by Tracy Reed
“That’s okay, I should have called you. I left him a couple of weeks ago. Tyler and I are fine. We’re staying with my folks. I’ll be back at work on Monday.”
“What happened?”
“Chris is…uhm…before…you know Chris and I were apart for a while before we got back together.” She got quiet. “I was with someone else before Chris,” she blurted out.
“I’m sorry, did you just say you gave up the goodies to someone other than Chris?”
“Yes.”
“Oooo, Trina. I need coffee.” She refilled her coffee cup. “Tell me everything.”
“It was just a guy,” she replied softly.
“Trina, don’t even…I know you, and there’s no way you gave up the goodies to some guy. I want details.”
“Chris and I had been apart over a year when I met Jamal.”
“Jamal…uhm, please tell me he was fine.”
She was silent, but the memories of Jamal were still there. “He was uhm…not like Chris.”
“That’s not telling me anything. Not like Chris could mean anything…short, light skinned, skinny, bald…what?”
“You got the bald part right.”
“Excuse me?”
“He was a little taller than Chris, dark like black licorice with strong hands and uhm…”
“Oooo Trina.”
“I was so nervous. He was very patient and it was okay.”
“Oh.” Trina heard the disappointment in Zoë’s voice. “I was expecting a little more.”
“What, did you think I was going to tell you he was better than Chris? Or that he made my toes curl and sexually took me to a place my husband never has? Or that intellectually he surpassed Chris? Or that when I’ve been pissed off with Chris and he insisted on making love, I zoned out and pictured myself with Jamal?”
“Yeah.”
Trina was silent at first. “The answer is yes.”
“Oooo Trina, all this time you’ve been having fantasies about your ex?”
“Not all the time, only when Chris ticked me off and I didn’t wanna be bothered with him.” Zoë started laughing. “What, like you haven’t done that?”
“No, I haven’t. Jordan takes care of business and, I don’t need to pretend I’m with someone else. Seriously girl, if that’s what you’ve been doing, then there’s a bigger problem.”
“Zoë, it’s not…”
“What led to the fight?”
“He’s been harboring resentment about this all these years,” she confessed.
“What? I don’t get it.”
“He’s still upset he wasn’t my one and only.”
“How long have you two been married?”
“Eight years.”
“Girl, he has issues.”
“He made me so angry, I told him to go get a hooker, and then we’ll be even.”
“Trina, you didn’t?” she gasped. Trina was sounding more like her and Kyla.
“I did. I apologized about Jamal even though I did nothing wrong, and he said he understood, that it was in the past. Instead, he’s been holding this inside.”
“Why did you apologize? For that matter, why did you tell him?”
“I didn’t want him to be surprised on our wedding night.”
“Oh, I get it.”
“If things were that good with Jamal, how did you and Chris get back together?” Zoë always wondered how Trina and Chris got together the first time. More importantly, she wondered why Trina took him back after he jerked her around all those years?
“Love. I didn’t love Jamal, but I loved Chris. Back then, he wasn’t like he is now. I don’t know this man. It’s like marriage changes you, but the past few years Chris has become a stranger to me. He looks down his nose at anyone who wasn’t raised like he was, or isn’t as strong a Christian as he thinks he is. I’ve been playing it off, but I can’t anymore.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. Part of me says, leave and the other part says, stay. Zoë, I meant those vows when I took them.”
“Yeah, and he said he understood what happened, but apparently he didn’t.” She reminded her.
“If it was just me, I’d probably leave, but I have to think about Tyler and what’s best for him.”
“If you want to leave Chris, leave. Don’t stay because of Tyler. That’s the worst thing you could do. Your son doesn’t need to be in a tension filled environment. Children can sense these things.”
“I hear what you’re saying.”
Chapter 70
TRINA SAT IN BED, STARING out the window. She looked at the clock on the night table. It was eleven o’clock. It was late, but this call couldn’t wait. She picked up her phone and pressed Chris’ number. It went straight to voicemail. She didn’t leave a message. Instead, she called their home number and he picked up after the third ring.
“Hello,” he answered through a groggy voice.
“Chris.”
“Trina? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” He stumbled to get up and stubbed his toe on the coffee table. “Is Tyler all right?”
“We’re both fine. How are you?”
“I’m fine.”
“Tyler missed hearing your voice again.”
He cleared his voice. “Oh, uhm, I’ve been working late and by the time I…”
“Stop it Chris.” She didn’t want to hear another one of his tired excuses. “I need to talk to you. Are you available tomorrow for coffee?”
“What time?”
“Six, at Ted’s.” Ted’s was one of their favorite places.
“I’ll be there.”
“Good night.”
“Night, tell Tyler I love him.”
“I always do.” She hung up not giving him the chance to make up another excuse.
Chris arrived at the restaurant a few minutes early. He got a booth in the back where it was more private and kept his eyes on the door, waiting for Trina to walk in. He looked at his phone to see if she had tried to contact him. No text, no email, no voice mail. He covered his eyes with his hands, praying softly. “Lord, I really messed up. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Forgive me for not forgiving my wife. Forgive me for lying to my wife. Forgive me for being jealous of my friends. I was wrong and I allowed the devil to trick me. I repent. I want my family back, but I need Your help. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
He looked up and Trina was walking toward him. She sashayed through the aisle of wooden tables and chairs, and all he saw was her on their wedding day. He stood up and kissed her on the cheek. “You look good.”
“Thank you.”
He looked like he hadn’t slept in a couple of days and that he hadn’t shaved in about a week. Scruffy looked good on him, but she couldn’t allow herself to be distracted from her goal. They sat down.
“Where’s Tyler?” he asked.
“With my parents. I thought it was best we talk alone.” Her tone was short and cold.
“Oh. Coffee?”
“Yes, thank you.”
He filled her cup from the pot on the table. “So you wanted to talk?”
“I don’t like the person you’ve become.” She jumped right in with it. She looked at him waiting on a reaction, but nothing. “And if we are going to stay married, things need to change.”
“Change?” He thought their marriage was fine except for a few differences of opinion on certain things.
“I have no desire to get divorced and our son deserves to be raised by both of his parents. However, he doesn’t deserve to be around people who don’t trust each other.”
“I was wrong to bring up Jamal. I broke my word to you, and I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” He reached across the table for her hands and she quickly pulled them back.
“Apology accepted, but only if you mean it.”
“I do.”
She looked at him, searching for proof of his statement. “In time, those words will be proven to be either the truth or just another lie.”
&
nbsp; “Trina,” he turned his hands up with the palms exposed. “Please forgive me. I will never again do or say anything to hurt you. I love you.”
She wanted to grab his hands, but couldn’t give in yet to his words.
“If I come back, there are some things we will have to do.” He nodded. “I’ve spoken with Pastor Mike and he’s agreed to counsel us. I don’t want to embarrass you, so he said we can meet with him privately at the end of the day three times a week. If anyone sees you there, they’ll think you’re there picking me up.”
“Okay.”
“This is your only chance, Chris. If you aren’t honest in these sessions and make an effort to change and fix our marriage, then I’m done. I’ll file for divorce and Tyler and I will leave for good.”
“I understand.”
This wasn’t the Chris she’d left. Maybe his time alone had helped him sort things out. He seemed understanding. Sort of like the man she had married.
“Now, I owe you an apology. I was wrong to tell you to break our vows. Please forgive me.”
“I do. Do you need help moving back?”
“No. About that, I’m moving back, but I can’t share a bed with you, not right now. I need you to understand that until we are in the same place emotionally, I can’t even think about being intimate with you.”
“I understand, I’ll take the sofa.”
“No. I’ll take the pull out sofa in Tyler’s room.”
“No. That won’t be necessary. I’ll move Tyler’s crib into our room, and you two can stay there.” He was trying to make an effort.
“Thank you.” She took a sip from her cup and placed it on the saucer.
“Would you like to get dinner?” He was hoping to spend more time with her.
“No.” She stood up and he helped her with her coat.
He whispered, “I miss you.”
She turned to face him. “I know you do, but you hurt me Chris and until I can get past what you said…I’ve forgiven you, it’s the trust part we have to work on. Until that is mended, I can’t be intimate with you on any level.”
“I know I have to prove myself.”
“Yes, you do, and saying what you think I want to hear, isn’t going to fix the problem unless you mean it.”
“But I do miss you.”
“I know you do, but…”
“And I trust you.”
She looked at him with a smirk. “I think somewhere in your mind you believe that, but your actions have proven otherwise.”
“Trina, how could you…,” he started to raise his voice and caught himself.
“That’s what I’m talking about. Your version of good enough, isn’t good enough. Your weak and feeble apologies aren’t good enough for me. This is why we need help.” She looked at her watch. “I have to go.”
“Trina,” he grabbed her wrist and then he quickly let go. “Just tell me what to do.”
“If you don’t know, then I can’t help you.”
“Are you still coming home?”
She turned and walked away.
Chapter 71
THE KNOCK ON THE DOOR wasn’t expected. Nor was the phone call from Chris asking if he could come over. Considering all the things he had been saying about her, Kyla wasn’t about to meet with him alone. Immediately after agreeing to meet with Chris, she called Sean and asked him to be there for the meeting.
She hesitated to open the door. She didn’t know why Chris didn’t like her. A few months ago, it really didn’t matter, but since she and Sean were engaged, it troubled her. Kyla knew Sean missed hanging out with his godbrother. He tried to repair the relationship, even though the break wasn’t his fault but, Chris refused to listen to anything he had to say. They were cordial to each other at church, but that was the extent of it.
Kyla opened the door and there was Chris, broken down, haggard, and lacking life. The absence of his family from his life was clearly visible. The light that once glowed in his eyes had been replaced by a hollow darkness. He tried to force a fake a smile, but the heaviness of his bad judgment and conduct outweighed his ability to pretend to be happy. “Hello Kyla.”
“Chris,” she stepped to the side as he walked inside. Winnie and Simon sat next to her feet, not moving.
He looked down at the two petite guard dogs. “Hey Winnie, hey Simon.” Both dogs growled as he spoke. Kyla closed the door leading the way into the living room with the two little dogs behind her. He looked straight ahead and saw Sean. “I was hoping you’d be here.”
“Have a seat.” Kyla extended her hand to the chair as she sat on the sofa next to Sean. Chris let out a sigh and sat down. Simon and Winnie sat at Kyla’s feet staring at Chris. The little guard dogs were quick to protect their mother.
“So, you wanted to talk.”
Chris cleared his throat. “Yes, I…Trina left me.” He waited for a reaction from Kyla, but there was none. “We met and she and Tyler will be home next week.” Still no response. “This is going to be more difficult than I thought. Kyla, I’m sorry for the way I’ve been treating you. It was wrong for me to say…I mean it’s none of my business what goes on between you and Sean.”
It sounded more like a back handed apology, instead of an admission of guilt for his behavior. Sort of like, I’m sorry I told everyone I know what you’ve been doing. And no matter what you two say, I know you’re living a lie and it’s just a matter of time until the truth comes out. And when it does, I’ll be the one saying I told you so.
“I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you’re trying to say,” Kyla retorted.
“I shouldn’t have told Aunt Belinda I suspected you and Sean were sleeping together.”
“Sex, Chris…you told her we were having sex, and that it was just a matter of time until I started drinking again,” Sean shouted.
Kyla patted Sean’s leg. “Calm down baby, let him finish. Go on.”
“I’m sorry about that. I spoke out of turn.”
“Out of—” Sean jumped in.
“Honey, calm down.” She continued patting his leg. “Chris, I don’t care what you think about me, but I do have a problem with your attacking Sean’s character. I’ll accept your poor apology, because I know that’s the best you are willing to do. However, while you’re here, you will respect Sean as the head of our family. I’m leaving it up to him to decide how we’ll deal with you. Now if you’ll excuse me,” she stood up. Sean quickly rose to his feet and looked at Chris. He stood up acknowledging the woman in the room. “I’m going to walk Winnie and Simon,” she kissed Sean and put her coat on. “Simon, Winnie, let’s go.” The little dogs ran to her and she hooked their leashes and left.
“She’s quite a woman,” Chris commented.
“I know, and she didn’t deserve to be treated the way you…”
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t understand you Chris, ” shaking his head.
“I was concerned about you.”
“I understand your concern about Ky in the beginning, but you should have trusted that I knew what I was doing. If I wasn’t sure about going forward in a relationship with her, I wouldn’t have.”
“I know, I was wrong,” he sat down.
“Like Ky said, your actions have been a slap against my character…that’s what hurt.”
“Man, I’m sorry. I let some things from the past mess with my thinking.”
“Oh God, would you please give the Francesca thing a rest? It’s in the past. I’m in love with Kyla, and I’m marrying her.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about.” He dropped his head into his hands. “Trina was with someone else.”
“Excuse me?” Sean plopped down on the sofa. He couldn’t believe the words Chris just blurted out. “Is that why she left?”
“No. It happened before we got back together. She… uhm…I…I think the reason I had a problem with Kyla was because it reminded me, or she gave me a glimpse of what Trina was probably like during the time we were apart.”
“You can’t compare Trina to Kyla.”
“Why not?”
“I’m pretty sure their situations were different.”
“Not really.”
“Was he married, because Ky was only with married men.”
“What?”
“It’s not a secret. That’s what she liked, at the time.”
“Okay, so Trina’s thing wasn’t the same. But if I hadn’t broken up with her, she wouldn’t have met that other guy, and she wouldn’t have given him what belonged to me.” He stood up and began pacing back and forth.
Sean looked at him with mixed feelings. He knew that no matter what Chris wanted to believe, Trina’s deciding to sleep with that guy was something she had been planning for a while. Sean had been with quite a few women and knew when a woman made up her mind to sleep with a man for the first time, it was a well thought out plan.
“Everything that happened was my fault,” Chris continued, blaming himself.
“Did she love him?”
“I don’t know. I’ve been too afraid to ask. I think it’s the not knowing that’s causing the problem. Seeing you with Kyla was making me think that maybe I don’t know Trina as well as I thought. Maybe there were more men, and she didn’t tell me about them.”
“That’s insane.”
“Is it?”
“You need to talk to your wife. Ask her about the time when you weren’t together.” He could see the anguish on his face.
“I can’t do that.”
“Dude, you need to clear the air. It’s the only way you’re going to get peace of mind.”
“Did you tell Kyla about the other women and Francesca?”
“Yeah and she told me all about her last relationship.”
“What about the other men, did she tell you about them?”
“I’m in love with this Kyla, not old Kyla.” He shifted on the sofa. “I’m not stupid. I told her if and when she feels comfortable talking about her past, we will. Personally, I have no desire to know about the men in her past.”
“You’re a better man than I am. I’m not sure if I’m ready to hear about Trina’s life before we got back together.”
