by Amanda Fleet
Lord Sondan hesitated, shooting a look at Faran, who shrugged.
“Okay. I need you in full health to tackle either demons or rebellious villagers. Lunch has finished but I’ll ask the kitchen staff to send food to your rooms.”
“Thank you.”
11
I kept it together until we reached our rooms, but as soon as the door closed behind us, the massacre, the ambush and the seriousness of Cenan’s injuries overwhelmed me.
“Faran?” My voice cracked. “Hold me?”
I stood in the middle of the lounge, and he pulled me to him. I curled against him, my body wracked with sobs. I couldn’t get the sight of all those bodies out of my mind and my clothes stank of death. Faran held me close, rubbing my back. Normally his scent of soap, leather and perspiration soothed me, but the sickly smell of rotting bodies clung to him too, turning my stomach. I pulled back. “Take your jacket off. It…” I gagged.
He took his jacket off and threw it to the far side of the room. Mine joined it a moment later. He drew me back to him and kissed the side of my head. “I have you. Sh… I have you.”
My tears soaked into his top. So many dead. The entire village had been wiped out. How many more? If the Guardians couldn’t tell friend from foe, how would we ever be able to get on top of this? I wasn’t cut out for this.
“I’m going to throw up,” I said, ripping myself free and dashing to the bathroom.
Faran followed me and sat on the floor next to me while I heaved into the toilet, his arm around my shoulders.
“At least I don’t have to hold your hair back.” He tucked a stray lock behind my ear.
I folded my arms across the bowl and rested my forehead on them, trying to quell my churning stomach. “Have you ever?”
“Mm. A couple of times when you’ve been ill. What can I do?”
“Turn the clock back a day? Erase images from my mind?”
I emptied the last of my guts into the toilet.
“Get a shower and put some clean clothes on. That will help.” He stroked my back. “You handled yourself well today.”
“I don’t care. I never want to have to deal with that again.”
I wanted to leave. Go back Outside. Be a graphic designer. Ride a motorbike. But I also needed to kill whatever had done that to the village. And I couldn’t leave Faran.
Faran kissed the back of my neck. “Come. Get a shower. Food will be brought soon.”
“I can’t eat, Faran.”
“Then shower. Come.”
He stood, pulling me to my feet. Tears and snot covered my face, and I stood miserably while he flushed the toilet and closed the lid.
“Sit.” He nudged me backwards until I sat, crouched in front of me and pulled my boots off. “Up.”
I ignored him, too numb to cooperate.
“Come on. Up!”
He dragged me back to my feet, unbuttoned my trousers and sat me down again so that he could peel my trousers off. A corner of my brain registered that I hadn’t been undressed in front of him. At least, not since my return. I rested my arms on my legs, letting my head sink.
“Hey, come on. Help me out here. You’ll feel better after a shower.” Faran pulled my socks off and sat back on his haunches. “If I leave you to it, will I find you still sitting here in ten minutes?”
I met his eye, tears brimming.
“Okay. Up.” He unlaced my undershirt but I held on to it. He sighed. “Aeron,” he murmured. “I’ve seen everything before.”
I relented, and he drew my top over my head then pulled my shorts down over my hips, steadying me as I stepped out of them. With his hands on my shoulders, he turned me to face away from him, walked me into the shower and reached around me to turn the water on. I stood under the cascade, the water mingling with my tears. Silently, he stripped and stepped in behind me, reaching up to get the shampoo from the rack of toiletries above my head. He washed my hair, his fingers gentle as he massaged my scalp. The spicy scent dissipated some of the odour of rotting corpses.
“You okay?” he asked, moving me to rinse my hair off.
“No.”
He handed me the soap. “Come on. I’m not doing all the work here.”
I smiled through my tears and soaped myself before standing under the water, letting it tumble over me. Faran curled his arms around me from behind and rested me against his chest. “Stop hogging all the water. Let me have some.”
I moved to the side, and he ducked under the showerhead and washed quickly, his eyes never leaving mine. “Do you still want to stand under here? Or have you finished?”
“I’ve finished.”
He switched the water off and handed me a towel. “Do you have any clean combat gear?”
“Mm. One set. They’ll be in the bag.”
We went through to the bedroom, and Faran unpacked my clothes. He raided the chest of drawers and tossed clean underwear and a fresh top to me. I sat on the edge of the bed, still wrapped in a towel, staring dully at the floor. Faran rummaged through the closet, pulling out clean clothes for himself. I still hadn’t moved by the time he’d dressed. He squatted in front of me, holding my hands.
“Come on. Get dressed.”
I nodded. He scooped up all of our clothes, including our discarded jackets, and tossed them in the laundry basket for the housekeeping pixies to deal with. The merest of smiles lifted my lips. If we ever did leave and go Outside, the idea of needing to wash his own clothes would come as an almighty shock.
Just as I finished dressing, the kitchen staff knocked on the outer door, delivered two covered dishes of food, and left. The smell of the food made my stomach churn.
“I really can’t eat, Faran.”
He sat, pulling one of the dishes towards him, leaving the other one covered. After a couple of minutes of stabbing the food but eating little, he pushed the plate away. “No. Nor can I.”
He leaned back in the seat, his face drawn.
“You okay?” I’d never seen Faran leave even a scrap of food on his plate before.
He shook his head, rubbing a hand over his face. “No, I’m not. Hold me?”
I moved over, and he pulled me on to his lap, his arms wrapped tightly around me. I drew his face against my neck, echoing his words to me from earlier. “I’m here. I have you.”
His breathing hitched and juddered, his grip on me tightening. “I know you hate it here. I know how much today has affected you. I can see it in your face that you want to leave. But please don’t leave me. I need you.”
“Sh. It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere. And I need you too.” I rubbed the back of his neck.
He raised hunted eyes full of tears to me. “Thank you. I hate it here too at the moment.”
“Enough to leave?” Could we make a life for ourselves Outside? My heart lifted at the idea that Faran might join me there.
“No.”
I kissed him, my spirits sinking fast. “Outside can be really good, you know. Once all this is over will you at least visit it with me? If your father allows it.”
“Yes. I’d like to visit. When nothing is trying to kill us.”
“Okay. Let’s do that.” I stroked his face, tracing the line of his cheekbones. “Oh, shit! I still have to write my report for today.”
“I know.” His arms tightened around me. “Let me sit here with you for another minute first.”
We stayed curled together until the serving staff returned to collect the dishes. Once they’d gone, I sat at the desk and drew pen and paper towards me, bile rising again at having to write down what we’d seen. Faran stood behind me, massaging my neck and shoulders, helping me as I struggled with my report. Finally, I dried the ink and found my seal.
“Not the best report I’ll ever write, but it’s as good as it’s going to get.” I folded the paper and sealed it, ready to give to a messenger. “Okay. Library. Please let us find something useful there.”
I didn’t see how we could win this war if we didn’t.
/> ***
The library was located near to the State Rooms. I wasn’t sure if many people went there, even to borrow modern books. Large wooden tables with a high polish sat in the middle of a room, which was lined floor-to-ceiling with leather-bound books of assorted sizes. The room was divided up into smaller spaces, and I surmised that the more modern books were on the shelves nearer the entrance. Peering into the depths of the library, I could see more bookshelves running up to the ceiling, with a shelved gallery above. Most of the books in the deepest part of the room looked ancient.
A solitary librarian sat at a table near the door, reading. She wasn’t a Guardian, but one of the many other people that lived and worked in the city. Her attire resembled that of the women in the provinces – a short woollen jacket over a long woollen skirt – and in similarly dull colours of dark brown for the skirt and forest green for the jacket. She smiled at me and Faran as we arrived.
“Faran. Lady Aeron. What can I do for you?”
“Hello, Beata.” Faran appeared to know everyone’s name. Or maybe he just knew her name because he’d borrowed some books for me recently. “We’d like to look at some of the books from the annals, specifically any that mention the talisman or the charm Lady Aeron wears, or the myths and legends about killing demons. Thank you.”
Beata walked over to look through a series of index cards, pulling some out and laying them on the table at her side. The pile grew steadily and, not for the first time, I wished I could read the script used here as quickly as I could read Outside writing.
She peered over her shoulder at us. “There are quite a lot. Take a seat at one of the inner tables and I’ll bring things to you.”
Faran smiled warmly. “Thank you.”
We sat in the inner part of the library at the table indicated, surrounded by shelves of books, their burnished leather spines soaking up the light and making it feel gloomy. I put my notebook down and fiddled with my pen. “Do you think we’ll find anything?”
Faran leaned back in his seat, stretching out his long legs. “No. Only myths and stories for children. But I don’t want to go on patrol again today any more than you do. So I’m pretending to humour you.” He winked at me.
Beata brought the first pile of books over and plonked them between us before scurrying away to fetch more. I slid the first tome towards me and opened it. The vanilla smell of old paper wafted over the table.
“What are we looking for?” asked Faran, turning to the first page of another book.
“Anything that references stones and demons, really. I can’t believe there would be stories unless there was some grain of truth in it. Imagine if it is true and we could find a source for more talismans. We could protect the whole of The Realm, and the demons would have no opportunity of killing or possessing people.”
“Scholars have searched these books before and found nothing useful,” said Faran. “Why do you think we will?”
“Well, maybe we won’t. But the talisman came from somewhere.”
Faran looked sceptical but started leafing through the book. Beata brought another half dozen large volumes over before going to get even more. The polished wood of the large table began to disappear beneath its cloak of books. It could be a long afternoon, chasing unicorns.
We found several references to using dust or stones to destroy demons, and I made copious notes, but there were a lot of inconsistencies between stories, leaving me wondering where the truth lay in it all. If anywhere.
Well over an hour later, I peered up at Faran. “This is the sixth version of the same story. I don’t think it can be a coincidence.”
In all of these stories was a variation along the same theme – magic dust from a special stone would destroy the demon if it was sprinkled on it after the daggers had been driven in. Two of the stories also mentioned that decapitating the demon would turn it into smoke, and the smoke could be trapped.
We read on, finding little new, though the fact that several more books mentioned the stones and their role reinforced my belief that they might do exactly what we hoped they would.
After another hour or so, Faran caught my attention. “I think this book mentions the charm. It says the stone will detect the presence of a demon even if it is only their blood.”
I scooted around the table to sit next to him. “If that’s the case, can we use the charm to detect who’s been enslaved? Oh, hang on. That can’t be right. I checked all the prisoners this morning to see if the charm glowed, and it stayed dull. I’m sure they’ve been possessed though.” I peered at it the drawing of the stone in the book. “That shows a red stone. My stone is opalescent until a demon is nearby and then it glows light blue.”
“Perhaps it’s a different kind of stone?” Faran stuck his lip out, doubtful.
“Does it say where the stone comes from?”
He scanned the book again. “The same place as the talisman stone. There’s a map but it looks nothing like anywhere in The Realm. I told you. Scholars have looked at these maps for years and never made any sense of them.”
“Show me?”
“Here.”
I looked over the page. A map covered a double-spread in the book and had an arrow labelled ‘The City’ on one side of it but no scale. I rested my chin on my hands, frowning. The topography looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t quite place it.
“What’s wrong, my lady?”
“For a moment I thought I knew where this was – somewhere Outside – but there should be a hill here and a lake nearby if it is.”
“Not that hill?” He stabbed his finger at some markings on the map.
“No. It should be south, not northeast.”
“South? Northeast?” Faran raised his brows.
I paused, seeing confusion in his eyes. “Oh. How do you decide where the top of the map is?”
“It’s where the sun sets on the shortest day,” he said as if I was stupid. “Do you remember anything from school?”
In Cumbria, the sun would set on the shortest day at roughly southwest. I rotated the map until Faran’s north became my southwest and smiled, my heart soaring. “I know where this is. But I don’t think there’s a quarry there. When does this book date from?”
A long time ago, even in Realm years. Centuries in Outside years. Any trace of a quarry or a mine could be long gone. My spirit wouldn’t be crushed though.
“How do we persuade your father that we should go and look for some stones?”
12
That evening, back in our rooms, Faran was gutted. We’d dined with Lord Sondan and discussed the possibility of us both going Outside to get the stones. Despite Lord Sondan being largely in favour of the idea, he wouldn’t allow both of his top warriors to go, even if the Council agreed to the plan. If only one of us was allowed to go, it would have to be me, given that Faran didn’t know the geography or much English.
“I don’t want you to go.”
It wasn’t the first time Faran had said it, and the fight was going in circles.
I sat forwards on the sofa, grinding my teeth. “I know! Faran, we’ve been through this. You agree there may well be something Outside that can help destroy the demons. Lord Sondan needs at least one of us to stay here to kill any powerful demons. Even if I’m Outside for several days, it’ll be barely a couple of hours here. We could be apart for longer than that just training in separate rooms.”
“It’s not the time apart that bothers me, and you know it!” Faran prowled the outer room, too restless to sit. “You hate it here. You say you belong Outside. If you go Outside, I’m scared you won’t return.”
“Faran, I’d be going Outside to get stones to protect The Realm. Including you. I promise I’ll come back.”
Faran stopped pacing and faced me, folding his arms tightly across his chest. “When I was scheduled to go Outside without you, you said that if I died there, you’d never know. By the time I was missed, my body would have been taken by the authorities and put in cold stora
ge until someone claimed me. If no one claimed me I’d be buried in an unmarked grave. What if this happens to you?”
“But this time, all the things wanting to kill either of us are here not Outside. I’ll actually be safer Outside.”
That soothed him. Marginally. He held my gaze, nibbling his lower lip.
“I still don’t want you to go,” he said, his shoulders set.
“Why? Don’t you want The Realm to be free of these threats? Don’t you want everything to settle down and for life to get back to normal?”
“Of course I do!”
“So tell me how we achieve that, without more talismans. How many more massacres can The Realm take? There were over eighty dead at Barsdal – the whole village – and we captured zero demons.”
He turned his head away.
“This isn’t about the talismans, is it?” I stared at him.
He shook his head. I stood and faced him, peeling his arms away from his body and putting them around me. “Talk to me, big guy.”
“You won’t come back,” he said, his eyes shiny.
I stroked the small of his back. “I will.”
“Yeah?” He sniffed. “I think once you’re Outside, you’ll feel at home. You won’t want to come back to fight. You’ll stay Outside and draw.”
Did he have a point? I wanted to destroy Aegyir and the other the demons, and I wanted to be with him, and both of those needed me to return. But I couldn’t pretend I felt like I belonged here. I did feel I belonged with Faran, though.
“I think you’re underestimating how much I want to be with you,” I murmured.
His eyes settled on me, emotion making them appear darker green than normal. “More than you want to be Outside?”
I squeezed him gently. “Yeah. More than I want to be Outside.”
Some of the tension in his shoulders melted away.
