Let’s just hope another throw down doesn’t occur in Ryker’s room, because I’m gonna murder Kade with my bare hands if it does.
Three
Ryker
Scrubbin’ both palms down my face, I swallow the thick lump in my throat. I can’t believe this is fuckin’ happening. I just… fuuuck. Vanessa’s dead, truly dead, and my beautiful, wonderful, unbelievably amazing Kat has been carin’ for a baby that we’re not even sure is mine. This can’t be real. God can’t hate me any more than he already does.
“You gotta get that baby away from her, man,” Kade presses, pacin’ from one wall to the other in my step down hospital room. They got me outta the ICU this morning. Which means I get to see my kids today. Younger children aren’t permitted to visit the ICU here. Not that I’d let that stop me from seein’ ‘em anyhow.
“Why?” I arch a brow.
“’Cause that kid ain’t yours, and she’s gonna get too attached.” His shoulders hunch as he strides with a purpose, chin on chest, hands down at his sides curled into fists.
Yeah, I’m not buyin’ it. There’s more to this story than that. He wouldn’t be on the verge of sweatin’ bullets if there wasn’t somethin’ else goin’ down. He’s hidin’ it from me.
“Bullshit. Spill it now, Kade. What the fuck’s goin’ on?” I might be in pain, the narcotics they’re givin’ me are toyin’ with my head, makin’ shit a little foggy. But I know my brother when he’s holdin’ back.
Fast walkin’ over to the couch where his crap’s at, Kade finds a small knife inside his duffle and starts runnin’ the thin blade up and down his forearm. He heaves a sigh of relief as if that piece of metal fixes everything. For him, it helps. I get it.
“Well?” I’m not lettin’ this go.
He won’t look at me as he scrubs the back of his neck like he’s guilty as fuck.
“What the hell did you do?” I grumble.
“Saved your life,” he snaps.
Yes, I know this and I’m never gonna be able to repay him for that gift. I would’ve done the exact same thing if roles were reversed. He knows it.
“And?” I dig a little harder as I readjust the pillow behind my head. It’s nice finally bein’ able to sit upright.
“Fuck! Get off my back already. You’ve been awake for what?” He glances at the clock on the wall next to the TV. “Six hours. And you’re already up my ass.”
Fine. If he wants to act infantile, then I’m gonna treat him that way. “Awe, you poor, poor baby, do you need a pacifier to go with that prissy bitch whine?”
“Fuck you.”
I snort, unamused. “Tell me.”
“Fine.” Kade throws his hands up in defeat. “Kat and I got into a huge argument, alright?” He sulks, taking a seat on the rockin’ chair in the corner. Christ, for being such a sadistic sonofabitch he sure has one helluva soft spot for my old lady.
“What’d you do?”
Head snappin’ up, he scowls at me, upper lip curled, eyes blazing. “Why do you assume it’s me who started it?”
“’Cause you wouldn’t be feelin’ like this if you didn’t do somethin’ wrong.”
“I didn’t do anythin’ wrong.”
“Right. So you’re nervous and over emotional for nothin’,” I deadpan.
“You almost died! Isn’t that understanding enough?”
“Nope. ‘Cause I ain’t dead. So tell me what happened.”
Slumpin’ back in the chair, gaze cast heavenward, Kade sighs. “I wouldn’t let her hold the baby. Told her that we needed to get a paternity test first. That she didn’t need to get too fuckin’ attached to someone who might not be blood. Plus a bunch of other mean shit that I shouldn’t have said. ‘Cause now she won’t talk to me.”
“You did not say that to her,” I growl, ready to bash in his skull.
“I did.”
“What the fuck’s wrong with you? You can’t talk to my pregnant woman like that.” What the hell was he thinking?
Shakin’ his head, Kade grips the arm of the chair like it’s a lifeline. “She was gonna fall in love with him, Ryker. What was I supposed to do? Tell her to hold him and fall in love with his cute, squishy face, then rip him from her arms when he turns out not to be yours? ‘Cause let’s face it, your wife was a club whore who got knocked up by someone in our club, and that doesn’t mean it was you. It could’ve been Hammer or any number of the brothers. There’s no reason you should be saddled with a baby that ain’t blood. Not when you’ve already got a pregnant woman and two daughters to take care of. Kat has gone through enough. Takin’ care of a newborn that ain’t blood, while about ready to pop herself ain’t somethin’ she should be dealin’ with.”
Dammit. He’s right. I hate to admit it, but he is.
“Then why didn’t you explain it to her that way? You’d still be talkin’ to her if ya had.” Kat’s understanding. She’d see his point. Not sayin’ she would’ve agreed or sided with him considering it’s a baby we’re talkin’ about here. But she wouldn’t have written him off.
“You don’t think I know that? I barely got a chance to tell her she couldn’t hold him before she went crazy. Started screamin’ at me. I’ve never seen her so angry, bro. Ever. And havin’ it directed at me, after the week we’ve all had, I just… well… I yelled back.”
Exhaling, Kade massages the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. “We had to be escorted outside. Which made things worse. She almost kneed me in the nuts four times. Punched me in the chest twice. She was so pissed. Callin’ me selfish. Sayin’ I didn’t love her, and if I did, I wouldn’t do this. That the baby needed someone to hold him. To show him somebody cared. What did I do? I kept thinkin’ about her raisin’ a baby that ain’t hers. Takin’ care of somethin’ she shouldn’t have to. You and Ghost have put her through enough. All I’m tryin’ to do is shield her heart. I love her so fuckin’ much. All I wanna do is protect her and my nieces… Fuck.” Kade swipes a finger under his eyes, staring at the ceiling, swallowin’ hard to keep from burstin’ into tears.
What the hell am I supposed to say to that? Buck up? Stop bein’ a bitch? Nope. I can’t do any of that. This man kept my family safe alongside Rosie and saved my life, plus a baby’s. In my book, he’s a goddamn hero.
My tone goes soft to calm the war wagin’ in my brother’s head. “It’s gonna work itself out. Kat’s not gonna stay mad at you forever. You’re her best friend.”
“I hope so. Pops said she’s comin’ up to see you soon. So expect her to give me the cold shoulder. You need to worry about gettin’ better, not this. I’ll figure out a way to get back in Kat’s good graces. If you could do it after all the shit you’ve pulled, I’m sure it won’t take me long.” The bastard smirks, a flash of white teeth showin’. Sadly, I can’t argue his logic. I’ve done far worse to my love, and yet we’re still on speaking terms.
Dramatically layin’ a hand over my heart, I fake groan to lighten the mood. “You wound me.”
Kade chuckles. “You’re wounded enough, dumbass.”
That I am.
Starin’ down at my blanket covered legs, I sweep my gaze up to my bandaged arm. Three bullets went straight through my bicep. One nicked an artery. Another, the bone. The bullet they think ricocheted off the car into my good thigh, didn’t do much more than tear a hole through part of the meat makin’ me bleed like a stuck pig. The one in my shoulder they said also went clean through. All in all, I’m damn lucky to be alive. Not many people can say they survived bein’ shot five times, in a car wreck, lost so much blood they went into cardiac arrest twice and lived to tell the tale. Let’s just pray I survive seein’ Kat for the first time since everything happened. It could go either way. I’ve got one helluva feisty woman on my hands, and I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world. Even if that means she wants my balls in a vice. For her, I’d consider it the highest honor.
Four
Kat
“Can I see him again, Mom, before we go in?”
Scarlett gushes right outside Ryker’s door. She’s talking about Mr. Sleepyhead who’s drooling all over my breast. The girls just got to the hospital. Not wanting to waste any time I ushered them to the second floor where Dad said Ryker’s now staying. My stomach’s in knots. Hands clammy. Seeing him awake for the first time since the accident is overwhelming. But I can’t tell Scarlett no about seeing her baby brother. Even if she doesn’t know they’re related. Not that that matters much to them. Each morning before the girls leave for school they help me feed him. Rox changed her first diaper yesterday. I might’ve bawled like a giant baby in the bathroom after they left for school because of it. We’ll blame it on pregnancy hormones. Sound good to you?
Drawing back the gray fabric I expose baby boy’s smooth cheek and fuzzy head of hair. Both of my daughters step forward, giant smiles lighting their faces as they watch him sleep soundly.
“Awe, he’s so cute, Mom,” Rox whispers, leaning in to kiss his head. Upon stimulation, he nuzzles deeper into my breast making an adorable noise. All three of us stare at him in rhapsody. He’s just… he fills my heart up so much. I never thought I could say that about a baby I didn’t birth. Every day when I hold him, I consider it a blessing that he’s alive, and that I’m the one to care for him. I wish I could say I don’t hog him, but I do. However, don’t you worry, Dad and Bear have both held him numerous times. Even though I can tell Bear’s more leery about cuddling with the newborn than my dad is—who’s gushing Grandpa Ghost, always bearing gifts from the moment he walks in the door. Bear reserves most of his affection for Scarlett and Rox. Part of me wonders if it’s a loyalty thing that holds him back. Like Kade’s discontent makes him pause? Or he’s waiting for Ryker’s blessing? Either way, I’ve made sure the little guy doesn’t go without lots of love, food, sleep, and a clean tushie.
“You wanna give him a kiss, too, Scarlett, before we go in?” I prompt. She nods happily before leaning in to drop a smooch. “Ready?” I add, patting both of their shoulders in support. Seeing Ryker alive and well is going to be a huge relief to all of us, as well as emotional. At least for me, it is. My nose is already starting to burn with the urge to cry, and I haven’t even seen him yet.
Keep it together, Kat.
“He might be sleeping when we go in. So be quiet. He needs his rest. Okay?” I need to quit talking and get this over with. Stop dawdling. Rip the proverbial Band-Aid off.
“Yes, Mom,” they reply in unison.
Here goes nothing.
Pushing the lever to Ryker’s door, I shoo the girls in first like a damn coward. Head tipped down, afraid to make direct eye contact with my… whoever he is to me, or his jackwagon brother, I shuffle my Chucks quietly into the space. The hairs on the back of my neck stand attention. Feeling multiple sets of eyes ghost across my skin, my hands begin to tremble. To keep them busy, I absentmindedly rub my belly. This is going to be more difficult than I thought.
Forcing myself to chill, I swallow my nerves down like a shot of whiskey.
There’s a gasp, and just as I dare to look up, Scarlett screeches an emotionally charged, “Daddy” as she and Rox throw themselves at an awake, teary-eyed Ryker, who’s staring right at me. His mouth drops open in surprise as he hugs our children despite the pain he must be experiencing.
Wait a second…
Daddy?
D-a-d-d-y… what the?!
How did they find out? Who told them?
Oh. My. Shiit… Th-this can’t be happening.
Tears prick the corners of my eyes.
Exhaling a shuddery breath, I massage my tongue against the roof of my mouth to do what… I… I don’t know. I’m… this…
Taking a step back, ready to bolt, my wide eyes soak in the space. One, one thousand; two, one thousand; three, one thousand. My heart pounds faster. I retreat another step, hand poised to yank the door open and go. To where, I don’t fuckin’ know.
As if I’m invisible, and my world hasn’t just disintegrated beneath my feet, Rox and Scarlett pepper warm kisses along Ryker’s cheeks from either side of the bed. His blue penetrating gaze still locked on me, he endeavors to return the sentiment by kissing them back in an adorable haphazard fashion. In my peripheral, a body moves, and I back up against the door, ass molded to the fake wood. Swiveling my attention away from Ryker’s hospital bed and our kids, I find Kade seated in a rocking chair in the corner, his tired eyes fixed on me. Not on my daughters who announced… that his brother’s their dad. Wowza… how’s this possible? Instead, Kade’s staring in my direction as if he expects me to do or say something. That’s impossible, when I’m at a loss for words.
A lone tear trickles down my cheek. I swipe it away with the back of my hand. Impulsively, I reposition one palm on the little guy to shield him from his vile uncle. A flashback of the day Kade and I fought burns through my mind, overriding the need to cry with the protective instinct of a mother bear ready to do battle for her cub. Narrowing my eyes in Kade’s direction, I dare him to say something. To be a dick. To fight me with his brother present. With my girls here. Only, his reaction is different than I expect. Instead, Kade expels a long sigh, scratching the three days worth of dark stubble on his face as if defeated. As if I won. Did I? Is the fight over? Did he back down? The Dickcheese I know doesn’t roll over so easily. It’s not in his blood.
“Baby.” Ryker’s choked, yet oh-so-sexy voice pierces through the room, drawing my attention to him lying on the hospital bed alive, and our children clinging to his side. Scarlett’s head rests on his pec, avoiding the bandages around his arm. The pure happiness radiating from her soft smile hits me smack dab in the chest, taking my breath away. On the opposite side rests my Rox, as she watches me with concern akin to her father’s, the skin crinkling between her pale brows. Somehow they found out. Those two, bright little girls who mean everything to me know that he’s their dad, and neither are upset that I didn’t tell them. I’ve pictured a version of this moment for years. Hoping he’d reappear again. That we’d be a family. Then one year melted into two, then three, until I wasn’t sure it’d ever happen. Yet, here we are. Frankly, I’m not entirely sure how to process all that’s happened. How can I? Shouldn’t I have known they knew it was him? Did I say something out of turn? Not that any of it matters now.
“Baby,” Ryker repeats like a soft caress floating over my skin, coaxing a fresh batch of goosebumps to the surface. Shivering despite my warmth, I relax my posture against the door, head tilted back, shoulders loose, as a wave of relief washes through me at the sound of his voice. A cadence I wasn’t sure I’d ever hear again.
“Tiger, please look at me.”
I’m not ready. Not yet. I need another minute. Possibly two.
Holding up a finger to inform Ryker I’m not ignoring him, I recollect my thoughts to get myself together for my three girls, him, and the little bundle sleeping on my breast. There’s no reason I can’t try to accept this at face value. Let the petty shit from the past lie. Vanessa’s dead. Our slate is wiped clean. We can return to being friends like we were doing before this all went to hell. We’ve endured enough. Today’s a new day. A chance for new beginnings. If this week has taught me anything, it’s that life is precious. One second it’s here. The next, you blink, and it’s gone. Time’s on no man’s side.
“Mom, are you okay?” Rox asks.
Reopening my eyes, and tipping my head down, I nod, trying my best to smile. It’s crooked and half-assed. “I’m fine, sweetheart.”
“Are you mad?” she hedges. Ryker hugs her a little tighter letting her know it’s gonna be alright.
“About?”
Rox chews her bottom lip. “Um…”
“Roxie found out about me bein’ her dad a while ago,” Ryker cuts in, taking the heat off my nervous Nellie. Not that she has anything to be worried about. I’m not angry. Shocked? Yes. Mad? Not at all.
I gentle my tone. “Were you afraid to tell me, Rox?”
“Yes. I didn’t want you to be angry that I foun
d a picture of him at our old house under your bed… I promise I didn’t tell Scarlett until I thought he might…” Her face drains of color. “Die,” she whispers hoarsely, then buries her nose in his pec. Ryker holds on tight to both his kids, those beautiful blue eyes of his shining bright with tears. His Adam's apple bobs in his throat as he swallows hard and closes his eyes for a brief moment to get his shit together. Following suit, I do the same to combat the burning sensation in my nostrils. Darn emotions.
HOPE TRILOGY BOX SET: Sacred Sinners MC- Texas Chapter Page 46
