Journalism late, and while Mr. Manning hated tardiness, he saw it was Kristin and didn’t say anything.
When Jamie didn’t see Kristin outside of Journalism, she got to Economics late.
“Got a pass?”
“No,” she said and took her seat.
He marked her tardy.
* * *
Kristin knew she shouldn’t use her phone during school, but she went into a locker pod and texted Lucas that she was going to the town library to study after school and to let her know if he was going to join her there or stay at school. He texted back that he was staying at school.
She went to the office, signed herself out and walked to the town library, where she sat down in one of the carrels in the back where she could hide in her cubicle while still being able to keep an eye on the front door. She tried to do her Chemistry homework, but her mind kept turning back to Jamie.
She took out her phone and sent Dylan a text:
Hey Dylan it’s Kristin Olson if you want to study today I am at the town library
He returned her text:
I can’t today how about tomorrow?
She replied:
Sure
* * *
Jamie went to practice. She
hardly heard anything that was said to her. She just wanted to get out of there and went right to the Jeep when practice was over, leaving her books in her gym locker.
When she got home, she checked to see if there were any messages for her on the answering machine. Nothing. She took the phone up to her room and hoped the phone would ring. It didn’t. She considered calling Kristin, decided against it, only to pick up the phone and dial her number.
It went right to voicemail.
Jamie lay awake most of the night, occasionally crying.
* * *
After dinner, her phone rang. It was Jamie. She picked up her phone and put her finger on the accept button but didn’t press it. She wanted to talk to Jamie very badly and ask how her Spanish presentation went.
She really just wanted to hear Jamie’s voice, but she knew that would prolong the break she needed to make. She couldn’t control her feelings for Jamie, so she needed to remove the temptation.
The phone stopped ringing, and she waited to see if Jamie would leave a message. When she checked and heard she had no new messages, Kristin sighed.
* * *
On Wednesday, Kristin had her books packed before class was over and, when the bell rang, she got up out of her chair and fled Lit class.
“Kristin, wait!” Jamie called, chasing after her.
Kristin was almost running down the hall. Jamie got in front of her and walked backwards.
“Kristin, what’s wrong? Why won’t you talk to me?” Jamie asked.
Kristin averted her eyes and tried to walk around Jamie, but there were too many kids in the hallway.
“Jamie, please let me past you.”
“I just don’t understand. Did I do something to you?”
“No, I just need to be with people more, academically stimulating, okay?”
Jamie stopped in her tracks. “Is that another way of saying I’m stupid?”
“Take it any way you want, just leave me alone,” Kristin said. She saw an opening in the traffic of students and darted off, leaving Jamie standing still in the middle of the hallway.
* * *
Kristin felt cruel. She had spent so much time convincing Jamie she wasn’t stupid, only to tell her she was.
Kristin hoped Dylan could cure her of her obsession with Jamie.
She met Dylan at the library, and they studied for an hour. She was only half paying attention, but he didn’t notice. When they were done studying, they walked out of the library, and boldly, she reached over and took his hand. He was surprised, but pleasantly, and they walked to the park, where they sat down still holding hands.
She looked into his face. “Dylan,” she said.
“What?”
“Kiss me.”
He wasn’t expecting her to ask him to do that, but he nervously put his lips on hers and started pushing his tongue around in her mouth. She wanted to like him, and wanted to like kissing him. He was good looking, smart, and he liked her.
But he wasn’t Jamie and Kristin knew deep down that was who she really wanted to be kissing.
* * *
Jamie couldn’t pace around the house for another night waiting for the phone to ring.
“Where are you heading off to?” Angela asked Jamie when she saw Jamie get her keys and head to the door.
“I’m going to go out and study,” Jamie lied.
“Oh, okay, with Kristin?”
“Just with some kids from school, okay?”
“Well, okay, I just haven’t seen her recently. Is everything all right? You seem like something’s bothering you.”
“I’m fine! I just want to go study!”
“Okay, okay. Don’t be so moody!”
“Don’t forget you’re dog sitting this weekend,” called her dad as she left.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Kristin walked with Lucas to school Thursday morning, but instead of going to class, she went out a side door and went to the town library.
She had never cut school before and she felt like she was being very bad, but she didn’t want to see Dylan or Jamie. She knew she was going to have to deal with her feelings and, since Jamie hadn’t called her since Tuesday, she figured Jamie was done with her too.
Kristin couldn’t blame her.
Kristin lay in the children’s room in the library on a bean bag behind a puppet stage. She lay there for hours and stared at the ceiling. She started to make a list of the pros and cons of loving Jamie. Then she made a list of the pros and cons of dating a boy, whether it was Dylan, Billy, or Hank.
It was lunchtime but she wasn’t hungry. She wondered how Jamie was eating and if she was prepared for her big game this afternoon.
She played with the puppets and made up a play between her and Jamie. She felt her phone vibrate as she got a text. Surprised, she looked to see who was texting her in the middle of the day.
Izzy:
Hey sorry about the other night terrible reception and very loud! Call me
Kristin replied:
Now?
Izzy:
Sure
* * *
“Jamie, don’t forget you are dog sitting for your Aunt Connie this weekend,” Angela said as Jamie trudged out the house Thursday morning.
“I know, stop reminding me! Does everyone think I’m stupid?”
Jamie went through the day like a zombie. She hadn’t done any of her homework in three days and she was already starting to fall behind. She got an A+ on her Merengue assignment, but she threw the graded rubric out. When Kristin didn’t show up for Lit class, Jamie sunk lower in her seat. Kristin hated Jamie so much she was willing to miss school. Jamie put her head down on her desk and cried a little.
“Still?” Lissy asked when she saw Jamie at lunch.
Jamie nodded.
“Have you been crying?”
Jamie wiped a tear away from her eyes. “No.”
“What is going on with this girl? You want me to call her?” Lissy pulled out her phone. “I’m going to ask her what the fuck is up with her.”
“No, Lissy, just leave it alone. She said she wants to be with, how did she put it? More academically stimulating people.”
“Did she really say that?”
“Yeah. She doesn’t want to hang out with me. I’m just a dummy to her.”
“I think she likes you and is freaking out,” said Sam.
“She definitely doesn’t like me,” said Jamie.
“He might be onto something,” Lissy said, finishing her lunch. “Aren’t you going to eat?”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Come on, Jamie. Pull yourself together! You have a big game today! Win and go to the playoffs, right?”
“Who cares.”
“Come on, if she doesn’t see what a great person you are then she doesn’t deserve you.”
“Maybe I should try and call her again,” Jamie said.
Lissy put her phone on the table. “Here. Go ahead.”
Jamie dialed the number from memory and hesitated.
“Go on, do it.”
Jamie hit dial and put the phone up to her ear. Her heart pounded in her chest as she listened to the phone ring three times. Four, five, six, then it went to voicemail.
“She won’t answer. It’s her voicemail.” Her throat started to close and her eyes watered.
“So leave her a message!”
“Hey Kristin, it’s Jamie, I was just wondering…” Jamie hesitated, and took a deep breath, “if everything was okay, if you were all right…we have to do that project for Lit, so um, call me or something. I miss you. I wish you would talk to me.” Jamie hung up and handed the phone back to Lissy.
Lissy moved to sit next to Jamie and put her arm around her friend.
“Don’t cry, it will work out.”
“No, it won’t. She hates me and that’s all there is to it.” Jamie got up. “I’m going to take a walk.”
* * *
“Hey, Kristin, how are you?” Izzy answered.
&
nbsp; “Good. Kind of.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m just in this funk.”
“Because of this girl?”
“Yeah.”
“Why, what’s the problem?”
“I don’t know, two girls, it’s kind of weird, don’t you think?”
“No. I don’t think that at all.”
“You don’t?” Kristin was surprised. “I thought when we talked the other night—”
“Yeah, sorry about that, I was at this huge tournament, and it was really loud and then my battery died. I couldn’t really talk anyway, there were all these college recruiters there.”
“Oh, Izzy, I’ve messed everything up.”
“Already? How?”
“I just have all these feelings for her, and then I went to church and they had this big sermon on the evils of being gay, and I don’t know, I just reacted badly and have been blowing her off, and I know I really hurt her. I told her basically she wasn’t smart enough for me, and I’ve just ruined everything.”
“Does she like you?”
“I’m pretty sure she does. Or did.”
Kristin saw she had another call coming in. The number seemed vaguely familiar, but she needed to finish her conversation with Izzy, so she sent the call to voicemail.
“What’s she like?”
“Oh, she was one of the kids who helped us with Patty that night!”
“Really?”
“Yeah. She’s this incredible athlete, super strong, the star of the soccer, basketball, and softball teams, and everyone likes her. She’s been one of the only people here who has been nice to me. She’s really tall, and has hair so dark it’s almost black, with these really cool blue eyes, and when she smiles, she has these small dimples in her cheeks. She’s just really nice, and she’s been making me work out, and I lost a bunch of weight, but now she probably hates me.”
