by Brent Miller
He could pretend not to think about it, but it was obviously a futile attempt. For someone who was always locked in his head, his mind was an inescapable weapon. As hard as he tried, there was nowhere he could run to escape from himself.
“Are you okay?” Garrick read as the phone buzzed. He’d accidentally opened the text as he played with his phone.
“Yeah,” he sent back. Tyler would know he was lying. It didn’t take someone any special knowledge of Garrick to see something so obvious. He and Hayden had been inseparable for the past few months, and when that ended, Garrick felt like half of a person. Any passing stranger could see that, so there was no doubt Tyler would see through his empty words. Of course, that wouldn’t stop him from trying. “I just needed some time alone.”
“I don’t believe you,” Tyler texted him. A second message followed closely after. “But I will let it rest. You know where to find me if you decide you wish to talk.”
“Thanks,” Garrick said. This was obviously not the first time Tyler had noticed Garrick was hurting, but it was the first time Garrick wasn’t sitting with them at lunch. Garrick was grateful to have a friend who cared so deeply for him, and who was actually interested in listening if Garrick needed someone to talk to.
“Garrick,” a voice said as he hit send. Startled, he jumped and his phone fell from his hand. His desperate attempt to catch it only served to knock it further away from him, and the second attempt just grabbed air. A hand quickly shot out from nowhere and secured his phone. Brooke, Hayden’s best friend, held the phone out to him.
“You dropped something,” she told him, handing the phone back to him.
“Thanks,” Garrick responded, awkwardly taking the phone back and placing it in his pocket.
“No problem,” she laughed, clearly hiding the intention behind her deliberate search for him. There wasn’t a high chance that she’d unknowingly stumbled upon him, especially given that Brooke wasn’t one to wander around alone at lunch.
“What are you doing here?” Garrick finally broke the silence.
“Look,” Brooke explained, “I just wanted to talk to you about Hayden.”
“Did she send you?” Garrick asked. He didn’t know what he hoped the answer would be. It would have been nice to know that she wanted to fix things, but he also wasn’t sure how he felt about her sending someone on her behalf. Still, it was probably better than dealing with her face-to-face. He didn’t know if he had the strength to turn away from her again.
“No,” Brooke groaned, apparently annoyed at the suggestion. “Just hear me out. Hayden has been a wreck without you. I’ve never seen her happier than when you’re with her. I get that it’s hard, because she has some things she can’t tell you. But I swear to you, it’s nothing to worry about. She’s crazy about you.”
“What is it, then? What is so important that she has to hide it from me?” Garrick snapped, standing up from his position on the wall. He relaxed for a second, realizing that she wasn’t the person he was mad at. He didn’t care if Hayden had secrets. Sure, he hoped she’d open up one day and tell him, but he didn’t mind secrets as long as he could trust her. That, however, had been violated after what he’d heard.
“Sometimes you just have to trust someone, Garrick. I know it’s hard, and it isn’t fair,” she admitted. “Just talk to her, alright?”
“Alright, fine,” Garrick conceded, “I’ll stop by her house tonight.”
“Do it tomorrow. Tonight she’s camping with me,” Brooke responded.
“Of course she is,” he laughed, turning away. He had figured it would be the perfect night to show up and tell her he was sorry and he was ready to listen. This would have been the day they were together for seven months, but she was going to be out camping with her friends.
Present
27 days until the full moon
Garrick sat in the coffee shop. He wasn’t sure why he still went to that one, with everything that had happened. There were a few other stores in town with the same set-up. Maybe he liked the memories, though. Even all of the bad ones.
He looked at the bulletin board as he sipped his coffee. He wasn’t reading anything specific, just staring blankly like he normally did when he was trapped in his thoughts. He tried to scan the information posts, reading to distract himself from his own mind. A name stood out and snapped his full attention to the real world.
Samantha.
Her name was hidden in the middle of a page pinned to the bulletin board. Garrick started from the beginning of the page, reading through the notice thoroughly. The family appeared to be having a memorial service for her at their house on Saturday. Garrick wondered if it was completely wrong for him to even consider attending. He shook the idea off, knowing it was not for the best.
Over the past week, he hadn’t learned much more about the hunters. Even Aldric’s information on them was incomplete, but he had quite a bit to teach them. Garrick had learned, at the very least, that he had to be more careful. Samantha had caught his scent simply because his physique had changed so rapidly. They were trained to notice the slightest abnormality.
The worst part was that they could be anyone, and they were dangerous every day. The threat had grown, and it wasn’t limited to the monthly transformation anymore. They were hunting down him and his friends, who only had real means of defending themselves one night a month, and they weren’t in control on that night. Even with all the training they’d crammed in over the past week, which was a lot, he knew he wasn’t prepared to take on people who’d spent their entire lives learning how to kill him.
His best defense was staying hidden. He hoped Samantha hadn’t told everyone about him – because that would mean the only two hunters who had known about him were dead. That didn’t seem like too far of a stretch, because most hunters wouldn’t face a wolf in a group as small as two. The only reason he could imagine them sending such a small force to kill him was that they didn’t know she was going to do it. Her uncle must have found out somehow, but that was it. That meant he had another chance to stay hidden, and to avoid putting his friends in danger.
Garrick peered up at the clock, verifying that he still had a few minutes before he had to get to Aldric’s house. There was supposed to be an incredibly important training, and he was expected to be there early, which was relatively unsettling.
He tried to be calm as he drank his coffee. His life was suddenly spinning out of control. He hadn’t even talked to Hayden much outside of Aldric’s house. He had no idea what he was expecting of her. It made sense that it would take her time to forgive him, if she ever did. He just wished he could know exactly where she was on that.
She seemed to avoid him at school, and he’d waited a couple of times to try to offer her a ride home, but she was always somewhere else. Neither of them had texted each other. At the training, though, she didn’t seem to have anything against him.
Maybe she was just better at acting than he had ever been, and she really was harboring resentment.
His mind drifted to Chase again. He’d been trying to convince himself that he made the right choice, but he couldn’t accept that. He still felt as though there had to be more he could have done for his friend.
Garrick violently shook his head, as if trying to dislodge the thoughts from their home. He stood and retrieved his jacket from where it rested on the back of the seat. Walking outside, he put the jacket on and brought the hood up over his head. He kept his head low; making sure no one was following him, and broke into a jog toward Aldric’s house.
“Good,” Aldric greeted him. “You’re here.”
It was only 6:30, so no one else had arrived yet. Even Cailean wasn’t there, because he was out somewhere with Brooke. Hayden would probably be showing up soon. Tyler had the night off, though. It was good for him. As much as he needed their help, he was still only human. He was simply not capable of pushing as hard as they were.
“Yes, sir,” Garrick responded. “Why did you need me here earl
y?”
“You know what it feels like.”
“What?”
“Wolfsbane. You’ve felt it before. You know how to tell. I want you to teach the others.”
“Why me?” Garrick asked, shocked. While he’d felt it before, he had been too preoccupied with panicking to recall all of the symptoms he had experienced. Anyway, was Aldric saying that he had never gone through it? That seemed simply unbelievable to Garrick, given his knowledge on the subject.
“Because,” Aldric groaned, annoyed to be explaining himself. He clearly wasn’t used to running the pack as anything other than a dictatorship, and he hated being questioned. Still, he was trying to be more communicative with his members. “You, my son, are being tested. I need to know what you remember.”
“Can’t I just tell you here?” Garrick protested.
“Maybe. But my way is more interesting.”
Garrick fell silent, resigned to the fact that there was no point in further arguing with Aldric. He’d made his mind up, so that was how it was going to be. He dropped his head and walked down to the basement, where he waited for everyone to show up. He had no idea what to tell them, or why Aldric was forcing him to be the one to do it.
Hayden came down the stairs first, and she sat next to him. Her knee brushed slightly against his. His fingers were interlocked and his hands were on the back of his head as he leaned his head against the wall. He moved one of his hands, placing it on the ground in between them. It was a code, in his mind, wanting to know if she’d place her hand on his. She didn’t.
“Hayden,” he started cautiously, “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“Everything.”
“I’m not mad at you,” she sighed. She turned to face him, but slid away as she did. Her body language and her words were telling Garrick two completely different stories.
“Really?” he stuttered, surprised at her response. He figured she had to be at least a little upset; he knew he would be. With everything that happened with Samantha, and the fact that he was directly responsible for the death of one of their friends. He couldn’t really forgive himself. How could he expect her to?
“Chase wasn’t your fault,” she comforted, as if reading his mind.
“What about –”
“That one,” she interrupted, sadly. “Will take me time.”
She didn’t say anything for a minute. Hearing footsteps coming down the stairs, he realized their conversation was coming to an end. He nodded, accepting what she had said and the fact that he wouldn’t get any further information. It was only fair, and he accepted that he just had to give her all of the time she needed.
He started to stand, but she grabbed his forearm and held him down. She didn’t say anything, though, and he wondered what was on her mind. His heart raced, and he felt hopeful, as if she’d changed her mind in those few seconds.
“I do love you,” she finally told him, “and I know you love me.”
“I do,” he confirmed.
“You kinda have to,” she smiled weakly. “It’s going to work out. I promise. I just need time.”
She leaned forward and kissed his cheek before letting go of his arm. Cailean and Brooke came down the stairs and scanned the room for Aldric. When they didn’t see him, they both looked confused. Hayden, apparently catching on to what they were wondering, adopted the same look of confusion. It wasn’t like Aldric to be late to a training session – he was usually the first in the room. Garrick was actually confused too, because he had assumed Aldric would be down there to monitor his instruction, but given the fact that he wasn’t there, Garrick assumed that meant he was just expected to begin on time. If Aldric hadn’t shown up yet, it meant he wasn’t coming.
Garrick stood, breathing heavily. What was he supposed to say?
“Okay,” Garrick hesitantly began, carefully choosing his words. “Aldric told me to explain to everyone what the symptoms of being on wolfsbane are, just so we all know how to tell exactly what it feels like. I guess so that we can start running if we’re poisoned by it.”
“How would you know?” Brooke inquired.
Garrick had forgotten she didn’t know. This was the major reason he hated hiding any information from anyone – it was impossible to keep track of who knew what. Cailean and Hayden supported Brooke’s question by giving Garrick questioning looks of their own. At least he’d already told Hayden about the kiss. This would have to be a horrible way for her to find out. Still, he was walking on thin ice with her, and finding out that he’d been hiding something from her wasn’t going to help their relationship. Anyway, it wasn’t something he wanted to keep bringing up and making her think about.
“Oh, wow,” he muttered. He fell into one of the chairs that Aldric had set up near the stairs last week.
“I have something I need to tell you all,” he admitted. “When I was gone, I ran into a hunter. That’s where all of this came from. You all know how Chase died. It was my fault.”
“It was not,” Hayden defended. She glared at him. He wasn’t sure if she was angry at his self-pity, the fact that it was clear he’d hidden something from them, or the fact that he started his explanation with that. For Brooke and Cailean, who didn’t know the rest of the story, that was a very incriminating confession.
“It isn’t your fault he followed you out there, Garrick,” Cailean offered softly, trying to be supportive of his pack, but also not completely convinced that his own statement was true.
“That isn’t what I mean,” Garrick corrected. He wasn’t sure exactly what to say, so he decided to just start the story at the beginning. “There was this girl. She made me dinner one night. I didn’t want to be there with her alone, so I asked Tyler to bring Kayla over. After dinner, I started to feel weird, and I had Tyler get them all away from me. Tyler saw me transforming, and that’s why he knows. That’s how he found out.”
“You were dating someone?” Brooke exclaimed. They all knew that he couldn’t love again, and even for humans that was too short of a time for that to be acceptable. Still, he wasn’t sure if that was the part of the story to be focusing on at the moment. He’d just disclosed to them that he had been caught transforming outside the full moon.
“It wasn’t that simple,” he explained, trying to defend himself. It was a difficult task, given that he agreed with her harsh reaction. “I wasn’t thinking and I just accepted her offer.”
“Did you stop seeing her?” Brooke pushed, “Why didn’t you cancel?”
Hayden was clearly torn. She looked happy to see her best friend standing up for her, and she clearly wanted answers to all of those questions herself. However, she also didn’t like seeing Garrick be accused like that, and she clearly wanted to come to his rescue. For the time being, though, she just listened.
“I told her that I couldn’t see her like that. I just wanted to be friends. She said she was okay with that, and nothing happened.”
“At all?” Brooke asked. “She just backed off like that?”
Garrick froze. He didn’t want to finish the story. Garrick wanted to just forget and move on, and he wanted Hayden to do the same. Still, it was better to just put everything in the open. He didn’t want to hide it anymore, and it would come out eventually anyway.
“The second time I turned, she kissed me,” he sighed.
“Oh my…” Brooke groaned. She looked at Hayden, whose eyes were filling with tears. She hugged her friend. “How could you?”
“I swear,” he implored, turning his attention from Brooke and to Hayden. Even though he’d already said it, he didn’t know if he’d ever be able to stop apologizing for how much he’d hurt her. “I didn’t mean to. I didn’t kiss her back. I left in a hurry, and I didn’t see her again.”
As an afterthought, Garrick realized that wasn’t entirely true, so he added, “Except when she tried to kill me.”
He hadn’t, that much was true. He had agreed to, but that wasn’t a date. He was going to tell her that he cou
ldn’t do it, and if she wasn’t able to be friends, he couldn’t spend time with her anymore. He was going to tell her that he couldn’t love anyone else, because he was thoroughly convinced of that fact.
As a matter of fact, he had told her. He didn’t really know why he was going to meet her again. He did know, though, that nothing ever could have happened between them. Still, it didn’t change the hurt he saw in Hayden’s eyes. Or the anger he saw in Brooke’s. Even Cailean looked at him with disapproval.
“Look, this sucks, and I don’t mean to cut this short, but how does any of this relate to what happened with Chase?” Cailean finally spoke up. Hayden was crying on Brooke’s shoulder. Cailean was obviously less concerned with the emotional aspect and more interested in how his friend met his untimely end.
“The hunter was after me. Chase saved my life.”
“Then he didn’t die in vain,” Cailean muttered. Garrick wondered if that was true. Chase was much better for the pack than he was. He let that sink in for a few minutes, until he just couldn’t take it anymore
“Alright, just stop,” Garrick declared, standing up. There was more confidence and force in his voice than he had known he could muster. “Look, I deserve every ounce of judgement you’re all casting on me. I messed up, big time. I know that. Right now, though, there is something else we need to be focusing on.”
“No,” Hayden argued. He was surprised that she would refuse any discussion of wolfsbane, but his confidence faltered, leaving him unable to take control of the situation. “I love you, Garrick, but Brooke is right. You had so many chances.”
“Hayden –”
“Let me finish. You had so many chances. But I know it was a confusing time for you. And I should have been there for you. I love you more than anything, and yet I wasn’t there to support you. Chase was there, and I wasn’t.”
