by MV Ellis
The plan must have worked too well, as the next thing I knew, I was waking up to the sound of the doorbell ringing, pounding on the door, and Luke’s voice ringing in my ears.
“Marnie! Marnie! I know you’re in there. Open the door. Come on, I just wanna see that you’re all right. Please?” His voice was getting louder by the moment.
Christ almighty. This wasn’t Manhattan. It was a small, close-knit community. For close-knit, read nosey. Curtains were probably already twitching, and if he carried on much longer, I’d put money on one of the concerned old dears calling the police.
I raced to the door and flung it open angrily. The force caused it to hit the doorstop on the wall and ricochet, hitting me painfully in the back. I was getting crankier by the second.
“What? For the love of God, what do you want, apart from getting arrested for disturbing the peace?”
The look of utter shock on Luke’s face was nothing short of priceless, and had I been in a better mood, or in different circumstances, I would have lost it in a fit of laughter. As it was, all I had were stern words and dirty looks for him.
“Seriously. Every resident of the street is likely watching this all go down. Come inside, but don’t expect me to talk to you. I just don’t want you to continue putting on a show for them, is all.” I beckoned him in hurriedly, slamming the door behind him, then took off down the hall without speaking. He wasn’t a guest; I didn’t owe him my best behavior. In fact, I didn’t owe him anything at all—good, bad, or ugly.
I flopped back into position on the couch, lying out across it, before throwing my arm over my face. I was aware I was being rude and childish, but my care factor was less than zero. I let the silence stretch out between us, enjoying the awkwardness Luke must have been feeling. It served him right.
I didn’t know how long we stayed that way, but it must have been a while, because just as I started to drift off to sleep, Luke spoke, finally breaking the silence.
“I’m sorry for causing a scene. I just wanted to see that you were okay.” That was rich coming from him. I wasn’t okay, and he knew it.
“Well, you've seen now, so time to head back to the mainland. Close the door on your way out please.” I didn’t even look at him.
“Come on, Marnie, don’t be like that... please?”
He made my blood boil. I sat up then. If he wanted to do this, I was going to at least look him in the eye. I fixed him with my steeliest glare. He stared right back, his focus unwavering.
“Don’t be like what? Don’t be like the girl you humiliated while you were practically still inside her? Or like the one you lured to Arlo and London’s launch so I could make a fool of myself in a room full of celebrities and press. No? Then how about the girl who has been shamed for the world to see in a leaked sex tape featuring your brother? Excuse me if I’m not on top form right now, Luke, but the last few months have been epically bad.”
“Yeah, I know, and I’m sorry about my part in all of that. How I’ve behaved is way out of line, but it isn’t what you think, I promise. I just haven’t had the chance to explain properly. I heard about your contract with Wildefire, by the way. Sorry about that also.”
“Great. Just fucking great. Do you want to finish the job and look through my actual dirty laundry? Then there will be nothing about me you don’t know. And I don’t need your apologies. I just need you to go, and you can take your God complex with you.”
“My what?” He looked as though I’d slapped him in the face.
“Well, unless you personally made Sandra Wilde decide that I was old and irrelevant, why the hell are you apologizing for one of the few fuckups in my life you had literally nothing to do with? That’s what I mean by God complex. Contrary to what you and your brother seem to think, you’re not omnipotent and omnipresent. Everything is not about you.”
“I know that. Of course I do. I just regret that amongst all of the other shit, you’re also dealing with my bullshit.”
“Yeah, well thanks, but I don’t need your regret. I just need you to not be here.”
“Can we please talk about this?”
Ugh. What was it about the way he looked at me that hit me so hard in the feels? He looked so genuinely regretful that my resolve instantly started to weaken. I did my best to hold firm. There was no way I was letting him off that easily.
“Nope. After a guy tells me that sleeping with me was a mistake, what's left to say?”
“It wasn't like that, Marnie, I swear.”
“Really? Then what the hell was it like? Because, as fifty percent of the people represented in that scenario, that’s exactly how it seemed to me, and still does. Or do I have selective memory syndrome?”
“I never once said I regretted sleeping with you. Quite the opposite, I loved every moment. What I regretted was the circumstances. I regretted that it was a rebound thing after you splitting with my brother. I regretted that you were possibly still drunk and might have had second thoughts when you were sober.”
“You need to leave. Get out.” I didn’t have the patience for his bullshit. Not even close.
“What? I just told you I loved being with you, and you’re throwing me out? What the hell?”
He looked so genuinely confused that I didn’t know if he was being willfully hardheaded or if he genuinely had no idea where I was coming from. Either way, I couldn’t get past the fact that he was hotter than living hell. Today, something about the mix of confusion, frustration, high emotion, and sexual tension—and the fact that his tight T-shirt clung to him in all the right places, while the light stubble he had grown made him look moodier and broodier than ever—was speaking to my libido big time. He was out of this fucking world. Still, that wasn’t the point.
“And I told you months ago that I didn’t need your pity. I still don’t. Now get the hell out."
“No. Marnie, we need to talk about this.”
“I am talking. I am asking you to leave.” I was starting to feel at a disadvantage with him standing while I sat. I stood up.
“That’s not talking. That’s running.”
I hadn’t really thought my actions through. Standing put me no more than a few paces away from him. He stepped toward me, starting to close the gap.
“I’m not running. I’m staying right where I am. You’re the one who’s leaving.”
Another pace closer. The smell of his cologne hit my nostrils. Oh shit.
“No. I’m not. Running, pushing me away, hiding… Potato, potahto. It’s the same thing, and I’m not going to let you do it."
“If you won’t go, I’ll call the police.”
We were practically nose-to-nose but rather than looking into his intense eyes, as I knew he wanted me to, I looked over his shoulder, almost as though he wasn’t there.
“And cause exactly the scene you were trying to avoid earlier? Okay, go right ahead. I'll wait.”
Frustration coursed through me like red-hot lava bubbling through a volcano. I was so close to erupting, I couldn't even see straight.
“Marnie.”
I startled a little as his breath hit my ear. I shook my head as he slipped his arms gently around me.
“You don’t need to hide from me. I’m here for you. Always will be. There’s nothing you can do or say that will change that.”
I shook my head mutely again, not trusting myself to speak.
I really wanted to believe him, but I knew in my heart it wasn’t true. If my own parents could leave me in way they had, anyone could. Everyone would.
“Yes.” His voice was barely a whisper, so quiet that it had me questioning if I’d even heard it at all.
“No. Everyone leaves.”
“Look at me.”
I stayed still.
“Marnie…” He propped the crook of his finger under my chin and tilted my head back in an attempt to force me to meet his eyes. I resolutely kept my focus anywhere but on him. He continued to wait, but unlike his brother, he had the patience of a saint and the g
entle nature to match. I was certain he’d stay that way without complaint, no matter how long I held out on him.
I forced myself to look into his emerald eyes, and nearly lost my shit as a result. They burned with a brightness I'd never seen before, so intense and focused. On me. He was looking at me as though I was the center of the universe. At least the center of his universe. I held my breath, fearing the next words out of his mouth.
“I haven’t gone anywhere. I’ve been here since day one. Whether we were living in the same city or not. If I was touring or at home. If you were traveling the globe for work. Whatever. None of that mattered because you were always in here.” He reached down and pulled my hand to his chest, over his rapidly beating heart.
“And I know I was always in here.” He mirrored the action, placing his hand above my heart as it crashed chaotically against my ribs.
I opened my mouth to tell him no. It would have been a lie, but one I had to tell.
“You don't need to say anything. I know.”
I closed my mouth.
He didn’t know the half of it. How could he? He wasn’t aware of my history, so he didn’t know the real me. If he did, he wouldn’t want anything to do with me. Who in their right mind would? I was the very definition of damaged goods.
Luke's gaze was unwavering, yet it seemed to have increased in intensity. I couldn’t handle it.
“Stop.”
“Stop what?”
“Stop looking at me.”
“Why, Marnie? Why don't you want to be looked at? No, that’s not right. You like to be looked at. You chose a career where that’s in the job description, but you don’t want to be seen. There’s a big difference. What’s with that?”
I shrugged. I had no answer, or at least, nothing I could share with him.
“Well guess what?” He didn't wait for a response. “I. See. You. I always have. I see you trying desperately to make yourself small—physically and emotionally. I see you avoiding commitment, permanence, and real life in favor of all things temporary, transient, and meaningless. I see you constantly trying to hide in plain sight.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You. I know you think you’re not enough, but I’ve always known that you are.”
I didn’t want to cry, but a river of tears was cascading down my cheeks before I had any hope of stopping them. Luke gently slid his hands up the back of my neck and into my hair before kissing the tracks they left behind.
The movement was so tender and so deeply intimate that I almost couldn’t cope. My eyelids fluttered closed, as though somehow by shutting my eyes I could also stem the tide of intense emotion that hit me as Luke handled me like I was fragile and cherished.
Before I knew it, his lips were pressing gently to mine. Feeling his hesitation, I sensed the question in the movement. Instead of words, I responded with action. I kissed him back, lightly at first, but quickly increased the pressure. I felt a sudden sense of urgency, as though if I didn’t get my fill of Luke then, I never would.
I went from maybe to frantic in mere seconds, reaching out to pull Luke closer to me by his well-defined biceps as my lips worked into his. I loved the feeling of his hard, strong body against mine as his soft, shapely lips matched my own in their urgent ferocity. I didn’t know who opened first, but as our tongues explored each other, I just knew it felt right.
I yanked urgently at his T-shirt, desperate to expose his stunning chest and abs. I pushed it up as far as I could, tugging impatiently when it wouldn't go any further.
“Hey, Marns, slow down. I want this as much as you do, but I’m not in this just for a quick screw.”
I stiffened. It was a reference to Arlo, I was sure. His timing totally sucked.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means I’ll still be here in the morning.”
Twenty-Six
Luke
I wanted to slap myself. Why the fuck couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut? She was eerily still, as though in limbo, deciding what to do. Whether to ditch my ass or carry on. I held my breath, certain I’d fucked up our reconciliation before it had even begun. Each moment was like a thousand years, and I felt as though my whole life rested on her next decision.
“Who says I want you to be?”
What?
Before I had time to say anything, she was leaning against me, offering me her mouth again. As we kissed, she pulled at the hem of my T-shirt, her intention clear. Despite the questions swirling in my mind, I was in no position to refuse her. I moved back slightly, swiping it off over my head, dropping it to the floor before joining our lips together once again.
They say dreams are hyper-real, enhanced in glorious Technicolor by a complex fusion of our emotions and memories. They’re wrong. I’d been dreaming of being with Marnie for so long, and as hot as those dreams had been, they weren’t even close to the reality I experienced every time we touched. In my dreams, my senses were dulled and the colors and sounds were muted, weak in comparison to the reality in front of me. Nothing could replicate the feel, smell, and taste of her. Being with Marnie was sensory perfection.
I reached down to her waist with both hands and pulled her toward me, closing what was the infinitesimal gap between our bodies, as we kissed with a passion I’d never shared with anyone else. The chemistry had been unmistakable and strong between the two of us from day one, yet we’d each fought it for so long. So many times I’d been in Marnie’s company and dared myself to just reach out and kiss her, or tell her I loved her. So many other times I’d contemplated telling Arlo how I felt. I’d never done either. As my body and mind came more alive with every passing second, the reasons for holding back before became increasingly unclear. Who had I been protecting? Marnie? Arlo? Me?
Once again, I told myself to take it slow. Part of me wanted to go wild, stripping her bare at speed and screwing her like our lives depended on it, but a bigger part wanted to savor every moment and commit it to memory forever. I had no idea how to categorize what, if anything, was going on between us, but I knew enough not to take anything for granted. Marnie was nothing if not unpredictable, so every second we had together was a bonus. I knew better than to waste it by hurrying.
As my tongue explored her mouth, my dick hardened to the point of pain. It was going to take a Herculean effort to continue to hold back. As though reading my mind, Marnie pulled back and spoke again.
“I do want you here in the morning.”
The look in her inky black eyes as she spoke said more than mere words alone ever could. Patience be damned. Temporarily channeling Arlo, I decided to live in the moment and deal with the consequences if and when they arose.
I stepped forward, gently pushing against Marnie so that her legs touched the back of the overstuffed sofa. She gave a small surprised yelp but didn't stop kissing me. In fact, she surprised me by stepping backward onto the seat and sitting on the back of the couch, with her back against the wall. This girl was full of surprises. I knelt on the cushions, taking the opportunity to push her skirt up to reveal her pale, toned thighs, inadvertently uncovering the fact that she wasn’t wearing any panties. Jesus Christ.
I moved one hand to her waist and brought the other to the nape of her neck, squeezing gently as I pulled her harder against me than before. I wanted to get lost in that kiss. To kiss her until neither of us knew which way was up. I moved the hand on her waist and brought it up to her breast but was immediately frustrated by the T-shirt fabric covering it. Like she had done to me earlier, I tugged impatiently at the tank top, loosening it from the waistband of her short denim skirt. Marnie lifted her arms, allowing me to remove the offending article in one quick motion. Holy shit. How had I not noticed that as well as going commando, she was also braless?
Again, my brain told me to slow down, but my body had other ideas. I began kissing my way down from Marnie’s lips to her glorious tits. She obliged me by tipping her head back, exposing her graceful neck. I lavishe
d it with kisses before moving down even further. I grabbed one breast and sucked the pebbled nipple into my mouth before opening wider to suck in more. Marnie's body jackknifed against me.
I sucked harder, causing Marnie to writhe with pleasure. At the same time, I took my free hand and slid it up her thigh. I had a clear view of her and could smell her arousal. I caressed her clit with my thumb. Slow. Slow. Slow.
“Luke?” Her voice was thick with desire, and her eyes were heavily lidded.
“Yeah?”
“I need this.”
She didn’t have to ask me twice. In fact, she didn’t have to ask me once. I pushed two fingers inside her and relished the feeling of her tensing around them. Yeah, baby.
As she sat with her legs wide apart, I fucked her with my fingers until I felt that she was close. I was so focused on her pleasure that I almost hadn't noticed her reaching down to undo the button and lowering the zipper of my jeans, but I couldn't fail to notice when she freed my dick from the confines of my boxer briefs. As hard as I was already, I somehow got even harder as she applied just the right amount of pressure, before pumping her hand back and forth.
“Marnie.” The warning was clear in my voice. I didn’t want to come anywhere but inside her. I stood again and took a slight step out of her reach, partially to remove my pants, but also to cool things down a little. Before discarding my jeans on the floor, I removed the wallet from my back pocket and fished out the condom. After rolling it on, I looked up to see that Marnie was now buck naked, back turned to me, hands leaning on the high back of the sofa.
I stepped up behind her, once more bending slightly to whisper in her ear.
“Turn around, sweetheart.”
Once again, she shook her head mutely.
“Marnie.”
“I can't. I don’t want you to see me cry.”
