CHAPTER XXIV.
A MOTHER'S BLESSING.
When his senses returned, his first impression was of something in him nothimself. He felt it in his breathing; he tasted it in his mouth. The brookwhich ran by Gurta's encampment had by this time become a streamlet,though still shallow. He plunged into it; a feeling came upon him as if heought to drown himself, had it been deeper. He rolled about in it, inspite of its flinty and rocky bed. When he came out of it, his tunicsticking to him, he tore it off his shoulders, and let it hang round hisgirdle in shreds, as it might. The shock of the water, however, acted as asedative upon him, and the coolness of the night refreshed him. He walkedon for a while in silence.
Suddenly the power within him began uttering, by means of his organs ofspeech, the most fearful blasphemies, words embodying conceptions which,had they come into his mind, he might indeed have borne with patiencebefore this, or uttered in bravado, but which now filled him withinexpressible loathing, and a terror to which he had hitherto been quite astranger. He had always in his heart believed in a God, but he nowbelieved with a reality and intensity utterly new to him. He felt it as ifhe saw Him; he felt there was a world of good and evil beings. He did notlove the good, or hate the evil; but he shrank from the one, and he wasterrified at the other; and he felt himself carried away, against hiswill, as the prey of some dreadful, mysterious power, which tyrannisedover him.
The day had closed--the moon had risen. He plunged into the thickest wood,and the trees seemed to him to make way for him. Still they seemed to moanand to creak as they moved out of their place. Soon he began to see thatthey were looking at him, and exulting over his misery. They, of aninferior nature, had had no gift which they could abuse and lose; and theyremained in that honour and perfection in which they were created. Birdsof the night flew out of them, reptiles slunk away; yet soon he began tobe surrounded, wherever he went, by a circle of owls, bats, ravens, crows,snakes, wild cats, and apes, which were always looking at him, but somehowmade way, retreating before him, and yet forming again, and in order, ashe marched along.
He had passed through the wing of the forest which he had entered, andpenetrated into the more mountainous country. He ascended the heights; hewas a taller, stronger man than he had been; he went forward with apreternatural vigour, and flourished his arms with the excitement of somevinous or gaseous intoxication. He heard the roar of the wild beastsechoed along the woody ravines which were cut into the solid mountainrock, with a reckless feeling, as if he could cope with them. As he passedthe dens of the lion, leopard, hyena, jackal, wild boar, and wolf, therehe saw them sitting at the entrance, or stopping suddenly as they prowledalong, and eyeing him, but not daring to approach. He strode along fromrock to rock, and over precipices, with the certainty and ease of somegiant in Eastern fable. Suddenly a beast of prey came across him; in amoment he had torn up by the roots the stump of a wild vine plant, whichwas near him; had thrown himself upon his foe before it could act on theaggressive, had flung it upon its back, forced the weapon into its mouth,and was stamping on its chest. He knocked the life out of the furiousanimal; and crying "Take that," tore its flesh, and, applying his mouth tothe wound, sucked a draught of its blood.
He has passed over the mountain, and has descended its side. Bristlingshrubs, swamps, precipitous banks, rushing torrents, are no obstacle tohis course. He has reached the brow of a hill, with a deep placid river atthe foot of it, just as the dawn begins to break. It is a lovely prospect,which every step he takes is becoming more definite and more various inthe daylight. Masses of oleander, of great beauty, with their redblossoms, fringed the river, and tracked out its course into the distance.The bank of the hill below him, and on the right and left, was a maze offruit-trees, about which nature, if it were not the hand of man, had hadno thought except that they should be all together there. The wild olive,the pomegranate, the citron, the date, the mulberry, the peach, the apple,and the walnut, formed a sort of spontaneous orchard. Across the water,groves of palm-trees waved their long and graceful branches in the morningbreeze. The stately and solemn ilex, marshalled into long avenues, showedthe way to substantial granges or luxurious villas. The green turf orgrass was spread out beneath, and here and there flocks and herds wereemerging out of the twilight, and growing distinct upon the eye. Elsewherethe ground rose up into sudden eminences crowned with chesnut woods, orwith plantations of cedar and acacia, or wildernesses of the cork-tree,the turpentine, the carooba, the white poplar, and the Phenician juniper,while overhead ascended the clinging tendrils of the hop, and an underwoodof myrtle clothed their stems and roots. A profusion of wild flowerscarpeted the ground far and near.
Juba stood and gazed till the sun rose opposite to him, envying, repining,hating, like Satan looking in upon Paradise. The wild mountains, or thelocust-smitten track would have better suited the tumult of his mind. Itwould have been a relief to him to have retreated from so fair a scene,and to have retraced his steps, but he was not his own master, and washurried on. Sorely against his determined strong resolve and will, cryingout and protesting and shuddering, the youth was forced along into thefulness of beauty and blessing with which he was so little in tune. Withrage and terror he recognised that he had no part in his own movements,but was a mere slave. In spite of himself he must go forward and behold apeace and sweetness which witnessed against him. He dashed down throughthe thick grass, plunged into the water, and without rest or respite begana second course of aimless toil and travail through the day.
The savage dogs of the villages howled and fled from him as he passed by;beasts of burden, on their way to market, which he overtook or met, stoodstill, foamed and trembled; the bright birds, the blue jay and goldenoriole, hid themselves under the leaves and grass; the storks, a religiousand domestic bird, stopped their sharp clattering note from the high treeor farmhouse turret, where they had placed their nests; the very reptilesskulked away from his shadow, as if it were poisonous. The boors who wereat their labour in the fields suspended it, to look at one whom the Furieswere lashing and whirling on. Hour passed after hour, the sun attained itszenith, and then declined, but this dreadful compulsory race continued.Oh, what would he have given for one five minutes of oblivion, of slumber,of relief from the burning thirst which now consumed him! but the masterwithin him ruled his muscles and his joints, and the intense pain ofweariness had no concomitant prostration of strength. Suddenly he began tolaugh hideously; and he went forward dancing and singing loud, and playingantics. He entered a hovel, made faces at the children, till one of themfell into convulsions, and he ran away with another; and when some countrypeople pursued him, he flung the child in their faces, saying, "Takethat," and said he was Pentheus, king of Thebes, of whom he had neverheard, about to solemnise the orgies of Bacchus, and he began to spout achorus of Greek, a language he had never learnt or heard spoken.
Now it is evening again, and he has come up to a village grove, where therustics were holding a feast in honour of Pan. The hideous brutal god,with yawning mouth, horned head, and goat's feet, was placed in a rudeshed, and a slaughtered lamb, decked with flowers, lay at his feet. Thepeasants were frisking before him, boys and women, when they were startledby the sight of a gaunt, wild, mysterious figure, which began to dancetoo. He flung and capered about with such vigour that they ceased theirsport to look on, half with awe and half as a diversion. Suddenly he beganto groan and to shriek, as if contending with himself, and willing and notwilling some new act; and the struggle ended in his falling on his handsand knees, and crawling like a quadruped towards the idol. When he gotnear, his attitude was still more servile; still groaning and shuddering,he laid himself flat on the ground, and wriggled to the idol as a worm,and lapped up with his tongue the mingled blood and dust which lay aboutthe sacrifice. And then again, as if nature had successfully asserted herown dignity, he jumped up high in the air, and, falling on the god, brokehim to pieces, and scampered away out of pursuit, before the lookers-o
nrecovered from their surprise.
Another restless, fearful night amid the open country; ... but it seemedas if the worst had passed, and, though still under the heavy chastisementof his pride, there was now more in Juba of human action and of effectualwill. The day broke, and he found himself on the road to Sicca. Thebeautiful outline of the city was right before him. He passed hisbrother's cottage and garden; it was a wreck. The trees torn up, thefences broken down, and the room pillaged of the little that could befound there. He went on to the city, crying out "Agellius;" the gate wasopen, and he entered. He went on to the Forum; he crossed to the house ofJucundus; few people as yet were stirring in the place. He looked up atthe wall. Suddenly, by the help of projections, and other irregularitiesof the brickwork, he mounted up upon the flat roof, and dropped down alongthe tiles, through the _impluvium_ into the middle of the house. He wentsoftly into Agellius's closet, where he was asleep, he roused him with thename of Callista, threw his tunic upon him, which was by his side, put hisboots into his hands, and silently beckoned him to follow him. When hehesitated, he still whispered to him "Callista," and at length seized himand led him on. He unbarred the street door, and with a movement of hisarm, more like a blow than a farewell, thrust him into the street. Then hebarred again the door upon him, and lay down himself upon the bed whichAgellius had left. His good Angel, we may suppose, had gained a point inhis favour, for he lay quiet, and fell into a heavy sleep.
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