Angry People in Local Newspapers

by Alistair Coleman

  I’m a solutions-oriented kind of person, and my solution here is a simple one: Try not to get fined for parking badly.

  My other solution is equally simple and a million times more exciting: DO TRY to get fined for bad parking, then go to your local newspaper and get photographed pointing wanly out of a fake car window at your parking ticket, with a look on your face like you’ve been licking a leaky battery.

  This approach does not, however, work well when it comes to fury over problems with air transport, mostly because airports tend not to let randoms roll up on the tarmac so that they may be photographed looking angrily out of a plane window.

  That calls for more inventive posing. And the one that has become standard for all holiday and flying badness is to be photographed in your back garden leaning on your luggage.

  It is the rule that if the story is about OUR HOLIDAY HELL the entire party must be present for the photoshoot, all leaning on a suitcase, all still in their holiday clothes, and all with faces like a long wet Sunday in Benidorm, just after they’d munched down the all-you-can-eat buffet that comes with free food poisoning.

  Exception: If the story is about lost luggage, then the photoshoot must take place with no items of luggage at all, to show the readers that the luggage has indeed been lost. All participants must be wearing the same clothes they’ve worn for the entire two weeks in the Spanish sun, no exceptions, and the newspaper may even break the budget with a scratch-and-sniff edition.

  Look, those are the rules. We don’t just make this stuff up, you know.

  Further rules of transport-related fury:

  1. Stories about yellow lines MUST include the wronged party squatting and pointing at said lines, done-a-poo style.

  2. Commuters must be seen wearing a full suit and tie and carrying a briefcase, no exceptions.

  3. Any story about reductions to bus services MUST have a bus in the background, even if the story is about there being no buses at all. This is one of the few occasions where the ‘Say what you see’ principle does not apply.

  4. Cyclists MUST wear Lycra, and the comments left open on the story to invite insults from motorists.

  Happy travels!

  Give us more buses instead, angry villagers demand.

  People living in one of Cambridgeshire’s biggest villages are hopping mad at plans to spend £54,000 on installing ‘real time’ computer screens in their bus stops.

  Residents say only a few buses run to and from the village every day – and they don’t need electronic signs to tell them when they’re due.

  Cambridgeshire County Council insists the scheme is part of a package of measures to improve public transport in the area.

  But Mr Wright, chairman of the local parish council, said: ‘You couldn’t make it up. We discovered purely by chance that they were planning to do this.

  “You couldn’t make it up”

  ‘There will be two real time bus screens put in at the bus stops, at a cost of £27,000 each, when there’s only one bus each way each day on weekdays.

  ‘They’re not needed – there are so few buses, people know when they’re due. We don’t need a screen to tell us how the bus is getting on.

  “We don’t need a screen to tell us how the bus is getting on”

  ‘I can understand electronic signs being useful for people using the guided busway, where the buses run very frequently, but not in the village itself, where hardly any buses call.

  ‘If money is being spent, we’d much rather it was spent on improving bus services themselves – maybe even on buying an extra bus.’

  Another resident, who did not want to be named, said: ‘We’re having a lot of houses built in the village, and the money is being put forward by the developers, under the planning rules.

  ‘Over 400 houses are being built, so that means a lot more people – we need more buses, not bus signs.’

  A county council spokeswoman said: ‘As part of the planning application for the residential development in the area, we reviewed the transport assessment to measure the impact on transport. Working with the local planning authority, we secured two bus shelters on Boxworth End and a contribution towards two real time passenger information units. These units will ensure people have accurate, real time service information at the bus stop so they know when the next bus is coming.

  ‘The real time units were part of a package of measures, including new footpaths, crossing improvements and cycle parking at the guided busway.

  ‘All applications are publicly consulted on by the local planning authority which provides an opportunity for people to input their views into the process.’

  A learner driver has told of her anger after finding that each time she puts on her L plates, drivers become ‘crazy’ and make dangerous and rash decisions to overtake her, she claims.

  Ms Burton, from Royston, has been trying to learn to drive for six months – but sometimes finds it hard to get back on to the road after becoming anxious owing to ‘loony drivers’ that ‘almost smash into her’.

  She goes out in the car three or four times a week and encounters problems most of the time.

  The angry mum, who is learning to drive with her partner, said: ‘As soon as you put your L plates on your car, people think you’re going to drive really slowly or crash into them. They assume you’re terrible.

  ‘The amount of times I’ve had to do emergency stops because I’ve been overtaken on a bend or in traffic.

  ‘The L plates turn other drivers into crazy mode. It’s ridiculous. It makes me angry.’

  The nurse, who was a clinical support worker at the NHS, added that she wants to learn how to drive in order to journey out of her village when her partner Jamie is away.

  She added: ‘If I switch with my partner and then we drive on the same route without the L plates, it’s always completely fine.

  ‘I’ve got a young son. I want to pass my test, so we can drive out of the village. We have a bus that comes every two hours. But it’s hard to want to get back into my car when people are really impatient.

  I have every right to be on the road

  ‘A lady nearly took my back end off because she overtook me over a bend. I asked my partner, “Did I do anything wrong?” – He said I didn’t.

  ‘She was impatient and thought I was going to hold her up and nearly smashed into me.’

  When asked when she plans to pass her test, she said defiantly: ‘I’m aiming for next year. I’m quite strong willed. I have every right to be on the road.

  ‘I do believe I’m going to pass it, but I just wonder – what idiots am I going to come across today?’

  Train enthusiasts are calling for the carnage to end as plans are announced to close ticket offices in Epsom, Leatherhead and Ashtead.

  Last week, Govia Thameslink Railway (GTR) announced it would close eighty-one ticket offices across the country from June this year – including those at Epsom, Leatherhead and Ashtead outside peak hours.

  The National Union of Rail, Maritime and Transport Workers (RMT) condemned the move, calling it a ‘wave of ticket office carnage’ and said GTR ‘doesn’t give two hoots’ about customers.

  Train enthusiast, Mr Mugridge, from Epsom, said the ticket office closures would ‘make life difficult’ for him. He once travelled 5,500 miles by train across Britain for charity; he said everyone on an online train forum, RailUKForums.co.uk, was against the idea.

  He said: ‘A lot of people prefer to deal with a human and as things stand the alternative technology is not yet fully capable of replacing people.

  A lot of people prefer to deal with a human

  ‘Machines cannot deal with everything, and the portable devices used by roving ticket staff have their own limitations.’

  Epsom’s most prominent train enthusiast has been riding the rails for thirty-seven years of his life. He said, ‘I’m not the only one who feels this way – the other day at Epsom I bought some tickets at lunchtime for future travel.

 
‘Both windows were open, and the queue was four or five deep. Next to the queue were the four ticket machines; only two people were using them.

  ‘That speaks volumes.’

  Under the new plans, when the offices are closed, each station would have a ‘station host’ out on the concourse to sell tickets, provide information and help passengers use the ticket machines.

  One RailUK forum user wrote: ‘I’m sure that, with enough investment, hand-held ticket machines could replicate ticket office machines. But at the moment they don’t.’

  Another said: ‘What are you supposed to do if the ticket you want isn’t available from the self-serve machines?’

  Epsom and Ewell borough councillor Eber Kington said the decision was inevitable.

  Machines cannot deal with everything

  Councillor Kington said: ‘You’ve got the contactless buses now from London and I think eliminating people from the process is just the way things are – technology is progressing.

  ‘The only thing you can hope for is that the train companies either pass the savings back to the customer – or they use the extra savings to invest in and improve the services.’

  A spokesperson for GTR said it wants to modernise the way it operates for the benefit of passengers. The spokesperson said: ‘Where sales from ticket offices are low, we want to bring staff out from behind the windows and on to the concourse to work where they’re needed most, as station hosts, providing assistance and helping sell tickets from ticket machines and their own handheld devices.

  ‘All the affected stations will be staffed for longer as a result – at all but two they would be staffed from the very first train of the day to the very last, seven days a week.’

  Hilperton homeowner Mr Mitchell has accused Wiltshire Council’s highway officers of showing no common sense, after discovering bus stop markings in front of his driveway.

  Mr Mitchell, who has lived with his wife on the same road for twenty-two years, said he returned from the town centre on Saturday to find that council workers had painted new lines for a bus stop that covered half of his driveway.

  His home is next to a roundabout junction for a new relief road and Mr and Mrs Mitchell had expected the bus stop to be moved once the new road had been built.

  However, rather than move the bus stop and shelter to a more suitable location, the lines have been painted so that any buses or coaches stopping will block part of Mr Mitchell’s driveway.

  ‘It is absolutely ridiculous; those lines should never have been painted there,’ Mr Mitchell told the Wiltshire Times. ‘When I came back from town on Saturday they had just finished the lines and I couldn’t believe it.

  “It is absolutely ridiculous”

  ‘I went into County Hall first thing on Monday and showed a picture to one of the highways team and he said that it was not right. I’ve also shown the road builders and they said the bus stop should never have been put there.

  ‘If I come from the direction of the roundabout and attempt to turn into my drive at the moment there is no way I would be able to get in if a coach or bus is stopped in those lines.

  ‘That would then mean that the traffic from both ways will be stuck while the bus is stopped, causing traffic chaos. Not only are the lines covering part of my drive, the bus stop is far too close to the junction for the roundabout.’

  Mr Mitchell is concerned that accidents will be inevitable if the bus stop remains where it is once the relief road is open, especially after highways officers controversially recommended that the speed limit be set at 50mph.

  ‘It is clear for all to see that the bus stop is too close to the roundabout and instead of moving it completely they decided to paint the lines across my property,’ said Mr Mitchell.

  ‘They have shown absolutely no common sense. My wife has not been well recently and if I needed to take her to the hospital there is a chance I would be obstructed and it will only get worse when the schools are back.’

  “They have shown absolutely no common sense”

  The Wiltshire Times has contacted Wiltshire Council for comment.

  A road user is calling for an ‘absolutely ginormous’ pothole in Plympton to be fixed after it was so big he was able to fit his whole body inside it.

  Justin was cycling to work on Thursday morning with his wife when they came across the ‘ridiculous pothole’ in Coypool Road, near to the Jollyes pet store.

  The cyclist originally asked Plymouth City Council to fix the pothole, but the road is privately owned and has recently been sold to new owners – who have been alerted to the problem. He said the pothole was so large that he decided to take a photo lying down in the hole to show just how big it was.

  He said that the photo was taken not only ‘as a bit of fun’, but also to show just how dangerous it could be.

  Justin said: ‘You could lose a child in it, it’s like going into Borneo, it’s that deep. It’s absolutely ginormous. If it’s dark and you’re cycling down there it will take someone right out.’

  it’s like going into Borneo, it’s that deep

  He added that the whole road is ‘badly potholed’ and that something should be done as it is ‘the main entrance into the industrial estate’.

  The cycle clothing business owner added that the pothole looks deeper than the photograph suggests and that he is ‘quite a chunky chap’ and could still fit in it.

  A Plymouth City Council spokesperson said: ‘The road concerned is not part of the public highway network but is privately owned.

  ‘The land has recently been sold and we have today got in touch with the new owners to raise this as an issue.’

  The Herald has not been able to track down the new owners of the road to ask them for comment.

  Residents say they had invited Babcock International to attend the meeting, but no one showed up.

  Scores of angry Devonport residents say they were hoping to discuss their parking woes with a representative from Babcock International tonight.

  Between seventy and eighty people arrived at the Salvation Army hall in Morice Town on Thursday night hoping to speak to someone from the dockyard-based firm to express their frustration with continued parking problems in the area, which they say is largely caused by Babcock employees.

  But no one from Babcock turned up, so the debate was cut short. A Labour councillor later revealed the firm was invited to attend, but did not respond.

  One resident said they were so angry that they felt like blocking the residential roads around the dockyard in order to prevent workers from leaving their cars there during the day.

  Another local resident said: ‘We are fed up with people parking in unparkable zones. We have had people blocked in their houses – they can’t even get out of their front door. All these residents want to protest, they want to block the roads.

  ‘Babcock employees use our roads as a rat run.’

  Residents also said they invited a Conservative councillor to the meeting.

  But Councillor Ricketts – city council cabinet member for transport – said he did not respond to the invitation because he has already arranged a separate meeting with Babcock on April 27 in order to discuss the matter.

  We are fed up with people parking in unparkable zones

  Councillor Ricketts said: ‘We always said we would meet Babcock first and talk to residents after that. I cannot go to a meeting until I have spoken to the dockyard about their position.

  ‘I didn’t accept the invite. I would never do that – say I was going to be somewhere and then not turn up. It’s all very childish.’

  Babcock International was not immediately available for comment.

  It’s all very childish

  The Herald has run numerous stories on parking issues near the dockyard in recent months.

  Just last month a woman vented her anger at being consistently unable to find a parking space near her elderly mother’s home in Devonport Views.

  In response, Babcock said they were exp
loring a range of ways to try and provide suitable travel methods for workers, to reduce the amount of parking on surrounding streets.

  A spokesperson from Babcock said at the time: ‘We are exploring a range of travel methods with the Naval Base Commander to try and provide the most sustainable options for the Naval Base and Dockyard workforce.

  ‘A car sharing trial has recently been introduced and the intention is to implement this in the future. Cycle lanes have also been introduced across the site as a further measure to encourage employees to find alternative means of travel.’

  The spokesperson added: ‘A number of different organisations work on the site and while there is onsite parking available for many of these workers, those who do not have designated parking are encouraged to consider alternative methods of getting into work, including the use of public transport.

  ‘Staff are asked to be mindful of the needs of local residents and to park considerately.’

  A Plymouth City Council spokesperson said: ‘Our parking team will look into this, in discussion with Babcock.’

  Devastated couple told at airport their flights were departing from Alabama.

  It was Vegas or bust for a couple who booked flights to the US gambling mecca from the WRONG Birmingham.

  Richella and Ben only realised their mistake when they turned up at the airport to fly out for their £1,200 break.

  The devastated couple were told their flights were departing from Birmingham, Alabama, instead of its West Midlands namesake – and no refund was available.

  Ben said: ‘When we turned up at the airport we couldn’t find the flight details anywhere. We approached one of the desks and they told us our holiday was booked from Alabama.