Chloe’s screeched filled the room, snapping the connection. Lexi’s eyes darted away as I moved back. I sucked in a deep breath, trying to get my bearings, and turned to Chloe.
“All done, big girl?” She clapped her hands in front of her. I glanced down at her clothes, covered in food and red from a few strawberries that got smashed in her hands. “Didn’t you make a mess?”
“You get her cleaned up. I’ve got this.” Lexi had already started collecting the dishes.
“You don’t have to clean up the mess.”
She shook her head. “It’s no big deal. You take care of her. By the time you come back down, we’ll be ready to watch the movie.”
Lexi didn’t look at me again, heading to the laundry room and bringing out a broom. I stood there for a moment, feeling like I should argue with her.
“Lex…”
She waved me away. “Go. It’s good, I promise.”
I lifted Chloe out of her seat. “I’ll be down soon to help.”
Lexi continued to clean up the mess Chloe had made while I carried her out of the kitchen and up the stairs to the bathroom. By the time I finished giving Chloe a bath and giving her one last bottle before putting her to bed, Lexi had finished the kitchen.
When I came downstairs, the light in the kitchen was out and the TV was playing. I wandered into the living room to see if Lexi wanted anything before we hit play and stopped short. On the table in front of her sat a tray full of snacks and drinks.
“Where did you find that tray?” I asked, walking around the side of the couch to take the seat next to her.
“In the top of the pantry. I figured it would be perfect for movie night.”
“I think you were right.” I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and her body stiffened for a moment, then relaxed into my side. “Your pick.”
“Promise, I’ll pick something good.”
As Lexi flicked through the new releases, I marveled at how much I needed her in my life. How I don’t think I’d be able to do any of this without her help. I didn’t know how I did it for the first eight months of Chloe’s life.
The simple answer—I hadn’t been. It had been survival mode only. Not really living.
With Lexi I was living, and I couldn’t imagine that happening without my best friend.
19
Lexi
“He’s doing really well on the medication. I’d like to see one more round of it to see if we can clear up the last few spots of inflammation.” I ran my hand across the yellow lab’s head.
“Thank you, Dr. Watson. There’s been a lot less itching.”
“Hopefully the medication will eliminate that completely.”
I gave Sambucca a quick rub behind the ears, then stood to finish my conversation with Mrs. Kelly.
“Good. The poor boy needs a break.” She reached down and scratched his head.
“Yeah, he does.” I held my hand out and waited for him to place his head in my hand before rubbing his chin. “You’re such a good boy, aren’t you?” I picked the file up off the table and opened the door. “I’ll walk you down to the reception desk where they can get the prescription filled before you go.”
“Wonderful.” She hooked Sambucca’s leash up and followed me out the door. “Nolan told me he saw you and Aiden Cormack a few weeks ago having dinner while he was bartending.”
My guard instantly went up. “He did.” It wasn’t the first time someone alluded to Aiden and I being a couple when we were out together. I had to wonder if they were watching me or Aiden. If they were watching Aiden, I didn’t get it. It was obvious that we were just friends. Then again, if they had their eyes on me, I could see how there would be confusion.
While I tried to keep my feelings for Aiden hidden deep down, I knew there were times they would break free for a moment and you’d be able to read it all over my face before I had a chance to shove it back.
She smiled. “That’s wonderful. I’m glad to see he’s been getting back out and living his life. It’s horrible what happened to his wife, but I know that since he came back, many of the people in town would like to get to know him again.”
“I’m sure he wants to get to know them again too. He’s got to be getting tired of hanging out with only me at this point.”
Mrs. Kelly stopped in her tracks. “I doubt he’d ever get tired of spending time with you. Even when you were young, it was always the two of you against everyone else.”
“Maybe.” I started walking again, needing to get her to the counter and away from the conversation. Thankfully, she didn’t say anything else as she followed along. I handed the file to Charlotte. “There’s a prescription in there that needs to be filled before Mrs. Kelly leaves.” I turned back to Mrs. Kelly. “Charlotte will get you all taken care of.”
Mrs. Kelly smiled. “Thank you.” I bent down to pet Sambucca one more time, but as I turned to walk away, she placed her hand on my arm, stopping me. “He’ll figure it out sooner or later.”
Shocked and a bit horrified that she could see right through me, I nodded and practically bolted back down the hall to the safety of my office. I shut the door and leaned against it, sucking in a deep breath.
For months, I’d battled my feelings for Aiden, originally believing they were the lingering pieces of the crush I had on him as kids. Being older and wiser, I figured I’d overcome them and go back to finding the man meant for me.
Except, time hadn’t made things better.
What I’d come to realize was that it wasn’t sixteen-year-old Aiden I was falling for, it was the twenty-nine-year-old version. The one who loved his daughter fiercely and would do almost whatever it took to give her what she wanted, even working in a job he didn’t love. The man who cried on my shoulder and held me as I cried over the loss of one of the dogs in my care.
He took his daughter for walks in the park and danced around the room with her. The man who thought he was too broken to love again. And maybe he was, which left me stuck in this mess.
With about fifteen minutes until my next appointment, I wandered behind my desk and picked up my phone. There was only one person I could talk to about any of this. I dialed her number and waited for her to answer.
“Lexi, sweetie, aren’t you supposed to be at work?”
Leave it to her to point out the obvious as soon as she answered the phone. “Yes, Mom, but I had a break between patients and I figured I’d give you a call.”
“I see.” The tone in her voice told me she could see right through the lie. “Since you only call me from work when there’s a problem and you haven’t done that since Aiden came back into your life, I’m going to assume this has something to do with him.”
I moved around the desk to take a seat on the sofa where I could lie down. I dropped my arm over my eyes. “How did you know?”
“Sweetie. I’m your mother, it’s my job to know when something is bothering you. So why don’t you tell me what it is?”
I sighed. “I don’t even know where to begin.”
“Well, then start with when you realized you were in love with him again.”
I bolted upright. “Oh my God, Mom. It’s like you’re in my head.”
“I don’t need to be in your head. Your dad and I’ve known for years that you were in love with him. It’s why we never gave you a hard time about staying at school or taking your first job so far away.”
“But you never said anything.”
A heavy sigh filtered through the phone. “Dad and I thought that maybe it was your way of moving on. The papers had pictures of him everywhere with his girlfriend. We wanted you to be happy and if that meant you were far from us, far from Westlake, then that’s what you needed.”
“Then I came back.”
“Then you came back and you started dating again. We figured you moved on, realized it was just a teenage infatuation. But it wasn’t, was it?”
A lump formed in the back of my throat. I shook my head, then realized she couldn’t see
me. I swallowed past it and forced the words out. “No, it wasn’t. Now he’s back.” I stood up and started pacing the office. “And I have no idea what to do. I thought it would go away when my heart realized that he wasn’t the same man. He’s not, but I’ve fallen for the new version of him. A version that will probably be too broken to ever love another woman again, much less me. And I just really don’t know what to do anymore.”
The words poured out of me, taking the frustration, pain, and heartache that I’d been feeling over the last few weeks and laying it at my mom’s feet.
“Oh, sweetheart.” He voice was soft, sympathetic. “You know what to do. There’s only a few options, you just need to find the strength to make the choice.”
Deep down I knew she was right, but I didn’t want to accept the choices that I had. Walking away from Aiden would hurt us both, maybe him more than me. Besides me, he hadn’t reconnected with many people in town and he hadn’t spoken to Jackson or his band members in months. On the other hand, staying in the same cycle would tear my heart out piece by piece. It had already begun. How was I supposed to choose?
“I don’t know that I can. Either way one of us gets hurt.”
“Alexandra.” My feet stopped moving at the sound of my full name. “Listen to me. You can’t save everyone.” I started to disagree with her, but she cut me off. “Just hear me out. I know you’re about to tell me that everyone deserves a chance, and they do, but you always forget about yourself. In high school you ran yourself to the point of dropping from exhaustion to take care of those boys. Yes, they both cared about you and were more than grateful for you doing it, but they didn’t understand your reasons. It’s been months and I can already see a strain in you that wasn’t there before. I know you want to help him, but at what cost to you?”
I dropped back down onto the sofa. “I don’t know. But I also know he has no one else in town besides me and his parents. If I walk away now, he’ll go back to sitting in his house all alone, drinking himself to sleep.”
“None of us want that. You know and kept in touch with plenty of people here. Why not reintroduce him to some of your old friends? Then he’ll have more than just you.”
Mom was completely right. My heart wanted to keep him all to myself, hoping that someday he’d fall for me, even though my brain knew better. I’d always be his best friend.
“Just think about it.” Her voice came back over the line, pulling me from my thoughts. “No one said you had to decide what to do today, but don’t wait too long. You deserve to be happy too.”
The alert on my computer dinged and I knew my next patient was here and waiting in an exam room for me. I blew out a breath. “Thanks, Mom. My next patient is here, but I promise to think about what you said when I get home tonight.”
“You’re welcome, sweetie. Just remember, you deserve to be happy too.”
After hanging up with my mom, it was a whirlwind of appointments. Moving from one room to the next, but that didn’t stop her words from parading through my mind. If I didn’t start trying to find a solution soon, I knew I never would.
I escorted the last patient to the front and went back to my office. Tonight was supposed to be our night out. Since it was my choice I’d planned to do a late dinner, then an idea hit. It was Thursday night, which meant a lot of people would be heading down to Mac’s to drink, hang out, and play pool. Maybe it was time to bring Aiden there. I could introduce him to plenty of people for him to get reacquainted with or to make new friends.
I drove home from work, to get ready for the night with a plan formed in my head. My chest ached a bit at the thought of what that plan would lead to, but Mom was right. There wasn’t a way around it. Not without hurting myself beyond repair.
I tugged the light blue sweater over my head when I heard Aiden call my name from the living room.
“Lex, where are you?”
“In the bedroom. I’ll be there in a minute.” I shoved my feet into a pair of ballet flats and walked back into the bathroom.
The woman staring back at me had worry lines creased across her brow. Though there wasn’t much I could do about them, I hoped I could clear the stress from my face before I had to walk down the hall and face Aiden.
It took me another thirty minutes to blow dry my hair and put on a little makeup. This time when I glanced at myself, I didn’t see a girl with her heart on her sleeve. That was the last thing I needed. She was put together and ready to face this challenge head-on, if only for the chance to finally truly let go and find a love of her own.
I took a few deep breaths and pushed away from the counter. Time to start putting my heart back together.
20
Lexi
Aiden sat on the couch, flipping through the channels when I came down the hall. He switched off the TV and stood up.
“Damn, you look fantastic tonight.” His gaze trailed up and down my body. Most women would want the man they loved to check them out, except when their gaze lacked heat.
“Thanks.” I grabbed my phone and bag from the table. “Ready?”
“Where are we heading tonight?”
“I thought we could head over to the Mac’s tonight. Grab a few drinks, play some pool, and reintroduce you to the people who have been waiting months to see you again.”
The curve of his lips turned downward. “I thought it would just be me and you like it always is.”
For the briefest of moments I thought about changing my mind and doing dinner instead, then Mom’s voice came out loud and clear in my head. You just need to find the strength to make the choice.
I could be strong.
“I figured we’d do something different tonight.”
I could feel his eyes on me as I walked toward the door. He followed me outside without saying a word. It wasn’t until he unlocked the doors to the car that he spoke up. “Are you feeling okay?”
I pretended to dig through my bag for something. He’d see the lie all over my face. “Yeah. I’m fine.”
The ride to the bar started out filled with a heavy silence. Aiden knew something was bothering me, just not what. I, on the other hand, knew exactly what my problem was, but nothing I could say would fix it.
The weight of the silence finally got to me and I reached over to turn on the radio. Music came from the speakers, but it just wasn’t doing it for me. I picked the next saved station. The upbeat tempo exactly what I’d been looking for. The song ended and was quickly replaced by something new.
What I hadn’t expected was for that song to be one of Violet Obsession’s. My gaze snapped to Aiden as his voice slowly filled the car. Time seemed to move in slow motion. I could see his knuckles turned white as he wrapped his hands tighter around the steering wheel. His back was as straight as a board. I flipped the radio off and reached over to cover one of his hands with my own.
“Pull over,” I whispered.
His whole body was so tense, one hit might shatter him into a million pieces. Not exactly the way I wanted to start the night. The car slowly moved to the side of the road until it came to a complete stop on the shoulder.
“Aiden, look at me.”
He didn’t take his eyes off the road.
“I know you haven’t heard your music in almost a year, but you can’t hide from it forever.” His hands tightened around the wheel even more. “I’m not saying you have to go back to playing. You don’t. What you do need to do is recognize that you are not going to be able to control each and every time someone plays one of your songs.”
I adjusted my position in the seat so I could keep my one hand on his and run my other one up and down his back.
“You have to make the choice to not be afraid of hearing them. If you’re not, it won’t bother you when you do.”
Aiden took a few deep breaths, the tension draining from him as he released his grip on the steering wheel. He dropped his head against, and I almost missed what he said because it was muffled by his arms.
“I’m sorry. T
hat’s just the first time I heard any of our music since the day Chloe was born. That was the last night I played with Violet Obsession.”
“I know. And I know it’s hard, but you can’t keep hiding from it. Play or don’t play. Their music is likely to be on somewhere you’re not expecting it. You need to learn to tune it out or understand you might hear it, but you’ll be okay if you do.”
He nodded, still not picking his head up. Almost ten minutes had passed when he lifted his head. “I’m sorry.”
“Do you still want to go?”
He looked unsure for a brief moment, then said, “Yeah, I think I do.”
He pulled back out onto the road. By the time we made it to Mac’s, I saw Aiden retake control of himself and slide into a parking space. I climbed out of the car, trying to give him a few minutes, but surprisingly, he met me at the front.
“Ready?”
The streetlamp didn’t help much, but I searched his face for any signs of distress. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m positive. Ever since you came back into my life, things have been easier. Especially when things hit me out of the blue like that. Knowing you were sitting right next to me helped me push it out of my head faster than normal.”
I forced a smile. I didn’t know how much longer I could help before it took too many pieces of my heart. “I’m glad I could help. Now, let’s see if we can introduce you to some old friends and help you make some new ones.”
He tugged the door open, holding it for me to enter first. I walked past him and continued to the bar, looking for two empty seats. The eyes moving to focus on us didn’t escape my notice. I kept walking, ignoring them for now. So many of these people had seen us out and about through town, but it wasn’t often that we weren’t off in a corner somewhere keeping to ourselves. As I made my way around the bar to the two open to the left of the bar, people realized tonight was different.
Last and Forever Page 13
