“And then?” said Lucanus, as Hilell fell silent, turning his head in anguish.
The sick man made a feeble gesture. “I do not know. I fled that accursed place that night, and I went to Caesarea, and remained for a few senseless days, and then I fled to the sea, for nothing was to me worth anything any longer.”
“The ancient prophecies say that He will rise again,” said Lucanus. He strained towards Hilell, who shook his head. “How is that possible?” he muttered. “Yes, it is true that I heard from my servants that so His followers had declared. At the end He was only a man.” He looked at Lucanus imploringly. “He died! You must tell me, for my soul’s sake and peace, that He was only a man after all, and that I did not truly betray Him, nor wound Him!”
“Have not men always betrayed Him?” asked Lucanus, sadly. “And will they not always betray Him, world without end? Did I not betray Him myself, though I saw the star of His birth, and I heard of Him from infancy? You repent, and penitence is all that He asks.”
Hilell was weeping. “Then I am not lost, and He has forgiven me?”
“He will not despise a repentant heart,” said Lucanus, and wiped the sick man’s cheek with a towel dipped in cool water. “But tell us.”
It was some time before Hilell could speak. He twisted his thin fingers together and looked at the shining windows as if seeing something beyond them. “I had been visiting Herod, who is a friend of my family, in his palace at Caesarea. You will understand that was almost a year ago. I, my wife and my children, who were with me also, but as the time of the Day of Atonement approached I could not remain with Herod, who is partly Greek, and a man of caprice who is at one hour a Greek and then the next hour a Jew. I am not a pious man, nor do I observe the strict Law. Nevertheless, I could endure Herod’s conversation no longer, nor his moods. He sacrifices in the Roman temples; then he goes to Jerusalem for purification and strews ashes on his head, and cries for forgiveness and heaps gold in the hands of the priests. So I sent my family to Jerusalem quietly, then followed them a day or two later.”
He paused, and Lucanus refreshed him again with the wine and the stimulant.
“You must understand that I had been hearing much of that Jewish rabbi who was teaching the people in the dust of the cities and the byways. Herod spoke of Him with uneasy laughter; there were many who accused Him of arousing the Jews to rebellion against the Roman oppressor. But Herod was also uneasy because he had caused the death of John the Baptist, as he was called by the people, for Herod is a learned man in his way, and he thought that John was Elias, and had at first spared him. John had denounced him, him the tetrarch, for marrying his brother’s wife, Herodias.
“You will understand, Lucanus, that these things are vague in my mind, for what was a poor Jewish rabbi from Galilee to the rich and the powerful? There are always prophets; the Jews breed prophets as locusts breed young. One more or less is unimportant. I should not have listened to any of the stories had not Herod seemed unusually capricious and disturbed, and had he not become unpredictable and savage since he had had that John put to death.
“I understand that Herod might have forgotten John, as one forgets a violently colored dream in time, had not that Jewish rabbi appeared in his footsteps. Herod told me that John had spoken of Him. Then it was rumored that the rabbi was performing great miracles; the palace rang with the news. It was said He was the Messias. It was strange that it was only the slaves and the miserable freedmen who spoke of Him with such inordinate passion and excitement. But rulers listen to slaves, and so the rumors of the Messias came to Herod’s ears, and he was beside himself.”
Lucanus wiped Hilell’s face. Arieh sat in silence, listening, and Hilell did not release his hand.
“It was a hot day when I left Herod, and I drove my own chariot, surrounded by my servants on horseback and on foot. The dust was a white fire, and I wrapped a cloth about my nose and eyes. And then at the roadside we saw a little group of men sitting on stones in the dust, near a small village, and children stood shyly near them.
“Why did I stop? One of my men rode up to my chariot and told me vehemently that yonder there was the humble rabbi with His friends, and I was curious to see the man who had so ignited Herod, and about whom there were so many incredible tales. So I drove up near Him and His little band of followers and the children, and listened with a smile to One who appeared as poor and humble as a beggar, and I said to myself, Is this He of Whom they speak?
“He was telling a story, a parable, and the Jews are as full of stories as a pomegranate is full of seeds. His accent was gross, for He was a peasant from Galilee, a woodworker as I was told. He related the story very well, with much eloquence. I looked at His dusty face and His dusty garments and feet as He sat on the stone, and I was struck by the story. For He told of a Pharisee — and the Pharisees are very devout and rigorous men who defend the Law as the legions defend Rome — who went up to the Temple to pray, and beside him was a dull publican of no consequence, who, no doubt, the Pharisee found insupportable. And the Pharisee, fastidiously annoyed at the nearness of the publican, drew his headcloth over his nose so as not to be offended by the other’s presence and his mean occupation.”
Hilell’s eyes changed, became eager and warm as he looked at Lucanus. “It was a very interesting story, and I do not like the Pharisees, who annoy me with their excessive piety which is only the letter and not the spirit of the Law. I was willing to be amused; it amused me that this poor and ragged man could speak of the Pharisees who are a terror in Judea, with their constant accusations to the priests that the people do not observe all the rituals properly. They are tiresome, and dangerous, these Pharisees, searching always for heresy.”
He panted a little, and once again Lucanus refreshed him. He lay on his pillows, and his eyes became dreaming. “An excellent story. The rabbi said that the Pharisee prayed to God, saying, ‘I thank You, Lord, that I am not as other men, adulterers, extortioners, unjust and knowing nothing of Your Law. I am not as this miserable publican, who should not profane Your Temple by his presence. I fast at all the fasts; I give scrupulous tithes’. And the Pharisee was very pleased with himself.
“But the publican struck his breast, weeping, and would not raise his eyes, and cried out, ‘God be merciful to me, a sinner!’ ”
Hilell had so far recovered that he could laugh faintly. “And the rabbi said to His followers, ‘I tell you that this publican was more worthy than the Pharisee, and God comforted him, but did not comfort the Pharisee. For he that raises himself shall be struck down, but he who humbles himself shall be exalted’.
“I must tell you of that rabbi. The sun was vivid, but His face was more vivid, for His emotion was more than the emotion of any man. He sat like a prince on a throne, and one forgot that He was only a member of the Amuratzem on a stone, and that His feet were laved in the dust. He smiled like a father; He looked at His followers with blue and tender eyes, and they listened reverently. His beard was golden, His hands rested on His knees. He spoke like one endowed with authority.
“It was then that the children, ragged and barefoot, and standing in the background, approached Him shyly. While I had been listening to the rabbi their mothers had joined them, poor women in rough striped garments, with jars on their shoulders. They pressed their children towards Him, peering about them humbly, as if begging pardon. And His followers said to them, ‘Do not disturb the Master, and take your children away from Him, for He is weary and must not be troubled as He speaks His wisdom’.”
Hilell sighed deeply and closed his eyes. “But the rabbi called to the children and held out His arms to them and said to His followers, ‘Permit the children to come unto Me, and do not rebuke them. For of such as these little ones are the Kingdom of Heaven’. And the children clambered about Him and sat on His knee and wound their arms about His neck, laughing and embracing Him, and He held them to Him. And I swear to you that I was freshly moved, for I am a father and I know the sweetness of children’
s kisses and love. The rabbi said to His followers, ‘Who does not receive the Kingdom of God as a little child shall not enter within its gates’.”
Hilell opened his eyes, and again they were full of torment. “I understood the rabbi, though never had I understood before. And I stepped down from my chariot and approached Him, and my servants called to the people to open a passage for me. He watched me approach, and He smiled at me like one recognizing a brother, and waited. My servants shouted, ‘Make way for Hilell ben Hamram, who is a man great in Israel, for he had the rule of a town and his family is renowned and has much gold!’ And the rabbi said nothing, and only waited for me, though the people stepped back in fear.
“I stopped before Him, close enough to touch His shoulder, and He gazed up at me in silence. I said to Him, ‘Good Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?’ He smiled at me again, and said, and His voice was sonorous, ‘Why do you call me good? None is good, only God. You know the Commandments, that you must not kill, steal, bear false witness, or commit adultery. You must honor your father and your mother’. I said to Him, ‘I have kept the Commandments from my youth’.
“He was silent for so long that I thought He had dismissed me, He the poor unlearned rabbi with the vulgar accent. Then He raised His eyes to me and said in a thoughtful tone, ‘You lack one thing: sell all that you have, for you are rich, and give it to the poor, for then you shall have treasures in heaven’.”
Hilell raised himself on his cushions and looked at Lucanus imploringly. “Physician! You will understand how incredible that was! Why should He have asked me to beggar myself?”
Lucanus looked at the ocean, which he could see through the window, and said, softly, “He asks that each man deliver to Him that which he holds dearest in the world, and it is evident that you held your money above all things.”
Hilell groaned, and fell back. “That is true. I understand now. I stepped back from Him, appalled. He saw my agitation, and He said to me very gently, and in a low voice, ‘Come, follow Me’.”
Hilell passed his hand over his face. “He asked me to follow Him, to be one with His homeless followers! I, Hilell ben Hamram! I told myself this was madness. Then He turned to His followers and said very sorrowfully, ‘How difficult shall it be for those who have riches to enter into the Kingdom of God!’ And He stood up. He began to speak again to those about Him, and I returned to my chariot, and I drove away.”
Lucanus and Arieh did not speak. Hilell looked from one to the other, pleadingly. “I was educated in Athens and Rome. I am a man of learning and power and influence and wealth. I am a man of the world. I am Hilell ben Hamram, and I was asked to do the impossible.”
“I understand. I understand how incredible that must have sounded to you,” said Lucanus, sighing. “For did I not myself berate and hate Him when He took from me my heart’s darling, and did I not vow to revenge myself upon Him? I did not know, as you did not know, that He takes only to give, bereaves only to extend His comfort, blinds only that a man can see His light. Who am I to reproach you, Hilell ben Hamram?”
He indicated Arieh with his hand. “Who can know the mysteries of God? He surrendered this young man into my hands, after more than twenty years of searching for him, and I know now that when He gave me Arieh it was to deliver me from my hatred and bring me to Him.”
Hilell gazed at him. He watched as Arieh leaned his head on Lucanus’ shoulder. Arieh said, “Blessed are we that He visited us.”
Lucanus stretched out his hand to Hilell. “I can see that you never forgot Him, that He haunted your life and your dreams, and you could not flee from Him. Rest, and be consoled, for you have suffered much and He has forgiven you and asks only that you follow Him and leave Him never. Come with us to Israel, where we will find Him again, for surely He is not dead, but lives.”
Chapter Forty-Three
Hilell ben Hamram rose from his bed, vital and young again. He would not permit Lucanus and Arieh to leave him. They, on their ship, attending the crew, would be followed by his magnificent vessel, until the time Lucanus’ contract was fulfilled. Then Lucanus and Arieh would board his ship, and they would go to Israel together. “I was dead, and you called me forth!” he cried to Lucanus, embracing him.
When they stopped briefly at ports, Hilell insisted on sharing Lucanus’ houses with him and Arieh. He lay down on a floor pallet, and ate the frugal meals which Lucanus provided, and followed him wherever he and Arieh went to minister to waiting patients. But his bearing, and the bearing of Arieh, awed the humble patients. At night, sitting around the table eating and with lamplight about them, Hilell would tell his companions of what he knew and heard of Jesus of Nazareth. His fine ivory face would glow; his dark eyes flamed, and joy stood in them. “I understand from my servants that the Master’s followers scattered after His crucifixion for fear of the Romans, for they had been proscribed for troublemaking. I will bring them to my house in Jerusalem, and we will sit among them and talk of Him!”
Lucanus listened with profound attention to the stories of Hilell. And then when he was alone late at night he began to write down these stories. He wrote with the pellucid strength and precision of the Greek scholar, and with that scholar’s calm but compassionate eloquence. It seemed to him that he had witnessed these things with his own eyes; as he wrote he saw the scenes, heard the voices of the people. And so began his Great Gospel, written for all the world and the world of men, for he knew, as Hilell did not, that God had clothed Himself in human flesh not only for Jews but for Gentiles also.
“As you know, Lucanus,” said Hilell, “we have had the prophecy of ages that the Messias would be of the house of David, and it is said that Jesus is of that house. I have heard His Mother had been visited by Gabriel, who told her of the birth of the coming Messias. But you must verify these things yourself in Israel.”
Lucanus thought of the Mother of the Messias, whose name was unknown to Hilell. One night he remembered what Joseph ben Gamliel had told him of her, when her Son had been a boy and had visited the elders and scholars in the Temple. The sweetest and tenderest of emotions came to Lucanus. She began to embody for him all the dear women he had known, Iris, his mother, Rubria and Sara, and his wise, childlike sister, Aurelia, who loved all things which had been created.
He longed to be in the presence of Mary, though he did not as yet know her name. He wanted to hear from her own lips the story of her Son’s birth and childhood and youth and manhood. Surely she could tell him more than any of His followers could tell him. She had guarded Him in her womb; she had fed Him at her breast; she had taught Him to walk; she had washed His garments, had spun them, and sewn them. When He had been afflicted with ailments she had nursed Him and had sat by His bed at night, watching. She had heard His first words, had seen His first smile. As Lucanus thought of Mary a passionate thirst for her presence and her voice came to him, and he loved her. She was the great Mystery, and she was a woman, and women always confided in him their deepest secrets. “When we know what she thought, and what she did, then we shall know everything,” he said to Arieh and Hilell.
“She was but an instrument of God,” said Hilell.
“She was His Mother, and do not mothers know all about their sons?” asked Lucanus. “And why was this child chosen to be His Mother? There was a reason why she of all women was chosen, and she can tell me.”
“And do not men love their mothers?” said Arieh. “Did He not love her above all other creatures? Would He not listen to her tenderly as infant, youth, and man? Yes.”
“Surely she is the blessed of the ages,” said Lucanus.
He recorded the story of the centurion, Antonius, and his servant; he recorded the story of Ramus, who had seen the Messias raise a young man from the dead and give him again to his mother. But the first part of his Gospel he left open for the time when he would see Mary. He was disturbed about one thing. He said to Hilell, “When the Messias came for the last time to Jerusalem, you have told me that the Jewish populac
e lined His way, strewing palm branches before Him and His donkey, and hailed Him as the All High, and crowded about Him to kiss His garments, holding up their children for Him to see and bless. And when He was led to the place of crucifixion, His people crowded the road and wept, and a woman wiped His face when He fell under the Roman whips, and a poor and miserable Jew carried His cross. Why, if they loved Him so, did they permit His death, and denounce Him, and scatter His followers after all He had done in His mercy for them?”
Hilell replied, “It is a precarious relationship between the Jews and the Romans; the high priests and wise men of Israel did their work well. They acted as mediators between their people and Rome, promising that there would be no bloody revolts against Rome, that they would permit no agitators among the people, for they were fearful that if these things happened Israel would be destroyed by Rome, as other nations had been destroyed. And there are the young men called Essenes, who are very devout and spend months in the desert praying for the Messias and for the deliverance of Israel from the power of Rome. And it was said that Jesus was one of their number, though whether or not that is true I do not know.
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