Megan smiled as she took the box. He must miss Dottie. She’d thought about how hard today must be for him but wasn’t sure how to ease that heartache. When she’d mentioned it to Peter, he’d only given her a smile before he said that Emma did that for him. Which was true. Emma was the only thing left now that placed a smile on Jack’s face.
“Will Doug be joining us later?” She’d planned to have both the men here for dinner.
“He wouldn’t miss it for the world. Especially after he realized it meant he wouldn’t have to cook.”
Peter wrapped his arm around Megan’s waist. “Jack was just giving me some advice on how to fix your garden for the spring.”
Megan pulled back slightly. “Fix?” She glanced at Jack and kept her face void of emotion. “Are you telling me there’s something wrong with my garden?”
A nervous twinge in Jack’s cheek confirmed she’d caught him off guard. What he didn’t know was that she’d hoped he would help with her garden because she’d let it go for far too long.
“I’m teasing. Any help you can give is welcomed.” She led the way into the kitchen and waited for the men to follow her. “Would you like some coffee, Jack? It’s fresh.”
“Would love one.” He cleared his throat. “Emma sure did a fine job decorating.”
Megan and Peter both laughed. “Wait till you take her to your place. I made sure she cut out extras.”
“She doesn’t know yet, right?”
Megan shook her head. “She has no idea what you’ve got planned.”
Relief shone on Jack’s face. “Thanks. I wasn’t sure how it would all work out, but Sherry’s over at my place right now, getting everything ready.”
Jack had confided earlier that he’d planned to do some baking with Emma, make some cupcakes and cookies and take them into the retirement home before dinner.
“Sherry and her girls are going to help?”
Jack nodded. “Sherry’s calling it a proper tea party. Whatever proper means. Dottie would have approved though, so that’s all that matters.” Jack cleared his throat again before he accepted the mug of coffee from Megan.
Megan smiled at Peter. No doubt their daughter would be full of smiles today and hopefully plenty of laughter.
“You’re sure it’s okay I take her today? I’m not getting in the way of any of your plans?”
Peter rested his hand on Jack’s arm. “Don’t worry. I’m taking Hannah and Alexis out on a date this afternoon. I took Emma out last night and then tomorrow night is Megan’s turn. A day late but…” He gave her a smile. They’d already discussed these plans and Megan was okay with it.
“Well, thank you,” Jack started but stopped at the sound of Emma’s squeals as she ran down the hallway and straight into Jack’s arms. Peter managed to grab the cup of coffee in his hands before he dropped it.
“Papa!”
Jack tightened his grip and picked her up, careful to twirl her around before he set her back down.
“Well, look at you! Don’t you look as pretty as a princess? My own sweet Em.”
Emma spun around so her dress flared out and giggled before she rushed him again and wrapped her arms around him. “I love you, Papa,” she whispered. Her words sounded fierce, as if she said them with her entire being.
“Well then, how about you let me finish my coffee that your good mom made for me and then we head out on our special date.”
At Emma’s nod, Jack reached for her hand as she led him to the kitchen table and pulled out a chair for him.
Megan refilled her own mug and then one for Peter before they joined the two at the table. They were both happy to listen to Emma chatter away.
The smile on her face, the way her eyes sparkled…it was more than enough.
Three
March
Megan’s fingers grasped the edges of her bathroom counter, her knuckles white from the pressure, and groaned.
This could not be happening. Not now. Her stomach flip-flopped as she struggled to swallow past the rising nausea.
“Laurie’s still downstairs. Do you want me to tell her to come up?” Peter stood behind her. His hand rubbed circles on her back.
She shook her head.
They’d planned a girls’ night out—Megan had reserved a table at La Lumiere, the new restaurant that just opened beside the pier and they’d advertised a Ladies’ Night meal plan. It had been awhile since they’d gone out, just the two of them, and Megan needed it.
“It’s probably just a stomach bug. Maybe the salad I ate at dinner isn’t agreeing with me?”
Peter snorted. “Like every other salad you’ve eaten the past couple weeks?”
She closed her eyes at the thought.
This could not be happening. She was partly angry with Laurie for putting the suggestion in her head, and now, as she waited for the little white stick in front of her to change color, she thought about how it had all come about.
When they walked into La Lumiere, they both stood there, a bit stunned.
“I’m so underdressed,” Laurie muttered.
Megan glanced at her and frowned. “You? What about me?”
The room was packed with women, some Megan even recognized. But everyone was dressed to the nines: dresses and scarves, heels and the jewelry...Megan felt rather plain in her black dress, pumps, and single strand necklace.
“Just smile and wave.” Laurie nudged her as their waiter, a teenage boy they both recognized, led the way through the maze of chairs and stopped at a small table for two beside a large bay window. He pulled out both their chairs, waited for them to be seated and then with a flair of extravagance, set their menus down at the table.
“Wow, Mark. You actually look grown-up tonight.” Laurie opened her menu and teased the teenager.
Megan kept her gaze down as Mark’s cheeks flushed.
“Thanks, I mean...” he flustered. “Your server should be here soon, ma’am.” He pivoted on his heels and walked away.
“The poor kid.” Megan shook her head before she opened up her own menu.
“Now I’ll have to tip him well. Otherwise I’m sure I’ll hear it from his mother,” Laurie grumbled. “I’m supposed to have coffee with her tomorrow.”
“Have you looked at these prices? They’re ridiculous!” Megan couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Who in their right mind would pay over twenty dollars for a glass of wine? She didn’t even pay that for the bottle she picked up last week.
“They’re pretty comparable with what you’d see in the city. Actually, a bit cheaper for the scale of restaurant we’re in.”
“Maybe for the city. But this is Kinrich.” Thank goodness there was a set meal plan for tonight as part of their Ladies’ Night Out menu.
“They’re gearing up for the summer tourist season, no doubt. Play with pricing to see where their customers are most comfortable at without going overboard. It’s a smart move.”
Megan glanced at the menu. She had the choice between chicken, duck, veal, or steak. Peter would like it here. He’d probably order the duck, one of his favorite dishes and something Megan very rarely made for him.
Their server, someone they didn’t recognize this time, came by with a basket of fresh bread. You could see the steam rise from beneath the cloth it was wrapped in.
Laurie immediately cut into the bread and slathered a small piece of butter, which melted onto the bread. Megan’s stomach grumbled and Laurie laughed at her.
“Did you skip lunch to save room for this?”
“I haven’t been feeling well lately. I haven’t had much of an appetite lately. Anything I eat seems to disagree with me.” She cut her own slice while she spoke.
Laurie’s hand stopped midair. “Disagree how?”
Megan shrugged. “Nothing major.”
“Nausea?”
She nodded.
“You’ve been tired a lot lately,” Laurie pointed out.
“So? I was also sick a few weeks ago with the flu.”
&nb
sp; “Are you maybe...” Her voice trailed off.
Megan almost choked on the piece of bread stuck in her throat as what Laurie insinuated hit her.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“It’s a valid question.”
“It certainly is not.”
“Why?”
Megan bit back a retort. That was a good question. Why wasn’t it valid? Despite them talking about it in the past, they’d never taken the steps to ensure they’d never have another child. She was on the Pill, though, and she hadn’t missed any days.
Could she be pregnant? Did she want to be?
Her hands shook at the thought and she slowly lowered the bread in her hand. Their waiter arrived again; this time he filled their water glasses and asked whether they were interested in a glass of wine. Laurie ordered a glass of white but Megan only shook her head.
All throughout the meal, that’s all she could think about. Could she be pregnant? The idea of having another child, at her age and in this stage of their life...she wasn’t ready for it. The age gap between this baby and Hannah would be too much. Besides, she was too old, wasn’t she?
She turned around, her back to the little white stick. Peter placed his hands on her shoulders.
“If we are, we’ll handle it.”
She couldn’t say anything. Handle it? How would they handle it? They’d have to buy all new baby items, she’d get fat, she’d be pregnant through the summer, she’d have to do diapers again...she was too overwhelmed to think.
“Do you want another baby?” she asked him.
When he didn’t respond right away, she knew. He was just as scared as she was.
“We’re too old for this, Peter. Our kids...we never discussed having four. Three. We only wanted three.”
He swallowed and then pulled her closer to him. “And if we have four, then we’ll adjust. We’ll make it work.”
She rested her head on his chest, thankful for his strength.
There was a knock on their bedroom door and Hannah’s voice called out to them.
“Let me go see what she wants.” Peter kissed the top of her forehead before he left the bathroom. Megan listened to him open the door and talk to Hannah, but she couldn’t make out the words.
She slowly turned so that she once again faced the mirror. The little white stick rested below it on the counter, but she kept her gaze focused upwards.
She barely recognized the woman who stared back at her in the mirror. There were more worry lines on her forehead than there should be. She needed to buy a better wrinkle cream to hide the ones around her eyes. Her skin seemed to stretch over her face and she knew it was lack of eating this past month. First she had the flu and then this nausea...
Her hands shook as she held on to the edge of the counter and she took in a deep breath. She counted to five, nice and slow. Once she hit five, she’d look down and see what the future held for them.
One. She could do this. If she was pregnant, she could handle it. It wasn’t the end of the world. Right?
Two. She really didn’t want to have to handle it. She was done having babies.
Three. Oh God...
Four. What if she were? What then? Could her body handle it? What would the girls think? How would they react? Would Hannah be happy knowing there would be a baby in the house? What about Emma? And Alexis...how would Alex handle the news?
Five. She forced her gaze to move downwards, past the water marks on the mirror that needed to be cleaned, past the faucets that could use a good rubdown, and to the little white stick. The white stick that Laurie made her stop at the pharmacy for. The white stick she’d been embarrassed to buy and refused to meet the gaze of the cashier.
The white stick that had the power to change her present and future.
The moment she realized what the little white stick told her, tears welled up in her eyes.
Four
April
With a blanket covering his lap and a mug of tea in his hand, Jack watched over his front yard and took note of the new growth in his gardens. He mentally made a checklist of what he needed to do now that the snow had melted and caught himself as he rubbed the joints in his wrists.
“Have you thought more about Jackie’s offer?” Doug sat beside him and nursed his own cup of tea.
Jack shrugged.
Jackie was the nurse who helped to tend to Kenny before his passing. She continued to show up, and puttered about the house with her womanly ways—cleaned up after them, left pots of flowers around the place, made them tea at all hours—and was just generally a nuisance.
But Jack wouldn’t have it any other way. Doug seemed to like it, needed it even. It was nice to have a woman around the place again.
But Jackie was not Dottie. And it was Dottie that Jack wanted to be puttering around, filling her various jugs and vases with flowers he would bring home for her, making him tea and making sure he always had his sweater on so he wouldn’t get cold.
“Might be a good idea,” Doug continued.
Jack didn’t say anything. He never realized the lack of control one had as they aged. He pushed his shoulders back a bit to ease his tense muscles and shifted his feet.
His body wasn’t as strong as it used to be and the simple things he once enjoyed were no longer the same. There were more aches and pains than he anticipated. He didn’t like getting old. And that’s how he felt. Old.
“Face it, Jack. You can’t—”
“I know what I can and can’t do. Don’t need you reminding me.” Jack cut him off. He pushed himself to his feet and ignored the creak in his knee joints and the way his legs didn’t seem to want to straighten.
He dropped the blanket and let it lie on the porch floor. Jackie would pick it up and even if he’d wanted to, bending down wasn’t an option. He crossed the porch and made his way down the stairs; his hand guided his knees as they struggled to bend.
This was not the life he wanted. It wasn’t how he thought things would go. Sure, he expected to get old, but with Dottie by his side. Without her, he floundered. He was supposed to take care of her, but without her here, he had no purpose. Sure, there was his sweet little girl, but Em didn’t need him now, not like before. And it wasn’t as though he could show up every day at her house.
With spring here, there was so much that needed to be done around the house, but it was time to face reality. He couldn’t do it all anymore.
Jackie had suggested her son come and help. He was good with his hands and had his own company, a handyman of sorts. He could fix the rotten boards on the porch, maybe paint it and help take care of the yard.
Jack didn’t mind the help. Not really. What he minded was that the choice to need that help had been taken away from him. It was no longer an option. He couldn’t do it. Not anymore.
If Dottie were here, she’d chide him for his stubbornness. But she wasn’t here and that was the problem.
He sighed. Truth be told, it would be nice to have the help. Let someone with more energy weed the gardens, cut the grass, and paint the house. It might be nice to sit back and relax. God knows he didn’t have much time left to do so.
Five
May
The moment she turned the corner, the smell of sausage and goat cheese overwhelmed her. With a hand clasped over her mouth, Megan ran backwards, down the hallway, until she hit the bathroom, and dry heaved. That’s all she did lately, dry heave. She hated it. She’d rather go through all the motions of being sick rather than this. Her stomach muscles hurt from the force and she groaned.
“It’s the sausage, isn’t it?” Peter stood there, at the door, dish towel flung over one shoulder and a wooden mixing spoon in the other. “You were okay with it last week.”
She gave him a weak smile and shooed him away. The smell of the sausage lingered over him like a wet blanket.
“One more thing to add to the list.” He sighed before he headed back into the kitchen.
Megan felt for him. For the past three
weeks, they’d been adding smells she couldn’t handle to a list on the fridge door and it grew every day. She didn’t remember being this bad with the other three. Sure, she had morning sickness, but that’s all it was. Morning sickness. A few bland crackers, a few hours into the day and it was over.
Not this time. The morning sickness lasted throughout the day, and last night she’d pitched out of bed while she watched a movie with Peter to dry heave over the toilet in their bathroom. She found cool showers helped somewhat and lived on protein drinks, it seemed. Little by little, everything she liked to eat wasn’t agreeable.
“I’m going to sit out in the front for a bit,” she called out. She didn’t dare head back towards the kitchen and she knew the girls were out in the driveway, coloring with chalk Jack had brought the other day.
She sat down on a porch swing Peter installed last week and watched the girls as they literally drew all over the driveway and even on the sidewalk. Her life was so full lately and she couldn’t imagine what it would mean to have another child in the house. She rested her hand against her stomach and her heart lurched.
She wasn’t sure she was ready to have another child, and yet, by even admitting that, waves of guilt washed over her. What kind of mother didn’t want her own child? Even if that child was only a few weeks in the womb?
The pads of her thumbs gently stroked the small swell of her belly. Of course she wanted this little one. How could she not? It was like getting a second chance, to try again and do better.
“Want to color with me?” Alexis leaned across the front porch fence and held out a pink chalk in one hand and a green one in the other. “I’m in charge of the sidewalk.”
Megan leaned forward and attempted to see what Alex had already drawn but she couldn’t make it out. She cleared her throat and stood. She reached for the green chalk.
“What are we drawing? Castles? Unicorns? Flowers?”
The Finding Emma Collection (Books 1-5) Page 14
