by Brent Miller
Garrick looked down at the sandwich that sat in front of him, one bite taken out from the corner. He was disgusted with himself and he had completely lost his appetite. But his stomach didn’t agree with the notion that his brain had about not eating, and he had to take another bite to try to ease the hunger pangs.
Garrick was one of those teenagers who never outgrew peanut butter and jelly. That was what he ate on most days of the month. But on this day, he had a sandwich packed with every type of lunch meat in existence, and it was practically spilling out of the bread. He had learned a few tricks to keep the beast from tearing at his brain throughout the day, and meat was one of them. He wasn’t sure if it was the protein or the fact that the meat appeased the carnivorous beast underneath his skin. Chase was actually the one who pointed that out to him. Every full moon, he brought a feast of chicken, steak, or whatever other animal he felt like eating that day. Garrick was thoroughly convinced the pizza was just because he liked it, even though it was loaded with extra pepperonis.
Another technique Garrick had learned was pain. As much as Hayden hated it, biting his lip was usually the best way for him to keep his ears from becoming too hypersensitive. He had experienced the ear-splitting ringing of the bells during the first few months, and he didn’t want to go back to that. Everyone else had their own way of handling it, though. If they didn’t fight the wolf, it wouldn’t push back so hard and the side-effects would be less drastic. Still, Garrick refused to give in to the idea that he’d become a monster, even if he knew it was inevitable.
Garrick finished the rest of his sandwich in silence. He nodded along and smiled as Chase and Tyler handled the actual talking part of the conversation.
“What about you, Garrick Elliott?” Tyler asked.
“What?” Garrick asked as his heart skipped a beat.
“Nothing. I just wanted to prove to Chase that you were enraptured by the concept of rational thought once again,” Tyler said with a smile. “He still isn’t quite aware of the extent of your musing capabilities. What’s going on in that alluring head of yours?”
Sick things, Garrick thought.
“I forgot,” Garrick said. He tried to joke to cover up the fact that he was being discouraged by his mind once again, “I’m too stuck on the fact that you think I’m ‘alluring.’”
“No, just your head,” Tyler corrected. “The rest of you has a completely separate level of charm.”
“I am literally disgusted by how adorable you two are,” Chase laughed.
Garrick smiled. It was a compliment, although it didn’t really seem like one.
The smile only lasted a few seconds, though. Under the table, and undetectable from where Tyler sat across from them, Chase elbowed Garrick hard in the ribs. Garrick bit back the pain from the unexpected hit. A few seconds later, the bell rang, and he heard it about as well as anyone else would. He knew Chase had more experience with their curse than he did, but he was still continually impressed with how well his friend was able to handle the small things. He stood up and grabbed his bag, and he and Tyler exchanged their convoluted handshake. He patted Chase’s shoulder and then headed off to class.
After getting through a few more classes and dropping Hayden off at home, Garrick sat on his bed, leaning against a massive stack of pillows. He listened to music, trying to calm his nerves. The earphones were set on the lowest volume, and they rested on the mattress in front of him.
Music had always helped him calm his nerves, but he’d had to find new ways to listen to it around the full moon. When he was going to change for the second time, he’d tried listening to music. He had set the volume to near the maximum, like he used to listen to it, and put in the earphones. The second the music started – not even at a particularly loud point in the song – he’d blown out his eardrums. It would have deafened a normal person, but Garrick just had to deal with the intense pain until his ears healed themselves a few minutes later. Nonetheless, it wasn’t an experience he felt the desire to repeat.
Hayden strolled into his room, dropping her bag on the floor next to his door. He was supposed to be packing. She put her hands on her waist and looked at him disapprovingly. He wanted to feel bad, but he was lost in admiring her. She wore the same shorts and wrinkled tee shirt that she always wore around that time of the month. Garrick fetched his own loose shirt and a pair of stained and torn jeans. None of them bothered looking too nice on that night, and most of them just had a single outfit they always wore, like Hayden and Garrick.
“How did you get in here?” Garrick asked as he pulled his shirt over his head. He put on the new shirt and quickly changed his pants.
“Your mom,” Hayden said, nodding her head toward the hall. She was clearly annoyed. She always was. He waited until the last possible second to get everything ready, and she chastised him for it every month, but he never changed.
He knew he was being stubborn, but he felt like doing things the same way as everyone else was giving in. Even holding on to the minor details, like not getting ready until the moment he absolutely had to, gave him the slightest sense of victory.
“You really…” She started, but trailed off. She knew that he wasn’t going to take the advice, and he was glad he didn’t have to hear it again.
“I’m sorry,” he said. He really was. While he didn’t feel ready to start packing early and accept what was going to happen, he truly wished he didn’t have to disappoint her. He knew she understood what he meant, and he could see in her face that she wasn’t upset. She kept telling him they all went through similar things when they’d learned about what was happening. They’d come to terms a lot more quickly, but Garrick took pride in his obstinance.
After he finished packing the bag, he walked toward the door, and she stopped him. She kissed him, and he dropped the bag to the floor, wrapping his arms around her. Usually, a kiss would be the most wonderful thing in the world. Every kiss still sent butterflies fluttering around in his stomach, and it made him sure she wasn’t upset with him. Now, though, he was just concerned it was a sign that the wolf was starting to take over.
“No,” he said, weakly. He repeated it with more force, pushing her back.
“Garrick,” she said, stepping closer to him again. He grabbed her arms and shoved her against the wall. He couldn’t explain what he was feeling – he didn’t know himself. There was a mixture of so many emotions, and everything was starting to blur together. He kissed her passionately, and she kissed back. He pulled his head back a bit, breathing heavily and biting his tongue to try to force his human side forward. He stepped back and let her go, trying to steady his breathing and his beating heart.
Even in a human state, Garrick would have had trouble turning down Hayden’s clear advances. He refused, though, to take advantage of her in that altered state. Any time he was with Hayden, he wanted it to be her, not the wolf.
“It’s okay to let it go,” she said.
“No,” Garrick told her, “It isn’t.”
“I’m sorry,” Garrick said, “About earlier.”
“Don’t be,” Hayden told him, “It was my fault.”
They left it at that. It was always better to separate things that happened during the moon, or the day of it. A different part of them was waking up, and their control was questionable at best. They’d had to learn not to take thoughts or actions too personally on those days. Garrick always wanted to talk through every problem. He’d always been afraid that the small ones would grow. Anyway, one fight could be all it took for someone like Hayden to realize she was way out of his league. They’d been dating long enough that he was slightly more confident, but every slight disagreement still left him a little unsettled. It was like he was distant from a part of himself. When he fought with her, it became two-thirds of himself that he simply couldn’t connect with.
Aldric stopped them in a clearing and they all spread out a bit. Garrick and Hayden went a few feet away, behind a small group of trees. They placed their bags near the tr
unk of one of the trees. They were slightly early that night, so they had a few extra minutes to kill. He unzipped the bag and pulled out a water bottle. As he sat and leaned back against the tree, he took a drink. He could feel it growing stronger in him by the second. He tried focusing his breathing, but he knew it wouldn’t have any effect. It hadn’t on a single occasion since his first transformation, not when it was this close.
Hayden took her shirt off, carefully folding it and placing it in her pack. He closed his eyes, trying not to picture her. Anything that increased his heart rate only sped the process up. Regardless of his efforts, his heartbeat increased rapidly, pounding fast, and he tried his pointless breathing exercises again.
He heard her softly walk toward him, and she sat next to him, placing an arm around his shoulder. He knew she was going to tell him that it was time, but he didn’t need to hear it. He could feel it clawing at him. He nodded, without opening his eyes, still trying to fight it back. She nudged his head closer, and he rested it on her breast. He heard her heartbeat, slow and steady. Somehow, that was the one thing which could keep him calm. He felt her hand on his chin, and he opened his eyes, turning his head toward her.
Her eyes shone a brilliant blue as she gazed deep into his. They were always blue, but they only held that perfect shine on these nights. He leaned in and kissed her softly.
“I love you,” she said.
“I love you too,” he told her. He meant it with every fiber of his being. She stood and walked away, stopping a few feet from him. He could feel his eyes starting to fill with tears. He could see her fighting back a scream, but she finally gave in. She screamed, dropping to the ground. He watched, unable to turn away, as her body transformed.
He took a deep breath, trying to hold back the wolf inside his own body. He wanted to at least wait until he knew she was too far gone to be able to remember seeing his pain.
He took his clothes off and folded them, placing them in his pack. Hayden, now a four-foot tall beast, walked over to him. Her arms had become two front legs, and her legs had bent back in a way that would have looked awkward on any human. She had light brown fur covering most of her body, but he could see the exposed skin on her snout had stretched and darkened. Even in this form, she was absolutely beautiful. A different kind of beauty, of course. It almost made him feel like what they were couldn’t be as unnatural as he felt it was.
He knelt and extended his hand to her. She sniffed it cautiously, and then licked the back of his hand. He motioned for her to step back as he lowered his hand. When she inched her way backward, he didn’t know if she understood him or if she was just trying to give him space for what she knew was coming.
As claws grew from Garrick’s hand, he traced over the scar on his arm again. It was an instinct now, and sometimes he didn’t even notice that he was doing it. A remnant of his subconscious always felt the need to remind himself what had changed him. He took one last deep breath before he pitched forward with a scream of pain.
Even though he knew it was useless, he tried to hold on to some of his humanity. He tried to keep the wolf back, but he couldn’t. He felt as its power rushed forward and tore his body apart, causing him just as much pain as it always did. When he lost consciousness, all that was left was the wolf.
Chapter 2
Twenty-three months ago
Garrick sat in the back seat of Tyler’s car. He wondered if his eyes could wear out from constant motion. He willed himself to stop, realizing he probably looked ridiculous. Rolling his eyes was a decent sarcastic gesture when used in response to a single comment, but it was definitely not a way to react to every sentence he heard coming from the front seat. In his mind, there was just no clearer way to make his exasperation known. Of course, it didn’t affect the conversation, and they probably weren’t paying any attention to him whatsoever.
“I can’t believe you don’t understand why I’m upset,” Tyler said, his voice rising.
“I understand, Tyler,” Kayla responded, annoyed. “I just don’t think you have a right to be!”
Garrick felt increasingly awkward. They seemed to have completely forgotten he was in the car. It felt like he was at his friend’s house hearing their parents scold them. He just sat silently in the back seat, willing his home to approach faster than it possibly could. He fumbled around his bag for his mp3 player – just trying to find any way to drown them out – still trying to make as little noise as he could. If they actually had forgotten about him, he’d definitely prefer it. It would be far less awkward if he didn’t draw attention to himself.
“Really?” Tyler objected, “No right? Wow.”
“All I did was eat lunch with another friend. A girl, at that.”
“No, you left me by myself waiting for you the whole time. You didn’t even text me and let me know.”
The fight was ridiculous to Garrick. Maybe Tyler had a reason to be angry, maybe not. Although Garrick knew he’d support his friend if it ever came down to it, if he could avoid input, it would be preferable. He didn’t feel that he had any authority to judge their situation, especially when he’d never been in a relationship. He didn’t hold any frame of reference. This was actually the most functional relationship he had ever seen. He’d never met his dad, and he hadn’t had a lot of friends aside from Tyler, so he didn’t see a lot of parents. Still, though, he just thought that if two people really cared about each other, they would be able to avoid such trivial arguments between each other.
“My phone was dying. I didn’t think it was a big deal. I knew I’d see you later.”
“You could have found me and let me know,” Tyler groaned, “or invited me.”
“You don’t like her.”
“I love you,” he countered. “It would have been worth it.”
Her response was just an exasperated sigh. Garrick wondered if this was just what a relationship entailed. People always joked about old couples bickering. Maybe two people couldn’t be romantically involved without falling into that trap. If that was all he could hope for in a relationship, though, he didn’t feel like he was missing out on much.
“I’m just tired of always giving you 100 percent,” he said. “I drop everything if you call. I’ll reorganize my day according to your whim. It’s just completely one-sided. You can’t even be bothered to send me a text message telling me you’re going to be busy during lunch?”
Garrick’s attempts to avoid eavesdropping were being overwhelmed by his curiosity. It wasn’t his business, and he was trying not to let himself get involved at all, even in his mind. Given that he was failing at that, he wanted to at least stay unbiased. As a friend, he saw it as his duty to inform his friend if he was wrong. He could tell Tyler that he was being a little over the top later, if he thought it would help. However, he was actually convinced that Tyler was right on this one. There had been many occasions where Garrick and Tyler were in the middle of something, and Tyler would just get up and leave. He’d spend an hour talking to Kayla, and then just pretend it didn’t happen. A few times Tyler had cancelled plans or moved them around with Garrick so he could spend time with her.
Garrick tried not to hold it against Tyler too much. As good of a friend as he was to Garrick, he was also trying to be a good boyfriend. It only made sense that the balance would be difficult to find. Garrick refused to be some needy best friend who would explode if he couldn’t spend time with Tyler. The part that really bothered Garrick was that he didn’t believe she deserved Tyler at all. He just wished his friend had the good sense to find a girl who appreciated his actions.
“Whatever,” she said, sarcasm dripping from her tongue. “I’m so sorry. Next time, I’ll text you every detail.”
Tyler pulled over at Garrick’s house. Garrick barely said goodbye before he practically dove out of the car. There wasn’t much he wanted more in that moment than to just get away from the whole situation. He walked to his door as quickly as possible, but his phone had already vibrated before he made it. He tur
ned back and saw Tyler wave goodbye. Kayla looked out the window, clearly very annoyed.
The text just said, “Sorry.” Tyler had typed it as soon as the car stopped. The two drove off, and she was already looking back at him, hopefully forming a sincere apology.
“Garrick!” His mom called from down the street. Startled at first, he froze and wondered why she was outside. It only took him a second to accept it, though, and he sighed deeply. All Garrick wanted to do was lock himself in his room, hide away, and listen to music. For whatever reason, though, his mom clearly had plans for some sort of social interaction. He dropped his bag against the door and turned to face her.
“Yeah?” he asked, masking the annoyance in his voice with a smile. He wasn’t angry at her, so he didn’t want her to be upset, he just wished he didn’t have to talk to anyone at that moment. After school and the emotionally draining argument on the ride home, he was just exhausted.
“Come help us out,” she said. A moving van was parked across the street a few houses down, and his mom was standing on the gate, motioning for him to follow. New neighbors. “I want you to meet this girl.”
Garrick let out an exasperated laugh. His mom was always trying to set him up with girls. She seemed to think he wouldn’t be happy if he wasn’t with someone. Deep down, he was still toying with the opposite idea – that a relationship would only make things worse. Maybe it was worth a shot, though. After all, she was a new girl. Maybe she wouldn’t know how much of a loser he was. He just had to act cool for a few brief moments.
“Hey,” he heard from the truck as he approached. The new girl’s mom was in the truck, leaning with her elbows on the back of a couch, her face red as she took a few deep breaths. Clearly, they had been at this for a while. Offering his help, he lifted one side, and she the other. His arms were shaking, but he tried not to display that. As hard as he tried, though, it was clear he was having more trouble than she was, and she was already exhausted. Walking backward, he stepped off the truck, but tripped – dropping his side of the couch on his toe.
