Callista : a Tale of the Third Century

by John Henry Newman

  CHAPTER XXXI.

  THE BAPTISM.

  We have already had occasion to mention that there were many secretwell-wishers, or at least protectors, of Christians, as in the world atlarge, so also in Sicca. There were many persons who had received benefitsfrom their charity, and had experience of the scandalous falsehood of thecharges now circulated against them. Others would feel a generositytowards a cruelly persecuted body; others, utterly dead to the subject ofreligion, or rather believing all religions to be impostures, would notallow it to be assumed that only one was worthy of bad treatment. Othersliked what they heard of the religion itself, and thought there was truthin it, though it had no claim to a monopoly of truth. Others felt it to betrue, but shrank from the consequences of openly embracing it. Others, whohad apostatised through fear of the executioner, intended to come back toit at the last. It must be added that in the African Church confessors inprison had, or were considered to have, the remarkable privilege ofgaining the public forgiveness of the Church for those who had lapsed; itwas an object, then, for all those who, being in that miserable case,wished some day to be restored, to gain their promise of assistance, ortheir good-will. To these reasons was added, in Callista's case, theinterest which naturally attached to a woman, young and defenceless.

  The burning sun of Africa is at the height of its power. The population isprostrated by heat, by scarcity, by pestilence, and by the decimationwhich their riot brought upon them. They care neither for Christianity,nor for anything else just now. They lie in the porticoes, in the cavernsunder the city, in the baths. They are more alive at night. The_apparitor_, in whose dwelling Callista was lodged, who was himself once aChristian, lies in the shade of the great doorway, into which his roomsopen, asleep, or stupefied. Two men make their appearance about two hoursbefore sunset, and demand admittance to Callista. The jailor asks if theyare not the two Greeks, her brother and the rhetorician, who had visitedher before. The junior of the strangers drops a purse heavy with coin intohis lap, and passes on with his companion. When the mind is intent ongreat subjects or aims, heat and cold, hunger and thirst, lose their powerof enfeebling it; thus perhaps we must account for the energy nowdisplayed both by the two ecclesiastics and by Callista herself.

  She too thought it was the unwelcome philosopher come again; she gave astart and a cry of delight when she saw it was Caecilius. "My father," shesaid, "I want to be a Christian, if I may; He came to save the lost sheep.I have learnt such things from this book--let me give it you while I can. Iam not long for this world. Give me Him who spoke so kindly to that woman.Take from me my load of sin, and then I will gladly go." She knelt at hisfeet, and gave the roll of parchment into his hand.

  "Rise and sit," he answered. "Let us think calmly over the matter."

  "I am ready," she insisted. "Deny me not my wish, when time is sourgent--if I may have it."

  "Sit down calmly," he said again; "I am not refusing you, but I wish toknow about you." He could hardly keep from tears, of pain, or of joy, orof both, when he saw the great change which trial had wrought in her. Whattouched him most was the utter disappearance of that majesty of mien,which once was hers, a gift, so beautiful, so unsuitable to fallen man.There was instead of it a frank humility, a simplicity withoutconcealment, an unresisting meekness, which seemed as if it would enableher, if trampled on, to smile and to kiss the feet that insulted her. Shehad lost every vestige of what the world worships under the titles ofproper pride and self-respect. Callista was now living, not in the thoughtof herself, but of Another.

  "God has been very good to you," he continued; "but in the volume you havereturned to me He bids us 'reckon the charges.' Can you drink of Hischalice? Recollect what is before you."

  She still continued kneeling, with a touching earnestness of face anddemeanour, and with her hands crossed upon her breast.

  "I _have_ reckoned," she replied; "heaven and hell: I prefer heaven."

  "You are on earth," said Caecilius; "not in heaven or hell. You must bearthe pangs of earth before you drink the blessedness of heaven."

  "He has given me the firm purpose," she said, "to gain heaven, to escapehell; and He will give me too the power."

  "Ah, Callista!" he answered, in a voice broken with distress, "you knownot what you will have to bear, if you join yourself to Him."

  "He has done great things for me already; I am wonderfully changed; I amnot what I was. He will do more still."

  "Alas, my child!" said Caecilius, "that feeble frame, ah! how will it bearthe strong iron, or the keen flame, or the ruthless beast? My child, whatdo _I_ feel, who am free, thus handing you over to be the sport of theevil one?"

  "Father, I have chosen Him," she answered, "not hastily, but ondeliberation. I believe Him most absolutely. Keep me not from Him; giveHim to me, if I may ask it; give me my Love."

  Presently she added, "I have never forgotten those words of yours sinceyou used them; 'Amor meus crucifixus est.' "

  She began again, "I will be a Christian; give me my place among them. Giveme my place at the feet of Jesus, Son of Mary, my God. I wish to love Him.I think I can love Him. Make me His."

  "He has loved you from eternity," said Caecilius, "and, therefore, you arenow beginning to love Him."

  She covered her eyes with her hands, and remained in profound meditation."I am very ignorant--very sinful," she said at length; "but one thing Iknow, that there is but One to love in the whole world, and I wish to lovehim. I surrender myself to Him, if He will take me; and He shall teach meabout Himself."

  "The angry multitude, their fierce voices, the brutal executioner, theprison, the torture, the slow, painful death." He was speaking, not toher, but to himself. She was calm, in spite of her fervour; but he couldnot contain himself. His heart melted within him; he felt like Abraham,lifting up his hand to slay his child.

  "Time passes," she said; "what may happen? you may be discovered. But,perhaps," she added, suddenly changing her tone, "it is a matter of longinitiation. Woe is me!"

  "We must gird ourselves to the work, Victor," he said to his deacon whowas with him. Caecilius fell back and sat down, and Victor came forward. Heformally instructed her so far as the circumstances allowed. Not forbaptism only, but for confirmation, and Holy Eucharist; for Caeciliusdetermined to give her all three sacraments at once.

  It was a sight for angels to look down upon, and they did; when the poorchild, rich in this world's gifts, but poor in those of eternity, kneltdown to receive that sacred stream upon her brow, which fell upon her withalmost sensible sweetness, and suddenly produced a serenity different inkind from anything she had ever before even had the power of conceiving.

  The bishop gave her confirmation, and then the Holy Eucharist. It was herfirst and last communion; in a few days she renewed it, or rathercompleted it, under the very Face and Form of Him whom she now believedwithout seeing.

  "Farewell, my dearest of children," said Caecilius, "till the hour when weboth meet before the throne of God. A few sharp pangs which you can countand measure, and all will be well. You will be carried through joyously,and like a conqueror. I know it. You could face the prospect before youwere a Christian, and you will be equal to the actual trial, now that youare."

  "Never fear me, father," she said in a clear, low voice. The bishop andhis deacon left the prison.