by Harley Hanna
Chapter 4
I woke in my bed, the same as last time, sweating, and catching my breath. I felt as if I’d just finished a run, and in my dream I had. Again, it was the screams, and him, no one else but him. I wiped the sweat from my brow, inadvertently soaking my hand. I decided a shower was probably a good idea.
I hopped out of bed and headed toward the bathroom, as I got there I threw off various pieces of clothes before reaching the shower and turning on the shower as hot as I could. The shower was the only place of solace I could find. It was a place to hide from people and a place to hide from my dreams. I felt immensely better with the scalding hot water rushing down my body. I felt as if it was cleaning me of my past, of my wrongs.
I didn’t wash, I just let the water run through my hair and down my body for as long as I could. I would’ve spent more time in there, but we had to ration our water. I got out, turning off the water, drying off, and putting on new clothes.
I wanted to lay back down, but if I did, I knew that would mean sleep, and I needed a break from sleep. So I decided to leave the room and go get breakfast. I opened the door, closing it behind me.
The halls were empty and silent. Everyone was probably in the Mess Hall getting ready for their day. While I had just gotten out of bed, maybe I could be slightly productive today. I headed down the corridor and made my way through the eerily empty halls, following the noise of conversation and the smell of eggs and bacon.
I opened the doors of the Mess Hall to a full room, everyone laughing and having a good time, eating, talking, and living. I couldn’t do that, and I couldn’t be happy, but I could act like it. I walked towards the kitchen and grabbed a plate, scooping some eggs and grabbing a half piece of broken bacon on an empty plate that had already been scoured by everyone here.
I headed out into the main room looking for a place to sit. Eventually I decided on Dardian, he was sitting with Tim as he always was, neither of them were people I minded. I actually kind of liked them.
I sat across from Dardian, placing my plate on the table.
“Hey Karia, how’s it going?” Tim said, chewing a piece of bacon.
“Yeah, you look like you just crawled out of bed” Dardian replied, with a laugh.
“I did.” I said, laughing with him. “What’re you guys doing today?”
“Well, I’m not sure about this one, but Jack wants me to take stock of the weapons and see what kind of gear we have to…” Dardian trailed off and lowered his voice to a whisper. “You know, fight this thing.”
“Ahh, that. I almost forgot.” I really hadn’t, it was constantly weighing on my mind. I couldn’t stop thinking that maybe I made the wrong decision in getting everyone excited. Maybe we should be trying to survive, maybe we shouldn’t be trying to fight it, and if we are going to fight it, maybe I shouldn’t be leading the charge. There were too many ‘maybes’.
“Well Jack hasn’t. It’s all he’s talking about. Of course, he wants to keep it quiet for now, until we have a plan, and the weapons. Eventually we’ll tell people, but not yet.” Tim said, trying to keep to conversation quiet.
“Yeah, he said he wants to talk to you in his office.” Dardian said.
“About what?” I said, wondering what Jack could need this time.
He shrugged his shoulders. “It’s probably about your new job.” Tim said, finishing the rest of his eggs.
“Yeah, you’re the top dog now.” Dardian said laughing.
“Yeah I guess so.” I said, throwing on a fake smile. I got out of my seat and made my way out of the Mess Hall. I head Tim ask me something about finishing my food, but I couldn’t hear him.
It was too late to back out, I was too far in. I made a rash decision and I couldn’t go back. I started to freak out, I was breathing heavier and I couldn’t catch my breath. I was breathing in and out faster and faster, I needed fresh air. I started running through the halls, making my way towards the hatch. I ran down the twists and turns of the corridors, trying to catch my breath.
Raul was still on guard when I got there, he was playing with a Rubix Cube when I got there. I pushed past him and ran up the ladder, opening the hatch before he could drop the toy to stop me.
“Hey you can’t just- Karia?” he said, as I pushed open the hatch breathing in the fresh air from the clearing. Being underground was clearly getting to me.
“Hey, you okay?” Raul said as I sat on the top rung, breathing in the air and staring at the tree line. I quickly realized how reckless I was being. He could’ve been up here, any one could’ve been up here.
“Karia!” Raul shouted another time.
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine, I just needed some air.” I said, closing the hatch and crawling down the rungs.
“Well you didn’t have to go and do that. You could’ve just told me.” Raul said, picking up the cube and running his fingers through his hair.
“Thanks Raul, I gotta go.” I said, walking off down the hallway, taking a slower approach to my destination this time. I needed to talk to Jack, I needed to see what else he could pile on me. Hopefully he finally had good news.
People were filtering out of the Mess Hall now, pouring into the hallways and making it even more cramped than it already was. I made my way down the very narrow corridors, trying to reach Jack’s office before I was mushed into pieces by the people rushing to their rooms.
I reached his office unharmed, and knocked on his door, as I did every time.
“Come in.” I heard Jack say, muffled through the door.
I opened the door, poking my head in to see him sitting at his desk fiddling with papers. He always seemed to be doing something.
“Hey Jack” I said, walking into his office and closing the door behind me. “Dardian said you needed me for something?”
“Yeah, Karia I need to talk to you about something.” He said, standing up and walking to the other side of the desk. “You should probably have a seat for this.”
I slowly walked to the other side of the room, hesitantly placing myself in the chair. I stared up at him, his eyes hung low, he wouldn’t even look at me.
“Jack what is it?” I said, hoping to get on with whatever he had to tell me.
“Well, I talked to Garret yesterday, I hoped he would come to last night’s meeting. And after seeing what happened, I really wished he could’ve been there. But he declined, he said that he was still bothered by what happened and he needed some time.” He crossed the room and turned his back to me. “He told me he felt responsible, for Carol.” He was staring at the wall now. He wouldn’t look at me anymore; his hands were in his pockets.
“He wanted to be left alone so I kept the conversation between the two of us. But, this morning I went to check on him and-“
“And what Jack?” I said, after he wouldn’t finish.
Jack turned around and stared at me before speaking, tears streaming down his face. “Garret killed himself last night.”
The words cut like daggers.
