Oops . . .
Kei regretted asking the question the moment it left her lips. When she realized that she hoped to hear Miki say that it was so she could meet her, she knew how insensitive such a forthright question must have sounded. She looked down in embarrassment.
But then Miki spoke. ‘Well, you see,’ she began in her soft voice, ‘I make the coffee for the people in that seat.’
‘Make the coffee?’
‘Yeah, like Kazu always did.’
‘Oh.’
‘It’s my job now.’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah.’
But there the flow of conversation abruptly ended. Miki didn’t seem to know what else to say and turned her gaze downwards. Kei was unable to find any words to say next, but there was one thing she wanted to ask.
Bringing you into this world was the only thing that I did for you. Can you forgive me for that?
But how could she expect to receive such forgiveness? She had caused so much sadness.
Miki’s reaction made Kei feel she had been selfish to come. Finding it increasingly difficult to look at her, Kei looked down at the coffee before her.
The surface of the coffee filling the cup was ever so slightly trembling. There was no longer any rising steam. Judging by the temperature of the cup, it would soon be time for her to leave.
What was it that I came here to do? Was there any point in my coming from the future? It all seems so pointless now. The only thing that has come from it is more suffering for Miki. When I return to the past, no matter how I try, it won’t change Miki’s unhappiness. That cannot be changed. Take Kohtake, for instance, she returned to the past, but it didn’t cure Fusagi. And likewise, Hirai wasn’t able to stop her sister from dying.
Kohtake got to receive her letter, while Hirai met her sister. Fusagi’s illness is still worsening and Hirai will never see her sister again.
It’s the same for me as well. There is nothing I can do that will change the fifteen years that Miki has spent in sadness.
Although she had been granted her wish of visiting the future, she still felt utter despair.
‘Well, I can’t let the coffee go cold . . .’ Kei said as she reached out and took the coffee cup.
Time to go back.
But at that moment she heard footsteps approaching. Miki had walked right up to her.
She put the cup back on the table and looked directly at her daughter.
Miki . . .
Kei didn’t know what Miki was thinking. But she couldn’t take her eyes away from her face. Miki was standing so close, she could touch her.
Miki took a deep breath. ‘Just before . . .’ she said with a trembling voice. ‘When you said to Fumiko that I didn’t want to meet . . . It’s not like that.’
Kei listened, hanging on every word.
‘I always thought that if we met, I would want to talk to you . . .’
There were so many things that Kei wanted to ask also.
‘But when it actually happened, I didn’t know what to say.’
Kei hadn’t known what to say either. She dreaded how Miki might be feeling. She’d failed to put the things she wanted to ask into words.
‘And yes . . . there have been times when I have been sad.’
Kei could well imagine. The thought of Miki alone like that was heart-wrenching for her.
I cannot change those sad times of yours.
‘But . . .’ Miki smiled bashfully as she took a little step closer. ‘I am really glad for the life you gave me.’
It takes courage to say what has to be said. It no doubt took Miki all of her courage to express her feelings to the mother she had just met. Her voice wavered with uncertainty, but it conveyed her true feelings.
But . . .
Large teardrops began flowing from Kei’s eyes.
But giving birth to you is the only thing I will ever be able to do for you.
Miki also began crying. But using both hands to wipe away the tears, she smiled sweetly.
‘Mum.’ She said it in a nervous, excited voice but Kei heard it clearly.
Miki was calling her Mum.
But I haven’t given you anything . . .
Kei covered her face with both hands. Her shoulders shuddered as she wept.
‘Mum.’
Hearing her name called again, Kei suddenly remembered. It soon must be time to say goodbye.
‘What?’ Kei lifted up her face and smiled, reciprocating Miki’s feelings.
‘Thank you,’ Miki said with the broadest of smiles. ‘Thank you for having me. Thank you . . .’ She looked at Kei and quickly held up a peace sign.
‘Miki.’
‘Mum.’
At that moment, Kei’s heart sang with happiness: she was the mother of this child. She wasn’t just a parent – she was the mother of the girl standing before her. She was unable to stop the tears from gushing.
I finally understand.
The present didn’t change for Kohtake, but she banned everyone from using her maiden name and changed her attitude towards Fusagi. She would be with Fusagi to continue being his wife, even though she had vanished from his memory. Hirai abandoned her successful bar to rejoin her family. While repairing her relationship with her parents, she was learning the traditional ways of the inn from square one.
The present doesn’t change.
Nothing about Fusagi changed, but Kohtake came to enjoy her conversations with him. Hirai had still lost her sister, but the photo she sent to the cafe showed her looking happy with her parents.
The present hadn’t changed – but those two people had. Both Kohtake and Hirai returned to the present with a changed heart.
Kei gently closed her eyes.
I was so absorbed in the things that I couldn’t change, I forgot the most important thing.
Filling in for her, Fumiko had been by Miki’s side for these fifteen years. Nagare had been there for Miki as her father, showering her with love, no doubt going some way to make up for her absence. Also filling in for her, Kazu had lavished Miki with kindness, playing the role of mother and big sister. She realized that there had been all these loving people around Miki, earnestly supporting her growth for the fifteen years she had been gone, wishing for her happiness.
Thank you for growing up so happily and healthily. Just by growing up so fit and well, you have made me so happy. That’s all I want to say to you . . . this is how I feel deep down.
‘Miki . . .’ Leaving her flowing tears unwiped, Kei gave her best smile to Miki. ‘Thank you, for the honour of having you.’
Upon Kei’s return from the future, her face was a tearful mess. But it was immediately plain to everyone that these were not tears of sadness.
Nagare sighed in relief and Kohtake burst into tears.
But Kazu smiled with such kindness, it was as if she had seen what had happened for herself. ‘Welcome home,’ she said.
The next day, Kei checked into hospital. In spring, the next year, a healthy, happy baby girl came into this world.
The magazine piece on the urban legend had stated, ‘At the end of the day, whether one returns to the past or travels to the future, the present does not change. So it raises the question: just what is the point of that chair?’
But Kazu still goes on believing that, no matter what difficulties people face, they will always have the strength to overcome them. It just takes heart. And if the chair can change someone’s heart, it clearly has its purpose.
But with her cool expression, she will just say, ‘Drink the coffee before it gets cold.’
About the Author
Toshikazu Kawaguchi was born in Osaka, Japan, in 1971. He formerly produced, directed and wrote for the theatrical group Sonic Snail. As a playwright, his works include COUPLE, Sunset Song, and Family Time. The novel Before the Coffee Gets Cold is adapted from a 1110 Productions play by Kawaguchi, which won the 10th Suginami Drama Festival grand prize.
First published 2019 by Picador
This electronic edition published 2019 by Picador
an imprint of Pan Macmillan
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www.panmacmillan.com
ISBN 978-1-5290-2959-8
Copyright © Toshikazu Kawaguchi
Translation copyright © Picador 2019
Cover illustration © Sunmark Publishing Inc.
The right of Toshikazu Kawaguchi to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
Originally published in Japan as Coffee Ga Samenai Uchini by Sunmark Publishing, Inc., Tokyo, Japan in 2015
Japanese/English translation rights arranged with Sunmark Publishing, Inc., through InterRights, Inc., Tokyo, Japan, Gudovitz & Company Literary Agency, New York, USA
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Before the Coffee Gets Cold Page 18
