Nolan’s own jaw tensed at that. He wasn’t yet certain how much he could trust the new Taia, and the idea of Roz being in danger because of her only stoked the fires of his anger—toward Bex, Taia, the Protection Bureau, and the entire situation.
Bex spoke before he could. “And before you get all pissy with Taia, you need to know that I was the one who ordered her to call me if you were ever in serious trouble.”
“It is true,” Taia confirmed in his earpiece. “Before she departed, Bex made certain that I added a command line to my code that would trigger a back-up protocol to contact her in dire circumstances. While she did not specify the exact parameter of ‘dire,’ I judged your imprisonment in the Vault to be an accurate translation of her command.”
“Yes, but—“
To his surprise, Taia cut him off. “On our trip to Diomedra, you told me about the importance of choice. Agency and control in a situation. Based on your words, I determined that Bex deserved to have a choice in the matter.”
“And by not telling me you’d reached out to her?” Nolan was far from done being angry. “By keeping that from me, you took away my choice in the matter!”
“No, she didn’t,” Bex said, her voice sharp. “I did. I made her swear not to tell you until I got here. Girl code.”
“Girl code,” Taia echoed. “Based on my research, it is a contract as ironclad as a non-disclosure agreement or a pinky promise.”
Nolan stared—at Bex, at Roz, at the empty basement air where he pictured Taia in his mind’s eye. He was angry, at everything and everyone, but how much of that anger was genuine and how much was born of fear and helplessness? The people he loved were in danger. His life as he knew it was over. He was dying, and his brother didn’t appear to be doing much better.
He suddenly felt very, very tired. Not from the exhaustion that had set in after days of sleeplessness, torture, and starvation, but from a bone-deep fatigue that seemed to permeate every fiber of his being. He wanted to lie down, to close his eyes and, like Jared, let harsh reality disappear as he passed into sleep or unconsciousness. He wanted to forget just how dire his circumstances were, if only for a few hours.
But that wasn’t his way. He was a Silverguard, trained to fight with every shred of strength, every weapon and tool at his disposal, until his last breath. He could rest when he was dead—or when every other goddamned enemy bastard was.
Drawing in a deep breath, Nolan squared his shoulders and lifted his head. “You’re sure?” His gaze dropped pointedly to Roz. “You’re sure this is the right thing for her? Because she’s your priority now, Bex. Nothing else but her matters.”
“That’s not true.” Bex slipped her hands free from around her daughter’s head and waggled a finger at Roz. “Earmuffs, Boop.” When the little girl stuffed her fingers into her own ears, Bex moved around her daughter to stand in front of Nolan. “You know that’s not true.”
Nolan stared into her eyes, saw the emotions swirling there. The same emotions that had been there the last time they’d said goodbye, the last time they’d kissed, the last time passion had consumed them. Though it had felt like a lifetime apart, her feelings toward him hadn’t changed.
And, he realized, neither had his feelings for her.
“You matter to me, Garrett.” She stepped closer now, so close Nolan could feel the heat radiating off her strong body and smell the spicy, citrus scent of whatever perfume she’d begun wearing over the last week as a civilian. “Roz is my world, but there’s room in that world for other things. Other people.”
“But the danger!” Nolan protested. “If the Protection Bureau finds out about this place…”
“We’ll make damned sure they don’t,” Bex said, her voice harsh. “They can’t find us if they’re too dead to come looking. We’ll do whatever it takes to keep Roz safe.” She reached for his gauntleted hand. “Just like we’ll do whatever it takes to get you a chance at a life.”
For long seconds, they stood there in silence, separated by only a few centimeters yet neither moving toward the other. An unspoken understanding passed between them—whatever lay in their future would have to wait until that future was salvaged from the current situation. Yet Bex’s presence alone was enough. It was a promise of something to fight for.
Then the moment passed, and Bex released his hand. She turned back to her daughter and pulled Roz’s hands away from her ears. “Come, baby. Let’s go upstairs. Taia tells me she’s got your favorite pizza bagels all ready for you.”
Roz’s eyes sparkled. “Pizza bagels!” She jumped up and down, excited. “Let’s go, let’s go!” She didn’t even pause to wave at Nolan before ascending the staircase.
Bex made it halfway up the stairs, then turned back toward him. “You look good, by the way. Taia told me they gave you something in the Vault. Whatever it was, it did you good.” She looked as if she wanted to say more, but a shout of “Pizza bagels!” from Roz cut it off. All she managed was a little smile for Nolan, then she followed her daughter up and into the main house, leaving him alone in the empty, dimly lit basement.
Chapter Five
Nolan climbed the basement stairs slowly. His anger had dimmed but the fire wasn’t yet snuffed out. He wanted to be mad, he just didn’t know quite who to be mad at.
Agent Styver and the Protection Bureau, certainly, but until he found their location, it would do him no good. Taia, for following Bex’s instructions? That felt unfair, given that she’d done exactly as her programming dictated.
He couldn’t truly be mad at Bex, either. Her life was her choice, no matter what he thought of it. He didn’t get to dictate how she chose to care for Roz or what situations she put her daughter in. Nolan knew Bex well enough to realize that she’d never willingly put Roz in danger. It didn’t matter that she had no one else who could care for the little girl—if she’d brought Roz here, it meant she believed Taia’s word that this place was far enough off the grid that it could be considered “safe.”
“Based on the hormonal spike I’m registering in your brain, you’re angry,” Taia said in his earpiece. “I know that after what you discovered about me and my original programming, you’re not fully ready to trust me, and this likely makes it even harder for you to—“
“I’m not mad at you,” Nolan replied mentally. “Not really. If Bex instructed you to call her when shit hit the fan, you were just doing what she asked. That’s exactly what you’re supposed to do. I just…” He let out a long breath and paused at the top of the stairs, hand resting on the door handle. “I just wish she hadn’t come.”
“Aren’t you glad to see her?” Taia asked. “Or are you concerned that her presence will complicate your current romantic entanglement with Jadis?”
Nolan had no idea how to respond to that. Truth be told, it had been the farthest thing from his mind. Bex had seen the sparks flying between Nolan and Jadis and, knowing she was departing, had given him her version of “her blessing.” Not that he’d needed it—he and Bex hadn’t had the chance to define what it was they had.
Jadis had to have known about Nolan and Bex, though she’d never commented on it. The thought of how she’d react to Bex’s return left Nolan feeling more anxious than he cared to admit.
The problem was, his feelings for both women were very real. Different, for certain, yet no less genuine. Bex was his equal physically, a match for his skills, a Silverguard to the core. Her sharp intellect and tactical mind were surpassed only by her ability with explosives. She had a personality as fiery and unpredictable as an IED, and every moment he spent with her was a wild ride of the best possible kind.
Jadis, however, was a different sort of equal. She had none of Bex’s training but every bit as much courage and determination. Her emotional intelligence and insight into human nature, cultivated over years in the Spacer’s Paradise, were just two of the things Nolan admired most about her.
Both came with their complications, but both were, in his mind, as close to perfect for him as he
could ask for. He had no desire to choose between them, because he wanted both of them in his life in whatever capacity they allowed.
But all of that was a worry for another time, he told himself as he pushed open the basement door and entered the hallway. All of that came after he took down the Protection Bureau and got his life back.
“…honored to meet you, sir,” Bex said, her voice drifting from the living room. It held more respect than Nolan had ever heard out of her irreverent mouth. “Bulldog always spoke highly of his favorite drinking rival.”
“Hah!” Master Sergeant Kane laughed. “How is that salty sonofabitch? Still getting drunk at the first whiff of strong cider?”
“About sums it up,” Bex said. Nolan entered the living room in time to see her turning to Darren and Zahra. “Troll and Phoenix, I take it?”
“That’s us.” Zahra stepped forward and thrust out a hand to Bex. She stood half a head shorter, but squared off in front of the woman nonetheless, sizing her up. “You the same Kali that tricked out the 25th Infantry in the Battle of Serena Highlands?”
“Guilty as charged.” Bex shook Zahra’s hand and gave it an enthusiastic pump. “Glad to join this little party.”
“Good to have another pair of eyes,” Darren rumbled. “And, when the time comes, another trigger finger.”
“Trust me,” Bex said, with a sly grin and a wink, “you’ll love what these fingers can do.”
Zahra snorted and slapped her husband’s arm. “Eyes to yourself, Kali. This one’s off the market.”
“I heard.” Bex smiled. “Congrats to the both of you.”
“And you?” Zahra’s gaze darted past Bex, toward the kitchen. “You brought backup?”
Bex followed her glance. Nolan did, too, and found Roz sitting on a stool at the kitchen counter, tucking into a pizza bagel with relish.
“Training to be a proper door-kicker starts young,” Bex said, but Nolan recognized the slight waver of her grin. “She’ll tickle you to death if you don’t pin her down quick.”
Zahra smiled, and her eyes strayed toward Darren. The big man’s pale cheeks colored but he gave his wife a knowing smile.
Nolan raised an eyebrow. Interesting. Anyone who met Darren immediately knew the big man would make an excellent father, but Nolan had never imagined Desai as a mother. Then again, he hadn’t pictured her married, either, so it showed how much he knew.
“Mommy?” Roz called from the kitchen. “Can I have another? Mister Biteyface is still hungry.”
“Of course, Boop.” Bex nodded to Zahra and Darren, then hurried to the kitchen.
“I told you not to call me Boop!” Roz complained.
“I can’t help it, Boop.” Bex chuckled. “You’re just so boop-able!” She tapped a finger against Roz’s nose, earning a giggle from the little girl.
Nolan tore his eyes away from the scene and found his three teammates staring at him. Master Sergeant Kane’s grizzled face was unreadable, but he nodded once—a sign Nolan took as silent approval of their new addition. Darren had a big smile on his face, and he watched mother and daughter with an expression of mingled delight and excitement.
“Slow your roll, soldier.” Zahra spoke in a voice pitched low for Darren’s ears, but one Nolan still overheard. “One battle at a time.”
Darren ducked his head, but the big, beaming grin remained firmly fixed as he turned back to packing up the equipment he and Zahra had been unpacking and testing earlier.
“Well, look who it is!”
Nolan’s gut tightened as Jadis’ voice echoed from the kitchen. With Bex’s arrival, he’d all but forgotten her and the promise he’d made to bring her some food and sparkling water.
“Hey, smokeshow!” Delight echoed in Bex’s voice. “And here I thought my day couldn’t get any better.”
Nolan hurried toward the kitchen in time to see the two women breaking off a hug. He took that as a good sign.
Bex held Jadis out at arm’s length. “I swear you’re getting hotter every time I see you.” She gave an exaggerated sigh. “I might not have come back if I’d known I’d have to be around all this.” Her gesture encompassed Jadis’ armored body, beautiful face, and long, straight hair. “Talk about distracting!”
“Yes, Bex, I have missed you and your sweet-talk.” Jadis moved toward the fridge, giving Bex a playful nudge with her shoulders and hips as she passed.
Bex, spotting Nolan in the doorway, mouthed the words “Oh my god!” and fanned herself theatrically.
Nolan rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help smiling. “I’d be lying if I said I was just about to bring up the food and drink, Jadis, but I definitely didn’t forget about you.”
Jadis laughed, and when she straightened from the fridge, mischief sparkled in her ice-blue eyes. “Let’s pretend I believe that, and that I didn’t just come down here because I wanted to see Bex again.” She set the bottle of sparkling water on the counter and activated the self-heating container filled with what looked like Nolan’s favorite spicy noodles. “And to say hello to this lovely young thing.” She moved toward Roz. “Hey there. I’m Jadis.”
“Roz,” the little girl said, though with her mouth full of pizza bagel, it came out more like “Woth.”
Jadis smiled down at the girl. “Can I tell you a secret, Roz?”
The little girl nodded, and Jadis bent down to whisper into her ear. A beaming grin spread across Roz’s face. “Thank you,” she said, her mouth now only half-full.
“What’d she say, Boop?” Bex asked.
Roz lifted her little nose into the air. “I’m not going to tell you now, because you called me Boop again!”
“Aww, Boop, don’t do that to me!” Bex pretended mock hurt, but couldn’t keep it up for long before a nasty smile tugged at her lips. “Don’t make me tickle it out of you!” She advanced on Roz with clawed hands outstretched.
With a squeal, Roz hopped down from the stool and took off out of the kitchen. “No tickles! Mister Biteyface doesn’t like tickles!”
Cackling laughter, Bex chased her daughter through the dining room, around the weapons-laden table, and up the stairs to the house’s second floor.
Nolan smiled as he watched them go, a strange swirl of emotions tugging at his heart. Then he remembered Jadis. Turning, he found her watching him with an intent look.
“I didn’t know she was coming.” The protest rose to his lips before he could stop it. “If I did—“
“Don’t be silly, Nolan!” Jadis gave his arm a playful slap, hard enough that her gauntlet clanked against his armor. “I knew she was coming. I was the one who insisted Taia call her.”
Nolan’s eyes widened. “You what?”
Jadis frowned, and the light in her eyes turned to shadows. “About twelve hours after Taia lost connection with you, when she was getting ready to call in the rest of your team”—she gestured to the three Silverguards in the dining and living room—“she told me about Bex’s instructions. She was conflicted because she knew how you felt about Bex. How you wanted her to be as far from your life with the Protection Bureau as possible, to make sure she and Roz were safe. But these two conflicting commands were difficult for her, so she asked my advice.”
“And what did you say?” Nolan tried to keep his tone calm, though he felt a hint of his earlier anger returning.
“I told her how I felt when I knew you were keeping me in the dark.” Jadis met his gaze steadily. “And that if I was in Bex’s position, I’d at least want to know. After that, the choice was up to her.”
Nolan stared at Jadis for long seconds. “You know people. You know Bex.” His voice came out harder than he expected. “You had to know how she’d react.”
“Yes.” Jadis nodded. “I knew she’d want to help.”
“And you still thought it was a good idea to bring her in?” Nolan tried and failed to stop the anger from seeping into his voice. “Knowing that it could put her daughter in danger?”
Jadis’ eyes and face hardened. “I gave
her a choice, Nolan! She deserved it.”
Nolan winced at the sharp edge to her words. He’d essentially insulted her by insinuating that she’d failed to understand the potential ramifications of her actions.
“Shit!” He ran a hand through his hair. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just…” He fished for the right words. “I just know how dangerous this can get. The last place I thought was safe ended up being blown to shit by a bomb-making assassin. The Protection Bureau is a bigger, badder threat than anything I’ve ever had to deal with, and if I don’t get this right, it’s not just going to be me who ends up getting hurt.”
He stepped toward her, and to his relief, she didn’t pull back as he’d feared.
“I haven’t had to worry about anyone else for years,” he said quietly, taking her gauntleted hand in his. “I’ve only had to watch my own back, so I’m not used to having people to be afraid for. Especially not when the stakes are this high.” He pulled her close. “I hate the thought that anything would happen to you. And Jared. And now Roz. It’s just…a lot!”
“I know.” She leaned into him and kissed him softly. “Just don’t be a jackass about it next time, yeah?”
“Copy that.” Nolan grinned and kissed her back.
When they broke off, she scooped up her food and bottle of sparkling water, then turned to leave the kitchen. “I’ll be with Jared,” she said quietly. “Just say goodbye before you leave.”
“Of course.” He nodded. “Just waiting on word from Taia.”
He watched her leave, but she stopped just before exiting the kitchen and half-turned back to him. “And don’t be worried anything will change because Bex is here.” She looked him full in the face, and a look entered her eyes that he’d never seen before. “I know how to make room in my life and heart for more than one person, remember?”
Nolan barely managed to keep his jaw from dropping at the unexpected words. By the time he finished blinking in surprise, she was gone.
Rampant Destruction (CERBERUS Book 10) Page 4
