by Leanne Davis
“Do you have any idea what happened between them that led them to that moment?”
“Not really. I’ve asked my parents on separate occasions but they never gave me any answers. Possibly drinking, maybe drug use. Kyle was four years older than me, and Kodi was three, so I didn’t fully know anything about his private life. That just wasn’t how we were. True ranching heritage. We were stoic and reserved. We kept all our problems to ourselves. Even as a family, we never talked much. I didn’t think it was right or wrong. It just was. Same as I do now. I don’t divulge secrets about my dad, good or bad. It isn’t a hang-up or a ‘thing’ but how I was raised. There was never any violence either. Not from Kyle. I can’t… I don’t know how it came to be. No one does. My father witnessed it from across the yard so he doesn’t fully know what happened. I think the hideous images, and his failure to stop Kyle are still eating away at him. I’ve asked my mother many times but she didn’t fully understand it either. She suffered a lot. Guilt. Anxiety. Depression. All the psychoses you could imagine. They lost two of their three children that night. I get so angry at them both for abandoning me too. Most of my family was gone. I lost my brothers and my parents that day. That moment was pivotal. But on the flip side, how can I expect more from my parents? It’s too much for anyone to bear.”
He breathed deeply. Touching her face, he kissed her. He didn’t believe she’d tell him. “I’m so sorry. I never imagined anything like that.”
“When I graduated high school, I saw a grief counselor. He helped me find closure, even though I never got any answers. I found acceptance without forgiveness. But my dad never did anything.”
“I’m going to hug you now, and… be part of your entire story.”
“I know. I knew when I told you. I think… I believe I’m ready for it this time.”
He stood up, putting a hand out as she lifted hers to lace their fingers together. He pulled her up to him. They stopped and stared for a long, pregnant pause. Just staring, feeling and caring.
“What your dad witnessed… I could see that becoming life-altering to the point of inertia.”
“I’ve tried to keep it in perspective. Few people witness their son’s murder. The body falling to the ground, the blood gushing out, soaking the dusty ground all around, and the torn remnants of a face and head are the images he sees every night before he goes to sleep. Dad witnessed hell, literally and utterly. Sometimes I think it drove him insane. He doesn’t mean to be like that, but how could he not?”
Hunter shuddered. The stunning reality of what she described stabbed his heart with sympathy and renewed shock. “You’re right. That’s beyond the norm for anyone to witness or have to deal with, let alone, the parents who can never manage to make sense of it.”
“He never could. Make sense of it, that is.”
“Did you ever find out why he did it?”
“No.”
“Why did you keep this from Asher?”
“I kept it from everyone except my counselor. I’m not even sure who actually knew what happened to Kyle or Kodi around here. We kept it quiet. Like we do everything else. I believe some people think they moved away, or went to school, or were on the outs with us, or just left. They were just gone one day. Dad rarely went out. He had me getting everything we needed. I don’t know what he did after I left. My mom left him almost immediately. We asked the coroner and sheriff who handled the case to keep it as quiet as possible. They understood why. No one was eager to report the grisly circumstances they found here.”
He leaned in closer, and took her hand in his. “I have to say, I didn’t know Tom was a drinker and I don’t remember anything about you or your brothers. How did we not know each other then?”
“I don’t know. Not sure why we didn’t meet up.” Kyomi shrugged. “We kept to ourselves, so far out up here, not hard to do. After that happened, we never wanted anyone to ask us questions or find out the truth.”
“And where is your mom?”
“She couldn’t get over it. She just drifted away from me. She met a guy. He’s all right. Nice to her, so I’m glad for that. They sold everything and bought a huge motorhome to travel all over North America. She calls me every few weeks to report whatever new RV park they’re in. All we discuss is what she sightsees. It’s nice, you know? To hear her get so excited about something. To know she’s okay. It’s not perfect or ideal. I wish we could be close and intimate, but that was too painful to her. My dad, well, he’s a time bomb ready to explode any moment, so I can’t talk to him about anything important or negative.”
He stepped towards her and pulled her body into his, his arms circling her back and jutting her torso against his as he rested his chin on the top of her head. Automatically, she wrapped her arms around his waist. “So there’s been no one you can trust or talk to? If you did talk, your mother probably couldn’t handle it, so the stress it would cause on her mental wellness is always another factor to consider. But she up and left you to travel and sightsee and that is all she has to say to you?”
“Yes. But it’s better than the sadness that used to envelop her right after it happened. There were times I worried I might find her dead. Just gone. You know? Like the pain was just too much for her to bear and live with so she ended it.”
“I can imagine how scary that must have been for you.”
“It was. I worried both of my parents might just end it all. They were so broken. The guilt ripped them to shreds. In different ways, but I’d say equally devastating. Dad’s way of coping has become far more destructive. Mom just travels and never inserts herself into anything real or meaningful. I think she does that so nothing can hurt her again. She prefers not to feel anything. And dad just self-medicates to extend his numbness.”
“And in the end, in essence, they all left you. Kyle, Kodi, Tom and your mother. What’s her name?”
“Kenzi.”
“Is the ‘K’ thing on purpose?”
“Yes. Mom thought it was cute. It was… once. But now? I wish nothing could link me to Kyle. Fuck Kyle. I hope he’s dead or in prison. That’s my best guess. I don’t know how he couldn’t be.”
“No word from him?”
“Never.”
He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. Slowly, she slid her arms up around his neck and let her body deflate against his. She sighed on his neck in a long, soul-shattering release. “Believe it or not, I’m not a broken girl in need of rescue. I lived through tragedy and I worked through it. I took the role of my parents after they revealed a complete lack of ability to move on. I accepted their shortcomings. I did, Hunter. I really did. I saw what they didn’t do and knew I had to be different. I had to heal and have a chance at a decent life without guilt and hurt over what happened. Only when I felt strong enough to face being back here did I come to see my dad. I found him an utter disgrace. I’ve chosen to remain here for my dad as there was no one left for me to go to. And I guess I like being needed by him.”
“So you insist on brutal honesty from anyone you let into your life so no one could blindside you, or hurt you without you knowing it would happen. Nor could anyone get close to you and therefore no one could—”
“Leave me? Yes. That’s about the gist of me and my MO.”
“And you keep it all private?”
“Always. Not like your giant family who talks and knows stuff about others and lets it sprinkle down like rain through the ether. That literally gives me hives. Privacy is golden. Be quiet. No matter what.” She leaned back, biting her lip as she met his gaze.
“You really never knew why? No indication about what went wrong with your brothers? Something to blame besides yourselves? Something to just give you a way to explain it?”
“Not fully. Mental illness? That’s about the only answer I’ve gotten. I mean, they fought, like so many other siblings. Rude words and teasing. They did it to me too, so I know it wasn’t over the top. There were a few wrestling matches and fistfights, but nothing too
alarming. Ever. Until that final day.”
“And since then, there has been no one close to you but a counselor?”
She nodded. “No one.”
He leaned down and grabbed her chin to tilt her face up. “I intend to be part of your life now. I intend to butt in on your life, and your honesty, and all the order you try to impose to stop the chaos. I intend to be close to you and intimate without being overly explicit with my feelings at all times, so we can have surprises, fun and intimacy. I see now why that seems scary and makes you feel insecure, but I promise to always use my best intent because you are my number one goal.”
Strange ripples traveled down her body. Nerves? Yes. Most likely. “You terrify me.”
“Life is terrifying. Trusting and caring and intimacy and all those things teach us to fear it. Everyone’s afraid of it. But you can cherish it, treasure it and nurture it if you do find it. I think we found it. Between us. So I intend to learn from my disastrous marriage and apply my knowledge to pursue an entirely better relationship, with you.”
She all but gulped. “You scare me.”
“All of this scares me. What Asher is going through tonight scares me. Knowing that Kate is gone, dead, scares me. But being with you? Near you? That doesn’t. Something in me knows and recognizes something safe in you. And I hope you continue to feel that.”
Her sigh was long and deep, and she shuddered when she nodded. “I do.”
He almost wilted but drew her closer to him. “Can I stay tonight?”
Her head tilted up. “What about Asher?”
“He needs Daisy. Today. Alone at their home. And I need you.”
She nodded and stepped back, taking his hand, and leading him into the small, dark bedroom.
Chapter 14
FEELING SELF-CONSCIOUS IN THE confined space that was all she could claim as hers in the world, Kyomi said, “It’s not glamorous or pretty. It’s small, cramped, clean and functional. But it gets the job done.”
Hunter reached a fingertip out to trace her lips. His touch made her heart skip a beat or two. “That almost describes you. Small, clean, functional, and you get all the jobs done.”
“Oh, my God. How could I have resisted you so long?” She rolled her eyes with a sarcastic head shake. “Is that really what you think of me?”
He gave her a small frown. “I was going to add, glamorous and pretty didn’t improve my life, I have to tell you, and I find your traits exotic and beautiful. You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known or could imagine wanting.”
Her head tilted as she squinted at him with visible doubt. “You did not think that when you first met me.”
“I think that now.” He leaned his forehead on hers and sighed. “I care about you now. It seems so insane after the year I’ve had. I know. After the life you’ve had. But being with you through all of it kept everything calm, sane, fun, and wonderful. Despite the horrible storm that was raging all around me, you were the safe haven, the sanctuary, the light, the place where I could fully be myself.”
Her breath caught as she stared at him, big-eyed and open mouthed. “Oh.”
He smiled down as he leaned towards her, a dark gleam in his eye. “Not so sarcastic now?”
Her head shook. “Do you really mean that? All of that?”
His entire expression sobered and he nodded. “I mean all of that. No matter how much we might think we can’t trust me. I’m an emotional mess and a quagmire of anger, resentment and bitterness toward marriage. But for whatever reason, everything is clear and natural with you. I care deeply about you. You are the person I want to tell every secret I have to. Big or small. I just want to be near you. Doing anything. I know what love is. I had it with Francine once, but it was very different from what I feel with you. This is like finding your best friend on the best day of your life. That’s how I’d describe every day we are together.”
“You did love Francine then?”
He sighed and nodded. His expression was fully open and innocent. “Yes. I did. I didn’t want her to cheat on me, much less, catch her doing it. I didn’t want to confront her or get a divorce. I didn’t want to lose her. But once I planted the seed of divorce in my brain, it was amazing how fast I got used to it. Not the anger so much, but knowing I was done living with her. I got over it way too fast, which suggests how much lacked between us. There was no friendship with Francine. No ability to read each other’s thoughts and share each other’s sense of humor.”
Kyomi clenched her hands into fists and gave him a long look. Shutting her eyes, she hoped to cover the pain he might see there. The vulnerability. “You’re going to hurt me.”
“No, I’m not. I’m not going to hurt you. Or leave you. Or do anything but care about you.”
She fluttered her eyelids open. He stared right at her with such a tender, open, caring expression on his face. His hands cupped her face and he used his thumbs to rub over her cheeks and the corners of her lips. He lowered his mouth onto hers in a long, heartfelt, wonderful kiss that only had their lips touching but made her body start zinging all the way to her toes.
Then he lifted his lips off hers. “I just lied.”
Her eyelids opened as her insides, that were churning with want and need and tenderness and softness, all but froze at his terse words. “Why?”
“I lied when I said I would never hurt you. I will hurt you. And you will hurt me. Because our relationship is deep and real. It’s going to take a lot of blood, sweat and tears. Being together is hard work. I promise to never intentionally hurt you. I promise to fix things when I do. I promise to always try and be the best version of myself for you. And I promise to never leave you.”
She stared in shock as she listened to him. “That sounds pretty grown up. Hurting each other and working it out afterwards?”
“It is grown up. This is the real thing. And it’s all I want now. I could never go back to anything less. Can you?”
“You mean like my fling with Asher?”
“Yes. I mean, being intimate without any feelings?” He lowered his head and kissed her mouth again. It was long and languid and she rose up on her tiptoes, following his mouth as he pulled away. “Can you?”
She half shut her eyes and sighed. “No. I can’t imagine anything less now that I’ve experienced what we have.”
His mouth dipped into a small smile. “Because I think we’re falling in love. I don’t need to hear the words. I can wait.”
She shook her head. “You are so conceited.”
“You try to be so impossible.”
“I’m simply clear. Honest. And real. I’m not in love with you. But I do like you. I want to be around you. I do—”
“Shut up, Kyomi.” His mouth crashed onto hers. He was grinning wildly. In want. In lust. And in fun.
It was easy to clasp her mouth with his and fully take the lead. He kissed her long and deep as she wrapped her arms around his neck, standing on her tiptoes in order to keep his mouth aligned with hers. Dipping lower, their bodies met in the most perfect embrace. She moaned into his mouth. On and on they kissed, their lips twisting and tangling, their heads turning. They both used their hands to finger comb each other’s hair. His was soft and silky and Kyomi sighed at the silkiness between her fingers. Her fingertips ran along the back of his scalp, exploring the length of his neck and this time, he moaned at her touch.
He started pulling her back with him until the backs of his legs hit the side of her bed. He flopped back and drew her onto the bed with him. Letting out a squeal of delight, she landed on top of him. Setting a hand on her mouth to quiet her laughs while he grinned up at her, Hunter feared her dad, though not fully sober, might be more coherent than he was on most evenings and it was time to keep quiet. Grinning at him, she licked his palm. She let out a subdued giggle as he scrunched up his face and stared at his moistened hand. “Did you just lick me? Not in a sexy way?” Eyebrows rising, he struggled to articulate what seemed to bother him.
She shook h
er head. “You were shushing me.”
“You were getting too loud and your dad is one door over. I assume the walls aren’t totally soundproof, but I suppose he might not care what we’re doing.”
She scrunched up her nose. “No. Ugh. Gross. But it was funny to see the look on your face.”
Dropping his hands off her, Kyomi felt his chest shudder underneath her. Worried that she was too silly, or ruining the mood, or simply turning him off with how unsexy she acted, she waited a moment. Hunter was still laughing and shaking his head back and forth. What the hell was that?
“Good laugh or bad laugh?” she finally asked. He used his elbows to prop himself up so he could make eye contact with her.
“What would be a bad laugh?”
“Because of what a farm hick I am? I’m an embarrassment to my sex. I don’t know. Just a bad laugh.”
“It was definitely not a bad laugh.”
“Then what are you doing?”
He lay flatter on his back, his hands moving down to grip her arms and pull her up on top of him. He held her close to him, placing her face against his collarbone as his arms wrapped around her and he locked his hands behind her back. He rubbed lightly and she tingled at the kiss he planted on her scalp, feeling it even through her thick, spiraling curls. “Wondering how I ever considered someone like Francine as the ideal woman for me.”
“Well… she is hot. I mean, even I could understand experimenting with a specimen like her.”
“She is. But she isn’t fun. Or funny. She isn’t sweet or interesting. She would never be concerned about a drunk dad who can’t get over the death of his son, and ignores his daughter, who continues doing his ranch chores to keep the property afloat.”
